Loving Lucas (2 page)
Nicholas didn’t cut in to tell the DA that he knew that
much, because really, that was all he knew, just the cold
facts. Lucas had refused to share more with him or even talk 10
Loving Lucas /
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openly about what he had suffered. He kept it closed in, kept it locked inside, and Nicholas knew it wasn’t good for him, but he knew Lucas believed otherwise. That was just one of the many things they couldn’t agree upon and it was one of
the many, many excuses Lucas used to push Nicholas away.
In the five years since Nicholas had returned to Cedar
Point to find the town had its first bookstore up and
running, he had been drawn to Lucas Keifer, the owner and
operator of The Haven.
He had known with one look at the unbelievably beautiful blond that something important,
something possibly life-changing would happen between
them.
I still believe that, damn it. I still want Lucas. He just can’t
get that through his stubborn head.
Only eighteen when he left Cedar Point to join the
military, where he built a fifteen-year-long career, Nicholas had always intended to return to his hometown. He loved the Army but it was hard; he served his country proudly and
would certainly do so again, but he came to resent having to lie about something he saw no shame in.
He was gay and he was comfortable with his sexuality,
had been since he was fifteen, but he couldn’t be open about that in the Army, which prompted his decision to return to
Cedar Point in time to be named Sheriff when his uncle
decided to retire and move to Florida. He had since run in an election and had won by a landslide because he was well-liked. The people in and around Cedar Point knew him and
he did his job well.
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Most people had no issue with his orientation and those
that did learned to keep it to themselves, because his
supporters didn’t react well when one of their “homegrown
kids” was badmouthed.
It amused and touched him that he was loved and
accepted, and he knew that everyone in town, all of the
locals, had the same affection for Lucas, even if he was a
transplant from Atlanta.
Nicholas had learned from his cousin Lucy that Lucas
had been in Cedar Point for about three years before
Nicholas came home, but there wasn’t much personal
information Lucy or anyone else could really offer.
“He’s a few years younger than you, single, used to be a
teacher and he lives in an apartment above the bookstore.
He’s friendly, but somewhat reserved and from what I’ve
seen, he doesn’t date and not because he hasn’t been asked
out repeatedly by every openly gay male within the tri-county
area.”
Hearing that, Nicholas decided not to give in to his first
desire and ask Lucas out, which really was his second desire because his first desire was to pull Lucas Keifer into his
arms and kiss him until they both blacked out.
Instead, he set out to become the man’s friend, which
wasn’t easy. Lucas was indeed reserved and not quick to
trust, but Nicholas wasn’t accustomed to giving up on what
he wanted and, eventually, he broke past Lucas’s first layer of defense. Lucas didn’t open up to him immediately, but he 12
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did let his walls down to an extent and as he did, it occurred to Nicholas that Lucas was more than just a beautiful man;
he was simply an incredible person.
He was smart, had a great sense of humor, and a quick
wit. The friendship that developed between them was solid
and real.
Four months after meeting Lucas Keifer, Nicholas knew
he was in love with him, but he also knew Lucas wasn’t
ready to deal with that. He held back for another six months, before he began to drop hints about wanting very much to
move their friendship to the next level. He didn’t date anyone or even look twice at another man. Lucas owned his
thoughts, his heart. He couldn’t sleep at night unless he
jerked himself off while imagining it was Lucas’s hands
stroking and touching him and, even then, he would awaken
in the middle of the night aroused by some intensely erotic dream involving the sexy blond.
When they had known each other for a year, Lucas told
him kindly, but in a way that left no room for argument, that they could never be more than just friends.
Finding out why took a little push from Nicholas.
“I used to live in Atlanta, as you know, and after college, I
got a job teaching at one of the high schools there, where a
student became obsessed with me.”
“What happened?”
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“When it came to light that he had some issues, he was
expelled from school until he could get help. I even offered his
mother some money, to get him to a good doctor, but she
refused, and two weeks later, he was in the parking lot of my
building when I came home.”
“Lucas….”
“Long story short: He took me to an old warehouse and
he…he assaulted me, stabbed me, and when he thought I
was dead, he set me on fire.”
“God.”
“I managed to put out the flames and I crawled out to find
help, but the damage was already done. I have scars across
my back and down my left arm.”
“Lucas, scars are….”
“Hideous. My boyfriend at the time bolted. I don’t expect
anyone else to be different.”
Nicholas tried to argue. He did his best to make Lucas
understand that scars didn’t matter to him, but Lucas
refused to believe it and when Nicholas’s attempts to
convince him otherwise put a strain on their friendship,
Nicholas forced himself to back off.
For a while.
He still dropped his hints, still made it clear he was
there, ready and willing, but Lucas ignored those hints and 14
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even went as far as to encourage Nicholas to date other
people.
Their cat-and-mouse game went on for more than four
years, with Nicholas always backing off before he pushed too far, but six months ago, his willingness to ignore the feelings that existed between him and Lucas ended.
And Lucas himself was the reason why
.
When Nicholas was injured in the line of duty, Lucas
allowed the nature of his real feelings to show, loud and
clear.
The injury wasn’t overly serious—just a bullet to the
shoulder trying to break up a domestic dispute—but when
Nicholas came to in the hospital after surgery, Lucas was at his side, holding his hand, worry consuming his beautiful
blue eyes.
