Letting Go (10 page)

“Carly, it wasn’t like that and you know it,” Quinn said.

“Right. I suppose you just…
cuddled
all night.” Her tone hinted that simply cuddling all night was almost mind-boggling. “You did. The first time you slept with Luke and you just
slept
with Luke.”

Quinn could hear the laughter in her voice. She didn’t bother to respond.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Carly said. “I think it’s sweet. Actually, I think it’s really nice that he stayed with you.”

“Yeah,” Quinn said quietly. “It was really nice.”

8

Luke leaned over the crib railing and placed a kiss on Carter’s forehead. He squirmed and stretched but didn’t
awaken. Luke carefully pulled the blanket up around him. It was the first time he’d ever tucked Carter in. He wanted to simply enjoy the moment but he couldn’t. The stinging bite of guilt was ruining it for him. He knew it shouldn’t be him tucking Carter in. It should be Jake.

But it’s not
, he reminded himself.
And it won’t ever be. And if it’s not me…then someday it’ll be someone else.

Quinn was too young, too sweet, too vibrant to remain alone for the rest of her life. Luke had no doubt that she would remarry someday. While the pang of guilt was sometimes so intense it was hard to ignore, the thought of losing Quinn to his fears and insecurities again was even more intense.
The thought of her marrying
someone else
yet again, was more than he could bear. He’d lived through it once. He had no desire to live through that emotional torture again. So he pushed through those feelings of guilt.

He only wanted what was best for Quinn and Carter. He was convinced that
he
was best for them. He was sure no one on earth could love the two of them like he did. Yet he couldn’t help but wonder what his brother would think of that. Would he be happy for them? Or would Jake be pissed that Luke had finally gotten what he wanted, but at the cost of his brother’s death?

He wanted to think Jake would be okay with this.
But, as with a million other things, with Jake gone, now they’d never know.

Luke had
been there for Carter’s birth. Though he barely dared to admit it to himself he was sure he couldn’t love his nephew any more if he were his child. So right or wrong, and he prayed it wasn’t wrong, he wanted them. Both Quinn and Carter.

“Hey,” Quinn whispered from the doorway.

Luke turned, wondering how long she’d been standing there. With one final glance down at Carter, to be sure he was tucked in properly, Luke crossed the darkened room to Quinn. The light from the hallway illuminated her silhouette.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

As he got closer she turned so her face was in the light. He noted a small worry line creasing her forehead.

“Of course,” he said quietly, so as not to
awaken his nephew.

Quinn stepped into the hallway, allowing Luke to follow.

“You looked kind of…I don’t know, out of sorts,” she said as they made their way back to the living room.

“I was just thinking,” he admitted. Quinn shot him a look full of understanding. He was relieved that she didn’t ask him to elaborate. She didn’t need him to. Her sympathetic gaze let him know that she understood. He had to wonder if she had the same thoughts, fears and feelings of guilt that he sometimes did.

She took a seat on the couch and he landed next to her. A hockey game was playing in the background.

“He’s never fallen asleep in someone’s lap like that,” Quinn told him with a smile.
“Not without being rocked and shushed and putting up at least a little bit of a fight.”

With those simple words, some of the guilt faded and a feeling of rightness set in.

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, unable to contain the first hints of a grin.

She nodded
. “Yeah, I think you really wore him out.”

Luke laughed because he’d worn himself out as well. He’d stopped for pizza, as promised. After dinner, Carter had been insistent, handing Luke his favorite toys. One after the other. Finally, Luke had slid from the couch, landing on the floor next to Carter. They’d spent the next two hours playing intently.

Eventually, Quinn had insisted Carter needed to get his pajamas on. As if he knew bedtime was looming, and he feared being placed in his crib before he was ready, he’d climbed onto Luke’s lap. He hadn’t budged after that. He had snuck peeks at his mom, checking to see if she was going to pluck him up. Apparently he decided he was safe from bedtime if he stayed in Luke’s arms. But instead of outsmarting his mom, trying to avoid bedtime, she’d outsmarted him. Sitting still calmed him and it wasn’t long after that when he finally dozed off.

“Maybe we should have you over every night at bedtime,” Quinn teased.

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Luke responded, not teasing at all.

“How did this afternoon go?” Quinn asked.

“Okay, I guess. The first two houses are definitely out. The third,” an appreciative expression appeared, “well, I like it a lot. It’s on forty wooded acres. It’s perfect for hunting. But there are also trails through the woods for walking. I know it just has to be beautiful in the fall. I mean, right now the trees are bare. I saw pictures in the file but I’m sure they don’t do it justice. It’s a little further out of town than I originally wanted. But I guess that’s the trade-off for that much privacy.”

Quinn perked up at his description. “What’s the house like?”

“Nice,” Luke said vaguely, “real nice.”

“That sounds perfect for you. Are you going to put in an offer?”

He shrugged hesitantly. “I don’t know yet. It’s a little bigger than I’d planned on right now. The kitchen is huge. It has two levels and four bedrooms. So it’s way more house than I need.” That was only half true. It was more than he needed for
himself
. But if things with Quinn went in the direction that he hoped, then it would be perfect. He just didn’t dare mention that to her quite yet.

