Lost Dreams (7 page)

''Remy, come here,'' I yelled.

''What's up?'' Remy appeared at the end of my bunk, probably wondering why I was shouting at him so urgently.

''Are you ready to see my new wife?''

He hesitated for a few seconds. ''What do you mean, your new wife?''

I handed him the close-up and two other photos. I kept the sexy ones for myself. Obviously.

''Wow!'' He looked at each of them. ''What happened? No more huge t-shirts and jeans?'' We laughed. ''She looks so small,'' he added.

''Yeah, she looks like she lost twenty pounds. Avery was a real beauty, I was a lucky man.

''Time better fly fast, because I bet you're really missing her now.'' Remy waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

''You're an idiot.'' He studied the close-up one more time before he handed them back to me. ''Tell her I said she looks great,'' he said. ''I’m going to try and get some sleep now.''

It was a struggle to fall asleep because all I could think about was Avery. I needed to feel close to her.

I kissed her picture and whispered "I love you," before I put the photos into my safe spot under my bunk.

It was hours later when I woke up, and I automatically started my exercise routine including push-ups, sit ups and weights. I had to keep in shape, it was important to me and it made my job easier. I had a debrief scheduled with the team to go over what happened last night. We had been attacked, but we'd been able to respond to the attack effectively.

I was proud to be in the Special Forces. This had been my dream when I was a little boy. Defending the honor of my country was what my life was about. ‘Death before Dishonor’ was my creed. I didn’t only get the tattoo for fun. It was a statement about my whole life.

T
oday was our one month Wedding Anniversary.

I was celebrating alone and it was okay. I made banana pancakes and a bowl of fresh strawberries in plain yogurt. It was Carter's favorite. I wished I could spend the day with him but I knew my yearning couldn’t be answered.

Halfway through breakfast, someone knocked at the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone, I hadn’t showered and my hair was in a mess. I didn’t want to open the door.

After the person knocked a second time, I decided I'd have to answer. It might be important.

''Mrs. Lewis?''

''Yes?''

''Here, these are for you.'' He handed me a huge bouquet of pink roses.

''Thank you!''

I closed the door and studied the roses. They smelled wonderful and were so beautiful. There was a small card attached to the wrapping.

A rose for each day I've spent away from you. You are so beautiful. I love you. Carter xxx

I had tears in my eyes. He'd found a way to have flowers delivered and I was deeply touched and emotional. He'd made the day so special. He was my best friend in the world and the best husband in the universe.

I tried to finish breakfast but I had butterflies dancing in excitement throughout my whole body. I just couldn’t eat anything more.

I danced into the shower and sang at the top of my lungs. I was being ridiculous but I was in love. I couldn’t wait to tell Megan. She was becoming my confidante and a very good friend.

She had transformed my life. I had so much excess energy that I vacuumed the whole house. I did the laundry and the dishes which had piled up on the counter. I placed the roses in a vase on the kitchen table and even took a photo of the bouquet.

Someone knocked at my door again, but this time, I could hear an urgency in it. I rushed to the door and found Megan holding Juliet in her arms.

''I have to go to the hospital. Can you come with me? I’m freaking out. Juliet has a really high fever and her breathing is getting worse by the hour.''

''Oh, my God. Let me get my bag.'' She waited outside while I locked the door. ''Do you want me to drive?''

''Please. I want to keep an eye on her.''

''Let's go.”

I drove as fast as I possibly could. Megan was sitting on the back seat with her feverish daughter. Juliet was so pale and limp, she wasn’t the same little girl I'd gotten to know.

She wasn't even my child and I was worried about her. I didn’t know a lot about kids but the look on her small face was enough for me to know that something was seriously wrong.

When we got to the Emergency Room, Megan begged the receptionist to have Juliet examined immediately. She was crying and begging for any available doctor to examine her baby girl.

A nurse who heard Megan pleading with the receptionist came and took Juliet's temperature. She listened to her lungs before advising the receptionist to find a doctor. She was speaking calmly, but I could tell from the worried look in her eyes that the situation was serious.

