Lost Dreams (9 page)

Remy was being the nicest friend to me. He was always helping me and giving advice. His presence in my life became one of the most important relationships I had. We had built a great chemistry, we understood each other. We connected. Sometimes, I would catch him looking at me, as if he was blindsided. He was the best at making me feel special. Carter was doing it too, but he was more like a protector. I was his precious diamond which he didn’t want to lose, while Remy was the one treating me good and always complimenting me. There wasn't a big difference between the two men, but there was one.

After that deployment, I knew I would spend the rest of my life with Carter. We finally made love for the first time. I didn’t know where I had found the strength to wait all this time. We were love birds, nobody could separate us.

I loved him so much.

I was slowly awakened by the sun peeking into my room. I felt relaxed and happy. My mind was no longer playing tricks on me and I was able to sleep and have good dreams. Some of them were just a reminder of my life. Events that I liked to revisit once in a while.

My phone rang, making me flinch. I got up as fast as I could and ran to the kitchen where I had left the phone. I answered.

''Avery, you sound out of breath.'' Carter's laugh made my insides melt.

''Babe, how are you doing?''

''I’m good. Everything is doing well here. What about you?''

''I dropped Megan's mother at the airport this morning and when I got back I went back to bed. I just woke up.'' I laughed shyly.

He laughed too. ''It's okay, Ave. Enjoy it because you won't get much sleep when I’m back.''

I blushed ten shades of red. ''Oh really? What do you have in mind?''

''You, it's all I have in mind. I wanna do things to you.'' He paused. ''I miss you, baby.''

‘‘We’re getting closer to your return. I can't wait to have you back. There is so much I want to do.''

''Are you being naughty now, or just talking in general?''

''Oh My God! Carter, I think you're being silly. You know I want you and I can't wait to make love to you, but there's also so many other things I want to do.''

''I know, I’m just giving you a hard time.'' He laughed again.

''You know I miss you in that way, right?'' I asked shyly.

''I do. It's impossible for me not to think about it.''

This conversation wasn't doing me any good. I just wanted him back now more than ever. Sex was something I was trying my hardest not to think about. I missed him and missed feeling him close to me, he was always very good when it came to pleasing me. It was never about him, he was selfless, and it was always for me.

I loved the feel of his toned back beneath my fingers and how muscular his ass was. I had a thing for his tattoo. It made him look like a bad boy, only I knew he wasn't.

''Avery?''

Carter surprised me while I was daydreaming. ''Sorry, I was... I... I can't wait to have you back,'' I rambled, blushing heavily.

He laughed out loud. ''Were you distracted by our little conversation, Mrs. Lewis?''

''I was.'' He'd caught me out and he loved it.

''I think about you and me, our honeymoon, all the time, baby. It’s okay.''

We talked for a long time, our longest call so far. He was being very clear about his intentions on the night of his return. He had ideas in mind and he shared them with me. It was a hot and spicy conversation.

''I'll take you in the shower first, and I'm gonna push you against the wall. I'll start by kissing you. I miss your lips, your smile and the taste of our kisses.'' I slumped onto a chair, he was making me weak at the knees and my mind was overflowing with his descriptions. ''And then, I'll lift you up, place your legs around my hips and make love to you under the warm spray of the shower.'' My eyes were wide open and my heart was beating fast. I wanted this, what he was suggesting, right now. I could hear the guys in the background, and I had no idea how he could stay so serious and into it.

''Carter, this is so hot and exactly what I need. Come back to me, babe.'' I begged.

''I’m coming home soon, baby, we just need to be patient.'' He was right, we had to be patient. ''I love you, Avery Lewis.''

''I love you too, Carter.''

We hung up and I felt my heart break. Missing him wasn’t enough of an explanation to describe how I felt. I had a big hole in my world without him, he was all I needed.

I was still sitting trying to gain control of my emotions and needs when Megan came in with Juliet. I was flustered and in need of a long, cold shower.

