Living a Lie (6 page)

“Over there,” said Miss Picton, pointing to the far end of the room.

“If you need me, I’ll be here.” She sat down again and left Kitty to find her visitors.

The lounge was full to bursting; outsiders and inmates had taken almost every available chair, and at first Kitty couldn’t see who had taken the trouble to visit her. Weaving her way in and out of the furniture, she made her way to the far end of the room.

“Kitty!” The voice was thrillingly familiar. She raised her eyes and there he was, tall and good-looking just as she had described him to Georgie.

“Kitty, it’s good to see you!” He had her in his arms and they were hugging. She was crying and he was laughing, and his dark eyes drank her in.

“Oh, Kitty! I thought I’d never see you again!”

Kitty clung to him for a full minute before she saw Linda Jenkins out of the corner of her eye. The sobering glance she received made her step back a pace.

“Sarah won’t be coming,” he murmured as they walked over to his mother.

“She’s got a touch of flu and didn’t want to spread it.”

“That was thoughtful.”

“How are you, Kitty?” Linda Jenkins felt ill at ease. She wouldn’t have come, only Harry had threatened to visit Kitty on his own if she refused. As it was, his father had warned her against it.

“Best to keep out of it,” said Ron.

“I knew all along there would be trouble in that family.”

“I’m all right,” Kitty answered.

“Only I don’t like this place much.”

Harry was troubled. Turning to his mother, he asked softly, “Why can’t you persuade Dad to have Kitty with us?”

“You know very well why!” They had been through this so many times, and each time Linda found her son and herself growing further apart.

“Your father won’t hear of it, that’s why.”

Sensing a disturbing undercurrent. Kitty intervened.

“It’s all right, Harry… really. The people here are nice and I’ve made a friend. Her name is Georgie.”

Grateful for the reprieve, Linda remarked, “That’s nice, dear. And have you got your own room?”

Kitty shook her head.

“No, but we have our own little area, with a comfortable bed, and a bedside cupboard and locker.” She didn’t want to talk about these unimportant things. She wanted to talk about her parents, and how her whole world had been turned upside down. She wanted to tell them that she wished everything could be the same again, even the rowing. Now it was all different, her parents were gone, she was in here, and she could never go back.

As though he could read Kitty’s thoughts, Harry asked, “Has anyone else come to see you … a solicitor or some one like that?”

She shook her head.

“No.”

“So they haven’t told you about the house? Or your dad’s business?”

“No.” Kitty was intrigued.

“What about them?”

Linda interrupted.

“I don’t think we should be worrying Kitty about all that,” she said, giving her son a warning glance.

“It’s for the authorities to tell her.”

“Well, they haven’t told her yet, and she has a right to know.”

Addressing himself to Kitty he told her, “Your Aunt Mildred showed an estate agent round the house. He was taking pictures and everything.

Then yesterday she went to the garage and spoke to the manager. He told my dad she was after selling the business. ” His brown eyes grew serious.

“I thought she would have told you all about it?”

“Be careful what you say, son.” Linda was more concerned about what her husband would say.

“Your father told me that in confidence. We can’t be certain what Kitty’s aunt is up to.”

“She’s up to no good, that’s what she’s up to!” Urging Kitty to think about it, he added softly, “By rights it’s all yours … the business and everything else. It’s strange that your aunt hasn’t even been to see you.”

A bell sounded, and Linda stood up thankfully.

“Looks like they’re chucking us out, dear,” she told Kitty.

“I don’t know if we’ll be able to make another visit, but take care of yourself anyway.” Gathering her bag, she joined the visitors heading towards the door.

“Come on, Harry,” she called impatiently.

“We’ve a bus to catch.”

In fact the bus wasn’t due for another fifteen minutes, but after what her son had told Kitty, she couldn’t get out of there quick enough.

For once her husband was right. Least said, soonest mended in this case.

Harry held on to Kitty’s hand far longer than he should have.

“Oh, Kitty, it’s not the same without you,” he said.

“Every time there’s a knock on the door, I’m hoping it might be you.”

Her heart ached.

