Loveless (19 page)

So she figured it out. “Joan slept with one of my friends, caught what he had, and brought it back to me.” Her shorts end up somewhere on the other side of the room.

“No wonder you’re careful with women.” How can that soft, caring expression on her face hit me so hard?

Because I know what it means, even though she refuses to admit it.

Breath catching, I let my eyes trail down her nearly nude body. Glimpses. Bits and pieces. That’s all that I’ve been able to see of her until now.

This is as close to naked as I’ve ever seen her.

Her bra covers her gorgeous, plump breasts
.
A matching dark pink, lace thong covers that beautiful pussy I’m dying to taste again. Fucking hell, I can almost swear I smell how wet she is in the air. Hands shaking, I cup her knees and spread them apart.

The thong has turned an
even darker shade of pink, completely drenched by her. Her juices glisten all the way down her inner thighs.

Groaning low in my chest, I lick my lips. “I’m not careful with you, Paige.”

She cups my face, running her fingers across the scruff on my jaw. “Why?”

Eyes locked on the front clasp of her bra, I mumble, “Because I’m falling for you.” I rip that clasp open and remove her bra.

Not giving her time to respond—to
think
—I fist her thong and pull it off her.

Fuck.

I feel my eyes widen at the sight of her naked.

She must see the wildness in my gaze. Arching those berry-colored nipples toward me, she breathes my name in a sultry tone.

Does she even hear herself? Does she realize what that tone means?

I do. Damn it, I’m responding to that tone with every part of my fucking being.

My body.

My mind.

My heart.

That sexy little tone primes me. Engages the conqueror in me.

She’s thrown a challenge at me, but the way she said my name—almost like a prayer—makes it obvious that that challenge is as good as won.

“Open your legs baby.” I refuse to touch her more than necessary. Not yet.

First I’m going to make her beg for it.

Paige sucks on her bottom lip, doing as I said.

“Wider. Show me that beautiful, dripping cunt.”

With a moan, she complies.

It isn’t the first time I’ve seen her; as with every time, I can’t help but hiss in a breath at how sexy she is.

The perfect pussy. Made for petting. Licking. Fucking.

Leaning back a bit to get a better view, I fist my dick over the black briefs.

Fuck yeah. She’s delicious. Once my cock is in there, I’m never going to want to leave.

Said cock is beyond hard. Thick and needy. This is going to hurt her, no matter how I go about it.

How much it ends up hurting her depends on how much patience I can manage to muster. “I don’t know where to start. Want my mouth all over you.”

“No . . . no more teasing.”

“You consider my tongue fucking you a
tease
?”

“I feel so empty it hurts. I just need you inside me.”

My cock strains toward her, demanding that I fill that emptiness.

Fighting the urge, I reach between her legs to slide a finger into her—

Hot. Wet.

Wetter than I’ve ever felt her.

“Fuck,” I grunt, swirling my finger inside her tight core.

Her little hands fist the comforter, her head punching back into the pillow.

I slam my
fist into the bed next to her hip, trembling for her.

Head thrashing side to side, she cups her breasts, playing with her nipples, hips rotating toward my hand for more. “Harder. Eli, hurry.
Fuck me
.”

I shake my head, teeth grinding. “Not yet.” I fit another finger inside her.

She takes me in eagerly, despite how small she is. Despite the barrier I can feel—her virginity.

I moan under my breath at the reminder. Jesus Christ, how can that turn me on so much? “I still can’t believe I’m going to be the first man in here.”

Her clit swells for attention, calling to me. “Make me come. Oh, God. Make me come!”

Wild. Uninhibited. She’s perfect. “Mine, Paige. I’m going to be the only man that’s ever in that pussy.”

She tenses, her body on the verge of an orgasm. “Pl-please. Don’t. Oh God, don’t say things like that.”

Pressing my fist harder into the mattress, I lean down toward her.

Her eyes lock on my mouth, stark hunger in her gaze.

She wants my mouth. My cock.

She wants
me
, I know it. Can sense it. And she has the nerve to think she can fight it?

“Eyes on mine,” I whisper softly, letting my thumb graze her throbbing clit. Giving her a taste.

