Love, Lucas (25 page)

I slip my arm through hers and lead her down the hallway. As we walk, I can’t help but glance at her a few times to make sure she’s real. She’s been so absent in my life for so long, I’m not sure how she’ll make up the time, but at least she’s trying. And so am I.

CHAPTER 28

It’s been six weeks since the attack. Carson’s been doing physical therapy and has recovered very well. He’s back to his old self, minus his leg. He’s a pro on his crutches and has even gone back into the water at the beach. Not too far, but still. He’s braver than I am.

I know Carson will be okay. The doctors want to fit him with a prosthetic leg eventually, so that’s good. Days are long and frustrating for him being on crutches all the time but he’s determined to make the best of it. And I know he will. He’s just like that. Positive and always looking on the bright side. I wish I could do that. And I’m happy to say I’m working on it.

As we sit in Jo’s boat, I grab Carson’s hand, my nerves getting the best of me. He smiles at me before looking out into the water. “I really can’t believe you’re doing this. I thought you’d want to stay a million miles away from the ocean now.”

“Seriously,” Lani says. “My brother is officially crazy.” She frowns and I give her half a smile.

Carson shakes his head and looks over at his sister. “I don’t blame the shark, Lani. It’s just a shark. I’m pretty sure it didn’t think ‘oh look, let’s eat the human.’”

She frowns. “Still.”

Jo stops the boat and I grimace as she pulls a chunk of raw meat out of a barrel. She attaches it to a hook and throws it out into the ocean.

“There have been quite a few great white sightings around here, so it shouldn’t be long.”

We sit in silence. The only sounds are the water smacking the side of the boat and Lani’s humming.

Carson shifts next to me and stretches out his good leg. His other leg is wrapped like it usually is, just below the knee. It’s healing nicely but it’s hard for me to look at it. Not because it’s gross or anything, but because the attack comes back full force in my mind. But no one needs to know that.

We sit and chat about Lani’s surfing competition coming up and how Carson’s physical therapy has been going. After about an hour goes by, I finally see it. A large dorsal fin coming slowly toward the boat.

“There’s one,” Jo says. “A big one.”

Carson leans forward and rests his arm on the side of the boat. The shark circles where the piece of meat is, coming within a few feet of us.

I squeeze his hand. “You okay?”

He nods and squeezes back. “I’m fine,” he says. “Even though one almost tore me apart. At the time I didn’t realize how big they actually are.”

I shiver. The shark swims by and it’s easily ten to twelve feet long.

I glance at Carson, who’s looking at me.

“Are
you
okay?” The corner of his mouth twitches.

“Yes. I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re kind of squeezing my hand off.”

“Oh!” I release my hold on his hand and he laughs.

“I keep hearing the
Jaws
music running through my head,” Lani says. “It’s starting to freak me out.”

I glance at her. “Me too.” For real.

It really is a sight to see though. Even if it’s a scary one. I wonder if this shark is the one who bit Carson. There’s no way to ever know.

The shark swims under the water and we lose sight of it until it appears under the piece of meat. It latches on with its huge jaws and shakes it in attempt to tear it off the hook. It lets go, swims around again, and goes right back to the meat, biting and tearing pieces off. Within minutes, there’s nothing left.

I’m glad we’re on a big boat. That thing could rip a small boat to pieces. I watch it swim around a little more and then it disappears under the water.

“That was awesome,” Carson says.

“Are you kidding me?” I stare at him in disbelief. How can he be so calm when the animal that bit his leg off is swimming so close?

“What? It was.” He pulls me to him and I lean against his chest. “It’s okay, Oakley. I’m not gonna blame the shark. It didn’t know what it was doing. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

I nod and wonder why I’m feeling so many emotions. Sadness, anger, bitterness that this had to happen. I’m not even the one who lost my leg and I’m doing worse than he is.

He kisses my head as Jo reels in the fishing line and I work on pulling myself together.

“Doin’ okay?” Jo asks.

“Fine,” Carson says. “Thanks for bringing us out here. I needed this.”

Jo smiles. “Anytime.”

Jo drops us off at home a few hours later and Carson and I head to the beach. Carson’s getting used to the crutches but it’s still hard for him to maneuver them when they sink into the sand.

