Love and Decay (22 page)

“Twenty that it happens in the next five,”
King countered.

I dropped my head so that Trish wouldn’t look
over and find us all laughing at her. “At least Reagan’s not trying
to have this conversation in Spanish.”

My brothers lost it. They laughed loud and
grabbed the attention of everyone around us. Several people shushed
us, driving us inside and away from the judgy Underground. Hendrix
grabbed his wife’s hand on the way through the door and pulled her
along with him.

“That’s not going to work with her,” I heard
him tell her.

Reagan lifted her chin high and said, “People
all across the world love me.”

“Or they hate you,” he reminded her. “They
really, really hate you.”

She leaned in to him, knowing he was right.
Reagan had that effect on people. They either loved her and would
do anything to save her and keep her safe. Like my brother. Or
Diego. Or the scientists.

Or they wanted to murder her.

Like Matthias.

And a whole slew of other people that were
mostly dead now.

We had stepped into a dark hallway smelling
musty and dirty. It was impossible to see, but we pushed
forward.

I was sandwiched between Harrison and King,
so I watched Harrison’s feet as he shuffled through the hallway,
complaining about this being a trap.

Eventually the oppressive darkness lessened.
Light penetrated through windows past swinging doors and once we’d
pushed through them, skylights overhead filled the abandoned store
with natural sunlight.

The inside of this place had been turned into
a curious compound of sorts. Memories flashed in my head of what a
store like this used to look like. They were quick and hard to hold
on to, but I had a sense that a place like this would be crowded. I
could imagine standing in the middle of one when I was four or
five, holding my mom’s hand as we walked through the busy
aisles.

I sucked in a breath at the pain that tiny
memory brought. I could almost feel her palm against mine… I could
smell her again. I could picture her laughing as we picked up silly
things on shelves and tried on elf hats and white wigs.

“We have to hurry,” she told me. “King is
waiting for us to pick him up from practice.” I pictured snow
globes on metal shelving and aisles of candy. “Hendrix and Vaughan
will be home soon,” she said. “They said by dinner.” She turned to
me, kneeling down so her beautiful face was right in mine. “I need
my babies together again,” she whispered. “I need you all under my
roof at one time.”

“Why?” I asked.

Her finger brushed down my nose. “So I can
remember how very lucky I am.”

I shook my head and the memory danced away.
The store didn’t resemble anything like the busy supermarket from
my mind. I stood in the middle of something completely
opposite.

This was a different world.

A different existence.

Shelves and dividers had been pushed to the
four corners of the room, marking off places for privacy. We walked
by one and I could see cots and beds lined up side by side. The
middle of the room had been filled with couches and chairs and
tables. It reminded me of our common room back at the station.

There wasn’t much else, but there didn’t need
to be. The spacious building would house plenty of people. And as
far as I could tell, it was pretty secure.

By the time we made it to the middle of the
room, Luke and his people were just finishing a security sweep of
the building.

They returned to the couched area where we
had all but taken over. My family and friends had already spread
out to take care of themselves, whether that meant rocking a child
to sleep or changing their socks and shirts.

Luke stood in front of us and explained the
day. “We didn’t expect you,” he said unnecessarily. “And because we
didn’t know we’d be returning with anyone but Ripley, we’d planned
a little excursion into Allentown to check on some things. I
understand this might be an inconvenience for you, but I’m not
going to change our plans.”

“We’re not asking you to,” Hendrix told him
immediately. “We can adapt to your schedule.”

Luke nodded. “Good. You will be safe here.
This is a place we use often. It’s well out of the way and unknown
to most that live in this area. We’ve taken pains to secure the
building and you won’t be alone. I’ll only be taking a small team
with me.”

My family seemed happy with his explanation
but my curiosity had been stoked. “Where exactly are you
going?”

His gaze moved to mine and I felt like I was
hooked up to IVs again. I felt like I did when Oliver, Fang and
Shay studied me. Or like my blood when they put it under their
microscopes. “We have a contact in Allentown. We needed to touch
base with him.”

