Lost Dreams (21 page)

I needed time to adjust to the transition from being Carter’s wife, to being Remy’s girlfriend. Not a day passed without me thinking about Carter, mourning that he’d died when I was so close to having him back. All my needs, my dreams with him were left unrealized and it was hard to deal with.

With Remy, I'd always loved him. Our relationship had been one of good friends, but I’d always needed him and missed him when he was away. He was responsible for bringing so many good things into my life, even though I was with Carter.

Now it was easy to imagine myself with him, because my feelings for him had changed. I needed him in a different way, more intimately and I had a strong desire to spend my life with him. I knew he would always be good to me and if Carter had an opinion, he would probably agree, because he’d trusted Remy enough to know he wasn't going to mistreat me or treat what we were building together as something frivolous. Remy respected me, he always had and I trusted him implicitly.

At the moment, being with Remy made me nervous, but in a good way. His touches set off a flurry of butterflies in my stomach, and I needed time to get used to the changes in our relationship. I found myself blushing often, every time I felt his eyes on me, his gaze unsettling. He made it apparent he wanted me, his desire was a tangible link between us. Whilst Carter had loved me very much, with Remy, everything was different, a stronger, more powerful link between us.

Most nights, we cooked dinner together and every minute we spend together helps to fill the void in my heart. Remy's patience and devotion was slowly healing my broken heart and his cooking abilities were winning my stomach. He could cook brilliantly and it continually surprised me, for someone who'd lived alone for most of his life.

Remy was still seeing the doctor almost daily. The damage caused by the bullet was severe and still extremely painful. I didn’t like seeing him in so much pain, he had prescribed painkillers, but refused to take them unless the pain was unbearable. I tried convincing him to take them for his own good, but it was a lost cause.

Because of the head injury, the doctor’s had shaved half of Remy’s hair off. I’d tried fixing it with clippers, but there wasn’t much we could do to improve things until it grew back in a little. He hid it, usually wearing a hat or a beanie and god, he was so hot! It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him wearing a hat but I’d never seen him with a beanie before. It gave him a bad-boy-cum-skater-boy look, which I adored.

Of course, I took some photos. I was getting pretty good with the camera and I was proud of myself. I printed one of the photos of him wearing the beanie and placed it on the nightstand beside my bed. I had no intentions of spending a night in the house without him, but having his photo next to my bed was a comfort. I could look at it in the morning when I woke up, and it was the last thing I saw when I went to sleep at night. On my days off, we liked going hiking in nearby parks and I always had my camera at the ready, taking photos of the landscape and of course, some candid shots of Remy.

Our days were filled with smiles and laughter, we never argued and I loved this about our growing relationship. We liked holding hands while taking walks and sometimes, he would kiss my temple or the top of my head. My feelings for him were getting stronger each time, I really liked him, and maybe I was even falling in love with him.

''Do you want to watch a movie and make out?'' I asked him one afternoon.

He laughed out loud. ''Are we back to being horny teenagers?''

I chuckled. ''I guess we are. I need to cuddle next to you. I really missed you while I was at work today.'' It was never easy to leave home now Remy was here.

''Oh, really? Should I take my shirt off, or leave it on?''  Remy’s voice was teasing, but desire flared in his eyes.

I blushed heavily. ''Do what you want, soldier, just get your ass over here.” I opened my arms to him and seconds later, I had him lying next to my heart.  He’d removed his shirt and he was kissing me passionately. He’d never been the type of guy who would make me wait, he’d always been good about giving me exactly what I wanted. As I enjoyed the feel of his lips against mine, I knew exactly what I wanted, was him.

We spent the night together in a romantic embrace and my need for him grew bigger than ever.

S
ex! I waited longer than I thought I would, before I first made love to her. We finally did it for the first time a couple of days ago and it was magical. She said so, too.

