Loveless (18 page)

My hips buck again, my balls drawing in tight at the sensation of her mouth so close to my erection. A strangled sound leaves me. My exposed cock throbs toward the heat of her mouth.

Over ten years—that’s how long it’s been since the last time I felt a woman’s mouth wrapped around me without protection. Because I hadn’t trusted any of them.

Because I hadn’t wanted any of them enough to push past that distrust.

I would fucking die for this one. Would kill to have every part of her with nothing between us.

Prying one hand off the headboard, I cup the back of her head, gently caressing her hair. “You want to suck my cock baby?” I roll my hips up in invitation.

I
feel
her moan against my abs. Shit. Sexy little thing. So hungry for my cock.

Her lips trail lower. Another wet kiss. A flick of her tongue along my oblique.

She tilts her head to look up at me with those stunning eyes.

“Tell me how badly you want my dick,” I beg hoarsely, trailing my hand down to cup her cheek.

Her fingers ghost along the underside of my cock. It jumps at her touch. “You know how bad. I keep begging you for it.” Her lids lower, her lashes fanning out across her cheekbones, and she trails her lips around my tip.

“Fuck!” More precome leaks out of me.

“But you won’t let me have it.” I grind my teeth at the feel of her breath on me.

“Because you won’t make me yours, damn you.” My angsty, sweating body writhes on the bed beneath her. The only thing keeping me from slamming my cock into her mouth is the knowledge that this is her first time. I can’t force her down on my dick, no matter how crazed I am. “Why won’t you make it yours?”

“Because it wouldn’t be only mine, and we both know it.”

“Bullshi—”

Her soft lips wrap around me, her tongue rubbing tentatively over my tip.

“Paige. Holy fuck.
Paige
.” Back arching off the bed, I cup the back of her head again. I can’t rush her, can’t push her for more—I can’t help but do so. “More. Take me deeper baby. Let me fuck that sweet, hot mouth.” I thrust up into the silky heaven of her mouth.

Paige moans around my dick, slowly taking it deeper. She reaches up to cup my balls, fondling them.

My body tightens, dick pulsating and swelling inside her mouth. The heat. Her tight grasp as she sucks. Those lips wrapped around me. I fist her hair, growling like an animal, thighs shaking on either side of her head.

“Look at me, Paige. Look at your man while you suck his dick.”

She raises those beautiful eyes up to me—

And hollows out her cheeks, sucking on me hard.

“Coming,” I bite out. “Fucking coming.”

She releases me with a
pop
, expression tormented with desire. “No, not yet. I’m not done sucking you. I want more.”

More of my cock? She loves sucking me that much?

Paige flips her leg over mine, pressing her hot pussy on me.

And I get my answer.

Wet.
So wet that I feel it through her panties and shorts.

Fuck me, she does love sucking me that much.

Fisting her hair harder, I urge her head back down. “Suck me back into that juicy mouth baby. I want to come down your throat.”

Writhing on my leg, moaning hungrily, she licks my length. “Please. I want this. Say I can have it and you won’t demand anything more.”

“I won’t fucking lie to you. Feel how swollen your pussy is? How needy? I
own
that Paige. It’s mine. Every part of you is.”

She wants me to believe that she hates the idea of being mine.

A plaintive sound leaves her at my words, her hips moving faster on my leg.

Her wet, pink tongue laps at my cock one more time.

I lose sight of her as my eyes get lost in the back of my head. My hips thrust uncontrollably.

The first wave of come shoots out of me, splashing hot against my abs.

“No. Give it to me.” Frantic, Paige grabs me, sucking me back into her mouth and pumping me with her hand.

My mouth opens, ready to bellow her name.

Somehow, I have the presence of mind to press one of her pillows against my face, shouting into it over and over as she milks me.

The pleasure is indescribable . . . knowing it’s Paige swallowing down every drop of my come is even more so.

She takes me in deeper, her throat constricting around my tip with her next swallow.

I shout into the pillow again, jerking wildly under her.

Humming, she sucks at me for more, that hum vibrating down my length.

