Love and Decay (9 page)

This kiss was different than all the others
because it wasn’t a promise for the future or tool for the present.
This kiss was a story of everything that had happened between us,
every single thing that had led us to this moment.

This kiss was our seal.

Our covenant.

Our creed.

He pulled back and for the first time since I
could remember, his face was filled with peace. His eyes had lost
the darkness that always lurked and the stress had left his
forehead and mouth. He was beautiful.

Breathtaking.

I scratched at my sensitive skin where his
beard had abraded and pressed my swollen lips together, marks that
Miller had kissed me. I smiled. This had been the most perfect
moment of my life.

Maybe in all of humanity.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered to me,
his voice catching. “I have never seen anything more beautiful than
you.”

My smile faltered and hot tears filled my
eyes again. I wanted to hide my face from him, but he wouldn’t let
me. His strong hand cupped my jaw again and held me there so he
could look at me for as long as he wanted.

“Page!” Equal expressions of disappointment
crossed our faces as Hendrix yelled at us. “Page, are you out
there?”

Taking a steadying breath and giving Miller a
wobbly smile, I let the last remnants of magic disappear as I
yelled back, “I’m here!”

Miller took my hand and led me back inside
the house. I knew Hendrix would want to have a chat about what had
happened earlier tonight and what was going to happen. I had to
face the reality of tomorrow and the war I had begged to fight.

But I would carry this kiss with me forever.
I would remember the feel of him and the taste of him and every
second of his touch until my last breath.

Miller had finally come back to me.

I didn’t have to worry about losing him
again.

****

The man stared out at his kingdom through the
dimness of night. Stars blinked overhead and a thin moon faded
somewhere in the sky, but the man’s gaze was fixed downward, out of
his high tower.

His fingers ached, but he moved them over the
wheels of the chair he was confined to, pushing himself closer to
the window. He didn’t always have to use the chair, but tonight he
couldn’t find the will to stand. Everything hurt. Everything always
hurt, but tonight it was even more unbearable.

His once able body had been burned and beaten
until it was a shadow of its former glory. He had been stripped of
his strength and power.

Only his mind remained.

Although some might argue that was his real
weapon. At least his deadliest.

He didn’t see anything below that interested
him. His people stayed inside their homes after curfew and not a
peep would be heard before dawn. His best men guarded the wall and
if there were Feeders lurking about, they would be taken care of
soon enough.

His life had become a well-oiled machine that
ran as smoothly as he could have hoped for. Unlike his failing
body.

Bitterness and simmering rage surged in his
blood. He should be able to enjoy his reign. He had worked hard to
get where he was. He had sacrificed
everything
.

His life should be his reward.

And yet…

A knock at the door pulled his attention out
of his darkening thoughts. “Come in,” he yelled, not moving from
his place at the window.

One of his men stepped inside, followed by a
spy. The spy looked bedraggled enough. A few months on the road
would do that to a person. But there was something wild in this
one’s eyes, something cagey and frightened.

Adrenaline spiked in his chest. What could
have scared a seasoned soldier at this point during the
Apocalypse?

“Jim is dead,” the man wheezed before he had
been given permission to speak.

The man allowed him this one insult because
he was clearly worked up about something. But if it happened again,
his head would adorn the spikes outside his wall. He wouldn’t allow
insolence twice.

The spy realized his mistake and dropped his
gaze to the floor. A sign of respect.

A symbol of justified fear.

“Feeders or Mexicans?” he rasped through his
tortured vocal chords. His own ears hurt to hear the broken sound
of his voice. His men never reacted, though.

They knew the consequences of reacting.

“Neither,” the spy rushed to say. “By someone
new. Someone we’ve never seen before.”

Adrenaline now pounded his heart and
invigorated his withered muscles. “Did you hear a name?”

“No,” the spy promptly answered.

“Can you describe him?”

“It was dark. T-too dark. And I tried to stay
hidden otherwise they would’ve killed me too.”

“Then how do you know it was someone we’ve
never seen before?” His patience drew thin, a reedy weed that
threatened to snap the second this man said one more thing he
didn’t like.