She told me the last time she’d had sex with Carter was during their honeymoon, so it kind of made it hard for me to make love to her, even though I craved being with her. Dead or alive, Carter would always be my best friend and I knew I was in love with his wife. I wasn’t stupid, I knew this would be an emotional moment for Avery, difficult for her to cope with. The situation we’d found ourselves in wasn't the best of circumstances, but we were slowly adjusting. I knew letting me make love to her would be a huge step for Avery to take, so I did my best to make her feel desired and loved and comfortable. I worshiped her naked body, her curves, loved the feel of her skin against mine. It felt perfect.

Earlier in the morning, we’d visited a nice house in Fayetteville, which was available to rent. I really liked the house, it felt like a home. It was freshly painted, with two bedrooms upstairs, and a nice kitchen which was open to the living room. The yard was great, surrounded by trees and little birds twittered in the sunlight. There was enough space to put a table, chairs and a BBQ grill on the patio. Avery could barely sit still after we’d visited, she wanted to move in straight away. After we’d looked around the property for a second time, we told the landlord we were interested in renting the house. First, she made sure our credit was good, but we knew our credit score wasn’t going to be a problem. We both felt like we had a good chance to get approved. Besides, the lady said she was honored to have veterans in her house and she seemed to really like us. I knew right away that the house would be ours. She also told us that we could have the possibility of buying the house later on, which thrilled both of us.

When we got back home, Ave was more than excited about the house. She was already deciding on where to put our furniture and she mentioned wanting a wall with tons of framed photos of us. I liked the idea and knew photography was becoming a huge passion for her.

Megan was supposed to be stopping by after dinner, and Ave was excited to tell her about the house. Avery also planned on telling her about us being together and that was making her nervous.  She didn’t know how Megan would react.

Meanwhile, I only had one thing on my mind and I hoped she wouldn’t protest. I wanted to spend time with Avery, take the opportunity to relax a bit. She looked so tense and nervous about securing the house and talking to Megan, and I knew exactly what to do to calm her down.

''Avery, come here, sweets.'' I opened my arms and she cuddled into me with a contented sigh. ''I don't like you being all tensed up like this. Calm down, it’ll be fine. Don’t you worry.''

She closed her baby blue eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. Avery was so damn cute sometimes. ''I just hope that we get the okay for the house and I hope Megan will be fine with us.''

''Look at me, Avery. I'm not worried. We’re good together, life is great with us right now. Everything will be fine. I can promise you that.''

She chuckled. ''You can't, but thanks for reassuring me anyway.'' She kissed my lips and then looked me in the eyes. She hadn’t said that she loved me, but I knew there were times where she was on the verge of saying the words. I thought she really was going to say it at that moment, but she didn’t.

I started massaging her shoulders hoping it would help her relax. It took her ten minutes to finally begin to settle down, her shoulders were so stiff with tension. When I felt her relax more, I proceeded with a back massage. Avery was a very ticklish girl, she couldn’t help her giggles and I thought it was so damn cute. Lowering my hands to the small of her back, I pushed down the waistband of her jeans and ideas started rolling through my mind. All the things I wanted with her, how much more I wished to get to know her and how attracted I was to her body. I’d spent ten years being her good friend, Soldier, but I wanted to be the one she could confide in. It would take time, but I knew I could understand her better than anyone else, and the same thing went for her. We shared similar scars. Some that nobody would know about, apart from us. Battle scars were visible to everyone, but we shared the psychological scars of war, and the scars of lost dreams as well.

''Remy, come closer,'' she whispered, and I did what I was told. ''Kiss me, please.''

Kissing her was never a hard task, it was the first thing I did every single morning when I woke up. Kissing her to ensure she had a good day, and also kissing her good night. I was going to keep my promises, to always make sure she was happy.

I kissed her lips and pulled her to me, she sat on my lap and held me around the waist. Her kisses diverted to my chin, across my jaw and finally ended on the lobe of my ear. ''It feels so good to be here, in your arms, Remy.'' Her soft voice sent me directly to heaven. She was happy with me, of that I had no doubt.

''I don’t want to spend another day of my life without you, Avery.''

She sighed and took the time to really absorb what I'd just told her. I needed her, so much.

''Jeremy.'' She used my full name, not just my nickname. ''I love you.''

