Life's A Cappella (21 page)

I took my time, turning the rock in the palm of my hand, remembering the good and the bad that had happened in that room. On a smile, I launched the rock through the window and heard a satisfied crash.

We looked around us like two children not wanting to get caught and broke into a fit of laughter.

“Which is your mom’s room?” Trent asked me, and I nodded toward the window beside us.

Trent picked up a larger rock and I laughed at the concentration on his face just before he threw it perfectly through my mother’s window. To our excitement, the window shattered. But we weren’t able to enjoy its beauty because we heard a neighbor yell at us, threatening to call the police.

Out of breath, I continued to laugh in the car.

“Thank you,” I told Trent, holding onto his hand, still smiling at our debauchery.

“Anything else you want to destroy?”

“Nah, I think I’m good,” I told him, turning my attention to my phone. With my spare hand, I looked through my music files until I found Real by Kendrick Lamar. When I left Alabama, I had a certain plan that I was determined to follow, but as most plans tend to do, it never came to pass. But plan B was much better. Plan B had brought Shayna to me and me to Trent. Making my existence real and meaningful.

Chapter 37

Shayna

She was sad she had to say goodbye to Nate again, but he promised he’d visit her soon. Maybe for her birthday in January. She was ready to go back home though. To the beach, to Tia Sofie and ballet, to her home with Erin and Trent.

Nate had told her Erin was her mom now, which meant she could call her mom if she wanted to. And she did want to. She thought Erin would like it, too.

She knew she’d never see Momma again. Because the police had saved her and brought her to her big sister, who was now her mom. Mom. Mommy. That’s what she’d call her. Mommy. Because mommies were nice like Erin. Mommies loved their babies the same way Erin loved her. Happy, she bounced off her bed to wake up Mommy.

Chapter 38

Erin

“Mommy!” Shayna demanded, bouncing on Trent and my bed. I opened my eyes to Shayna’s smiling face and, oblivious of what she had said, I forced her down so she could lie down between Trent and me. “Mommy,” she said again, her smile staring into my eyes, which had grown larger in a matter of seconds.

Mommy. She called me Mommy. I grabbed Shayna and held her closely to me, my eyes stinging from the sudden onslaught of tears they were forced to produce.

“That’s right, Shay,” I told her, feeling a lightness in my heart I’d never felt before. “I’m your Mommy.”

Trent looked at us from his pillow, his happiness for us obvious in his eyes. I wasn’t just a Mom, I was Shayna’s Mommy. Damn, it felt good.

I lay Shayna back down beside us and sang her a lullaby until she fell back to sleep. I listened to her and Trent’s steady breathing, my own lullaby, and did mental back flips. She had called me Mommy. It didn’t matter that she had woken us up while the sun was still deep in slumber in order to do so. It didn’t matter that I probably wouldn’t go back to sleep. My joy over her words, her trust in me overshadowed all of that.

I snuggled close to her, reaching my hand to touch Trent, and felt breathless. The torment I had endured had strengthened me, but it had also left me distant, distrustful, and shrewd. I had left Alabama a lot more than just homeless or without a family. I was alone, with only music and the artists I liked to accompany me. I hadn’t known how to relate to others, how to join in their conversations and laughter. I was broken, shattered from a lifetime of cruelty and neglect.

Camilla had been my first friend, loyal to a fault. Knowing her, being around her had made me feel normal, realizing that not only did I want to fit in, but that I could. She had been the first person I had come close to trusting. I learned firsthand from her what the meaning behind a friendship truly was. She hadn’t let me down, even when I expected her to. She had brought me into her world, and had introduced me to her friends, took me to parties, and lounged on the beach with me, giving me a sense of freedom and joy. She had been my first taste of what having a family felt like. I missed her every day, but knowing her had changed so much in me, I found I couldn’t be angry with her, with myself, or with God.