Her eyes start rolling back into her head.

I thrust my fingers into her hard. “Look at me!”

Eyes watering, she does.

Cupping her chin, I move my fingers slowly inside her, building up the pressure.

A single tear leaks out of her eye, trailing down her temple. Sucking in a breath, I lean down to lick it into my mouth. “You’re not a game to me.”

Wrapping her legs around me, she whimpers near my ear. “You’re not a game to me, either.”

Finally.
Triumph surges through my veins.

“But I can’t be with you. I can’t be with anybody,” Paige whispers, sounding on the verge of tears.

Anger blazes.

How does she have the power to deny what we feel when I’m utterly consumed by it?

Resentment flares next.

She doesn’t understand that we’re inevitable because she hasn’t opened herself up to that connection yet.

I’ll
make
her understand, then.

“I’m going to fuck you. I’ll be in here.” I thrust my fingers in and out of her clenching pussy. “My cock throbbing for you.” Another thrust. “And when I hit the deepest part of you, Paige, that’s when you’ll admit I’m your man.”

She shakes her head, even as her body clings to me, her lower lips swollen around my fingers.

The anger simmers, rolling into rage.

She’s so stubborn.

Unfortunately for her. I’m even more so.

Rising above her, I remove my fingers from her, ignoring her soft cries of protest.

“Elijah!”

I evade her grasp, standing from the bed once more. “I’m going to fuck you so thoroughly, you’ll never be able to think of another man but me. From now on, every breath you take will be
for
me.
Because
of me.”

She shivers at my promise.

Jaw hard, I ease the briefs off my swollen dick, loving her gasp when they drop to the floor. Fisting my cock, I climb back on the bed, easing down between her spread legs.

twenty

Elijah

Paige wraps her arms around my neck, fingers lost in my hair, caressing me.

I guide my tip to her quivering cunt
—my head falls back at the feel of her, a groan breaking free.

Her sweet, soft moan inflames me. Leaning up, she bites the side of my neck and soothes the bite with her tongue.

“
Ungh
!” My hips flex, almost sending my cock straight into her. “Still, baby. I don’t want to hurt you more than necessary.”

She wiggles that slick cunt all over me. “Take me. Now.” Bathing the side of my face in kisses, she works her way toward my mouth. “Give it to me.”

“Beg me for it,” I groan, rubbing the head of my shaft in circles against her opening.

She laps at the corner of my mouth, moving so that my tip slides along her clit. “Please. Please.
Please
, Eli.”

“Tell me you’re dying for it.”

“I’m
dying
for it.”

“Say you can’t live without it.” I tease her entrance again.

“Can’t . . . oh,
fuck.
Eli, can’t live without it.”

Mashing my teeth, I lay my forehead on hers. “Kiss me baby.”

Our lips crash together. She goes wild beneath me.
“Umf
!” she cries into our kiss. Another rush of her juices covers my dick.

Oh, fuck. She’s coming again?

She’s still coming when I press into her, taking her with a single, hard thrust.

Her mewls of pleasure morph into low cries of pain.

I squeeze my eyes shut, sweat breaking out all over my body. “I’m sorry, Paige. I know it hurts. I’m so sorry.”

She presses her face into my neck, trembling, trying to quell her pained whimpers.

Each tremble that goes through her makes her walls ripple around my cock. Soft. Slick. With nothing between us. “Oh God.” Biting into the pillow next to her head, I try to withhold from thrusting, but my hips buck against her. “Tight baby. So fucking good.” So tight I can barely move inside her.

Shit. All those years of fucking women with condoms on, not realizing what I’d been missing . . .

Like the selfish bastard I am, I plunge into her again. Pleasure rushes through me, hitting me straight in the heart.

Dear God, how did I ever live without being inside her? Without the scent of her hair, her body?

She hugs me tight, squeezing down on me. “Eli . . . it hurts.”

Because I just broke through her virginity.

More pleasure at the thought. Another uncontrolled shift of my hips. “
Fuck
. You’re so good, Paige. I can’t hold it.” My sweat slicked chest rubs along her stiff nipples. I lick her jaw, her neck. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I need you.” I thrust shallowly into her, still fighting with myself.

