Letting Go (6 page)

“Thank you,” Quinn said. “Your words mean a lot to me.”

“Now, Luke seems to be very excited about Friday night,” Nora admitted. Quinn could hear the smile in her tone. “He was trying to act all cool but I know my son. He’s really looking forward to it. So, if you think it would be okay for us to have Carter overnight, you just let us know.”

So, they were back to that again.
Quinn knew she needed to let go sometime. And it was just one night. She knew Carter would be in perfectly capable hands. Not only that, she was sure she and Luke would be later than Carter’s bedtime. It only made sense to let him stay with his grandparents instead of dragging him out in the cold once he was asleep.

“Okay,” Quinn said. “Yes, I’d love for him to stay.”

“Wonderful,” Nora said. “Tom’s going to be so excited as well. Would it be alright if I stopped by as soon as I get off work on Friday? I can pick him up then. It’ll give you some time to yourself. Time to get ready.”

“That sounds perfect,” Quinn agreed. The
y finalized arrangements and then disconnected.

Quinn hung up the phone and then leaned against the counter. The past few days, she hadn’t wanted to let her mind wander too much. She had a nasty, sneaky little hunch that there would be some people that would not understand her relationship with Luke.

She feared it would look bad that she was a widow—she internally cringed at that word, hating it, not finding it fit for someone her age—dating her husband’s brother.

On the other hand, Nora had been right. She and Luke had a much longer history than people might realize.

“This is silly!” she told the empty kitchen. “I should be free to date whomever I like.”

And really, as long as those closest to them didn’t have a problem with it, what did it matter? She had been very concerned about Tom and Nora. Needlessly concerned, as it turned out. Her parents were a concern as well. She was fairly certain that her dad would be okay with whatever she chose to do.

Margo, Quinn knew, might feel very differently. Quinn was sure that her mother’s main concern was going to be how this appeared. Margo had been extremely upset the day of Carter’s birth, when she found out that Luke had been present. She had been adamant that it was information that should not be shared. She believed it was entirely inappropriate for Luke to be at the birth of his brother’s baby. Quinn could only imagine how inappropriate Margo would think it was that Luke was now dating his brother’s wife.

A small part of her couldn’t blame her mother. It just sounded wrong.

Well
, Quinn thought,
she’ll just have to get over it
.
And so will I.

She wanted this, badly. Apparently, Luke did too. He was working out of town this week but he’d called Quinn every night. He had spared her the details but he had told her he’d ended things with
Ashley on Sunday afternoon when she’d returned home. Quinn got the impression that things had not gone well. Then again, break-ups rarely went well. She felt just a bit of guilt over that. But really, it had been Luke’s decision. Quinn had walked away the moment he’d let her know he had a girlfriend.

Luke had made his own decisions from that point on.

A small smile tugged at her lips as a feeling of rightness coursed through her. It was impossible to say just what the future held. Yet knowing that Luke might be in it brought her a sense of peace that she hadn’t felt for a long time.

Quinn peeked in on Carter yet again. As soon as he awoke, she wanted to take him outside for a walk. He loved his stroller and before too long, the snow was going to be falling. She wanted to get in as many walks as she could while the weather permitted.

He was still snoozing. She crossed the nursery, unable to resist. Her hand floated to his head. She gently, lovingly rubbed his wispy bangs away. He had Jake’s coloring; dark hair, beautiful brown eyes and a dimple in his right cheek when he smiled. He had his dad’s personality as well. He was easy-going yet loving. Her baby loved a good snuggle.

She ran her
hand over his tummy and then turned to leave. She was almost to the door when she heard her cell phone chirp from the other room. It was in her bedroom, sitting on her dresser. The sound let her know she had an incoming text.

In seconds she had retrieved the message from Luke.

I heard we’re all set for Friday. Counting down the days.

She smiled to herself. Nora must’ve cal
led him to let him know that Carter would be with her. She tapped in a quick reply.

Me, too. Can’t wait.

5

W
ith a loud, slobbery kiss on his forehead, which had brought a smile to his face, Quinn had relinquished Carter to Nora.

He’d waved enthusiastically, squealing, “Bye, Momma!
Ba
-bye, Momma!” as Nora held him in her arms.

Nora had assured Quinn that Carter would be just fine. She’d promised to call if she had any concerns. She’d told Quinn that it would be perfectly alright if she wanted to call at bedtime to tell him
goodnight. Then she’d told her, quite sincerely, that she hoped Quinn and Luke had a nice time.

Even with all of the reassurances, Quinn
felt glum as she watched them drive away. She knew he would be in good hands for the evening but it was still hard to watch them leave. His first night away from home was just another milestone that Jake was not there to share. It was also yet another reminder that time seemed to move faster every day. Quinn wasn’t ready for her baby to grow up.

The glum feeling she felt faded a bit as she
began to get ready for her date. Instead, a case of predate jitters took over. As planned, Nora had stopped by as soon as her workday ended. This gave Quinn a few hours alone, to prepare.

She began with a bubble bath, hoping it would calm her. It really didn’t, she found herself quickly bored.

At Carly’s insistence, she’d agreed to wear the black sweater, a pair of new skinny jeans and the black, heeled boots Carly had chosen. With her outfit planned, it was just herself she needed to get ready. She debated only moments before deciding to paint her nails. Once they were dry, she expertly applied her make-up. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt the need to play up her eyes. But she did tonight. She was happy with the smoky effect she created. Since she had time, which was something she rarely had, she decided to straighten her normally curly hair. This took longer than painting her nails but she was satisfied with the sleek effect. It made her look different and tonight, she wanted that.