“I could hear them. I could hear ‘em talking.
The man said that he knew you. Said he even looked like you.”

The adrenaline turned into a blazing fire
that burned through him. Matthias could feel it eating him alive on
the inside and his skin prickled with the memory of a different
fire, one that had destroyed his body and tried to take his
life.

He managed to keep his voice even when he
asked, “You said them.”

The spy nodded. “There was a girl too.”

“His sister?” Matthias asked.

“I-I don’t think so,” the spy answered. “But
maybe.”

No matter. One was enough. Matthias turned
back to the window.

The spy’s tentative voice broke through a
whole new train of thoughts. “Should I do something about
them?”

When Matthias’s lips curled into a smile, it
surprised even him. “Not right now,” he said. “Let the prodigal son
return home. Then we shall decide what to do with him.”

Episode Six

Chapter One

If I had to do it over again… I would change
nothing.

Not even the aftermath.

Okay, that’s a lie. I might change the
aftermath.

I would at least change this part of the
aftermath.

This part. Right here.

I knew why they brought me here. I could see
it in their shifty eyes and fidgeting hands. They thought they were
doing the right thing, but there was just no possible way any of us
would come out on the other side of this unscathed.

They were about to damage me.
Irreparably.

“Here’s the thing, Page…” Hendrix cleared his
throat for the third time and refused to lift his gaze from his
shoes. “The thing is… The thing about it is…”

Nelson nudged him with his elbow and took
over. “Page, I know this is confusing, but when a man loves a
woman-”

“Oh, my god.”

“Dude,” Hendrix laughed. “You can’t start
with that!”

Nelson glared at him. “Because you’re doing
such a stellar job?”

“At least I’m not-”

“Please stop,” I begged. They both dragged
their eyes to meet mine. They looked so awkward as they sat next to
each other on a beat up table I wasn’t sure could hold their
combined weight for much longer.

Hendrix folded his arms and grimaced. “There
are things you need to know, Page. There are things that… that we
have to tell you.”

“No,” I assured him, “you don’t.”

Nelson gathered some confidence and sat up
straighter. “I know it’s fun to…”

Oh, god. They’re not going to stop.

“Kiss,” Hendrix finished for him.

Nelson nodded and it looked painful. “Right.
Kiss. But sometimes… being young and human and… and… young… you
might not want to stop at kissing. You might be
compelled
to
do more than kiss.”

“Compelled?” Hendrix snickered.

“Shut up,” Nelson growled.

I jumped up from the pew I’d been sitting
cross-legged in. My brothers had brought me to this abandoned,
overgrown church for a talk, but I hadn’t realized it was going to
be
the talk
. I’d have found any excuse to avoid this had I
known it was coming.

Babysitting duty.

Dinner duty.

Laundry duty.

Zombie duty.

Jumping off the nearest cliff duty.

I would have seriously given them any excuse
to delay this epic awkwardness. “You have to stop,” I told them.
“Or I’m going to have to run away and find a different family to
live with. A family I can actually look in the eyes again.”

Hendrix frowned and I winced. He’d put on his
“dad” face. The one he gave his children when they were acting up.
The one he always used on me when he didn’t agree with my actions
or decisions. The one that meant,
I mean business
.

“Page, I know this is uncomfortable, but
there are things you need to know. Especially if I’m going to find
you and Miller making out every time we turn a corner.”

I ignored the sense of dread that spiraled
through me at his statement, turning it into healthy denial. “But I
already know those things,” I promised him. “Please don’t make me
run away. I like this family! I feel settled here. I feel like we
have a future, you know? Plus, it sounds like a lot of work to find
another one. I’m not sure I have the energy for it.”

“Stop being cute.” His frown deepened. “The
problem is… you
think
you know things. And it’s partly our
fault. We’re such awesome brothers that we’ve set you up with false
expectations for males around the world. But the truth is we
haven’t exactly been on top of your… education when it comes
to…”

Hendrix’s voice faded away and awkward
silence hung in the air.

Fine.

But they asked for it.

“Sex.” Someone had to say it. I didn’t want
to torture my brothers but… No, that was a lie. I totally wanted to
torture them. Especially after I’d had to suffer here for twenty
minutes while they worked up the courage to give me the most
awkward version of the birds and the bees talk
ever
.