Later, Nicholas realized that Lucas likely thought the
painkillers in his system would make it impossible to clearly recall anything that was said, but he was wrong.
Nicholas remembered perfectly the feel of Lucas’s soft
lips kissing the back of his hand.
“You have to be okay, Nic. I can’t…. I love you and I need
you in my life. Maybe I can’t have you in all the ways I want
you, but I…. God, I still need to have you close, to keep me
sane, so don’t you ever scare me like this again, please. I love
you too much to see you hurting. It kills me that I can’t tell you
how much I love you.”
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He tried to say the words back, tried to tell Lucas right
then just how much he loved him, but the drugs pulled him
back under and he drifted back to sleep with Lucas at his
side.
The next morning, his cousin was there when he opened
his eyes, but what Lucas had said still lingered in his mind.
As soon as the doctors released him, he went directly to the bookstore, getting there just as Lucas was closing. Lucas
was surprised to see him and grateful he was okay, but the
emotions he had expressed the night before were again
carefully concealed, which didn’t come as a great surprise to Nicholas.
But he wasn’t about to be pushed away. Not again; not
when he knew what Lucas really felt.
“Let it go, Nic.”
“The hell I will, Luc. I heard you say you love me. And you
know I love you….”
“It doesn’t matter what either of us feel. I can’t—I won’t—
cross that line.”
“Damn it! Don’t punish me because of what your asshole
ex-boyfriend did. It’s not fair.”
“Just leave me alone, Nic. I can’t give you what you want.
Deal with it and find someone else.”
In Lucas’s mind, it seemed as simple as that, but it
wasn’t for Nicholas. He knew who and what he wanted and
nothing could change that.
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And he briefly tried.
After the last blowup with Lucas, he tried dating, but it
didn’t work.
Getting a date wasn’t the problem. Nic wasn’t arrogant
by any means, but he had heard he was good-looking often
enough to know it was true. He supposed he had his father
to thank for that; he had inherited Paris Demetris’s dark
looks, a testament to their Greek heritage, but his green eyes were the one trait his mother had passed on before
disappearing from his life when he was three.
His years in their military had left his body honed,
muscles defined. At six-one he moved with a casual grace, or so his late grandmother had often said, and he usually wore his dark hair a little longish now that a military cut wasn’t a must.
He knew other men in town and in nearby towns were
interested in him, but none of them were Lucas. Lucas was
the only man Nicholas Demetris wanted.
His cousin had told him to fight for what he wanted, but
at the time, he had been too tired to keep fighting.
Now, however…. Now, Lucas needed him and he wasn’t
about to let Lucas deal with this mess all on his own. If
Miller did intend to come after Lucas, Nicholas intended to be there, to place himself between the madman and the man
he loved.
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He was only slightly disturbed by the small part of him
that half-hoped he would get a chance to face Riley Miller.
The bastard should die for what he did to Lucas
.
With that thought in mind, he looked at the file on his
desk, the one the Atlanta DA had sent to him and he had
printed out but never intended to allow anyone else to see.
He knew how private Lucas could be; it would upset him if
others knew what he had suffered. He would be upset
enough knowing Nicholas had read the details and, worse
yet, seen the disturbing crime-scene photographs as well as the photographs taken in the hospital.
His chest tightened, thinking about those pictures, and
he decided again that no matter what, no matter how
difficult Lucas made it, he wouldn’t rest until Lucas
understood how much he loved him and wanted him in his
life.
Lucas Keifer was
it
for him and somehow, he would
make Lucas see that.
A glance at his watch told him it was already after four.
He picked up the file, put it in his bottom desk drawer, and locked it.
He had just enough time to go to his apartment, change,
and swing by the diner to get to Lucas’s around five.
We’re gonna talk, Luc, even if I have to kick down the
damn door and kiss you until you don’t have enough strength
to argue with me
.
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Smiling as he left his office, Nicholas had to admit that
idea had a certain merit.
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BY the time Nicholas made it to Lucas’s, it was quarter after five and to his surprise, when Nicholas knocked on the door, Lucas called out, saying it was unlocked.
What the hell, Luc?
Juggling the takeout in one hand, he opened the door,
stepping into the apartment to find the lights were turned
out, but the curtains open, filling the room with fading light as the sun moved down the horizon.
Sprawled out on the sofa with a half-empty bottle of
scotch in one hand, Lucas looked up at him with alcohol-
clouded eyes.
“Luc, you shouldn’t be sitting here with the door
unlocked.”
“What’s the worst that can happen?” His words didn’t
quite slur, but almost.
Deciding not to answer, because he was fairly certain
Lucas knew what the answer would be, Nicholas set the food
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on the coffee table, went back to the door, and locked it. He didn’t care if Lucas was in self-destruct mode; he wasn’t
about to let the man he loved fall apart or try and get himself killed. If he had to kick Lucas’s ass to drive that point home, he would.
The door locked, he turned on two lamps and went to the
window, closing the blinds and then the curtains.
“What the hell?”
“Don’t be an ass, Luc. You know damn well what I’m
doing.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t recall asking you to do it.”
“You wouldn’t, you stubborn bastard,” Nicholas snapped,
turning to face the other man, who hadn’t moved from his