“One day it will be,” she promised.

“Are they really taking care of you in here?”

“I suppose so.”

“And are you getting over it…?” He hesitated, not wanting to mention it, but knowing it had to be brought out in the open ‘. your mum and dad and everything? ” He squeezed her hand and it gave her courage.

“It wasn’t my fault, was it, Harry?” She had to believe that.

He shook his head and his smile warmed her.

“No, Kitty. You mustn’t think it was your fault. Your mum and dad did what they wanted to do.

I don’t believe anything you said would have made any difference. “

“Georgie told me that.”

“Then she really is a friend.”

“You’ll like her.”

“I like her already.”

“Harry?”

He didn’t speak, but inclined his head to one side. His gaze was enough.

Kitty’s heart was racing. She didn’t want him to go, but neither did she want him to stay. This place was her punishment, not his.

“Do you think I’m too young?”

“Too young?” Not quite certain what she meant, he quietly regarded her. He had always thought Kitty very beautiful, with her dark hair and wonderful eyes. She was gentle in nature, with a sense of humour and a strong bold heart, yet she had a certain vulnerability that made him feel protective towards her . made him feel like a man.

“Too young for what. Kitty?”

Her grip tightened in his, and her eyes clouded over.

“I don’t know,” she replied softly.

“Only I don’t feel too young.” She paused to assemble her thoughts.

“I feel lost, and afraid. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep like a baby. But I don’t feel too young.” In fact she felt old, almost as though her life had already been lived.

When she shuddered, he took her in his arms.

“You’ve been through a lot, Kitty,” he reminded her.

“It’s no wonder you’re lost and afraid.”

Easing her from him, he looked down into her face.

“What if I told you
cried myself to sleep?” It was difficult for him to confess that fact to anyone, let alone Kitty. But if it helped her then he could swallow his pride.<
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“I cried once when they took you away, and again last night when I knew I was coming to see you.”

Kitty was so astonished she laughed and cried at the same time.

“So you see, you’re not alone, and you’ve nothing to be ashamed of.”

Placing the tips of his fingers under her chin he raised her gaze to his.

“And, for whatever reason you need to ask … you are not too young.” It seemed all his life he had loved her, and never more than in that moment when she looked up at him with soft dark eyes.

“Will you come and see me again, Harry?” If he said no, she couldn’t bear it.

“Try and stop me.”

“Your dad might try and stop you. He doesn’t like me.”

“No one will stop me from seeing you, Kitty.” His voice was hard. She had never heard him talk like that before.

“Goodbye, Harry.” Reaching up, she meant to kiss him on the cheek.

He held her away for a moment, then bent his head and kissed her full on the mouth.

“Goodbye, Kitty,” he whispered.

“I love you.”

Long after he’d gone, those words echoed in her head.

“I love you’, he’d said. Did he mean he loved her like a friend? Did he mean he loved her because he was sorry for all that had happened to bring her here to this place? Did he mean he loved her like a brother? Or did he mean he loved her in the way grownups loved each other? She wasn’t sure she wanted that. After all grownups started out loving, and ended up hating.

Kitty decided to take Harry’s love as being the love of a friend. Yet, deep down, somewhere so deep she could barely recognise it. Kitty sensed that the love between her and Harry would carry them through all the years. She knew instinctively that what they had would never turn to hate, and that somehow the same strong love that flowed between them now would endure and survive, in spite of any obstacles life might put in their way.

From now on, that would be Kitty’s dream. that one day, she and Harry would be together for all time. It was to be a dream that would light her way through the darkest years to come.

“I have some good news for you, Kitty.” Miss Davis had a soft spot for Kitty but knew better than to show it in front of the other children.

Leading her to the far end of the television room where they could sit quietly, she handed Kitty a letter.

“Read it,” she urged, her face beaming from ear to ear.

Intrigued, Kitty glanced at the envelope.

“But it’s addressed to you.”

“Ah, yes! But it’s to do with you, my dear.” Retrieving the envelope, she withdrew the letter from it.

