Lights and Shadows (Oregon In Love) (25 page)

She stared down at her hands. Brian knew her better than
anyone else. But he didn’t know
everything
.

“
All your life, you’ve been trying to live up to
everyone’s expectations. Mom’s, your friends, all your
bosses...Kevin.”

Julia winced and peeked up at him.

“
Now you have your brother breathing down your neck, a
sister-in-law trying to get you married off, and another doctor
bossing you around.” He gave her a chagrined smile. “I want you
to forget about all of us for a while. Just focus on God’s
expectations for you. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.”

The softly-spoken words coiled around Julia’s heart.
She felt her eyes film over with tears and could only nod her assent.

He pulled into the driveway and parked, then reached
over and gave her a fierce hug. “Uh, Jules?”

“
Yes?”

“
Before you forget about everyone else like I said,
could I ask one thing of you?”

She leaned back and looked at her brother. “Of
course.”

“
I want you to think about moving permanently to
Oregon. Dad is considering it, too. Pray about it, okay?”

The news surprised her. “Dad is? Really?”

He nodded. “To be closer to his grandchild.”

“
Of course.”

“
But bottom line, just listen to God. Okay?”

Julia gave him a wan smile, not sure she knew how to any
longer. “Okay.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

For the next two weeks—after the blood test confirmed
anemia and the CAT scan came back normal—Julia stuffed herself with
vitamins and did her best to rest. Spencer had graciously finished up
the few loose ends of the project and told her to take all the time
she needed.

She had a lot of time to think, which she didn’t
particularly enjoy. Brian had hit the nail on the head, builder that
he was. It was true, she
did
try to live up to everyone’s
expectations. But was that really so bad? She lightly tickled the
baby who lay on his tummy, trying very hard to raise his head. Even
babies tried hard, she mused. Once one skill was mastered, they began
working on the next thing. But how much was expected of babies? A lot
perhaps, if one lived by the books outlining each specific phase of
development.

It could also be argued no one expected a two-month old
baby to walk. A parent looked forward to that milestone, certainly,
but was probably content just right where the baby was in his growth.
Julia reached down and picked Alan up. Tucking his head under her
chin, she inhaled his baby scent. Could this be how God felt about
His children? Enjoying each phase of development? Rejoicing in each
achievement on the path to maturity?

Julia closed her eyes against the moisture she felt
there.
God, are you pleased with me?
She tightened her arms
around the baby, half-afraid she might get an answer.
What if I am
a disappointment to You?
Julia couldn’t bear the thought.
Help
me, Lord. Help me where I’m at
.

She hummed a hymn, sensing the Lord reaching out to her,
ministering to her. Alan began to grunt and wiggle. Blinking away her
tears, Julia realized he was getting hungry. Wiping the wetness from
her face with the back of her hand, she went in search of Sara.

If Sara noticed she’d been crying, she didn’t say
anything.
Maybe
it's because seeing me in tears is a common
sight these days
. Sara took her son from Julia’s arms and
settled on the couch in the sitting room. While she began to nurse
the baby, Julia took the opportunity to bring her emotions under
control.

“
So, are you going stir crazy yet? It’s been two
whole weeks of down time,” Sara teased.

She smiled. “For thirteen years I’ve lived at two
speeds. Sleep and one hundred miles an hour.” She shrugged. “It
will take a while to slow down.”

“
At least you have your job finished at the college.
That must be a relief.”

“
Yes. But I owe a lot to Spencer Meyers, the man I
worked with. He was the one who discovered the discrepancy that blew
the lid off the embezzlement.”

“
So the college will do better from now on?”

“
The money problem has partially been solved through
this discovery, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that
Northwest had many other problems. Our findings and suggestions for
improvement are still valid.”

“
Have...have you thought any more about what you’ll
do next?”

“
That’s
all
I think about,” Julia said with
a tired laugh.

“
Do you plan to stay in consulting? Brian mentioned
you have talents in other areas he thought you might pursue.”

She lifted her shoulders. “I’m still pretty mixed up
about everything. As long as I don’t wear out your welcome, I’m
content to stay here and work out my decisions.”

Sara put the baby up to her shoulder and patted his
back. “Julia, we want you to stay! Forever!” She smiled wryly.
“You don’t have to stay at the cottage unless you want to. I know
we’re out in the boonies.”

Julia leaned back in the chair where she sat. “If I
did move to Oregon, I think I’d have to be near a big city.” Once
the words were out, she realized Sara would think of Marc.

“
Like Portland?” The question hung in the air
between them. Sara bit her lip, looking ill at ease. “Sorry, I
don’t mean to pry. But I wondered...if you’ve spoken to Marc
recently?”

Julia shook her head.
He doesn’t love me
.
Maybe
he never did. Maybe my vain imaginings conjured something that never
really existed
. “I think…that unless God does something about
that situation, that chapter of my life is closed.”

That chapter of my life is closed. What a joke
.
Night after night, he filled her dreams, leaving an ache in her heart
when she awoke. Julia faithfully prayed for God’s blessings for him
while a small part of her hoped he was as miserable without her as
she was without him.

One day, tired of the way he consumed her thoughts, she
prayed,
I want him, God. If he’s the one for me, bring him back
into my life
. In the next moment she was terrified God might do
just that. But as January passed into February, Marc never bothered
to contact her.

***

Julia stayed reasonably occupied with small projects
around the B & B. Touching up paint, repairing loose wallpaper,
and experimenting with new breakfast ideas kept her from going out of
her mind. As her body healed, she became more fidgety with each
passing day. Julia fought against it, knowing if she opened the door
to frantic busyness, she’d probably lose control again.

