Love for the Matron (19 page)

“What about Susan and Robin, or haven
’
t you been home?” Elizabeth asked in a small voice.

“I haven
’
t dared do that either, yet ... in case my secret is writ all over my face for everyone to see,” he admitted shyly.

“I know. Too bad we couldn
’
t be on a desert island for a while until we got used to the idea. Oh, William, it is really happening to us, isn
’
t
it?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” he assured her tenderly. “I must go now or else I won
’
t get back to St. Genevieve
’
s in time. I
’
m not rushing you too fast, am I
?
” he demanded with sudden anxiety.

“No, William dear. It
’
s all a blur anyway
...
a lovely one.”

“Good-bye for now
.
” William hung up abruptly as if it were the only way he could bring himself to make the break.

Elizabeth looked down at her creased uniform and then at her watch. She would have her bath now; there was time; and she would put on a fresh uniform, and the fact that she was seeing
William later had nothing to do with it
.
She
ha
d
barely completed her bath when the phone rang again. Hastily enveloping herself in her bath towel, she hurried barefooted to answer it.

The voice at the other end sounded very far away. “Is Daddy there Miss Graham ... I mean, Elizabeth?”

Elizabeth collected herself. “No, Susan. He
’
s doing his rounds in the town as far as I know. He said he
’
d be coming to the hospital to see Stuart when he
’
d finished.”

There was a pause. “Is he very ill
...
Stuart,
I mean? Dear Emily
’
s in one of her
moods
and said she didn
’
t know
...
that Daddy was the one to
ask.”

“Your father said
...
quite ill.”

“Haven
’
t you see Stuart yet, then?” Susan
’
s voice went up in surprise.

“He was admitted just as I was going off duty,” Elizabeth said as truthfully as she could.

“Then how do you know? Did Daddy phone?”

“He came over for a cup of tea after lunch and to let me know,” Elizabeth told her cautiously.

“Oh, in that case, you would know properly,” Susan admitted. “Have you got the day
off?”

“
I
’
m back on at five. I was just having a bath.”

Susan laughed unexpectedly. “Are you standing there all dripping
?
” she demanded.

“I
’
m almost dry now,” Elizabeth reassured her.

“I won
’
t be mean and keep you. It
’
s just that Robin
’
s out hunting for his new digs and I wanted someone to talk to.”

“
Couldn
’
t you have brought one of your classmates home with
you?”

“It
’
s not much fun here. I prefer visiting other people
’
s houses.”

Elizabeth laughed. “You
’
re
other people
to them, don
’
t forget.”

“So I am, but you know what I mean. Oh, are you going to be able to come for the hike
on Sunday? Daddy
said he
’
d ask you.”

“Yes,
I
hope so, Susan.”

“Goody! I
’
ll tell Robin and then he
’
ll be keener about coming. I
’
ve got to go and do my prep now. It
’
s a beastly essay.
‘
Bye now, Elizabeth
...
I hope you don
’
t mind my calling you that. It
’
s more friendly, somehow
.”

“No, I don
’
t mind at all, Susan. Thanks for
ringing.”

“Thanks for listening.”

Elizabeth dressed herself thoughtfully. Would Susan still be fu
ll
of eager conversation and sudde
n
confidences when she knew
?
And Robin
...
how would he react when he knew his father was in love and wanted to marry again? Would it smash the new accord between father and son? She sighed and told herself sternly to stop borrowing trouble.

The hospital seemed strangely quiet when she went back on duty. Or perhaps it was only in contrast to what had been such a crowded eventfu
l
day. Margaret Smith was waiting with the late
p
ost.

“There
’
s two for you to sign, Miss Graham, and Staff Nurse on Men
’
s Medical said one of the patients had been asking for you.” She glanced down at a slip of paper. “It
’
s a Mr. Nichols admitted under Doctor Gregory and Doctor Sinclair this afternoon. And Miss Selby
s
aid to tell you she had done the surgical stores for next week and there
’
s nothing else to report and she
’
ll be in her flat
if you want her for anything. Is there anything else, Miss Graham?
”

Elizabeth signed the two letters and handed them back to her. “Did you find those case summaries in Records
?
”

“Only one of them. Records say that Mr. Oswald has already had the other one and didn
’
t give it back
...
at least it
’
s not signed back in. Shall I send the one
?
”

Elizabeth nodded. “The morning will do, and you can include a note in explanation. Thank you, Miss Smith, and good night.”

“Good night, Miss Graham.”

Elizabeth watched the door close behind the girl. Margaret Smith hadn
’
t shown any signs of having noticed something different about her, but then perhaps secretaries didn
’
t look too closely at those they worked for
...
She had better go to Men
’
s Medical. She had hoped that she could avoid that encounter tonight. She found herself wondering whether Stuart would be too ill to observe the change in her.