“There! Now read it and tell me what you think?” Holding out the letter, she waited for Kitty to take it from her.

Something in Miss Davis’s manner told Kitty the letter contained news she had been fearing.

“It’s from them, isn’t it?” Her heart sank at the reply.

“If you mean Mr. and Mrs. Connor, then yes, it is.” Her smile stiffened then disappeared altogether as Kitty’s expression told its own story.

“I see.” Miss Davis stared into Kitty’s face, her voice stern as she instructed, “I think you had better come into my office.” With that she stood up and marched away.

Kitty reluctantly followed. As she walked past the group of children clustered round the television, she caught Georgie’s attention. The two smiled at each other.

“Keep your pecker up, gal!” Georgie whispered harshly. And Kitty was encouraged.

“Now then, my dear.” Miss Davis sat behind her desk and Kitty sat before it.

“Explain yourself. I really thought you would be delighted that Mr. and Mrs. Connor have agreed to foster you.”

Not wanting to seem ungrateful, Kitty thought carefully about her answer. She looked at Miss Davis and was momentarily distracted by the sheer volume of that great body squashed into the confines of an upright chair.

“I’m sorry. Miss Davis,” she answered, ‘but I don’t want to be fostered out. “

Miss Davis nodded her head for what seemed an extraordinarily long time. Then she sat still, cleared her throat and, just when Kitty was sure she would speak, began nodding again. It was unnerving.

“So!” The nodding stopped and Kitty was immensely thankful.

“Are you saying you don’t want to be fostered out at all… or is it that you don’t want to be fostered out to Mr. and Mrs. Connor in particular?” She leaned over her desk, folded her blubbery arms and stared at Kitty through her little spectacles.

Kitty had been dreading this day, and now it was here, she felt trapped.

“I’m happy where I am,” she replied.

“Please don’t send me away to strangers.” It had taken many months for Kitty to get used to living in this communal situation. Now she was settled, the idea of change was frightening.

“I don’t understand you, Kitty.” Miss Davis was shaking her head now.

“You’ve been with us for nearly two years. Surely you want to be with a proper family?”

“They’re not my family.” Her family was dead. Though she missed her mother every minute of every day, she had got used to being without her. There could be no substitute.

Miss Davis was undeterred.

“You’ve met Mr. and Mrs. Connor three times already. You knew there was a strong possibility that they would be the ones to foster you. You said you liked them, and you know that they have a son just a year older than you. When he came with them on the visits, I really thought you got on well together.” She frowned.

“You did like Adam Connor, didn’t you, Kitty?”

“He was all right, I suppose.” Anxious not to seem ungrateful or churlish, she didn’t reveal she thought the boy a little strange. Even though he chatted to her and smiled at everything she said, he still managed to make her feel unwanted.

Obviously relieved, Miss Davis took in such a great gulp of air that her chest swelled to twice its size.

“Oh, Kitty! Just think how wonderful it would be if you could go to the family before the end of this month … in time to celebrate your fourteenth birthday.”

“I’d rather be here, with Georgie.”

Patience was growing thin by now.

“Listen to me, my dear.” After waiting for Kitty to raise her gaze and pay full attention, Miss Davis went on in a firm voice, “In just a few weeks’ time, on her sixteenth birthday, Georgie Rogers will be leaving this establishment herself.

It seems to me that it’s also the ideal time for you to make a new life as well. You know that most people prefer babies or toddlers, and that’s why I’m so pleased for you, Kitty. Mr. and Mrs. Connor have been carefully vetted. The authorities won’t keep you here when there is a perfectly suitable couple willing to foster you. This is your chance to be part of a family. maybe your only chance. ” Her face softened.

“You do realise you may not have any choice in the matter?”

Kitty thought about what Georgie had told her, that she had been deliberately bad just to get back here. She didn’t see herself resorting to that, but Miss Davis was wrong when she said there was no choice.

“Please … I don’t want to go to strangers.” She felt as though she was pleading for her life.

“But we were all strangers when you first came here, and you’ve grown to like us, haven’t you?”

“Yes, but I was unhappy for a long time.”