The nurse took Juliet and placed her on a gurney. Megan was panicking and it was completely understandable. I was trying my hardest to stay calm, Megan needed me and it wouldn't help if I fell apart.

Two minutes later, the doctor arrived and proceeded with a physical examination.

"How long has she had a fever?" he asked.

"She woke up in the middle of the night and said she was cold, but she was already feverish. I gave her acetaminophen and it dropped her temperature down after about half an hour. When I woke up this morning, she was still asleep, so I decided to let her rest. She woke up at 10a.m. and her temperature had gone up again."

"She has difficulties breathing, her lungs don't sound clear. She might have a lung infection. We need to run some tests. An X-ray of her lungs will help us determine the reason for her condition."

Megan looked at me as if she was seeking my approval, and I answered her unspoken question "I don’t think we have a choice here, Megan."

"Okay. When will you be able to do the X-ray?"

“As soon as possible.”

After that, everything went quickly. They organized the X-rays and when they got the results, the Doctor spoke with Megan. They had to give Juliet oxygen because her oxygen levels were too low. She had a lung infection and was going to be kept in the hospital for a few days.

At first, they thought she had a pneumonia but now they were going in a different direction. Her condition was serious and she needed antibiotics in order to clear her airways. I wanted to stay there with Megan and give her my support. Juliet was fast asleep, an effect of the medication she'd been given. She looked like a little angel lying on the bed.

Megan was lost in thought as she watched over her little girl. I didn’t want to distract her and thought she might need some time to be alone. I quietly left the room and went in search of the cafeteria to buy snacks and coffee. I truly hated hospitals, everything felt so impersonal and the whole place smelled like hand sanitizer. After my stay in hospital after my injury, I'd sworn I'd never enter another one, but this was different. My new friend needed me. Her husband was away, she had to deal with this situation alone and I wanted to give her the support she needed.

I returned to Juliet's room with a couple of containers of fruit salad, packets of cookies and coffee. Megan had fallen asleep next to the bed, her head resting on the mattress. I sat in the chair by the wall and waited quietly for her to wake up again.

While I waited, I listened to the steady hum of conversation in the corridor. There were a lot of action around the ward. I heard nurses and doctors talking just outside the door and realized they were discussing Juliet. I thought they might be about to come in.

As predicted, they walked in and went directly to Juliet's side. Megan woke at the sound of their voices and looked disorientated as she glanced around, trying to get her bearings.

''How is she doing?'' the Doctor asked.

‘‘She’s been sleeping since she had the medication. Her breathing seems better.''

''Yes, it does, but we'll still need to keep her under observation for another forty-eight hours.''

While the Doctor and Megan were talking, the nurse took Juliet's temperature and checked her blood pressure. She made careful notes on the clipboard which had been hooked on the end of the bed. ''Her fever has reduced, but her temperature is still higher than normal.''

The doctor and nurse continued to discuss Juliet's condition, but I got overwhelmed by all the medical jargon. It reminded me of how I'd felt when I woke up for the first time in the hospital after the bombing. All I could hear was the medical staff, discussing my condition. I could barely see, my vision was blurry and the pain in my head was unbearable, but I remembered looking up to find them all watching me like I was some sort of freak.

I was brought back to reality and Juliet's hospital room when I heard Megan calling my name.

''Avery, are you okay?'' she asked me with a look of concern.

I nodded and tried to get my head together. ''Yes, I’m sorry. I’m okay.'' I took a few seconds to force myself to relax, my body had tensed as I processed the memories.

Megan repeated everything the doctor had said, which confirmed that Juliet's condition was already a lot better than when we'd arrived.

''I’m going to spend the night here. You can go home and sleep in your own bed.''

''No, I'll stay with you. You can sleep and I'll watch over Juliet. I'm used to being up for long hours and at night. You need to rest.''

''No... I can't let you do that.''

''Of course you can.''

