Letting Go (12 page)

They watche
d him storm through the crowd. Quinn noticed Luke glance around, he must’ve come to the same conclusion—that no one was paying attention—because he instantly looked relieved.

Betsy finally noticed Jesse hadn’t immediately followed her. So she made her way back through the crowd to stand by his side as he paid. He didn’t look her way
as he waited for his turn.

“So, um,
what do you want to do?” she hesitantly asked.

“Actually,” Luke said as he tossed some money down on the table
for a tip, “I’ve kind of had enough of this place.”

Quinn nodded.
“I have to. Do you want to come back to my house?”

Luke hesitated a moment before standing. When he got to his feet, he kept his eyes averted. “Actually, I’m kind of tired tonight. Maybe I should just go home.”

Quinn didn’t argue as she shrugged into her jacket. She stayed a step behind Luke as he hurried out of Shady’s. When they were outside, she grabbed a hold of his arm. When he turned to face her, he’d regained some of his color but his expression looked haunted.

“Luke,” she said quietly, “I would really like it if we went back to my house. In fact, I’d like it if you stayed.”

They continued to walk toward his truck. “I don’t know.”

“Why not?” she asked. He hadn’t stayed over again since that very first night.

By the time they maneuvered their way through the icy lot, he’d calmed some. He glanced over at her as he opened his passenger door. She didn’t want him to go home alone. Not when he was in such a melancholy mood. Some days were hard enough. Neither of them needed additional stress, additional reminders thrown at them by other people.

She was furious that Betsy had such a big mouth. She didn’t want Luke going home alone, stewing over her words.

“Luke? Please come home with me.”

He didn’t answer as he held her door open. When he came around the other side and got in, he sighed. “Actually, I think I might. I don’t want to go back to Jesse’s right now. I’m not sure whose house they’re going back to. But if it’s Jesse’s, that’s the last place I want to be.”

Jesse and Betsy had just emerged from the building. Luke started his truck and
pulled out of the lot in the opposite direction. He was quiet the whole drive back to Quinn’s. She decided to give him some space so she remained quiet as well.

When they were back at her house, getting settled in, she offered him a beer. He declined, saying he’d already had enough for the evening.

“How about some cocoa,” Quinn offered. Homemade hot cocoa had always comforted her and if anyone needed comforting, it was Luke right then. “It’s freezing out and I’d really like a cup. Would you drink one, if I made it?”

He agreed and he stood by watching
as Quinn set about making homemade cocoa. The actions were so mundane, so normal, that it gave Luke a little more time to calm down. While she was stirring it, she chatted with Luke about her job search. She’d just recently decided she should start looking. She wasn’t having a lot of luck, jobs were limited. So far, she wasn’t concerned. She wasn’t in any hurry.

Luke listened intently and she was relieved that her prattlin
g took his mind off of the conversation from earlier. Or, at least, she thought it had.

By the time the cocoa was made and they were curled up on Quinn’s couch,
his mood had improved considerably.

“You
know, Betsy is right,” he said, proving to Quinn she’d been wrong. Though he had been listening to what she had to say, it was evident that events from earlier were still very much on his mind.

Quinn’s eyebrows bunched
and she shook her head. “I very much doubt that. Luke—”

He held up a hand to stop her. “I didn’t mean all of it. But she’s right. I should be looking at houses. I can’t stay with Jesse forever. I appreciate that he’s let me be there this long but it really is time I move on.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “As long as you’re not doing it because Betsy is pressuring you.”

He shook his head. “No. I need to.” He paused and Quinn waited patiently, sure he had somethi
ng else to say. “The house I told you about last fall, it’s still available. Is there any chance you’d maybe want to look at it with me?”

A smile immediately spread across her face
, her heart took a few crazy beats in her chest. “I would love to.”

He finished his drink and then set the mug down on the coffee table. He turned to face her. “I know that under normal circumstances, us only dating a few months, this would seem too soon. But dating is usually the time when people get to know each other. When they decide if they can tolerate each other. Or if they can love each other. But I’ve known you for as long as I can remember. I’ve loved everything about you for as long as I can remember.
I don’t think we could know each other any better if we’d been dating for years. Do you feel that way too?”

“Yes,” Quinn said with a nod. “I know exactly what you’re saying.
I think I know you better than I know anyone else. Except maybe Carly,” she said with a small smile. “And you know me too.”

“Exactly,” Luke agreed. “
Quinn, you know I love you.”

She nodded slowly.

He took her hands in his. “I don’t want this, I mean
us
, to end. I lost you once and I swore to myself that if I ever got the chance, I wasn’t going to let that happen again. Even though I hate that Jake’s not here, that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I guess that’s why I want you to take a look at the house.” The words had gushed out and he took a breath to recover. “Even though I think it’s too soon to put a ring on your finger, I want you to know that I plan to someday.”

A smile tugged at her lips. This was the first time they’d had a conversation of this sort.

“I mean, if you’re agreeable,” Luke amended.

Her smile broke completely free. “I think I would be. You know, someday.”

“That’s why it’s so important to me that you like the house. I don’t want to jump into it, buy it if it’s something you don’t think you can live with. Maybe you’ll hate the floor plan or the color of the siding or something,” he said with a shrug. “I don’t want that.”