Trent had made me feel comfortable in my own skin. He had touched me both physically and emotionally in a way I had never let others touch me. From him I learned what it meant to lose in love. And ultimately how to fight for love. I realized how important it was for me to let others in. Because of him I made myself trust the people I cared about most in life so that I could have a real relationship with them. Talking to him, letting him get to know who I had been, who I didn’t want to be, and who I wanted us to be brought us closer together. In him I found comfort, I learned how to release my inhibitions, I learned how to cry. And as strange as it sounds, learning how to cry was one of the best things had happened to me. The knot that lived in my stomach had dissipated, only showing up for special occasions. The headaches that once took over my every thought had nearly vanished. The best gift he gave me though was his warmth. In Trent, I found a warmth that radiated throughout my body until my pores steamed from it.

With Nate, I gained a brother that I never realized I had. I was too stupid to see his attempts at shielding me from harm, because I never believed I was worthy of such extremes. Nate had ensured my safety and, when I think about it, it was because of him that I found the courage to leave. The obnoxious boy, who I oftentimes thought was being mean to me, was actually taking care of me, helping me figure out how to take care of myself. Resulting in me finding that I was confident enough in my own abilities that I could do it on my own. Best of all, he had saved Shayna. He had gone well beyond his duties as a police officer, and had trespassed on the territory of family. He had taken care of her, given her hope. He had made her promises of family long before he found me, and continued to do so when I had wavered. He had believed in me, knowing I would do what was right, long before I did.

From Leah I learned how to move on. She taught me about the strengths that came with inner struggle. She taught me how to be more open-minded to situations I had no reason to pass judgment on in the first place. She taught me how to accept things I couldn’t change and forgive things I had once thought were unforgiveable. She gave me her son, trusting me not to hurt him a second time.

Sofia showed me what truth strength was. Strength came in comforting, even when you were inconsolable. Strength came from embracing love, even when you heart is damaged beyond repair. Strength was remembering loved ones who had passed, with a smile in your heart. Strength was not smiling through the tears, but allowing those tears to guide you to a better place, a place where you found peace and appreciation for all that had and for all that you had lost.

Shayna changed everything. In Shayna, I found myself. My true self. Someone I was proud of. In building sand castles and playing baby dolls, I discovered my youth. On nights when I thought my heart would never stop hurting, she brought me peace. With my arms wrapped around her, trying to protect her from bad dreams, we found the unity of two healing hearts. When her fears took over her whole body, making her small body tremble and her teeth chatter, I learned what true fear was. Not so much fear for self, but fear for another. Every passing day I spent with her, my confidence in myself and my capabilities soared. I didn’t have a mother raise me, but I could raise a child.

I took what I learned from my mother and did the complete opposite. When I felt hopeless, I did not allow the hopelessness to take over me. I pushed forward, determined to give Shayna the home I never had. When I was afraid, I used that fear to drive me, to make things right. When darkness enveloped me, blinding me from the light, I swallowed the darkness until light crept in. When words hurt me, I didn’t let them cripple me. I used them for the wisdom they possessed. I fought. I fought like Hell, even when I thought there was nothing left worth fighting for.

Because if life had taught me one valuable thing, it was that life wasn’t fair. People died. People hurt you. People left you. People deceived you. And if given the chance, people would kick you when you were at your lowest. It wasn’t fair, but it was well worth the fight. Because some people were inherently good. Some people stood by you, even when you pushed them away. Some people still believed in you, even when you had given them every reason not to. Some people gave without asking for anything in return. And if you were one of those good people, you gave back even when you weren’t expected to. You forgave, even when forgiveness wasn’t asked for. You allowed people into your life, even when life had taught you not to. You held onto hope that things would change. That you would change. That things would turn out the way they should. Because you had worked too damn hard and for too damn long for things not to.

Chapter 39

Erin

Morning came too early, and I awoke with the knowledge that two eyes were staring at me. I slowly opened them and looked up at Shayna, who was watching me sleep.

“Mornin’,” I told her quietly so I wouldn’t wake up Trent.

“Your breath stinks,” she declared, and I heard Trent laugh.

So I grabbed the pillow underneath my head and threw it at Trent, who then decided it was the perfect time to have a pillow fight. With my pillow gone, I had nothing to defend myself with, so I ran across our bed while Shayna and Trent attacked me with their pillows. Unable to take down Trent, I focused all my energy on Shayna, who squealed in delight when I held her upside down.