She went out to lunch with Spencer a few times, partly
because she enjoyed his undemanding company and partly to hear about
what was going on at the college. He told her they planned to
implement many of their suggestions and he was fairly optimistic the
school would succeed. He never mentioned if he saw Marc, and she
never asked.

By the end of the month, Julia learned her father
planned to move to Oregon. That confirmed the direction she suspected
the Lord was leading her. With her dad, brother, sister-in-law, and
nephew here, it only made sense to stay.

Soon after, Julia tendered her resignation with her firm
in San Diego with the knowledge there was no shortage of competent
employees eager to take her place. Brian and Sara were thrilled with
her decision. There still remained the problem of what she would do
with herself. While financially she was comfortable, she couldn’t
live off her savings forever. Julia made tentative plans to fly down
to San Diego in mid-March to take care of unfinished business and say
her goodbyes.

***

The week following Julia’s decision, she and Sara sat
in the sitting room discussing the details of the move. They both
decided since San Diego and Portland boasted one of her favorite
stores—The Nordstrom Rack—they declared this to be a sign of
divine confirmation.

Being silly was a whole lot easier than thinking of Marc
and his absence in her life. Apparently God had spoken on that issue
and it was a big fat
no
.

Sara looked up as her husband came into the room. “Hi,
sweetie. Did you find what you were looking for at the lumber yard?”

Brian sat on one of the chairs and stretched out his
long legs. “You could say that.”

Julia noticed the odd expression on his face. “What do
you mean?”

“
I’ve found a solution to something that’s been
bugging me lately.”

She frowned, feeling distinctly uncomfortable with the
direct way he looked at her. “Out with it. This has something to do
with me, doesn’t it?”

“
Yep,” he said laconically.

“
Brian!” Sara said, “
t
ell
us!”

Pinning his sister with a look, he cleared his throat.
“Well, I haven’t been comfortable with the idea of you going
alone to California. You’ll have to do a lot of driving while
you're there and you’re still having those dizzy spells.”

Julia shook her head. “Hardly ever now.”

Ignoring her words, Brian continued. “I’ve found
someone to go with you and keep an eye on you.”

“
I don’t need a babysitter, Brian,” she said
dryly.

“
I can’t go with you and I won’t let you go unless
you have somebody with you I trust.”

“
Oh, so you found someone. And just who might this
paragon be?”

“
Marc Dorin.”

Julia went very still, her heart hammering against her
ribs. She glanced at Sara and saw her eyes were wide with disbelief.
Julia felt heat suffuse her face. She stood and glared at her
brother. “You had
better
be joking.”

“
Nope. I’ve already spoken to him and he’s
agreed.”

Fury made her dizzy. She put out a hand to the wall for
support. “Well, he can just unagree! I can’t believe you went
behind my back and set this up without my knowledge or permission!”

“
I didn’t go behind your back. I ran into him today
at the grocery store when I went in to grab a soda. He was there
doing the same thing, on his way home from a trip to the mountains.
He asked about you and I told him of your plan to stay. One thing led
to another.” Brian shrugged. “It’s a perfect plan. You said a
week would be plenty of time to wrap things up and he has Spring
Break week free.”

He asked about me?
A wave of longing washed
over her. Julia stifled a groan, then shook her head. “No way.”

“
Be reasonable. He’s one of the only people I would
trust to do this. He’s being very generous to offer his time and
trouble.”

He offered?
Ignoring the rush of pleasure at the
thought, she forced herself to think rationally. “You’ll just
have to call him and cancel. And next time, mind your own business!”
Julia pushed away from the wall and marched from the room.

She closed her eyes and took a calming breath when she
made it back to the cottage. Her brother was a complete lunkhead. Men
could be so dense! And Marc! How
dare
he make plans without
consulting her first!

Her phone rang.

She snatched it up. “Hello?”

“
Julia? This is Marc.”

She froze. Her brain ceased to function. Why hadn’t
she confirmed the caller first?

“
How are you?” he asked.

The concern in his voice thawed her somewhat. She
gripped the BlackBerry and found a chair to sit down on. “Okay.”

“
I wanted to talk to you about an idea I had. I ran
into Brian today and he told me about your situation.” He paused,
and lowered his voice. “I know this probably sounds crazy, but I
wanted to ask what you thought about me going with you to
California.”

Julia leaned over and clutched her head in her hand.
Why
is he doing this to me? Is it some kind of revenge to show me I can't
have what I want?
“Brian told me about the idea,” she said
when she could trust herself to speak.

“
Oh. I had hoped to discuss it with you first.”

She closed her eyes, absorbing the sound of his beloved
voice.

“
What do you think? I understand if the whole thing
makes you uncomfortable. But I would like to help.”

“
I...need time to think about it. Can I let you know
tomorrow?”

“
That’s fine. And Julia?”

“
Yes?”

“
Um, I’ll look forward to your call.”

When Julia hung up the phone, she knew without a doubt
her answer would be yes.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Julia glanced at her watch for the tenth time in as many
minutes. Marc was due at any moment and together they would drive to
the Portland International Airport.

Together
. The notion disturbed her and excited
her at the same time. However, she planned to keep a tight rein on
her emotions. No moping and mawing and wearing her heart on her
sleeve. Marc had made his intentions known about a relationship with
her. This was happening merely as a favor to Brian.