Love and Decay (23 page)

I nodded. I could understand his point of
view. I still didn’t agree with him though. “Yeah, but you’re not
asking me anything. You’re just telling me. And ordering me. And
you’re still in charge even though you gave that up. They’re never
going to respect me if they’re always looking to you two for
leadership. I’m never going to get a chance to do what I came here
to do when everyone is still always looking at you two.”

The look on Hendrix’s face would haunt me for
the rest of my life. He flinched, painfully… tragically… destroyed.
I read him immediately. I knew my brother and I knew that he hated
my mission. Even if he believed in me and our reasons for returning
and all the thousand other things I’d argued with him, he still
hated the idea that I would take this upon myself and face this
gigantic potential for disaster.

My heart hurt looking at my older brother.
Part of me felt like a disappointment. I wanted nothing more than
to be the person Hendrix wanted me to be. I wanted him to be proud
of me. I wanted to always make him happy and pleased with my
behavior. But there was another part of me that screamed truth and
conviction and resolve.

I honestly didn’t know which side of me would
win this internal war until Nelson stepped in. “We can’t let you
go,” he admitted. “Not alone. Not without Harrison or King. Or even
Miller.”

“We don’t know these people,” Hendrix
continued. “Truthfully, I don’t trust them. Is this really what you
expected?” His voice dropped to a steely whisper. “Is Luke what you
expected?”

No, he wasn’t. But admitting that would be
conceding defeat. And I wasn’t backing down with this. “How could I
have known what to expect? I’ve never really known Luke and the few
messages we’ve sent back and forth have been nothing more than war
reports. But this is what I hoped he would be.” Semi-lie. “He’s a
leader. He has people to protect and an enemy that won’t go away.
What did
you
expect?”

Hendrix held my gaze. “His father.” I opened
my mouth to protest, but Hendrix waved me off. “Andy had integrity
and compassion. Andy had a way with people that made them feel at
ease and welcome. Luke does neither of those things.”

“That doesn’t mean he isn’t a good
leader.”

Nelson huffed a frustrated sound. “Page, if
we forbid you to go are you still going to go anyway?”

Fire burned through my veins and billowed in
my chest. “Are you going to forbid me?”

My brothers and I faced off, neither side
willing to back down or give up. I chewed my bottom lip until I
tasted blood. I hated that we were back in this same place, arguing
over the same shit. They should know better. They should remember
why we’re here and what they promised.

“Let her go,” the voice startled me out of my
death glare.

Reagan stepped into the circle, shattering
the wall of silence building between us. She wrapped her arms
around Hendrix’s waist and looked up into his ice blue eyes. “Let
her go,” she repeated. “This war isn’t going to be won by pushing
your sister further away.”

“Why are you on her side?” he demanded.

Reagan held his gaze, “Because I would have
done the same thing once upon a time.”

Relief flooded through me. It was nice to
have Reagan on my side, even if it was a surprise. She had fought
the hardest not to come. And yet, here she was standing up for me
in front of my bully brothers.

Hendrix’s eyebrow lifted, “And if something
happens to her?”

Reagan’s hand landed on his cheek, “Have
faith that she’s the woman you raised her to be.”

Nelson let out a shaky laugh. “Of course,
Reagan is the voice of reason in this situation.” He looked over at
his sister-in-law and smirked at her. “Only Reagan would see the
logic in all of this.”

I took a step back, ready to retreat before
they changed their minds. “You’re not going to fight me anymore on
this?” The hope in my voice was embarrassing, but I didn’t try to
hide it.

“This time,” Hendrix called after me. “Next
time you take your brothers.”

I saluted him and then hurried away. I had no
idea where I was going but I wasn’t going to take the chance of
them deciding Reagan was out of her mind- which likely she was. I
would say goodbye before I left them for real, but right now I
needed some space.

I had just decided to find a place to wash up
when Miller’s arm wrapped around my bicep and tugged me to a stop.
I whirled around to find a seething madman. His eyes had darkened
until they were almost black. His hair was wild from the night and
the wind and the energy jumped off him in sharp bursts of
aggression. He pulled me close to him and his heat immediately
overwhelmed me.