As far as he was concerned, there was no such thing as moving too fast. This relationship was a decade in the making. He wanted nothing more than to marry Quinn and spend forever with her. He was just concerned that if he told her that, it would ruin everything. Even though he was sure on some level, she had to be aware of this. But, he reminded himself, it was only their second date. Buying a house that could be perfect for them someday was really not something he
should broach yet. No matter how much history was between them. So he carefully maneuvered away from the conversation.

“Did you talk to Carly today?”

She nodded.

“
How’s she doing?”

“Good, I guess. I told her that if she and Nolan are together again, we really should be able to meet him. I
suggested that she should bring him home for Thanksgiving. Considering they
just
got back together, she wasn’t crazy about the idea. So maybe Christmas?”

“Have you met him yet?”

She shook her head. “No. They kind of did the long distance thing over the summer but somehow Carly always ended up going to see him. She said he worked at a resort and it was busy that time of year. So it was hard for him to get time off,” Quinn said by way of explanation. She would’ve thought he’d be able to get
some
time off, but Carly never seemed to mind. “And since Carly’s worked at the café forever, they’ve always been really flexible with her hours.”

Luke frowned. “So she’s
basically been with him a year?” Quinn nodded. “And your family has never met him?” She nodded again. “And no one finds that…I don’t know…strange?”

Quinn threw her hands up in the air. “Yes! Thank you! That’s what I keep saying! Carly doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal that he’s always too busy. But I just think it’s kind of crummy on his part. Of course,” Quinn said as she cringed, “maybe Carly does realize that. You know how stubborn she can be. She might just not want to admit it. I mean, I hate to say it but ever since Jesse got back together with Betsy this last time…Oh, I don’t even know. Carly just seems different. She seemed determined last summer to make things work with Nolan. Even though I get the feeling they aren’t the best fit.”

Luke shook his head. “Those two really need to just get their shit together.”

“Or cut free of each other completely,” Quinn grumbled.

“Do you really think that?” Luke asked.

She thought it over. “I just want her to be happy. She’s never been happy with Jesse. Then again, she’s even
un
happier without him.”

“Yeah,” Luke said in agreement. “I could say the same thing about Jesse. I honestly don’t know what he’s doing with Betsy. Personally, I can’t stand her. But that’s his business. The thing is,
a lot of the time, he can’t seem to stand her either.”

“I can’t imagine spending that much time with someone you don’t want to be with,” Quinn said. “It seems like such a waste.”

Luke dropped his gaze before bringing it back to Quinn. He thought he could relate to what Jesse was going through. He wasn’t proud of it, but he’d also used someone else to try to get over one of the Johnson sisters. And that is exactly what Luke thought Jesse was doing with Betsy; trying to use her to get over Carly. Just as
he’d
used Tabitha to try to get over Quinn. It hadn’t worked for him. He doubted it was working for Jesse, either.

Finally he said, “When the person you want to be with is already with someone else, sometimes you don’t have a choice. It’s either that or be alone.”

Quinn cringed. “I’m sorry, Luke. I can’t believe I said that. That was a really thoughtless thing to say.”

“No,” he said, “it’s fine.”

Awkwardness settled between them. Luke knew Quinn well enough to know she felt guilty about what she’d said. He didn’t want her to dwell on it so he changed the subject.

“You know,” he teased, “you didn’t have to dress up just for me.” He had noted that her nails were still polished, her hair was again
straightened. She was, again, wearing an outfit he’d never seen her in before.

She frowned. “You don’t like it?”

“No,” he was quick to say, “it’s not that. I just want to make sure you know that I always think you look perfect. But, you know, if you want to dress up for me, I’m not complaining.”

“I do want to,” she said, glad the tense moment had passed. “
It’s been a long time since I really had a reason to dress up. I miss it,” she said simply. “Not to mention, I want to look nice for you.”

This brought a smile to his face. “Are you going to let me take you out next Friday then? So I can show you off?”

She nodded. “I think that can be arranged. Do you know what else I think? I think that when you got here, I didn’t really get a proper kiss. I think I’d really like you to kiss me now.”

Luke leaned in slowly, surprised to hear the words he never thought he’d hear. His hands slid to Quinn’s waist, pulling her to him. She was right. He hadn’t kissed her properly when he’d arrived. Carter was demanding his attention and Quinn made herself busy getting the pizza ready for everyone.

But now, he had her to himself and he was going to take advantage of it. He kissed her as he had the night before. Until both of their hearts were pounding and they were left breathless. He’d kept himself preoccupied with girls in the past, out of necessity. Not a lot, just enough to get by. Not one of them made him feel like he did when he was kissing Quinn. Every cell in his body was screaming for more. Yet, just feeling her tongue glide against his, her body shift to get closer to him, her arms tightening around him…he’d never felt so satisfied.

When they finally broke apart, needing to catch their breaths, Quinn rested her head on his chest. He let his fingers glide through her hair. He shifted and she tightened her grip on him.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Really? Because the look on your face says differently.”

“It’s nothing.”

Meaning, he knew, that it was something.

“
Come on Quinn, what is it? You know you can tell me anything,” he coaxed.

“It’s just…I forgot how good it feels. T
o have someone hold you, I mean, I know that probably sounds stupid.” She shrugged as she looked up at him. A blush spilled across her cheeks.

His heart
clenched at that. At the thought of how lonely she must be. Hugs from parents and her sister…it was so completely not the same thing. Being held by someone…feeling loved…she should feel that every day.