Love for the Matron (21 page)

“I suppose you
’
re doing to Daddy what you did to Stuart!” Susan
’
s face was white and the immaturity of her features had tightened into angularity. “So that
’
s what Dear Emily was hinting at. I thought she was bats. You and Daddy are too, old for that sort of thing
...
it
’
s beastly
!”
She drew back from Elizabeth like a spitting kitten and then as she saw her father coming back to look for them she darted away with a shriek. “Robin! Wait for me! There
’
s something I
’
ve
got
to tell you!”

As William reached Elizabeth
’
s side they could see Susan, her red hair streaming like a banner scrambling up the rock face to where Robin sat on top of the cairn like a young king.

“What happened?” William put a hand up to smooth the stricken look from her face.

Elizabeth twisted away from his touch. “She thinks we
’
re too old
...
that it
’
s all beastly
...
”

CHAPTER
NINE

Elizabeth s
aw William
’
s face whiten and then his hands gripped her arms.

“And do you think the feeling between us is beastly, too?” he asked very quietly.

She shook her head slowly. “No, not that. It
’
s just that it
’
s no longer something that only concerns you and me. First there was Dear Emily
’
s little scene, before we scar
ce
ly knew ourselves what was happening to us, and then Miss Selby
’
s bursting in on us, and now it
’
s Susan. She
’
s hat
ing
me, William, and in a few minutes Robin will be, too. It seems such a high price to be asked to pay for such a private emotion.” She stopped, unwilling to go on, and then she made a final effort. “William darling, I think you know that I love you as you love me, but it must never be allowed to drive a wedge between you and your children. They are your first consideration
...
and mine.”

William swallowed hard. “You forget—Robin is leaving home next week, of his own free choice, to start leading a private life which will only touch mine at intervals. In another few years a young man will come along and take Susan in marriage with or without my blessing. You say
never
.
Never is a long time, and while I may be forty-eight, my father lived to past eighty; I was the youngest. Dear Emily departs next month, and you
’
re quite willing to let me rattle around in Castleford all by myself. I know Susan will be there, when she
’
s not at school or out with her friends, but it
’
s no proper home for her as it is now, and it, will be less so without you.” His voice broke slightly. “I
know Susan
’
s hurt and upset now, but surely I don
’
t have to remind you that the loves and hates of the adolescent are as violent as the summer storms, and are over as quickly. You and Susan took to one another on sight, and the qualities that attracted you to each other are still there even though there is a threatened change in relationship. I take it that when we do marry
...
and marry we will, my darling
...
you have no intention of insisting that Susan call you Mother. She would have no idea of what to do, not because she didn
’
t want a stepmother in Mary
’
s place, but because she has never known a mother. She wants someone who has been what you
’
ve been this past week, someone who is interested in her, fun to be with, not stuffy and intolerant and bossy; someone who can lead her by example rather than by driving her
...

He took a deep breath. “I don
’
t know why I
’
m going on at such length unless it is to wipe that look from your face. Promise me one thing, Elizabeth; that you
’
ll give us all time to work this thing out; and in return—if the worst does happen—I
’
ll release you if it does become impossible.”

Elizabeth moved in his grasp. “I
’
ll try, William. It
’
s all so difficult.”

He let go of her. “My poor darling; love is not only the brightness and the glory but troubles shared and difficulties overcome and tears as well as laughter.” He went and kissed her on the forehead. “Come on sweetheart. The children will be waiting for us.”

She hung back a little. “But it
’
s all spoilt now, and it was going to be so wonderful.”

He laughed and took her by the hand. “The sun is still shining and that bird hasn
’
t stopped building its nest because an emotional cloud has appeared in our sky. Try to behave as if nothing had happened. I won
’
t pretend, it will be easy, but it will reassure Robin and Susan. It
’
s uncertainty that sends their worlds spinning, and Susan no doubt saw herself out on the doorstep with the door shut between her and us. Once she sees that the old world isn
’
t changed but only added to,
she
’
ll accept things.”

When they got to the top they discovered that Robin had spread out the rugs in a sheltered spot and put the Thermos and packets of sandwiches ready. Robin and Susan were sitting a little apart on their jackets an
d
they were talking in low tones, but stopped abruptly as William, followed by Elizabeth, appeared up the path. There was a brief awkward moment before William tossed a packet of sandwiches towards Susan.

“Catch! Elizabeth, perhaps you wouldn
’
t mind pouring the coffee ... Robin, will you sugar them and pass them around
?
”

Action broke up the apartness of the two groups and William made a point of sitting by his daughter. He lifted his mug of coffee.

“Cheers, everybody! Pity this isn
’
t Austria or you
’
d have a little tot of rum in it. Elizabeth, didn
’
t you say you
’
d just come back from there
?
”

Elizabeth lifted her mug in a return salute. “Yes, I was not far from Iglis, outside Innsbruck. They had had a mild spell, too, so I believe the skiing wasn
’
t as good as usual.”

“Did
n
‘
t you go for skiing, then?” Robin
’
s question was studiously polite, the politeness of one stranger to another.