Gasping for breath, I pull the pillow away from my face. “It’s yours, Paige. Fuck. Even if you don’t want to admit it, this cock belongs to you and you know it.”

Another hum. More suction.

Shit. I’m pretty sure I’m whimpering. Twitching, I use my hold on her hair to ease her off me, practically wheezing from lack of breath. Her tongue slides along her swollen, wet lips, right before they stretch into a tender, satisfied smile.

My racing heart kicks in my chest.

Her
. I . . . need her. Beyond the physical. Beyond the dating.

I . . .
ah, fuck. I think I’m falling in love.

Her brow furrows as she studies me with concern. “Eli, are you okay?”

I shake my head and answer honestly. “No.”
I’m falling for you. I’m falling for you so fucking hard and I need you to feel the same way.

Even worse, my cock’s getting hard again, that mad hunger for her roaring back to life in my gut.

Her mouth hadn’t been enough. Nothing will be. I can’t exist without connecting with her anymore, sliding balls deep into her.

I have to have her.

Here.

Now.

There’ll be no more waiting.

She opens her mouth.

Her doorbell rings, cutting through the silence.

“Crap. That’s probably my brother here to pick up Cole. Please wait for me here while I wake Cole up to leave with him.”

I nod, letting her go although it’s the last thing I want to do.

And knowing that once her brother walks out that door with her nephew, I’m going to finish this. She might not be ready to admit what’s between us.

Fine. I’ll just have to show her. With my body. My tongue. My cock lost within her, right where it belongs.

nineteen

Paige

Cole is still asleep on the couch, dead to the world.

My brother Colton’s at the door, waiting to pick up his son.

Elijah’s probably still laying in my bed—God help me, with his cock still out?

And I . . . well, I’m about to open the door, let my brother in,
face
him with swollen lips, an aching core, and the taste of Eli’s come still in my mouth.

Because I just finished sucking him off.

When did I become such a slut?

Although, can anyone blame me? Considering how fucking beautiful that dick is, it’s no surprise I behaved like such a hungry cockwhore.

A cockwhore for one man only.

And as I make my way to the door, wiping my mouth to make sure it’s clean, I can’t truly regret what happened. I’ll never forget the sight of Eli’s big body straining, his abs flexing with each thrust, his thick neck red and the veins bulging as he yelled into the pillow while coming into my mouth.

Or the taste of him.

I’ve heard some girls don’t like giving head, just like some don’t like receiving it.

Idiots.
I’m dying to get Elijah alone so I can do it again.

“Paige. You guys in there?”

Pausing at the door, I take another two seconds to breathe and pray.
Please, God. Don’t let it be obvious that I was just sucking off a guy.

Oh, if only my mother could hear that prayer. Instant aneurysm.

Nervous, I open the door and get busy pretending nothing’s wrong. “Hey bro.”

My brother breezes right by me, barely sparing me a glance.

Thank you, Jesus.

“Hey, sis. Where’s Cole?”

“Knocked out in the living room.”

“Let me guess. Deathmatch.”

I laugh. “Yup. You know, if you actually taught the kid how to properly handle his frustration, he wouldn’t have to fall asleep every time someone annoys him.”

“I have tried. Unfortunately, I think it’s genetic.”

Sadly, this is true. Every time my brother becomes frustrated, he ends up falling asleep shortly after. His body’s way of preventing him from going Hulk, I guess.

Shopping bag in hand, Colton heads over to softly nudge his son. “Wake up dude. We have to make it to your friend’s birthday party.”

Cole scrunches up his face, his eyes sliding open to focus on his father. “Dad?”

“Yeah buddy.” Colton helps his son sit up. “Up you go. We need to get you showered and changed so we can head out.”

My heart clenches at the sight of them, as it always does. They look so much alike, and the loss of Cole’s mother brought them closer together. Something that’s obvious whenever anyone sees them interact.

The way Colton treats Cole reminds me of how Elijah had been with him.

My heart
twists
.

I ignore it.

Cole rubs his eyes sleepily, and looks around. “Hey. Where’s Eli? Did he leave?”