“You aren’t going to ask me what I think
before you jump into this stupid suicide mission?” he demanded.

My emotions were still strained from my
argument with my brother. “I wasn’t aware that I needed to ask your
permission. I was under the most ridiculous impression that my
decisions were up to me.”

He leaned in. “I’m not saying I wanted you to
ask my permission. I’m just throwing it out there that since
you’re… my… we’re… we’re whatever it is that we’re doing, that you
would want to have a conversation with me before you walk straight
into hell by yourself. Not because you need me to say yes. But
because I might care if something horrific happens to you.”

My throat burned with regret. I closed my
eyes briefly, embarrassed by my behavior. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“My brothers got me all worked up.”

His eyes moved over my face and body, taking
in every inch and piece of me. “We had a close call last night,” he
reminded me. “And now you want to go right back out. Do you ever
quit?”

His question was soft enough that more of my
anger fizzled out. I wanted to be mad at him, but not because of
him. I was just ready to be mad at the entire world. My family
could be beyond frustrating, but more than that I needed some
space. I needed to have some breathing room and get out from under
this constant microscope.

“I don’t think I know how,” I told him. “Not
until this thing is over. Not until your dad is dead.”

His forehead dropped to mine. “I get that,
Page. I feel the same way. I want him dead more than anybody alive.
I promise you that. I promise I want it more than you. But if
you’re not smart about this, it’s going to be the other way around.
He’s going to find you first.”

“Are you saying I shouldn’t go?”

He shook his head slowly. “I’m saying… I’m
saying don’t run into the burning building hoping to drag every
casualty to safety while you’re also on fire. Put the fire out
first. Stop being on fire first. Then save the people.”

“I think your analogy is smarter than
me.”

His low chuckle sent warmth building through
me. “I know that’s not true.”

I pulled back so I could see his eyes. “Do
you want to go instead? Maybe you should be the one to check out
the town first?”

He quickly shook his head. “No, it’s fine.
Maybe it would be different if you were going to actually spy on
Matthias. But I’d rather not see the aftermath of his reign. Just
take good mental notes and be ready to fill us all in.”

“I can definitely do that,” I smiled. But I
wasn’t convinced that he didn’t want to go. “Seriously though,
Miller, you can go if you want to. I just volunteered first because
I didn’t think anyone else would want to go. Besides, I want Luke
to know we’re here to work with him. Every step of the way.”

Miller turned his head to scan the wide open
space. “That’s another reason you should go. He doesn’t trust any
of us.”

“That’s not true.”

Miller continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “But
he needs us. And we probably need him.”

“We do need him.”

Miller’s gaze found mine again. “I’m not
completely convinced of that.”

I smiled because I couldn’t help it. Miller
was always just so… Miller. So self-assured. Confident. Manly. Of
course, he didn’t think we needed help from strangers.

But he was wrong about that. We would have
already been caught and killed by now if it hadn’t been for a
random meeting with one of Luke’s people.

“Just don’t cause any problems while I’m
gone. I need you to get along with these people.” His dark
expression made me laugh. “Fine. I can’t ask you to get along with
them. But at least ignore them! Don’t start any problems.”

His hands dropped to my waist and pulled me
against him. “When have you ever known me to start problems?”

I loved the teasing in his voice, the low
rumbling that made butterflies take flight and my heart rate pick
up pace. “You are a problem, Miller Allen. You’re nothing but one,
great big problem.”

His fingers dug into my sides in just the
worst way and I tried to scramble away from him as I laughed
hysterically at his tickling. “Stop!” I gasped. “Ah!”

“Is this a problem, Page?” he taunted.

“Yes!”

In the next second his mouth was on mine,
taking it in a heated kiss. My laughter died out immediately in the
wake of passion and fire and something so delicious I forgot that
we were in a room full of people and family and strangers.

