Love and Decay (10 page)

“Feeling what out exactly?” Hendrix
demanded.

My blush deepened at least ten shades.
“
Us
,” I clarified. “We’re going slowly. Very, very
slowly.”

“Because neither of you is ready for a
commitment?” Nelson clarified by dragging his words out, clipping
each consonant and in general making me very nervous. “Or anything
serious.”

“Right.” His question was basically a repeat
of what I’d already said but somehow it sounded like a threat.

“And you’re okay with that? Because sometimes
when guys say they’re not looking for a commitment what they really
mean is that they don’t respect you enough to get serious with you
even though they want to fool around with you.” When my glare
turned murderous, he added, “I don’t think Miller’s like that. But
I just want to make sure you’re okay with this
mutual
decision.” His tone softened just a touch. “Be honest with us,
Page.”

“Of course I’m okay with that,” I told them.
“I’m the one that asked him to go slowly.” I turned away from them
to stare through the broken stained glass windows of the small
church we’d stumbled upon. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t
want to mess it up by jumping into something I’m not ready for.
Miller understands. He’s happy to give me space. And time.”

They glared at me.

“What?”

Hendrix turned to Nelson. “What is with the
women we know and their fear of commitment?”

Nelson snorted a laugh, “Speak for yourself.
Haley was more than happy to commit herself to me.”

“I don’t have a fear of commitment,” I
argued.

They ignored me. “What do expect, though?”
Nelson asked Hendrix. “Reagan and Tyler are two of the strongest
female influences in her life. Of course she’s going to be afraid
of commitment.”

Hendrix let out an overdramatic sigh. “You’re
right. I don’t know what I was thinking when I allowed her to speak
to those women. Page would have been better off if we’d ditched
them in Missouri.”

Now I knew he was just giving me a hard time.
Like Hendrix could have ever left Reagan somewhere. I wanted to
punch him for being so stupid.

“You’re probably right,” Nelson agreed
solemnly. “But the damage is done now. Poor Miller.”

“Poor Miller,” Hendrix commiserated.

I snorted. “I think I know why Reagan and
Haley hesitated. You two are idiots.”

Nelson grinned at me, “Haley never hesitated.
I think that makes only one of us an idiot.”

Hendrix barked out a laugh. “Maybe we should
ask Haley about that before we take away your idiot card willy
nilly.”

Nelson growled something profane and shoved
Hendrix off the table. Hendrix’s arms flailed and he tripped over
his feet, landing on his butt in an ungraceful heap. Nelson started
to laugh at him, but a sharp cracking sound split through the
echoing church. The unstable table legs had finally buckled beneath
my brothers’ weight and collapsed beneath them.

The top of the table dropped to the ground,
crushing the already broken legs beneath it. Nelson howled in
surprise and pain. Hendrix dissolved in laughter while Nelson
hurled curse words at Hendrix.

I took the opportunity to help them.

Just kidding. I got the hell out of
there.

I stepped into the warm afternoon air. The
sun hung high in the sky, beating relentlessly on the barren
landscape.

Even for my life, the scenery over the past
few weeks had been heavily on the desolate side. We’d stayed with
Diego and gathered our strength and muscle again. After our
Colombia exodus, we had been road-ravaged and beyond exhausted.
Diego’s had been a safe haven of sorts.

For the first time in our lives, we didn’t
have to worry about the constant threat of Feeders invading our
peace and destroying our happiness. Diego’s caging practices had
given us relief from the insistent fight and rest from never-ending
anxiety. It was nice.

Just for a little bit.

But it was also too easy to get sucked into
the perks of it. And it was way too easy to forget that on a moral
level, we didn’t agree with Diego.

We were a kill or set free kind of people. We
didn’t believe in capturing Zombies and using them for personal
gain. We didn’t believe in manipulating the disease to our
advantage and prolonging the Feeders’ suffering by forcing them to
eat at our will.

