Kayden: The Past

I dedicate this book to the love of my life, B, the man that inspires me to write Kayden. I’m in love with you. I thank God every day that we found
each other and that you’re are mine. I love you.

♥

To my grandparents ~ thank you for always being there for me and showing me love. I adore you both, but sadly this is the only page you can read.

♥

To my brother ~ I love you. Thank you for your love, support, and never reading the books I’ve written.
I’m proud of the man you’ve become.
 

Thank you to Brenda Wright and Rebecca Barney for making my book as close to perfect as possible. Without you two lovely ladies I’d be lost. Brenda, thank you for listening to my rants throughout my writing process and cheering me on when I felt lost. Rebecca, thank you for swooping in at the last minute and helping finalize Kayden, you’re invaluable.

To my beta readers: Mandee Migliaccio, Deb Schultz of Rough Draft Book Blog, Kathy Coopmans of Panty Dropping Book Blog, Amanda Lanclos of Crazy Cajun Book Addicts, Skye Callahn, Christina Omar, Kelly Adkins, Maria Reyes, Stephanie Byrd, Amanda
Davis, Wendy Shatwell of Bare Naked Words, Ronda Brimeyer, Shannon Ryan, Tonya Clark, Tonya Mabe, Krystyn Katsibubas, Nikita Alexis, Stephanie Powell, Erika Lynn, Verna McQueen of Verna Loves Books, Brenda Wright and Angie Johnson of Twinsie Talk Book Reviews, Tina Mason, Tracy McKay of Books, Coffee, and Wine,  Melanie Lowery of Sassy Mum Book Blog, Joann Hohl of The Book Junkie, MaryAnn Litton from MA Book Review, Shannon White, Kathy Lee-Herbst of Abibliophobia, and Rachelle Marie -- without you ladies I’d
go crazy and would’ve chewed my fingernails off.

To my readers, thank you for all your kind words and messages. I love each and every one of you. You’re friendship and support has meant the world to me. Thank you for giving me the courage to continue writing and for wanting to know more about Kayden. I hope he lives up to your dreams.

To my friend and writing buddy, Skye Callahan, thank you for keeping me on track and always being there to sprint. I couldn’t have stayed on track without you. I’m honored to call you a friend.

Thank you to Rachel Brookes for saving me at the final minute with my edits. You’re help solving the mysterious track issue in Word stopped me from having a meltdown.

Thank you to Joni Payne and Melissa Gill of Feisty Girls Book Blog for organizing my release blitz and first blog tour for Kayden. To Ing Cruz of As The Pages Turn, the one that gives a gentle fuck you, thank you for our ‘chats’ and planning a Kayden tour for me. I adore the hell out of you. Angie Stanton-Johnson and Brenda Wright of Twinsie Talk Book Blog for also organizing a tour and just being kick ass girls.

Last, but not least, to my girls - Tara and Dawn of Sizzling Pages and the amazing Kelly Adkins. Thank you for all your Voxer messages and making me laugh each day. You’re some sassy bitches and I love you for it - Vaginas United.

Kayden: The Past Copyright © 2013 Chelle Bliss
Published by Chelle Bliss

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

Published: Chelle Bliss
2
^nd
January 2014
:
[email protected]
Editing: Brenda Wright
Proof-reader: Rebecca Barney
Cover Design ©
Stephanie Mooney
Formatting by: Brenda Wright
Chapter Headers & Other Graphics: Canstock
http://www.canstockphoto.com/

This book is intended for a mature audience.

Why?

I was an addict.

Sophia didn’t know this about me when we met – when I stole her heart.

I struggle every day with my sobriety, and Sophia is my compass. She’s what keeps me grounded and always points me in the right direction. She doesn’t nag or yell but smothers me in her love and understanding.

Sophia asked to hear my story, my past. She wanted to know everything about me
…
what led me to her. I gave her a condensed version
– one
that is closer to PG-13 compared to the NC-17 reality that I lived. No matter how much the person you love the most, the one who is the center of your universe asks about your past, you never give the full truth. I never want Sophia to compare herself to any of the women or experiences that I’ve had before her. Sophia is perfection in my eyes. No one could ever compare to her.

I’d like to say my life began again when I
met Sophia, that I was
given a clean slate. Sophia met me at the point in my life where I had given up on love. My life consisted of work and pleasure – pleasure from the unattached sexual relationships and the booze that had filled my nights.

When my life spiraled out of control, Sophia caught me in her web of security and love. She is my savior, the only thing that is true in my life. She can’t know my entire story
. Who would want to know the true story of the love of their life, the father of their child?

The thought of Sophia being with another man makes my skin crawl and pisses me off. She’s mine, and I’d like to think that I’ve been the only man in her life and the first one to taste her, but I know I’m lying to myself. Ignorance is bliss, and I’d rather stay in the dark.

After our child was born, I thought it was necessary to get help to control my drinking. I needed to make sure I never walked down the path of self-destruction again. I had too much to lose. For the first time in my life, there was something more important than myself or even Sophia. There’s a tiny little life that depends on me and needs my love and adoration.

I didn’t want to go to group counseling – I’ve done that before, and it sucked; it wasn’t more than a temporary fix. I needed something to get to the root of my addiction and allow me to find other ways to cope with the pressures in life besides at the bottom of a bottle. The counselor told me to write down the major events in my life – the ones that caused my drinking to go out of control or drove me to drink. He said I needed to understand the cycle. What came first – the booze or the problems? He asked me to write a journal about my life. Everyone who I could remember that triggered my drinking, use of drugs, and events that were caused by my addiction that had an impact on my life. I didn’t see the use in writing it for someone else to read and analyze, but he said I would understand it in time.

Where do I start the tangled mess that was my life? Do I start with my first taste of booze, the first sniff of coke, or the crazy bitches I’ve experienced? There will be bits that I leave out; things I don’t want the world to know. I’ve included the ones that show what has molded me into the man I am today. The ones that will fill in the gaps on my troubled journey that Sophia and I overcame and show the depths of my depravity and addiction before Sophia walked into my life and turned my world upside down.

I’ll start at the beginning, what led me off the path of righteousness through my moment of self-destruction and finally salvation in the arms of a loving woman too good to be mine.