Let Me Love You (Love #4) (2 page)

I look down to my lap and fiddle with my fingers, not knowing what to say.

“Jay,” Cooper whispers.

I glance up at him with unshed tears in my eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me when you first found out?”

Cooper looks to Hailey and Mason again, and then back to me. “I was planning on telling you but I just didn’t know how. I didn’t want to lose you.”

I could never imagine not having Cooper in my life, not after everything. “I’m not going anywhere, Coop. I’ve told you this before.” He knows this. We’ve talked about it so many times that I can’t even keep count anymore. I can’t function without him in my life. It’s pathetic but it is what it is.

Mason stands and helps pull Hailey off the couch, “Just come get me when you’re ready,” Mason says to Cooper. I glance up to Hailey and she’s smiling apologetically.

“How long have they known?” I ask Cooper after they leave the room.

Cooper kisses my neck, “Hailey hasn’t known that long,” sighing loudly, he continues. “Mason on the other hand has known for a little while. It’s actually the reason why Hailey and Mason split. He was trying to protect me.”

That I’m not surprised about, Mason protecting his brother, that’s just Mason. I never would have thought he’d put anything before Hailey though.

“The night that Hailey thought she saw Lily and Mason kissing in the hallway at the bar was the same night Mason found out. Lily is, or was, apparently friends with Brittany and that’s how she found out. Mason didn’t want her causing shit before the wedding so he took the heat for it all.”

“Oh Mason.” I whisper.

Cooper hugs me closer to him and I enjoy the feeling more than he knows. “I know,” he says. “The stupid ass is lucky he didn’t lose Hailey for good. I was pissed when he told me what he’d done.”

I rest my head on Cooper’s shoulder and snuggle in closer, “Yeah well, I should be pissed off at you, Coop. You should have told me, no secrets ever between us, remember?”

Cooper kisses the top of my head and takes a deep breath, “I know but I was worried about you and the way you were going to handle it.”

I reach over for Cooper’s hand and entwine our fingers, “I’m not going to break. I’m pretty sure if I was it would have happened already. And Cooper,” I lift my head and look into his eyes. “Don’t feel like you can’t tell me things. You’ve helped me so much in the past, let me help you.”

Cooper looks intently into my eyes and then slowly brings his full pink lips to mine. “I’m sorry.”

I place a little kiss on his lips and melt just like I always do with him. All the worry, nervousness, heart-stopping feelings just wash away. Cooper is my rock and I need him more than he’ll ever know. He saved me and now I just need him to let me love him in all the ways I can.

Jaylinn handled the news a lot better than I had thought. A lot better than I did. I don’t know why I didn’t think she couldn’t, I should have known better. As soon as her lips met mine I knew everything would be ok with us. Now just to tell Hunter and all will be put in the past and buried there.

I place another sweet and gentle kiss on Jaylinn’s lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away.”

She rests her forehead on mine. “I know you are, but Cooper I need you to let me in.”

Jaylinn wants me to open up and be with her but she doesn’t know what I’m dealing with inside my head. I can’t let her in. I’d feel like I would just be adding more shit into her life, complicating her in ways she didn’t need. Not a day goes by where I don’t feel like an asshole for sleeping with Brittany, and for that one night that the both of us will never forget. Most of all, she’s still holding onto the one thing I don’t think I deserve.
Her virginity.

I don’t deserve it. In my mind, no one does.

I close my eyes, wishing she could see why I can’t take this. “I’m trying Jay.” I lie, hating that I do it to her.

She reaches up and cups my face, her eyes holding mine. “I know you are but try a little harder.” She smiles and it touches my heart like it’s meant to. “I’m not getting any younger here.”

I chuckle and it hits me in the gut. Leave it to Jaylinn to make light of the situation. “You’re not, but the older you get the more beautiful you become.”

Jaylinn gently rubs her nose against mine. It feels so good to have her this close and I keep her wrapped in my arms for a few more minutes before I hear people clearing their throats. “I guess that’s our signal to wrap it up.” I tell Jaylinn who starts to giggle.

“Sorry to break this up but Hails is sending me on a wild goose chase again. We’ve got to stop at Dunkin’ Donuts to pick her up a banana nut muffin.” Mason says with a straight face.

I feel Jaylinn’s body start to shake from laughter and soon the both of us are cracking up. Mason, my cocky ass brother, has done a complete 360 since he found out that Hailey was pregnant. If Hailey asks him to jump, Mason is asking how high. Just last week after the gym he made me go thirty minutes out of the way just to get Hailey a salad from this little shop down-town.

“Alright.” I kiss Jaylinn again and then lift her off my lap.

Jaylinn sits back in the seat that I just vacated. Mason and Hailey are standing in the kitchen and I smile at them as I swipe my jacket off the back of the chair. I turn towards Hailey and place a hand on her stomach. “Let’s go, we’ve got to keep my nieces happy.”

Hailey and Mason both glare at me, “Nephews!”

I remove my hand and walk towards the front door, laughing the whole way.

On the way to Dunkin’ Donuts, Mason is tapping his hand against the steering wheel. I know he’s waiting for me to bring up what went on with Jaylinn after they left the room. He knows when I’m ready to talk about something with him I will.

“Things are good with us, Mason.” I finally say, willing myself to look over at him. “Although Jaylinn is a little pissed that you didn’t say anything before.”

He winces because he knows it’s true. Keeping his mouth quiet almost caused him to lose the love of his life. He gets it, I know he does.