Even though Diego’s refuge had been near
nirvana for us, we couldn’t stay there forever because of this.
Despite his tempting invitation.

I had to admit that even I had thought about
it. After the last several months my determination to kill Matthias
Allen had become somewhat muted. I needed energy again and my
strength back. I needed a few weeks to wrap my head around the
battle I was about to face and get my priorities in order. So while
I didn’t agree with Diego’s methods, I did appreciate them for a
short time. And nobody could argue that they weren’t
successful.

Except for maybe the Feeders…

But we’d left the horde safely locked away in
their prisons. We’d left the Territories behind too. We were back
to being our small unit of family, scientists and Colombians. Plus
a few temporary additions.

Diego and a few of his men had decided to
accompany us across the border. They wanted to check out the Colony
for themselves. And I was pretty sure they were still making their
argument for us to stick with them.

My brothers were making the opposite
argument. Hendrix and Nelson wanted Diego to join forces with Luke
and work together to take out Matthias Allen.

Diego argued that he didn’t care what
happened to Matthias or the Colony as long as they didn’t interfere
with the Territories. We countered that Matthias was already
interfering with the Territories and it was only a matter of time
before he tried to invade.

Diego added that he had us to stop them.

We reasoned that it would be easier to defeat
Matthias if we had Diego’s armies on our side.

This was the point of the conversation where
Diego reminded us his armies fought better on home soil, so we
should stay with him and fight Matthias away from the protection of
the Colony cities and supplies.

And then it started all over again.

This had gone on for weeks. Reagan and my
brothers had debated this with Diego almost constantly. And it
never went anywhere. My family would never back down. And Diego was
just as stubborn and set in his ways as we were.

The problem was that we were right!

He just didn’t’ see it yet.

I was hoping once Diego met Luke, his opinion
would change. But only time would tell and the closer we got to
Luke’s base of operation, the more I doubted that Diego would stick
around.

At this point, though… it was hard for me to
care what Diego decided. We were close now. So close. I could see
America in the distance. I could make out the line of battered
fence that once ran along the border between the two countries. I
could feel the closeness of destiny… the ever-increasing weight of
this mission I’d declared as my fate.

Tingles shot down my arms as I looked at the
sun again, waiting for it to dip closer to the horizon. Soon.

Soon, I would step back into the country of
my birth.

Soon I would reclaim land that was intended
to be free. Land that was meant to offer hope and purpose and
liberty to all that stood on it and claimed it as theirs.

Soon, I would risk my own freedom to fight
for a people that deserved peace… deserved justice… deserved to
live outside of tyranny and oppression.

The American Dream, right??

Or so I was told.

I was too young to actually remember it, but
that idea… those principles, spoke to me. They called to some deep,
inner strength I didn’t know I had.

But the people that lived there now had
forgotten all of that. They’d given up those values to a dictator
that gave them the illusion of safety in return for all of their
hard work, possessions, dignity and freedom.

So even trade, right?

Wrong.

I was going to remind them of those values…
of those inherent principles. Or die trying.

Hendrix had once taught me the Pledge of
Allegiance. I cried. The words were so beautiful, so captivating.
And I couldn’t believe that they had once been true.

I was ten at the time and he’d found a
picture of the American flag in a book. He showed me how to put my
hand over my heart and then he said those incredible words, “One
nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for
all.”

Indivisible? Until the Zombies came.

Liberty? Until the Colony took over and
tyranny reigned.

Justice for all? Justice for no one.

Until now.

This was our mission. This was our fate. We
would bring America back to that glory. And if we couldn’t quite
reach that high precipice, then we would do what we could. But one
thing would be true, every man, woman and child would be free. Free
to fight. Free to live.

Free to… be.

“What are you thinking about?”

I turned to Miller and smiled even while I
had to squint at the sun. He saw my struggle and stepped closer,
casting his shadow over me. His hand skimmed over my shoulder, down
my arm and to my hand where our fingers intertwined before either
of us had made the conscious decision to move them.