My heart skipped a beat and the blood drained from my face. ''What?''

She chuckled. ''You heard me, smart ass.''

''Say it again, sweets. You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear those words.''

Avery smiled shyly. ''I love you, Jeremy.''

''And I love you, Avery.'' My life was now complete. I had her heart and it felt so freaking good. I lifted her chin up, so she would look me in the eyes. ''I love you, Avery, and I will keep telling you that, every day of your life.''

She smiled and her eyes were swimming in a sea of tears. I was on the verge of crying happy tears myself. For ten years I’d been hopelessly in love with her and finally, she was mine.

She kissed me again but this time, I didn’t let her go. I pulled her closer to me, if it was even possible, and we made out on the couch for ages, hugging, kissing and touching one another. We were acting like teenagers, but nothing was going to stop us, not even the phone which rang at least a dozen times. I don’t think Avery even noticed, she was focused and holding me with such intensity.

We ended up in our bedroom and I made love to her for the very first time, pouring all my love and passion into this woman whom I’d wanted for so very long. I let go of every fear, knowing she was finally mine to love. Mine.

We stayed under the covers, staring into each other’s eyes, for a long time. Her eyes were different, I could see a light in them which had been missing for a while. I hoped I was the reason behind it. God, she was so pretty. Her pink cheeks, her luscious lips and her baby blue eyes, all of these things were now mine to cherish. ''You are so beautiful, sweets.''

She blushed again and chuckled. ''Why do you call me sweets?''

I smiled at her. ''Because you’re a sweetheart, you taste sweet and I love sweets.''

Her cheeks turned bright red this time, even as she rolled her eyes at me. ''You really have it hard for me, don't you?''

I laughed. ''You have no idea, Avery... Hmmm. I mean sweets. Now come here and kiss me one last time before we go back to reality. You need to shower before Megan gets here, and I need to check who called while we were busy.''

''Someone called?''

I was right, she hadn’t heard the phone ringing. ''Yeah, hopefully it’s the landlord calling about the house.''

She rushed out of bed and ran to the phone to see who had called. ''It’s her, Remy! It’s her!''

''Okay, Speedy Gonzales, now go take your shower before Megan gets here and sees you butt naked and I'm going to call the landlord.''

''You are so bossy, sometimes.''

I spanked her behind, not too hard, just enough to sting a little. ''Yep, and you like it.''

She laughed and locked herself in the bathroom. I brushed a hand across my face, wondering if this was real, or an extremely pleasant dream. My mind couldn’t believe what had happened in the past few hours. Avery really loved me, and she’d finally said it.

I called the lady and as I’d expected, we were approved as tenants and could move in two weeks from now. This was good news, very good news. I liked Avery’s house, but it wasn’t my place. It was Carter's. As much as I was trying to convince myself it was okay to be living here, I was unable to feel completely comfortable with the situation. Maybe if I didn’t know Carter, it would have been different, but I’d been in this house when they were together and it felt all wrong to be sharing the house with Avery, now Carter was gone.

Avery came out of the bathroom, her body barely hidden beneath a small towel and her hair still wet. She had droplets of water running down her shoulders. In moments like this, what I loved about Avery was that she had no idea how hot and desirable she was. ''So?''

''It’s ours!'' She screamed so loud it hurt my ears and then she ran to me, the towel forgotten on the floor as she jumped into my arms, butt naked. It was hilarious, Avery was such a goofball sometimes.

''We got it, we got it! It’s real now Remy, it’s real!'' she exclaimed. ''We'll be able to start afresh and arrange the house the way we both want it!''

Seeing her so happy made me smile and the fact that she was completely naked was an added bonus. ''It’s something I think we both needed. Now go get dressed, before things get out of control.''

She grabbed her towel from the floor, and twisted her hair into it on her way back to the bathroom. A couple of seconds later, I could hear her singing some of her favorite songs from Lana Del Rey. Singing while getting herself ready was part of her routine, and I loved every moment of it. Ave wasn’t the best singer, but the singing helped her start her day. It was therapeutic.