Once she’d completed all of those tasks
, she’d slipped into her new outfit. Lastly, she spritzed on the new perfume. She shut her bedroom door, peeking at herself in the mirror attached to the back of it. She stared at herself, surprised. The woman staring back at her wasn’t the casually dressed, make-up free, sleep-deprived mom that usually stared back at her.

The woman staring back looked young. And beautiful.

And nervous as hell.

“I can do this,” she whispered to herself as the jitters became more intense. “It’s just, Luke.” She groaned and put her hand
s up to her cheeks. “It’s
Luke
!”

She’d had such an intense crush on him all through high school. So intense she could barely see straight or think of anything else when she was around him. Not long ago, she’d thought those feelings were long gone. Now? Now she realized they weren’t gone at all. Perhaps
they’d only been buried. This past week, they were slowly but steadily pulling themselves to the surface.

What she realized without any doubt was that she could so easily fall totally and completely in love with Luke again. The thought was terrifying. It was reassuring. It was stomach-flipping, heart-stopping and smile-inducing. In other words, it created a bundle of mixed emotions.

Her cell phone rang and her heart lurched, afraid it was Luke. What if he was canceling? What if he’d decided that an attempt at dating was not worth the risk because it might ruin their friendship? What if he’d decided that because of Jake, it was just wrong? That was the nagging little concern that had been eating away at Quinn all week. She had worked hard at always pushing it away. But it was there, balanced on the edge of her mind. It was ready to topple into her thoughts, to take over her emotions and her common sense.

There was no reason she shouldn’t date Luke.
Logically, she was aware of this. Now if only her fears would pay attention and just go away.

As it turned out, it wasn’t Luke at all. It was Carly.

“Are you dressed appropriately?” Carly asked.

Quinn laughed. “If you’re asking if I traded in the yoga pants I was wearing last Sunday for dinner, the answer is yes. In fact, I think you’d actually be proud of the
end result. I even painted my nails,” Quinn teased. “And straightened my hair.”

“Oh, Quinnie, I am so excited for you! I was a little afraid I’d call only to find out you found some silly reason to cancel,” she admitted.

“I’m not cancelling,” Quinn said. “But I am so nervous I’m making myself sick.”

“Why?” Carly’s tone had instantly changed to sympathetic and concerned.

“All of the reasons you’re probably thinking.” She hesitated and then decided it was Carly, it was admissible to bare her soul to her sister. “Carly,” she said, her voice fretful, “do you know how long it’s been since I’ve even kissed someone?”

“It’s like riding a bike. Once you’ve done it, you never forget,” Carly said firmly. She didn’t have proof of that but she believed it was true, regardless.

Quinn let out a nervous laugh. “When he was here on Saturday, he mentioned he wanted to kiss me. I’m pathetic because a small part of me was really glad he couldn’t.”

“Quinn, you’ve always been perfect at everything you do. I wouldn’t doubt that goes for kissing, too.”

Quinn rolled her eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me!” Carly chastised. Quinn laughed. “See how well I know you? I know you’ll be just fine tonight. Besides, it’s not like you haven’t kissed Luke before.”

“We were fourteen!”

Luke had been the boy to steal her first kiss. It had happened one time
. They hadn’t spoken of it for years. Not until recently.

“So what?” Carly said. “Now stop fretting. Just sit yourself down and take a few deep breaths. Or better yet, pour yourself a glass of wine. It’ll help you to relax and Luke will never
have to know. But most of all, the reason I called, was to tell you that I’m proud of you for doing this. I hope you have a great time. I want a full report in the morning. Just…don’t call too early. I plan on being out late so I’m going to be sleeping in.”

“Oh?” Quinn asked, her curiosity piqued. “Just who are you going out with? Someone I should be made aware of?”

Carly hesitated before saying, “Nolan, actually.”

Quinn’s eyebrows shot up. She and Nolan had dated this past year. He was also the one who had recently ended thing
s with Carly. “That’s good, right?” Quinn cautiously asked.

“I think so, yes,” Carly said. “I was out with a bunch of friends the other night. We ran into him. We talked…he said he missed me.
He asked if we could give things another try.”

Quinn didn’t miss the hopeful lilt to Carly’s voice. Even though Carly joked constantly about not being cut out for a long term commitment, it didn’t fool Quinn. She knew, though Carly would never admit, how desperately her sister wanted someone in her life. Quinn just hoped that Nolan didn’t break her heart again.

Instead of pointing that out she said, “Well, then it looks like you won’t be the only one waiting for a full report in the morning. Why don’t you give me a call as soon as you’re up?”

“Sounds good, I will. Have a nice night, Quinn.”

“You too, Carly.”

They hung up and Quinn glanced at the clock. The conversation had taken up a good chunk of time. Her heart took off, realizing that Luke would be there any moment. She found her purse and tucked her phone inside. Then she went into the living room to sit and catch her breath, as Carly had suggested.

She tossed herself onto the sofa. This gave her a clear view of the framed pictures lined up on the fireplace mantel. Her wedding picture was amongst them. Her heart twisted a bit at the sight of it but it wasn’t nearly as painful as it used to be. Her gaze continued to move on. There were pictures of Carter, of Carly, and one picture taken years ago. It was a photo of her, Luke and Jake. It was taken on the Fourth of July. They were all seated on the back steps of the McGrath home. Each was holding an enormous slice of watermelon, the juice ruining down their arms, enormous smiles on their faces. The three of them looked so innocent. Completely unaware of the tragedy the future secretly held.