Elizabeth shook her head. “Not this year. I broke my ankle last time and the doctor warned me that he wouldn
’
t take any responsibility if
I
skied on it so soon, and as I was coming to take up this post when I got back I didn
’
t risk it.”

“So that
’
s why you were so brown. I thought it must be some special make-up,” Susan said quickly, and then didn
’
t go on, as if she remembered they were no longer on friendly terms.

Conversation
went on in sporadic little bursts as if everyone was determined to play even if they didn
’
t give in. The sandwiches were reduced to piles of neatly folded paper and the Thermoses tipped up to yield the last drop of coffee. Elizabeth packed away the mugs into one of the baskets, and then waited for the next move.

“
Well, Robin, shall we go for another peak, or has everyone had enough for the first long hike of the season?” asked William.

There was a general murmur that could have been either agreement or otherwise, and then Robin lifted his head and stared at his father and there was no smile on his face.

“Dad, Susan and
I
feel that you owe us some explanation.” He looked pale and stern and very young, and a small nerve twitched beside his mouth.

William took out his pipe and began to fill it with strong deliberate movements.
“
It depends upon what you mean by explanation.
I
haven
’
t the faintest idea of what Susan has told you and I don
’
t intend to ask. We hadn
’
t intended to announce our plans quite so soon. I
’
ve asked Elizabeth to marry me, and we hope to do so in the not too distant future.
”

He stopped speaking and a silence followed—a silence long enough for Elizabeth to know how very much she l
o
ved this man and to be very conscious of the two who sat in judgment.

Robin moved his mouth once or twice as if rehearsing the words he was about to speak. “What
’
s wrong with keeping things as they
’
ve always been
?
We were all happy.”

William
’
s brows lifted quizzically. “Were they so much all right? Would you have wanted to go into digs and find your own way if you
’
d been so happy?”

The boy
’
s face twisted. “That wasn
’
t the reason, and you know it. Now everything will be changed and nothing will ever be the same again.”

William sighed. “You won
’
t be there after Monday to see it, if you
’
re so sure it
’
s a change for the worse. You wouldn
’
t have been there to cheer my lonely evenings; and I
have
been lonely, although you mightn
’
t have noticed. Now, because I
’
m in love with Elizabeth and want to marry her and bring her to Castleford and make it a happy place once more where life moves on gayer lines, you don
’
t approve. While I would like your approval I
’
m prepared to wait for that, but I would appreciate your understanding.”

Robin shrugged his shoulders. “I don
’
t want to sound rude, but aren
’
t you a bit old
...
?”

William interrupted, struggling between anger and laughter. “Since when is love the prerogative of the twenties
?
I suppose if you were Minister of Housing you would insist that provision be made for separate rooms for married couples once they reached middle age. For heaven
’
s sake, grow up, Robi
n
. Love in the forties isn
’
t something that limps along with draggled wings but a wondrous splendid thing that soars to heights unknown when one
’
s younger and more impatient. New wine is frothy, heady stuff, but vintage wine has the bouquet that only the years of maturing can give.”

Robin moved restlessly. “Words never solved anything, Dad. Hadn
’
t we better start back? There
’
s a dirty black cloud creeping up on us.”

William accepted the temporary truce. He hadn
’
t really expected victory so soon. They gathered up their loads, and as if by common consent Robin and Susan went on ahead at a decidedly sober pace.

William glanced at Elizabeth who was watching the children as if waiting for them to turn around and give some belated signal that all was well after all.

“Come on, darling,” he urged. “At least they know the facts now.”

Elizabeth adjusted the light load she was carrying with as much care as if it had been very heavy and very precious. “Do you really think they
’
ll get over
...
this stage?” she asked miserably.

“Yes, I do
...
given time. You may not have taken it in, but Robin had nothing against you. It was my wanting to marry again that had
shaken
him. Not because he
’
s made a sacred
image of his mother or anything like that, but merely the fact that I should want to enjoy what marriage means; being with the woman I love, making a home once more of the house I live , in, and giving me a chance to appreciate all the things I was too busy and too young to enjoy properly with Mary.” William rested his hand lightly on Elizabeth
’
s shoulder. “I know you
’
re worried and unsure and upset, and the temptation to take you in my arms and kiss you until you forget them all is almost unbearable, but I
’
m not going to
...
not because I don
’
t love you enough, but because I love you so much that I want you to come to me having made up your mind—uninfluenced by any action of mine—that our love is worth any price we may be called upon to pay.”

Elizabeth put up her hand so that it covered William
’
s. “I wish I had your confidence, darling. Do be patient with me.”

Robin and Susan were waiting by the car when they got down.

“Like to drive, Robin? You can have Susan for
your co-driver,” William suggested.

Robin glanced at him as if seeking for some motive behind it, and then, apparently satisfied,
he nodded. “Thanks, Dad. Remember, Susan, if you give one distracting squeak you can walk
.
”

William opened the back car door for Elizabeth. “In you get, darling.” He ignored the startled look Susan gave him and went around to put the picnic things in the boot.

The journey back was in silence, but it was now a watchful silence rather than one of utter hostility. Elizabeth met Susan
’
s eyes now and again in the driving mirror, and always the girl glanced away hastily in pretended uninterest.