His teeth nipped at my bottom lip. His hands
slipped under my shirt and held me tightly against him. His tongue
moved against mine and I lost all reason and thought and logic.

“Don’t forget about me,” he whispered in
between searing kisses.

I arched my back into him and replied
breathlessly, “Like that is even possible.”

Another mind-blowing kiss chased his deep
laugh and I wanted to forget about the mission completely. I wanted
to give up on Matthias Allen and the Colony and the entire Zombie
Apocalypse and just kiss this man for the rest of my life.

A throat cleared behind us, followed by a
terse, “Page.”

My cheeks blazed with embarrassment and the
realization of our surroundings came crashing back down on me.
Miller let out a heavy sigh and pulled back, without removing his
hands.

I had expected Hendrix or Nelson to be
standing behind me so I was more than surprised when I found Luke
waiting instead. A fresh wave of humiliation washed over me and I
contemplated spontaneous combustion as a legitimate escape
route.

“Er, Luke. I, uh… Hmm?”

Miller’s chest pressed against my arm. He had
broken the kiss, but not his hold on me. I wanted to wiggle away,
but I wasn’t an idiot.

That would have been a disaster.

Luke stared at me without even acknowledging
Miller. “Our plans have changed,” he explained. “We need to leave
now. If you’re not ready you’ll have to stay. I don’t have time
to-”

“I’m ready!” I turned around, partially
disentangling myself from Miller. “Seriously, I’m ready to go.”

Luke’s gaze moved over me in cold assessment.
“You’re armed?”

I nodded quickly. “Always.”

“You haven’t slept.” His statement sounded
like an accusation.

I raised an eyebrow. “Neither have you.”

He made a face and I could feel the sigh he
was holding back as it sat in the air between us. “Are you sure
you’re ready for this. You don’t have to rush into anythi-”

“She said she’s ready,” Miller barked from
behind me. “And I thought you were in a hurry?”

Luke never looked at Miller, but he did seem
to listen to him. “Let’s go then.”

I turned back and landed a superfast kiss on
Miller’s cheek. He let me go and I scurried after Luke, ready for
my first real glimpse of the Colony.

Chapter Four

We took the “quietest” car to within five
miles of Allentown, where we stashed it away, out of sight. It was
junky enough and rusted enough that anyone that happened upon it
would assume it was one of the thousands of cars left abandoned
over the last twelve years.

Or at least that was the hope.

Luke’s team included Trish and a man called
Crash. Where Luke was muscled and militaristic, Crash was long
gangly arms and wild afro. On the ride over, I tried to ask him if
that was his real name, but his answer only confused me. Apparently
Crash preferred to be ambiguous.

Ambiguous but fast.

Crash led the way to the walled city with a
fast clip and expert knowledge of the area. Fortunately for us,
Allentown was surrounded by overgrown fields. The overgrowth
reached above our heads, successfully hiding us from plain sight.
But I would have gotten lost on my own.

The branches from wild bushes and tall grass
tangled together and created a maze of twisted confusion. Luke and
his people or someone from the city had cut a path through the wild
overgrowth, but you had to know what you were looking for to find
it. And I could never find out what exactly I was looking for.

Eventually the brush gave way to housing,
which eventually gave way to buildings. We moved through the
abandoned parts of the city unnoticed. Occasionally we would catch
sight of a patrol, but we were able to duck into an alley or jump
into a darkened shell of a building to stay out of sight.

Luke had explained that the majority of the
guards would be stationed on the wall to protect the city and keep
an eye on the people. But Allentown itself was only a small portion
of what had once been a much larger metropolis.

Trees, bushes and grasses had moved into the
sections of city that people could no longer inhabit. We moved past
grocery stores and shops, restaurants and a trailer park all choked
by the aggressive forestry.

The city had become completely uninhabitable.
Most of what we could see had been ransacked and ravaged. The glass
had all been broken out of windows and doors and the shelves of any
kind of grocer or gas station had been looted completely.

Occasionally we would see a house that sat
untouched, as if in their haste to destroy everything, the
apocalypse survivors ran right by it without noticing.