She groans, throbbing around me, and watches me lick a path down her chest. She’s not . . . in pain anymore?

I keep my eyes on her, not stopping until I reach her breast. My cock slips out of her a bit with the movement.

Her pussy clenches around me, refusing to let me go.

My dick pulses with the need to come.

Inside her.

Holy fuck, I’m going to pump my come inside her. My balls tighten, full for her. Sensation snakes down my back, gathering at the base of my spine.

I suck her nipple into my mouth.

Paige’s lips part on a cry, her body sucking on my length.

Trying to bring me back in.

Feeling demented, I lick her nipple, sliding back into her—

“Oh! Oh, Eli. I never knew. It’s . . . again, baby. Do that again.” She clings to my body, gushing around me.

My thoughts tangle, emotions I don’t understand ripping my mind apart. Switching to her other nipple, I thrust into her, going as slow as I can.

Paige moans with ecstasy, lifting her hips to meet mine.

I rear up over her, arms straight, hands braced on the bed. “You like that? You like my cock stretching you wide?”

She takes my next thrust, clawing at my shoulders to get me to move faster. “
Love.
Your cock’s perfect.”

My heart thunders in my ears. Looking down, I see my dick plunging in and out of her, stained pink with blood.

Something in my chest cracks wide open. I rock my hips faster, caging her neck with one hand, forcing her to take what I’m doing to her.

Over the roar of my blood and her high-pitched moans, I hear myself growling, chanting. “Mine. Fucking mine. Mine, Paige. I’ll never let anyone else have you.” Possessiveness claws at me anew, shredding me from the inside. I’m as deep inside her as I can get, and it isn’t enough. The desperation suffocates me.

I circle her nape with both hands, lifting her upper body off the bed.

Her breasts bounce with each thrust I give her. “Yes,
yessss
. More, Eli.”

Too hard. I’m going too hard.
Not enough. Not enough.
Crazed, I piston into her, growing more and more frantic the closer I get to orgasm. “Paige.
Paige.
What are you fucking doing to me?”

Sinking her nails back into my shoulders, she struggles to hold on as I pound her.

Teeth bared, I slam deep and rotate my hips. “Your pussy . . . such a good, wet clutch baby.
Ahhh,
fuck me. You want my come so bad you’re milking it right out of me.” I caress her lips with my thumb.

She opens for me, sucking my thumb into her mouth with a moan.

“You want my cock back in that juicy mouth?”

Nodding, she hollows out her cheeks as she sucks.

Beautiful. Unbelievable. Made to be fucked by me. She overpowers my common sense, owns me in a way that scares the shit out of me.
I feel like I’ll die without her.
“I’m about to come, baby. Can’t hold it. My cock feels too good inside you.”

She releases my thumb. “Don’t stop. I love it, Eli.”

I fist the hair at the back of her head.
Slow down. Virgin. Don’t hurt her. Slow. Down.
I can’t. More. Faster. I need
all
of her, God damn her. “I love you Paige,” I grunt between thrusts. “
I fucking love you
.”

“Eli,” she keens, her pussy locking down, squeezing me so tight I have to use force to thrust into her.

Back bowing, I let my head fall back, letting loose a brutal yell as my world collapses around me. I’m frozen, trapped in the sensation overload, my cock spurting wave after wave inside her.

Paige rotates her hips, riding out her own orgasm—forcing more come out of me. Until I’m helpless but to fall on her, my shaft pulsing into our mingled wetness.

My mind seems to reset itself . . . my heart along with it. One last shudder goes through me.

Blindly, I find her lips with my own, tongues twining. She hugs me to her, as if she’ll never let me go.

Good. We’re on the same page. I’m not going anywhere.

I love her.

Holy motherfucking shit. I’m in love.

Out of breath, I roll off her, tucking her into my side. Caressing her hair, I stare up at the ceiling, wondering how long it’s going to take her to . . .

I feel the exact moment she tenses up.

This freaking girl, man.

“Paige . . .” I swallow, cupping the back of her head. “I apologize for just blurting it out like that . . . but I meant it. You hear me? Every single word.”

She bursts into tears.