Staff Nurse came hurrying towards her. “Good evening, Matron. I
’
m so glad you
’
ve come. Mr. Nichols has been insisting that we hadn
’
t given you his message. Sister tried to get hold of Doctor Gregory before she went off, but he was still out on his rounds, his daughter said, and Doctor Sinclair
’
s wife doesn
’
t know where her husband is. Mr. Nichols isn
’
t written up for anything so we thought we
’
d better wait until Doctor Gregory came back. Mr. Nichols is in here, Matron.” The girl stood aside to let Elizabeth go into the side ward.

Stuart started up from his pillows. “So you
’
ve come at last!” He grabbed one of her hands feverishly. “What did you make me come in here
for?
They don
’
t give you anything you want or do anything you ask!” He stopped and peered past Elizabeth at Staff Nurse. “It
’
s all right, Nurse. Your Matron and I are old friends
...
very old friends ... aren
’
t we, Elizabeth dear?”

Elizabeth gestured to the girl to leave them a
n
d she drew up a chair beside the bed. There was no point in arguing with Stuart while he was in th
i
s state, and any explanation would only make th
i
ngs worse.

Stuart let his head drop back against the pillow. “I feel hellish, Elizabeth, and that
’
s the truth
...
a mixture of hellfire and the South Pole would describe it. My bones are freezing and the rest of me is one big burning ache. Can
’
t you give me something to stop it? What
’
s the sense of being in hospital if they only shove you into a bed that
’
s a damn sight more uncomfortable than your own
and
then let you stew? I
’
d got off to sleep nearly once and then they had to come and take an X-ray ... shoved icy cold, trays underneath me and made me hold my breath and things. I had another go and then a little nurse came in and said she had to do my back, and took not the slightest notice when I told her my b
a
ck was my own private, concern. She rubbed me with some stuff that smelt like bootleg liquor and I
’
ll swear it came straight out of the fridge.” He sighed. “It
’
s better now that you
’
re here.” He lifted the hand he had never released and laid if against his lips. “So nice and
cool ...
cool like the
r
est of you.”

“Thank you, Staff Nurse You can carry on with what you
’
re doing.” It was William
’
s voice behind them and he was standing in the doorway.

Elizabeth instinctively tried to pull away her hand, but Stuart clung to it with the determination of the very ill.

“So you
’
ve decided to
come
and check up on me at last, old boy. Can
’
t say I think much of the way you neglect your patients. I was beginning to feel I didn
’
t have a friend in the world when Elizabeth came along to sit with me.” He glared belligerently at William. “I suppose you think she
’
s yours now
...
well, she was mine first
,
but you can take it from me, she
’
s an icicle from the tip of her head to the tip of her toes. You can kiss and kiss her and she never even melts a trifle. So you
’
re wasting your time. Thought you
’
d like to know
...
man to man.”

Elizabeth shrank back miserably into her chair. She couldn
’
t get away and she couldn
’
t free her hand without an undignified struggle. What was William thinking, when not only three hours ago ... she had been melting in his arms ... had been kissing him back
...
?

“I
’
d like to listen to that chest of yours, Stuart. Would you unfasten his jacket, Miss Graham
?
”

It was all done so simply, and she was on her feet, carrying out the routine of preparing a patient for examination of chest. Stuart was quiet now and his eyes had gone blank, as if he had withdrawn himself somewhere far behind the screen of his illness. Passively he submitted to the examination and he leaned limply against Elizabeth
’
s supporting arm while William moved his
stethoscope up and down the smoothness of his back.

William nodded. “Right, thank you, Miss Graham
...
that will be all for now.”

Elizabeth adjusted
Stuart
’
s pyjama
jacket before she lowered him gently
against the pillows.

“A drink, please,
Elizabeth
...
” Stuart murmured without opening his eyes

She filled the gl
a
ss from the jug on the locker and lifted his head and help him to drink it.

He licked his lips gratefully. “Thanks, dear Elizabeth—or does William forbid such endearment from me
now?”
He opened his eyes and regarded William glassily. “I wonder what you
’
ve got
...
that I haven
’
t
?
I
’
ve loved Elizabeth all these years. Oh, I know
she never took me seriously, but I was
serious under the mockery and the jesting. And now you
’
ve accomplished in a week what I never managed.” His mouth twisted. “If you weren
’
t one of my best friends I suppose I
’
d hate you, but don
’
t ask me to wish you
...
happiness, today; tomorrow
...
perhaps
.
” He turned his gaze towards Elizabeth. “Don
’
t stay any longer
.
I mightn
’
t be strong enough ... to be sensible.”