“I’d love to look at it,” she said. For just a moment she thought of telling him he could move in with her. It would make sense in a lot of ways.
Yet, Betsy’s words still echoed in her head. She was sure they were even louder in Luke’s.

He looked relieved. “Good. I mean, now
when we don’t go out we always end up here. I’d like us to have somewhere that’s ours. Not…yours and Jake’s. And that’s not just because of what Betsy said. It’s because it’s true. This was your house and I mean, it’s a great house. But it was for the two of you.”

“Does it bother you? Being here?” she wondered. He’d never said anything. She was suddenly glad that she hadn’t shared her thoughts from earlier. If it did bother him just spending time here, moving in would definitely not be an option.

He shrugged. “Maybe not as much as it should. I’m just happy to be with you wherever you are. But I’d be even happier if we had a place of our own.”

10

“Are you sure you’re not just saying that?” Luke demanded. He shot a glance across the cab of his truck, his gaze landing in his passenger seat.

Quinn’s smile w
as huge. “No, Luke, I’m serious. I love it! You’re right, the kitchen was amazing! The rock fireplace is gorgeous. I could go into the master suite and never come back out again. Did you see that shower?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “I think you might like it even more than I do.”

“You were right, though. It is kind of big,” she admitted.

“Maybe we can hire a cleaning lady.
I mean, you know, when the time comes. That’s what I meant by ‘we’,” he sputtered.

“
I know what you meant. That’s not what
I
meant, though,” she said as she gently nudged his arm. The realtor had squeezed them in on a Friday afternoon. Now they were headed to Baxter to meet Nate and Lily for pizza and then a hockey game. A snowstorm was in the forecast but it wasn’t supposed to start until much later. Even still, large flakes were already starting to come down. “It’s just that four bedrooms are kind of a lot.”

He
threw her another look as he tapped the steering wheel absentmindedly. Finally he said, “We could fill up the other bedrooms. Not right away,” he was quick to add. “But someday.”

Quinn’s heart fluttered. “You want kids.”

“Well, yeah,” Luke said, sounding flustered. “Someday. I mean, you want more. Right? Carter should have a brother or sister. Unless you don’t want more?”

“No, it’s not that,” Quinn said, smiling. “I definitely do. I guess when you think of it that way, four bedrooms really
aren’t that many.  I mean, if Carter has a brother or sister someday.” She was surprised at the rush of excitement, of happiness, that coursed through her at the thought. She’d always wanted more kids but hadn’t let her mind go there in a very long time. “Wow,” she breathed out the word.

“What?” Luke asked. “Is this too much?
We’re probably not ready for this conversation yet. I’m pushing things too far.”

“Just the opposite, actually,” Quinn admitted. “When we lost Jake,
everything
felt like such a struggle. Sometimes, even taking one day at a time felt like too much. Looking into the future was almost impossible. But these past few months, you’ve really changed that. Now, I
like
looking into the future. It doesn’t seem so scary and empty anymore. In fact, it doesn’t seem scary or empty at all.” She paused, letting a realization take hold. “In fact, I’m actually looking forward to it.”

“Yeah?” Luke asked with a smile.

“Definitely.”

“Good,” h
e said, “because so am I. Hey, speaking of the future, have you heard back from Bergstrom’s?” They were a small, locally owned pharmacy.

Now that
Quinn had decided it was time to go back to work, she’d been keeping an eye out for something she was interested in. Jobs in a small town like Lanford weren’t always easy to find. However, she had applied for a few and had been excited about her interview.

“I did hear back, actually,” she admitted sheepishly.

“And…what? You forgot to tell me?” Luke demanded. “Come on Quinn! I’m sure your interview was awesome. What did they have to say?”

“They offered me the job.”

“What? That’s great!” Luke exclaimed. Then he took a good look at Quinn’s face. He was barely able to make out her expression in the dismal lighting of the gray evening. “It’s not great? You don’t look happy. Why isn’t it great?”

“Because initially it was supposed to be for part-time. That’s why I was so excited about it. But now, they’ve reconsidered. I guess they’re thinking of expanding in the next year or so.
They want to open an adjoining flower shop. How those two businesses blend together, I’m not sure. They offered me the position but it’s full-time. I really don’t want that.” She laughed. “I know how bad that sounds. I want to work. I just don’t want to work too much.”

“It doesn’t sound bad at all. It sounds like you have priorities. Carter is your top priority
and he should be,” Luke said decisively.

“Not only that, but now that your mom is retired, she’s insistent that she wants to watch Carter for me when I go back to work. She’s told me she wouldn’t mind watching him full-time but I would never ask her to do that. I mean, she’s
retired
. I know she loves having him but I don’t want to take advantage of the situation. I know I could put him in daycare but I’m just not ready for that yet,” she said.

“I get all that,” Luke told her
. “But you’re still good, financially, right?” She nodded. “Then take your time. The right thing will come along.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I know.
I’m fortunate I don’t have to worry about that.” Jake had made sure of it.

“Just so you know, Mom would take Carter every day and love it,” Luke said with a smirk. “And now that she’s retired, Dad seems to be getting anxious to retire too. I don’t think it’s going to be long. Between the two of them, they’d keep Carter plenty busy.”