Ah. Fuck.

And there goes my brother’s eyebrows, almost disappearing into his hairline.

Expression incredulous, he turns his head in my direction. “And . . . who is Eli?”

“My coworker,” I blurt out, at the same time that Cole smoothly replies, “Her boyfriend.”

My what?!
Does my nephew want to
die
?

Colton nods at his son, eyebrows pretty much gone at this point. “He was here?”

“Yeah, Dad. I wish you could’ve met him. He’s so freaking cool!”

Oh, no no no. Nope. This can’t be happening to me. I resist the urge to hug myself as my skin breaks out in a cold sweat.

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

My brother raises an eyebrow at me. “And for how long have you been seeing him Paige?”

“I’m not seeing anyone!” I cry out loudly. Too loudly.

Colton must see the sheer panic on my face because he turns back to his son. “Cole, here’s your outfit. Hurry up and take a shower while I talk to your aunt.”

Grabbing the bag, Cole heads in the direction of the bathroom. “Yes. Please. Make her see sense. The guy is epic.”

Oh my God.
Seriously? That little traitor!

“Alright, Ms. Commitment Phobic. Let’s talk,” Colton says as soon as Cole is in the bathroom.

No doubt with his little ear pressed to the door, listening to everything we’re saying.

Nosy, interfering little brat.

“I’m not commitment phobic,” I snap, spinning around and heading into the kitchen.

Of course, my brother follows me.

“Right. This is why you haven’t dated anyone since that asshole in college.”

His inquisition rubs me so wrong, that I totally forget about controlling myself. Slamming my hand onto the kitchen island, I say, “Did you forget what he did to me?”

“He dated you on a dare, because he was sure he could be the one to convince you to give him your virginity. I remember, Paige. I also remember what I did to him when I found out.”

And he blames me for being careful with who I trust?

Colton crosses his arms. “I still don’t see what this has to do with the guy you’re seeing.”

“I’m not seeing him! He’s just a friend!” Who I’m planning on sleeping with. Who I just gave head to.

A “friend” that keeps insisting he wants more with me.

Someone I have no problem using physically, but who I won’t even think of dating.

Horror dawns.

“Trust me. He doesn’t see me that way,” I hurry to add—
justify.
“He doesn’t really want to date me.” Never mind that he keeps insisting he does.

I can’t admit that to myself. Accept it. Because if it’s true, it would mean that . . .
I’m
the one with the problem?

“Lies! All lies! You should see the way he looked at her, Dad!” Cole cries out from the bathroom.

“Take a shower!” Colton and I yell simultaneously.

Tears burn my eyes. I forgot for a few seconds that Eli’s in my room. He’s probably hearing everything my brother and I are saying. “He doesn’t like me that way,” I mumble, but the words sound false, even to my own ears.

“My son seems to think he does.”

“He’s not even seven yet. How does he know?”

“Don’t insult his intelligence just because you don’t want to admit what’s going on. You know he picks up on things most kids don’t. Besides, he seems to really like the guy.”

At a loss for words, I press my lips together and stare ahead.

“Paige,” Colton says softly. “I think you’re scared.”

I
am
.

“But you’ve got to open up to someone eventually. It’s been five years, and you’re still afraid.”

The words grate, poking at a vulnerable, exposed scar within me. “You’re hung up too, you know.” Too late I realize what I’ve said. Gasping, I slap a hand over my mouth. Oh my God, I’m such a bitch. How could I?

“My girlfriend, the mother of my son,
died
. You got your heart broken by some young, scheming asshole, and I understand how vulnerable you must have been back then.” He scowls, obviously hurt by my statement. “You’d just moved out of mom and dad’s house, and after everything they put us through, practically isolating us, what your ex did fucked you up. I get it. But you need to move on.”

More tears threaten. I can only stand here, fighting to hold them back.

I want to apologize to my brother, but I can’t speak past the lump in my throat. What he said sliced too deep, exposing an old pain that overwhelms me.

But it’s the realization that comes on its heels that does me in.