At a sign from William, Elizabeth, went out of the little side ward. He did a quick round with Staff Nurse and by the time she got back to the ward office William was in there writing up some orders for Stuart.

“Start the injections four-hourly, Staff Nurse, but don
’
t waken him for the midnight dose. I
’
ve written him up for a sedative, and tell your night nurse to ring me if she
’
s at all concerned about him. Now, Matron, about those arrangements, if you can spare me a few moments of your time
...
”

William led Elizabeth along the corridor tow
a
rds his office. He smiled at her reassuringly as he opened the door for her. The light was o
n
and had that cold official brightness of most hospital fixtures, and the very small electric fire did little
to take away a chill that wasn
’
t entirely physical.

He closed the door behind them, but he didn
’
t touch her. “Sit down, darling. Don
’
t look so upset. You should remember that I
’
m a physician as well as the man who loves you. I knew from your first meeting with Stuart at Castleford that there had been more than friendship between you, but I didn
’
t know until today whether you
’
d ever returned his feelings.” He chuckled suddenly. “I was almost tempted just now to tell him that I
knew
you were no icicle, but it seemed to be taking too mean an advantage of an ill man. After all, it
’
s a knowledge that belongs to you and me alone.”

“How is he
?
” Elizabeth asked reluctantly.
She didn
’
t want to be concerned with Stuart now, but quite apart from friendship she owed him a duty as Matron of St.
Genevieve
’
s.

William hesitated. “There wasn
’
t much on the X-ray ... a few increased markings. When I examined his chest there were some coarse rales at both lung bases. He
’
s got a heart murmur, but it could be purely functional
.
I
’
ll have an
electrocardiogram
done in the morning as an extra check. It
’
s just that he seems iller in himself than either his temperature or length of illness can account for.” He moved his shoulders restlessly. “That
’
s the drawback to doctoring one
’
s friends
...
you never know where natural anxiety begins or diagnosis ends. I wish Sinclair had been in
...
perhaps he will come later.
”

He sat down abruptly in a chair across the desk from Elizabeth
.
“Well, my darling, this office of yours isn
’
t very conductive to personal conversation so I
’
ll be brief. I have a meeting in the morning, so I won
’
t be sharing a tea-tray with you as usual, and until I see how
S
tuart is, my routine will be topsy-turvy. About Sunday can you be at Castleford about ten-thirty? We
’
ll go by car until we
’
re up on the tops. I don
’
t suppose I need to tell you what to wear or to bring a mac and Wellingtons as well as heavy shoes in case the weather is unkind.” He fell silent and gazed at Elizabeth until the color surged up into her cheeks and she dropped her eyes. He got reluctantly to his feet. “I
’
d like to suggest that we meet later, but I think we
’
d better not. A time for thought isn
’
t really necessary where we
’
re concerned, but it could be a good idea. Bless you, my darling, and good night.”

He didn
’
t touch her or kiss her, but the tenderness and the strength of his desire shone through the thin fabric of his words and Elizabeth felt filled with a warmth she had never thought to know.

“Good night, William dear ... I do love you,” she whispered.

For a moment he lingered as if testing the toughness of his self-control before he turned on his heel and went out of the office, closing the door behind him. Elizabeth leaned her hot cheeks against her hands and drew a deep breath like a sleeper awakening from some impossible dream, but the walls of her
office
were solid and real and so was the chair on the other side of her desk. If she took the trouble to walk around her desk she could test with her finders the warmth still on its polished surface where it had been in contact with William
’
s body.

A rush of last-minute details held Elizabeth prisoner long past her time to go
off duty ...
an emergency admission to the last empty bed on Women
’
s Medical; a case for Theatre; a night nurse who didn
’
t report sick until ten minutes before she was due on the
ward;
one of, the old men on Men
’
s Medical dying unexpectedly while the night staff were taking the report and a lengthy search through faded documents disclosing that he had been at St. Genevieve
’
s for ma
n
y years that he had outlived all his known relatives; and a baby arriving ahead of time on Ma
t
ernity, with its grasp on
life
still so frail that the parents wanted it baptized by their own minister.

Finally she was free and should switch off the light in her office and walk along the corridor, out of the front door and down the wide steps. The dark outline of the wing that held Men
’
s Medical stood stark against
the night sky, and only
the dim glow of the lowered lights broke its gloomy expanse. For a moment her steps slowed. Should she have made a final inquiry about Stuart? But even if she had there was nothing she could do personally. The gulf that loomed between the Matron
’
s office and the wards under her authority was too wide to be bridged without adverse comment except in time of war or disaster or
...
flood.