“That’s good.” Mason turns the radio down a little bit. “So the only one left to tell is Hunter then?”

“Yeah,” I nod in agreement with a sarcastic edge to my tone. “That’s going to go over well.” “Bro, you didn’t know.” Mason defends, trying to help me out. I wish it made me feel better, but it didn’t.

Just the thought of Brittany now makes me feel sick. She’s a vile person, nothing like Hunter and Jaylinn. Thankfully it was just a one night stand and meant absolutely nothing - just a drunken moment of stupidity.

“I know.” I say, ending the conversation.

I turn my head towards the window and watch as the cars pass on the other side of the highway.

I know what Jaylinn wants. She wants to let me love her. The thing is I already do, so much. I just can’t love her in the ways she needs me to. And that is harder than I ever imagined it would be.

Hailey waddles her little basketball of a belly into the living room and sits in the brown oversized recliner, “So.”

I look over at her and smile, “So.”

She’s got that pregnancy glow going for her and looks beautiful for being four months pregnant. She bitches and complains but I know deep down inside she loves it. “Are you really ok with Cooper?” She narrows her eyes at me, “Don’t bullshit me either, Jay.”

I look down to my hands and nod. “How can I not be? He didn’t know.”

“Look at me,” Hailey says sharply. I snap my eyes up to hers, “I’m serious Jay. Are you okay?”

I hold her stare for just a minute and then blink a few times trying to hold back the tears, knowing that deep down I’m really not okay with it. “It’s in the past; I have to be okay with him sleeping with my half-sister but not with me.” It came out more bitter than I wanted it to but if I’m being real to myself I’m hurt. I’m beyond hurt.

“Jay,” Hailey whines. “Come over here.”

I get up off the couch and go squeeze on the recliner with Hailey. She puts her small arm around my shoulders and hugs me to her and it’s then that the tears start to fall.

“Shh, it’s alright sweetie.” Hailey croons to me, running her hand through my hair like my mom used to do when I was younger. It’s such a simple gesture but so comforting too.

“I don’t understand, Hailey.” I say between shuddering breaths, feeling hopeless. “He’s holding back with me and I hate it but I don’t know how to get through to him.”

Hailey continues to run her hand through my hair and just lets me cry. It feels good to let it out but I’m still holding on to that one piece that I don’t want to share with anyone. Deep down inside I think that’s what is holding Cooper back.

How can I talk to Hailey about this if I don’t want to relive that night again? No one knows but Cooper, me and that piece of shit, Kevin.

“One day at a time, Jay. He’ll come around.” Hailey gives me a warm smile, trying to convince me that her words are true and I want to believe her, I do. I would give anything for that to be true, but it seems it might never be. “I know that’s not what you want to hear but trust me; I see it in his eyes. He has the same look Mason gets when he sees me. He’s falling for you Jay, and doesn’t know what to do about it. Mason and Cooper are cut from the same leather; they love hard but fight harder against it. They are their own worst enemies.”

I sniffle, wondering how she did it and how she convinced Mason. “How did you finally get through to him Hails?”

Hailey stops running her hand in my hair, “I didn’t. He finally opened his eyes and saw what was right in front of him. Cooper will see it too, you just wait. The Cahills are
all
hard headed.”

I laugh through the tears, she’s right. Even MacKenzie is hard headed.

I eventually dry my tears and store all this information away for later. Hailey and I watch some movie on Lifetime and we both drift off asleep.

Mason and Cooper come home around dinner time. The rest of the gang is coming over to hang out with us too and we are all going to figure out what we’re doing for New Year’s. I’m sure it will probably be something low key with MacKenzie’s due date next month.

I’m still sitting on the recliner with Hailey’s head resting on my shoulder when Cooper comes in. He kisses the side of my head and I shift slightly towards him, careful not to wake the pregnant princess.

“You okay, Twinkle Toes?” Cooper whispers in my ear.

I nod as I try to inch a little closer to him.

Mason walks into the living room and frowns down at Hailey. “How long has she been asleep like that?”

I look over to the clock, “About three hours.”

Mason swears under his breath. He stalks over to us and lifts her with ease into his arms and lays her down on the couch and covers her with a blanket. Hailey barely even stirs.

“Let’s go talk.” Cooper says as he extends his hand to me.

I stretch out my body and yawn. Sitting like that for as long as I have has my back aching. I grab Cooper’s hand and he leads us to the spare bedroom upstairs where Cooper and I normally stay when we spend the night. Cooper shuts and locks the door behind us.

My eyebrows shoot up.

“Strip.”

My eyes go wide in surprise. It’s not uncommon for Cooper to say this to me but he only does it when I’m having a melt down and he can’t get through to me any other way, or when he wants the bare and exposed me, the one where I can’t hide my emotions or run.

“Strip.” Cooper repeats, his eyes never break from mine and I fight the urge to shiver at the intensity.

There’s something about the way he’s looking at me, or maybe it’s that intensity, but I do as he says. Pulling my socks off first, I slowly reach for the hem of my shirt and pull it up over my head. I glance over at Cooper who is looking at me with fire in his eyes. My body breaks out in goose bumps from the cold air hitting my skin and from the ferocious passion of Coopers stare. I toss my shirt somewhere behind me then unbutton my jeans and slowly, so slowly, start shimmying them down my thighs. I step out of them and gaze over at Cooper, he’s staring at my discarded jeans and then he rakes his eyes up my legs and they stop at the fancy script tattoo on my hip;
Inhale the future, exhale the past.