I really am the one with the problem! Not Eli. I’m the one too broken to let him in.

Poor Elijah. He’s most likely telling the truth. He does want me.

My heart’s too damaged to give him what he wants.

Which means that I have to let him go. He doesn’t deserve to have his emotions fucked with by someone like me.

A sob bubbles up in my throat at the thought.

Cole comes out of the bathroom, freshly showered and changed.

I refuse to look at either him or his father, too engaged on the war with my body.

It doesn’t want to let Elijah go. Not without tasting him again. Feeling that beautiful cock inside me.

“Come on,” Colton says to his son. “Say bye to your aunt.”

I bend down to accept Cole’s kiss on my cheek. “Night Auntie Paige. Remember to think about it.”

I don’t answer.

I’ve already made my decision.

It’s going to kill me, but somehow I’m going to let that man go.

I can’t trust him. Therefore, I can’t love him. A girl like me just doesn’t have anything to give when it comes to relationships. I don’t know what that means for my future, but it’s where I’m at right now.

My brother also walks up to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Think about it, Paige.”

Again, I don’t answer.

As soon as they walk out the door, I’m going to have to face Eli and tell him that we’re through. Our arrangement is dead.

He has to move on.

Another chest clench.

I follow my brother and nephew to the door, locking it behind them.

When I walk back to the hallway, Eli’s standing at the door to my room, grabbing onto the top of the doorframe. The move makes his biceps bulge. His shirt is pulled up, exposing his lower abs. That
V
I lovingly licked.

His unbuttoned jeans.

My eyes
burn
with the need to cry. Swallowing, I clench my fists and meet his eyes.

They seem to burn just as intensely as mine do, focused on me in a way that almost scares me.

Do the right thing. Just do it
. “Eli, we have to stop this. We can’t
—”

“Just shut up Paige.” He storms toward me.

I take a step back. “Eli . . .”

He lifts me up and over his shoulder, barreling straight for my room.

. . .

Elijah

Some worthless motherfucker
did
hurt Paige in the past. Just as I suspected.

Sonofabitch, dating her on a dare, trying to steal her virginity. What if Paige actually fell in love with that POS before finding out the truth?

She had to have loved him for it to scar her this badly. She must have
adored
the guy.

My chest burning, I fling her onto the bed.

Paige bounces on the surface, her eyes clouded.

I don’t need to be a mind reader to know why. She’s thinking of pushing me away.

Indefinitely this time.

“You’re out of your fucking mind,” I growl, yanking my shirt off.

Her eyes trail my chest, down my abs, flashing with hunger. “Eli, no. Wait.”

Bracing one knee on the bed, I fling the shirt across the room and grab her thighs.

She trembles for me, spreading her legs wider, even as she tries to deny what’s happening between us one more time. “Trust me. We shouldn’t.”

I pull on her legs, dragging her closer.

“Please Eli! Don’t do this.”

My voice so hoarse I sound like a damn animal, I tell her, “You’re begging
me
to be the one to stop this because
you
can’t fight what’s between us.”

Her pupils dilate and a small gasp leaves her parted lips.

“Thought so.” I reach for her tanktop and work it over her head, leaving her in her shorts and dark pink bra. “You want me. You can’t even hide it.”

“I
need
you.” She looks and sounds miserable at that fact.

Welcome to the club baby.
I yank down my zipper. “I was sixteen, almost seventeen, when I fell in love for the first time.” I ease off the bed long enough to get rid of my jeans and shoes.

Brow furrowed, she eats me up with those eyes. Her thighs spread wider when her eyes land on my covered dick, her hips rising subtlety off the bed.

An invitation that makes me bite my lip.

Shit, I can’t get completely naked. Not yet. The briefs are staying on. I won’t be able to resist the wet heat of her pussy without them.

Climbing back on the bed, I kneel between her spread legs, reaching for her shorts. “I was seventeen when one of my friends caught Chlamydia. Two weeks later, I started exhibiting symptoms.” I work her tight shorts down her legs.

Paige’s lips part on another gasp, this one pained. “Eli . . . no . . .”