Shocked, I jerk upright, trying to cup her face.

She avoids my touch, her sobs powerful enough to rack her body.

“Baby. I hurt you. Fuck, I’m an idiot. How bad is it?”

She shakes her head, once again moving away from me. “It’s not—it’s not that. You—you felt amazing.”

Then what— “Is this because I told you I love you?” I ask, incredulous.

Drawing her knees up, she crosses her arms on top of them and lays her forehead on them.

Still. Sobbing.

Like her world is ending.

All because I told her that I’m in love with her.

True panic sets in. I didn’t experience it when I realized I was falling for her.

I feel it now. Stark. Cold. Deep in my bones.

It’s time to admit the truth to myself. I love her, and because of something another man did to her years ago, she’s too broken to accept that.

Too broken to love me back.

This girl will destroy me if I let her. She really will.

What in the world makes me open my mouth and reach out to her one more time, I’ll never know. “Paige, baby—”

“I think I need some time alone, Eli.”

The fuck?
If her goal was to slice me to ribbons, she’s succeeded.

Pushing me away. After I took her virginity.

It’s time for me to stop being a blind idiot. She’ll never let me in. I was a fool to think so.

Before I say something I’ll end up regretting, I get off the bed, grabbing the first article of clothing I find; my jeans. I almost tear through the material as I shove my legs into them.

Silently seething, I put on my shoes and find my shirt before turning to her.

Her red, tear-filled eyes watch me.

I can almost swear that I see yearning in them.

Sniffing, she wipes at her cheeks. “Eli. Wait.”

“No.” I’m aching. Defeated. Now
I
need to be away from
her.
At least until I can calm the fuck down. “You know how I feel, but that doesn’t mean you have a free pass to keep fucking with me.”

More tears leak out of her eyes.

They tear me up even more. “I love you, Paige. God, I love you. But unless you can deal with that, accept it . . .
want
it, I can’t do this with you.” Before I can lose my resolve, I spin around, walking out of her room, her house, ignoring her when she calls out my name.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

. . .

Paige

Elijah left me.

He
left
me.

Yes, yes. I freaked and pushed him away.
Again.
I’m aware of that. No amount of self-righteous anger can erase the fact that I fucked up.

Closing my eyes, I battle another wave of self-loathing.

It wasn’t because of his confession. Hearing that he loves me scared me deep down in my soul.

But not because I’m afraid of him. Not anymore.

I fear myself. Fear hurting him with my issues.

Exactly what I accomplished.

Watching him walk out on me? It was a revelation. A cruel, painful one.

He took all my hope with him that day. Showed me one irrevocable truth: in a matter of a few weeks, I’ve become addicted. I can’t live without that fucker anymore.

That day, I scrambled off that bed as fast as my aching, abused body had allowed. By the time I made it to the door, he was gone.

My emotions were too ruined, my body too sore for me to get dressed and rush after him.

Sinking down to the floor in front of the door, I’d cried.

And cried.

And then I cried some more.

After there was nothing left in me, I sat there, finally making sense of what happened.

I never got over what my ex did to me. Had never even tried. But that was because I hadn’t met anyone that’d made me
want
to try.

Now, there is someone.

What my ex did to me doesn’t matter anymore. My inability to trust, either.

All that matters is being with Elijah. Convincing him that I do want to give us a chance.

Why? Because I’ve gone and done it. Without realizing it, I fell in love with that stubborn, beautiful jackass.

At first, all of my anger was directed at myself. Deservedly so. Therefore, the first day, I tried to reach out to Eli and when he didn’t respond, I accepted it.

Monday I found myself at the office, ready to search him out,
aching
to apologize.

He never came into work.

According to Gilliane, Eli asked for the week off to work from home. At my wit’s end, I called Sophie begging her for Eli’s address.

“He gave me explicit instructions not to give it to you, if you asked. Pulled the BFF card and everything . . . you really hurt him, Paige.”

Biting into my lip, I fought not to break down again. “It was a misunderstanding. He didn’t let me explain.”

“Paige, you told him you needed to be alone.
After
giving him your virginity and
after
he confessed that he loves you. What girl does that?”