“So this is a Colony settlement?”

Luke seemed to have to grapple for patience.
“Obviously.”

“You’re going into the city?”

“Yes,” Luke replied succinctly.

“You know a secret way in? Or is your contact
a guard?”

“No, my contact is not a guard. Yes, I know a
way in.”

He started to turn around. “How many people
are you taking?”

He began walking away, “Three. Tops.”

I had just sat down, but I popped right up
again. Miller’s hand reached for mine as I rushed by him, but I
didn’t stop. I couldn’t.

“I want to go,” I told Luke, matching his
strides.

Luke made an amused sound in the back of his
throat. “No way.”

“Yes,” I insisted. “I want to go. I need to
see what one of these towns is like.”

He gave me a sideways glance. “Not a chance
in hell, woman. You barely survived the attack on the highway. I’m
not going to take you into the middle of enemy fire and hope your
family shows up to save you.”

Fury hit me like a slap in the face. But I
wasn’t just mad. I was offended.

These were the same accusations that Miller
had tossed at me months ago. People couldn’t see past my family to
see the warrior I had living inside me. Just because my brother had
helped in the car didn’t mean he always helped.

I was clearly capable of taking care of
myself.

I was just lucky enough to have a family that
was still alive and would do anything for me.

But that went both ways. I’d saved them as
often as they’d saved me.

My voice dropped low and feral when I said,
“I don’t need my family to save me. I can do that on my own.”

Another sideways glance. “I’m not taking you,
Page. You’re a newbie. You don’t know the area. You don’t know the
Colony. You don’t know the contact. If I lost you out there, you’d
be at the mercy of the elements, Horde and Colony guard. We might
have different opinions on a few key issues, but I’m not going to
ask you to walk into that and cross my fingers that you’ll come out
alive.”

Frustration boiled into anger. “You don’t
have to cross your fingers, because I already know I’m not going to
die. I already know I can handle this situation. And any other
situation you throw my way. I’m not some weak, helpless female,
Luke. I’ve been fighting Feeders since I was ten years old and I’ve
been surviving them since even before that.”

“Fine, then I’m not going to risk my
distraction and get myself killed.”

“Your distraction?” I laughed, unsure of what
he meant. “What do you mean by that?”

He didn’t hesitate to respond. “My
distraction because I’ll be so concerned about not getting you
killed that I’ll inevitably get myself killed instead.”

“But-”

He threw up a hand. “I respect your brothers,
Page. I respect that you already lost a brother. I won’t do that to
them again. I won’t let them lose a sister, too.”

“Stop,” I demanded. I grabbed his wrist and
yanked him back before he could disappear into one of the bedded
rooms. “Listen to me.” Reluctantly he turned to face me. I could
tell by his expression that he didn’t think anything I had to say
would ever change his mind. His impatient, longsuffering sigh
didn’t help my confidence, but I refused to let him bully me. I
said what I needed to say, “I’m here to help you. Me. Not my
brothers. Not the Mexican army we brought with us or the
Colombians. Or the scientists. Or anybody but me. Those people are
here for me. If I said let’s leave, they would leave. They’d walk
all the way back to goddamn Colombia because I asked them to.
Because they already walked here, to this place,
because I asked
them to
. They don’t want to be here. They don’t want to fight
this war. They don’t want to help you. And they certain never want
to hear about or face or look at or deal with Matthias Allen ever
again. But like I said, they’re here because I asked them to be.
Because I
do
want to fight this war. I
do
want to
help these people. I do want to work with you and fight with you
and take out Matthias Allen forever
with you
. But you have
to let me in. You can’t just keep boxing me out, hoping Hendrix and
Nelson will show up when I don’t. That’s not how this works. You
deal with me or you don’t deal with any of us.”

Luke’s gaze narrowed and his force field of
animosity turned on full force. “Are you blackmailing me?”

I almost laughed. “I’m telling you how it is.
Blackmail is a threat. I’m not threatening you; I’m just being
honest with you.”