Nelson dropped his head to hide his smile and
Hendrix’s frown evolved into a harsh slash against his face. He
looked ready to explode. Or melt. Or die.

Enjoying their reaction I couldn’t help but
push the issue. “Isn’t sex what you wanted to talk to me about? Sex
between a man and a woman?”

Hendrix shifted on the table and it groaned
in protest. “Yep.”

“Oh, then let’s talk about sex. Since you
brought me in here to talk about
sex
. I think we should talk
about it. Sex, that is. What do you want to tell me about
sex
? Go ahead, I’m listening. You can say anything you want
to about
sex
. I have tons of questions too. Questions about
sex, in case you were confused. We could probably talk about sex
for the next four hours. That’s how many questions I have. I hope
you have all of the answers. These questions I have about sex have
been burning a hole in my brain for years. Everything is just so
confusing. What goes where? And how exactly are babies made? I
mean, what is the exact process? Does it hurt? Is it supposed to
hurt? How badly does it hurt? And just so I have some frame of
reference, how many times a day can you-”

“Stop!” Hendrix practically shouted. “Dear
god, please stop.”

Nelson’s shoulders shook with laughter, but
he still refused to look up at me.

I smiled sweetly at Hendrix and raised my
eyebrows expectantly.

“You’re teasing us,” Hendrix finally
decided.

“I’m giving you a dose of your own medicine.
Do you have any idea what this has been like for
me
?”

His lips twitched. “I have some idea.” He ran
a hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. “So you already
know the basics?”

I almost laughed, but I held back. “You’re
about five years too late. Reagan, Haley and Tyler dropped this
bomb forever ago.”

They stared at me, mouths open, foreheads
furrowed.

“No, they didn’t,” Nelson argued.

“They did.” I finally let myself smile. “And
they did a way better job than you two.”

Nelson threw his hand to the side. “Haley
told me this was a good idea! She
encouraged
me to speak to
you!”

“Reagan, too,” Hendrix growled. “That lying
harpy.”

“I’m going to kill them,” I vowed.

“Not if I get there first,” Hendrix
countered.

My eyes snapped back to him. “What even
possessed you guys to think I would need the…
talk
now? I’m
almost nineteen.”

They turned a deeper shade of red and stared
at their feet. Hendrix cleared his throat. Again. And said, “I, uh,
I saw you with Miller before we left the Territories.”

“You what?”

“I saw you and Miller going at it in the
supply room.”

My voice reached an entirely new octave of
humiliation, “We weren’t
going at it
in the supply room! Oh,
my god, Hendrix!” The redness of my face was eclipsed only by the
blush covering his. “We were kissing! That’s it!”

Hendrix and Nelson shared a look that said
they didn’t believe me. If I’d thought I was mortified earlier, it
was nothing compared to this.

“You say that now,” Nelson began. “But you
don’t understand guys like we do. Today you’re kissing in the
supply closet, tomorrow you’re six months pregnant and craving
pickles and ice cream.”

“That is
not
how pregnancy works!”

Nelson shot me a superior look and said, “The
point is that it’s better to know what you’re getting into than
make mistakes you can’t come back from. Miller is a guy! He thinks
like a guy. Acts like a guy. Kisses like a guy. Which means when
he’s kissing you, he’s not really thinking about kissing you. He’s
thinking about the next thing after kissing you. And the thing
after that. And all the other things that go after that.”

I ground my teeth together so hard my jaw
hurt. “First of all, I know what I’m getting into.”
Lie
. I
didn’t have any clue what I was getting myself into. But I at least
had the physical stuff down. “Second, thank you for pointing out
Miller’s gender, but I’m pretty sure I’m familiar with it.” They
looked horrified again, so I immediately had to back track. “No,
not like that, you perverts. I just meant I’m well aware of his
guy-ness. But this thing with him, whatever it is, just started. We
know the risks. All the risks. And we’re not going to rush into
this without thinking everything through. Neither of us is ready
for a commitment or anything serious yet. We’re just… I don’t know…
we’re just feeling this out.”