“Tonight,” I told him. “Crossing the
border.”

“You think you’re ready?” His dark eyes moved
over me, taking in my renewed muscle and weight. We had all gotten
pretty skinny over the last few months; it was nice to have some
meat on my bones again.

“I have to be.”

His lips twitched. “That’s not exactly the
answer I was hoping for.”

I stared back at him, at this man that had
once been a boy. His muscles bulged beneath the too-small sleeves
of his t-shirt, his chest was chiseled beneath the same shirt, his
legs full of power and speed, trapped behind worn, holey jeans. His
dark hair tumbled in wild waves around his ears and collar and that
unusually long scruff that covered his jaw begged for my fingers to
touch. He was this incredible creature that had survived the very
worst this world had thrown at him.

And somehow… for some reason he liked me.

I had told my brothers I didn’t want a
commitment because I wanted things to go slowly. But the truth was
Miller terrified me. He was too much. Too intense. Too compelling.
Too alluring. Too male. Too dark. Too dangerous. Just… too…

“Page,” he chuckled, low and deep… a rumble
from the center of his chest. “Where do you keep disappearing
to?”

“Hmm?”

His fingers tapped the underside of my chin.
I looked up at him and that dark gaze held me in place. I couldn’t
look away if I wanted to. “You’re lost in your head today.”

“I have a lot to think about,” I answered
defensively.

“Luke?”

The name jarred me out of the hypnotized
stupor I’d fallen into. “What?”

“Are you thinking about Luke?” Miller
clarified.

I had trouble making sense of his words. I’d
been lost in thoughts of him and his lips and the dangerous
emotions I felt burning through me whenever he was around. “Why
would I be thinking about Luke?”

He cocked his head, looking as confused as
me. “You said you were thinking about crossing the border. I
thought that meant you were actually thinking about seeing Luke
again.”

“No,” I laughed. “I was thinking about
actually
crossing the border. I was imaging what it would be
like to climb the fence tonight and step back onto American soil
again.”

His lips spread into an amused smile and I
cherished the moment. He smiled so little… I couldn’t help but
covet this smile. I had put it there… He looked like that because
of me.

“Of course you were,” he sighed.

His words sent another jolt of defensiveness
zinging through me. “What does that mean?”

He leaned in, filling my senses with his
scent… with his warmth. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck
and press my lips against his. Except my brothers were finally
exiting the church, covered in dust and debris, and I did not want
a repeat of their sex education class. Never again.

“It means, Page Parker,” he started, wrapping
his arms around my waist and taking the choice away from me. Not
that I was complaining. My hands fell to his chest so I could enjoy
the ripple of restrained strength hidden there. “It means that you
can be a touch single-minded when it comes to assassinating my
father. I’m not sure if I should be grateful or concerned.”

I moved my hands over his chest and watched
his eyes darken with the same primal fire I felt searing through
me. “Concerned for me? Or Matthias?”

“Maybe both,” he chuckled. “I’m obviously
concerned for you. I hate this whole thing. But a small part of me
wants to pity Matthias, too. He has no idea the judgment that is
about to punch him in the face.”

I tore my eyes from Miller’s chest and gave
him my most serious stare. “In all honesty, I can’t wait to
actually punch him in the face. I’ve been working my whole life for
that exact moment.”

Miller’s head tipped back and laughter
exploded out of him. I laughed too, unable to not join the happy
sound. It was beautiful.

He was beautiful.

His hands tightened around me, crushing me to
his chest, even while he shook with laughter. I pressed my cheek
against his heartbeat, loving the feel of him laughing against me.
I blinked up at the hot sun and decided this was one of the most
beautiful moments of my life.

I had never felt like this before… I had
never known you
could
feel like this before now!

Miller reached into some hidden place inside
of me and brought it to life. By just being near me I felt more
alive… more meaningful… more important… like I had more inside me
too. More energy. More happiness.