We head toward the pier and I gaze at the surfers in the water.

“You ever gonna go out again?” Carson asks.

I glance at him staring out into the waves. I smile and squeeze his hand. “Not any time soon.”

To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever get in the ocean to surf again. The memories of the shark attack are too fresh in my mind to even think about it. But maybe in a few years. Or ten. Maybe someday I’ll do it again. I’m definitely not counting it out forever.

Carson kisses my hand. “We’ll have to find a new hobby to try.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Like chess or checkers.”

I grin at him. “Seriously? Chess?”

He laughs. “Hey, it’s something, right?”

It
is
something. I remember Lucas’s words.
Learn something new.
I’ll keep those words in mind in the coming years. I can do anything I put my mind to. And I’m sure I’ll think of something great.

Carson’s already on his way. He applied for an internship with Jo and signed up for his first semester of college in the fall. And his dad is supporting him. After the accident, his dad changed his mind about a few things. School, the shop, even me.

I wrap my arms around his waist and let out a peaceful sigh. I have everything I need right now. I’m in love with a boy who loves me back. I’m slowly picking up the pieces and putting my old self back together. Mom and I are on really good terms and Dad and I speak regularly. I’ve even drafted a few letters to my friends back home, though I haven’t sent any yet. It will take time, I know, but in this moment, I’m content with where my life is heading.

I’ll figure everything else out later.

CHAPTER 29

Dear Lucas,

It’s kind of strange, writing you when you aren’t here, but I had to do it. You have no idea how much your letters mean to me. I read one every day, even though I already know what they say. It brings me more comfort than you could ever imagine.

You were right. About everything. Especially the part where you said I’d miss you.

I miss you. It’s true. It seems like yesterday we were skipping second period and going to Wendy’s for Frosties. I always loved going with you and your friends. You always made me feel like I was your friend and not just your sister. Thanks for that.

I took your advice and told someone I loved him. And you know what? He loves me back. It’s weird, and new and scary, but I’m welcoming it the best I can. We’re good for each other. And he reminds me of you a little.

I’m sure you know about Mom and Dad getting divorced. It’s been hard, but I’m slowly accepting it. Mom and I are doing well. We’re working things out. Talking. Making up for lost time. Dad’s good, too, though I don’t see him as much as I’d like.

I’m figuring out what to do with college. I think I’m going to be a vet. I haven’t decided for sure yet, but Aunt Jo said she could help me with some college applications and internships and stuff. It sounds promising. I’ve always loved animals. Oh, and I’m moving to Huntington Beach permanently. Just me and Mom. It will be a new adventure for us both. And no, I didn’t decide to move there because of a guy.

There are so many things I want to say to your face. Like how I wish you could come see Jo’s facility. You would love it. Or sit on the beach and watch the sunset with me. We would roast marshmallows and eat s’mores. But somehow, I can feel you with me. I know you’re around, watching and rooting for me. I’m starting to move forward with my life, but like you said, I won’t forget the past. It’s too much a part of me to just let it go.

I hope you’re enjoying your new adventure. I’m sure you are. I love and miss you every day. Thanks for always believing in me. I love you.

Love, Oakley

I set the letter next to Lucas’s headstone and back away. Mom is on my right side with Dad on my left. For one small moment, we’re all together. As a family.

Things won’t ever be the same, I know that now, but at least I have this moment.

My life isn’t perfect. It never will be. But I know I’m going to be okay. Trials make us stronger. Little by little. We just have to keep going and not give up hope. Just like Lucas said. As long as I have hope, everything will work out.

Dad gives me a squeeze and moves away, leaving Mom and me alone. She puts her arm around me. “We’re going to be okay.”

I nod, tears brimming my eyes. “I know.” And I do.

She turns us both around and we walk back toward the car. Dad’s waiting for us, with Carson by his side. They both smile at me and when I reach them, Carson takes my hand in his.

“Dad, will you join us for some ice cream before we head back to California?” I ask.

He looks at Mom and she gives him a small nod.

“I’d love to.”

As we drive away, I squeeze Carson’s hand as I look out the window. My eyes find Lucas’s grave and the white and yellow flowers I left there. Maybe it was stupid to leave a letter with it when I know he’ll never read it. I smile. Or maybe, just maybe, he already has.