“Upside down tickles?” I asked her.

“No!” she screamed, but her laughter made her plea sound unconvincing.

“Upside down tickles!” Trent shouted and started tickling, and she screamed and squirmed while I held her upside down.

“I think I’ll try that on you,” Trent told me after I let her go.

“Yeah, we’ll see,” I told him, kissing him on his lips.

“Shay’s right,” he said. “Your breath is pretty bad.”

“Shut it,” I told him, trying to get away from him so I could brush my teeth.

“Like something crawled into your mouth and died bad,” he offered, and I pinched the side of his stomach.

After brushing the decomposing smell out my mouth, I made Shayna’s favorite pancakes and scrambled eggs. Trent’s brother arrived in time for breakfast with his parents an hour behind him.

After breakfast, we dropped Shayna off with Sofia at her ballet school. And with Leah’s help, I packed away my apartment, neatly writing what each box contained. Packing didn’t take long since I didn’t own a lot of knick knacks and most of the stuff Shayna and I did have was already in Trent’s apartment. The boys then took our boxes back to Trent’s and my apartment with instructions to not open a single box while we finished cleaning my apartment.

Trent’s and my apartment. I loved the way it sounded. Our apartment. Our kitchen. Our bedroom.
Ours
.

Unpacking was far more difficult. Because why did we need another television? Or another toothbrush holder? We swapped out my stuff with his stuff and his stuff with my stuff, until our stuff was touching each other.

Before going to Alabama, Trent and I had looked at bedroom sets for Shayna and had bought her a princess set, complete with a tiara just above her head board. I couldn’t wait for her to see it. If only it would arrive so we could set it up and pick her up.

“Rest,” Leah demanded, so I sat down beside her on Trent’s couch. No, our couch.

I smiled at her, a stupid smile that said more about the joy I felt than any words I could string together could.

“I’m gonna marry your son,” I told her confidently. “He doesn’t know he wants to marry me yet, but he does.”

“Oh, he knows,” she told me, and we laughed. “Just give him time to make it romantic.”

“I don’t need romance.” I waved her away.

“But he’ll want to give it you regardless.”

She was right. Trent was Trent. And he’d want it perfect. So I’d wait another ten years for his proposal if I had to.

Shayna’s bedroom set finally arrived after Trent’s family left. Together we built her bed, laughing and joking at my ignorance of tools and following simple directions from a sheet of paper. It turned out well though. I even laid in it just to make sure it could withstand my weight. I looked at our handiwork and was pleased.

Crossing my arms around my chest, I nodded at Trent. “Not too shabby, Chewbacca.”

He laughed and grabbed me by my waist, making me squeal as he turned us in circles.

I was eager to show Shayna her new bed, but Trent made me take a shower, which then led to a diversion in which our limbs became entangled with one another and the sheets that hadn’t fallen to the ground.

“I’m back to being Chewbacca, huh?” he asked, lying down on our bed as I traced my fingers along his arm.

I shrugged my shoulders. “It suits you.”

“Yeah, I guess it does,” he agreed. “Now quit being so damn sexy so we can pick up Shayna,” he told me, and I stuck my tongue out at him.

When we got to Sofia’s ballet school, I got nervous when I saw the lights were turned off. I looked over at Trent, who shrugged his shoulders. I jumped out of the car, my heart in my throat, and only relaxed when I saw Sofia at the door.

“Lights went out,” she explained.

I kissed her on her cheek and followed her in. And nearly died of cardiac arrest when the lights came on, and everyone in the studio screamed at me, throwing confetti at me. Speechless, I put my hand to my chest, which was jumping with each thud my heart gave, and looked at everyone: Sofia, Shayna, Brianna, Jermaine, Tonya, Leah, Dave, Anthony, and Trent. All of them a part of this secret, wearing party hats and blowing on whistles.

Shayna ran towards me, into my arms. “Surprised?”

Surprised, I laughed. Oh, yes, I was surprised.

My friends encircled me, hugging me, congratulating me.

“You shoulda seen your face,” Dave told me and laughed.