She looked at me, astonished. She was probably expecting me to go home for the night. But I felt a responsibility to do it. She was exhausted, I could see it in her eyes. Her skin looked pale too. She had dealt with a lot of stress today. I could catch up on my sleep tomorrow, it wasn’t a problem.

''I’m going to get you dinner later and I'll buy your coffees for the night,'' she offered.

''It's not necessary,'' I laughed. ''Staying up all night was part of my daily life for years. I don't need coffee. Staying awake comes naturally to me.''

''I have to tell you something. At first, when I heard that you were going to stay here while Carter is deployed, it made me nervous. You intimidated me. You seemed so strong, independent and serious. Before Carter left, he asked me to keep an eye on you. He told me that despite your tough facade, you were an amazing woman, generous and funny. He wanted me to look after you because he feared you were going to be lonely.''

Hearing what Carter had told her touched me and Megan's admission was humbling.

She continued. ''The first time I knocked on your door, my hands were sweaty and I was relieved when I heard your music blasting, because I knew you wouldn’t hear me. When I returned home, I felt bad, though.'' I could see the embarrassment in her face. ''But when I finally saw you, I was relieved and when we started talking I knew that you were everything Carter had said. I'm proud to call you my friend.''

''I’m proud to call you my friend and I’m more than happy to help you and your daughter. We're both away from our loved ones. We have to support one another.''

She got up and gave me a hug. It wasn't a meaningless embrace, rather, it represented everything girlfriends shared. Friendship, love, kindness and respect. She was my first female friend in years. I knew we were getting along before, but the events of today had changed everything.

She was basically raising her daughter by herself. She made it look easy but I knew that it wasn't. She needed to know I was there for her. Now and always.

I
was following the fourth member of our team into the back street behind an abandoned building. We had been advised of the presence of danger. The night was terribly dark, and I was thankful for the night vision equipment. This area was actually giving me the creeps. The building was three stories high and some sections of it looked like they had caught fire. It wasn't safe for anyone to be inside of this deathtrap.

We had to eliminate the building, it was the goal of this raid. While the explosives were being placed around the building, I was making sure nobody had noticed us in the immediate vicinity.

The building was quickly prepared for destruction, we were fast and competent and the raid had been well-planned out. I kept a wary eye on the surroundings, it was the middle of the night and the city remained calm. I got the signal that the detonation was ready.

I reached the convoy at the same time as the building was destroyed. We left the scene without a trace of our presence ever being there. The noise of the explosion was going to alert the citizens of the city, but by the time they got to the building, we would be long gone.

I loved the adrenaline rush I felt during our missions. I knew when I retired, it was something I would miss.

The ride back to camp was silent for the most part. The tiredness we all suffered from was fast becoming overwhelming. We'd been out on a lot of missions lately, and sleeping in small bursts each day.

I hadn’t had a chance to talk to my wife for over a month, or written her a letter in days. I knew she would be understanding, but I wanted her to know how things were here and that I was doing okay.

I wanted to take a few minute to put some words on paper but I couldn’t keep my eyes open or even hold a pen.

"Hey brother!" Remy greeted me when we arrived at the camp.

"Hey bro!"

"Are you okay? You looked a bit nervous earlier," he suggested.

"I hate the back streets. It was dark and narrow and I always feel like I can’t breathe.''

''Yeah, it wasn't the ideal environment but I didn't mind it. It was different to have nobody notice us. No shooting, either.''

''I’m sorry man, but I gotta sleep. I’m so fucking tired.''

''Yeah me too. We're getting old!'' Remy joked.

He was right. I didn’t have the same resilience I'd had a few years ago. I never doubted that I could do my job properly, I’d always given Special Forces one hundred percent and nothing had changed in that regard.

I laid on my bunk, trying hard to fall asleep. I was so freaking tired, but I couldn’t shut my head down. My mind was too busy thinking about missions, raids, ambushes. It was a big part of my life and my brain was always trying to find ways to bypass the enemy.