''Hey there! You look like a mess.''

I tried to fix my hair. ''Thanks for the honesty.''

''What have you been up to?'' Megan asked curiously.

''Carter called and uh, well, it was a pretty steamy phone call.''

Her eyes were about to come out of their sockets. She covered Juliet's ears. ''Did you have phone sex?'' she whispered.

I laughed in embarrassment. ''No, but it came pretty damn close.''

''Tell me everything.'' Her enthusiasm was overwhelming.

''I don't think it's a good idea. We'll talk about it during Juliet's nap time.''

"Right!'' She bit her lip and kept her eyes on me. ''That’s not fair, you know that.''

We both laughed. Being an army wife wasn't always the easiest thing in the world but I felt comfortable enough to talk about everything with Megan. It made everything better. She had a lot more experience than me around here. While I was defending and fighting for our country, she had been pregnant and raising her daughter. We had different pasts, but with our present situation being so similar, we got along well.

When nap time came, she hadn't forgotten and asked for every little detail. We laughed and enjoyed the steamy conversation.

''Patrick always tries to keep it sweet. He is such a gentleman.''

''Carter always does what he wants, he's a bit of a rebel.''

''We'd noticed. It's probably what makes him fearless.''

''Yeah, probably.'' I thought about her words and I had to admit, I wasn't too sure how fearless he was this time around.

Megan looked at me, could tell I wasn't convinced. ''What are you thinking about?''

It took me a few seconds to come up with the right answer. ''There's no doubt that I believe Carter has what it takes to be in the Special Forces. This is what he always wanted and he's trained really hard for it, but this deployment seems different for him. He's not going to admit it, let alone say it, but I think he regrets going.''

She nodded. ''I recall you saying he'd been having a hard time.''

''Yeah.'' My voice was low.

''I thought he was doing better lately?'' I knew she wasn't trying to push me, she just wanted to understand.

''He's doing better than when he first got there. Somehow, I don't think that fire for the missions is burning inside of him anymore.''

''You guys just got married. He wants to spend time with his new wife. Special Forces or not, behind all the guns and uniforms, he's a man and he wants to be with you.''

What she had just said made so much sense. Megan was right, we were newlyweds. Our honeymoon only lasted for two nights. My eyes were brimming with tears and a smile lifted my lips. ''He misses me and I miss him. I can't wait for us to be together again.''

''Soon, Avery, we just need to stay strong. That’s why we have each other.''

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T
o: Carter Lewis

From: Avery Lewis

Date: 11/02/2007

Subject: RE: Hey husband!

A little less than two months and you'll be back home! Aren’t you excited?

I already have your Christmas present wrapped. I know, I’m crazy. I just can't wait to see you.

How is everything doing for you? Are you safe? Is anyone hurt?

Megan told me that you guys had a rough mission two days ago. Are you okay? I hoped that you would call. I was a bit worried yesterday. I figured if something had happened to you, someone would have contacted me.

I know how hard it can be for you over there. I've been there too. I know you can't really talk about it, but if there is something I can do for you, please tell me. I want to help and be there for you.

I love you to the moon and back.

Ave xxx...xxx...xxx

(Your shining little star)

Her emails was full of worry, but I still thought she was cute. We had a very tough mission the other night. We were shot at by the Iraqis. None of us was seriously injured but we'd gotten scared. Remy was winged by a bullet on his shoulder.

Since then, Remy had been acting differently. I think he got a fright. The guy had probably been aiming for his heart, but Remy had been on the move, so he’d been an unstable target. He still got hurt but it's nothing compared to what could have happened. I didn’t even want to think about it.

Despite my best intentions, I couldn't keep the incident out of my mind. There was no way I could see my life without him by my side. He'd had a close call but he was safe and the injury was minor. He would probably have a scar, one that I was certain he would be proud of. I could imagine him telling the story to his grand-kids in the future.