He stared at me for a long minute. Finally,
he pushed his shoulders back uncomfortably and sighed impatiently
again. “Only you. I’m not babysitting more than one of you.”

I shrugged as casually as I could. “Sure. Not
a problem.” It was going to be a major problem, but he didn’t need
to know that.

“And you keep up with us and stay silent. You
talk a lot. I can’t have that on this mission.”

Irritated again, I snapped, “I know how to be
quiet.”

He didn’t look convinced. “And you hold your
own. If we get caught, nobody is going to be there to risk their
life for you. Got it?”

“I got it.” I wanted to punch him in his
already crooked nose. “I’m not new at this, Luke. I’ve killed
plenty of Feeders before.”

“Yeah? But what about men? How many Colony
soldiers have you killed? How many healthy lives have you
taken?”

I thought back to Hank. I wouldn’t have
killed him. Even though he’d threatened my life. Even though he’d
nearly killed my niece by letting Feeders free in the station. I
wouldn’t have killed him. Miller had done something I never would
have.

But that was something else Luke never needed
to know about. “I said I can take care of myself.”

His eyes moved over me. They started at my
toes and worked up slowly. I felt every inch and piece of me being
weighed in his mind. He was deciding if I had worth or not. He was
deciding if he’d made a mistake or not.

“Good,” he bit out. He turned around again
and started walking off. “You have a couple hours to rest. But be
ready when it’s time to go.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. I
stood there for a long moment after he’d disappeared into the
barracks area. I should have felt like I won something.

I wanted to be excited, or at least anxious,
to finally see for myself what Colony life was like.

Instead, I felt defeated somehow. This was
not at all how I expected this to go. And now I had to explain to
my family that I’d be taking off on my own. Without them.

Something I had never anticipated having to
do.

Ever.

Even when I knew not everyone would be
fighting this war, I still expected Harrison and King to be at my
side.

But this was something I was going to have to
do alone. And it wouldn’t only be my brothers upset with me.

It would be Miller too.

Maybe it was better just to go. Maybe I could
sneak out without telling anyone.

Maybe I-

I turned around and found my entire family
staring at me.

Shit.

Well, sneaking out wasn’t an option
anymore.

Hendrix and Nelson separated from the pack
and approached me. They looked like soldiers preparing for war.
There was nothing soft or brotherly about them right now. They were
all scary business with no room for negotiating.

I looked at Hendrix and shriveled a little at
the expression on his face. I glanced around for help, but Nelson
wasn’t any better. His lips pressed into a harsh frown and his eyes
bored holes in my soul, threatening true bodily harm if I went
through with my plans.

Hysterical laughter bubbled up inside me, but
I pushed it down. Now was not the time to find this ironic.

Ironic because I could face an entire horde
of Feeders. By myself. Without fear. Or at least without crippling
fear.

But my angry brothers were an entirely
different terrifying beast.

I plastered on my most innocent expression.
“Wh-what?”

“Nope.” Hendrix folded his arms over his
chest and I believed him.

“I-”

He added a firm head shake. “Nope.”

“It’s just for a little-”

“Forget it.”

Nelson chimed in too. “Not by yourself. Not
after you’ve been in a car all night with no sleep.”

“It’s a recon mission!” I protested, gaining
speed. “I won’t be fighting or killing or dying. I’m just going to
check it out. That’s all.”

“If you think we’re going to believe that,
you are out of your damn mind!” Hendrix added. “Page, your entire
existence revolves around those three things. Today is not going to
be any different.”

I threw my hands to my sides in frustration.
“Then why did we come? Why did we risk everything to be here if I’m
not really going to
be here
?” I dropped my hands and my
entire body sagged with defeat. “I can’t keep fighting with you
about this. I really can’t. Either I’m all the way in or we have to
go back.”

Hendrix flinched and I immediately felt
guilty for yelling at him. He didn’t soften his stance or unfold
his arms, but he did share a meaningful look with Nelson. And then
he said, “You have no idea what you’re asking me to do.”