Now, I felt bad because Ave has been worried yesterday. I should have called her, I'd been too preoccupied with Remy and the mission, trying to figure out what we could have done differently to avoid the firefight. Yesterday was a long and stressful day, not one I would want to repeat.

After my workout, I called Avery and told her everything that I was allowed to repeat. Our conversation had some pretty heavy restrictions. I hated myself when I she began to cry. She was worried about us, Remy and me. She knew the realities, this was no picnic, we were in an insecure zone, doing a dangerous job. We had to be smart about our every move and for the most part we were doing a fucking good job of it.

I promised her Remy was fine and he would contact her as soon as possible. We didn’t talk for very long because she had made plans with Megan. Apparently they were having a girly day. I had no clue what that meant, but knowing she was having fun meant the world to me. She seemed happy and a lot of the change was because of her new friend. I was appreciative of Megan in that regard.

When we said our goodbyes, she'd stopped crying. Her emotions were under better control and I'd even heard her laugh which made me happier. She kept telling me how much she loved me and I kept trying to convince her I loved her more. We acted like teenagers but we were enjoying it.

I was always sad to say goodbye to my wife. I missed her like I had never missed anyone before.

~~~*~~~

B
efore we sat down to supper, I ordered a ring for Avery online. She already had her wedding ring, but I wanted to give her an eternity ring. I found one made of white gold with purple amethysts decorating the gold. I asked Patrick if I could have the ring delivered to his house, to keep it secret from Avery. It was my Christmas present to my wife. Purple was her favorite color and had the added significance of being my birth stone. I couldn’t think of a better gift and I knew she would love it. She had tried on similar rings when we went shopping for the wedding rings.

''Lewis, we've got to head out now. We've got news regarding a possible attack.'' William led me towards the rest of our team. "We're heading over to the planning room.”

We spent five hours straight, planning our mission. Our intelligence people were working on every detail. We had to keep control of the situation and make sure nobody got hurt. We were not here to hurt the Iraqi people, we wanted to protect them. Unfortunately, sometimes we had to defend ourselves from insurgents who wanted nothing more than to force us out of the country.

My heart was pounding with excitement and adrenaline. This was why I loved my job, I never knew what was coming my way but at the end of the day, I was ready for anything we had to deal with. We had the power, will and knowledge to complete every mission successfully.

This was my life - the Army and my wife were the two most important things. Every night, it seemed my prayers were answered as I asked for protection. I wanted to fight like I'd been trained to and make the world a better place. Most importantly, I wanted to return to my beloved wife.

That was all I prayed for.

I went to bed that night satisfied with myself. I was proud of who I was and who I had become. I was thankful for Remy being here with me and alive. It was one of those night where I reflected on my life and I was damn happy about it.

Our patrol went as planned, we controlled the situation with ease. None of us were hurt and I was thankful for that small mercy.

Nothing felt better than being proud of myself.

I
had no idea when he was coming home exactly, but I knew it would be before Christmas Eve. I had to wait another eight days or less until I could see my Carter again. I was so nervous, in a good way. I wanted his arrival to be special, to have the house perfectly decorated. I'd purchased cinnamon-scented candles which perfumed the house and I'd bought him new clothes for the holidays which complimented my new clothes. It was going to be our time together. Our first Christmas as husband and wife.

I wanted to get back to where we had started. Our honeymoon was much too short. I'd bought massage oils and I had replaced our boring white bed sheets with romantic reds. We wanted to start our family as soon as possible. It was our main goal for the New Year. I knew he only had a few days off before he had to go and start further training.

We had been discussing if he was going to continue in the Special Forces or consider retiring. He wasn't sure yet. I assumed we would talk more about his options while he was home. Carter had mentioned leaving the Army before, but he had to make a final decision on his return. I was determined to give him the option of choosing what was best for him. I knew how hard the subject was to talk about in our recent phone calls. Carter didn’t seem sure about anything. I thought he might need a break from everything before he'd be able to process his thoughts.