Let Me Love You (Love #4) (5 page)

Cooper nudges me and grabs a handful of popcorn out of the bowl that’s sitting on my lap. Before putting it in his mouth he asks, “So is all your Christmas shopping done?”

I blanch, nearly choking on my own breath. “Um, no. I’ve got one last gift to get and I have no idea what it’s going to be.”

Cooper chews the popcorn then reaches for his water on the bedside table. “Who’s it for? Maybe I can give you some ideas.”

I narrow my eyes at him, “You eavesdropped on my call didn’t you?”

He laughs, “I didn’t mean to but at least I made myself known before you started listing ideas.”

I bump into his shoulder with mine, “You’re a punk! I can’t believe you were listening.”

Cooper shrugs, amused with himself.

“I wish you would have walked in before I called Mason.” I make a gagging sound, trying and failing to put the image out of my head. “That asshole answered the phone while he was screwing Hailey.”

Cooper throws his head back and laughs. “Sounds like something Mason would do,” he stops laughing and gives me a funny look, “but I really didn’t need the visual either.”

I giggle, “Glad I could help.”

“I wonder how,” Cooper cuts his eyes over to me, “he’s--“

He doesn’t get to finish that sentence because I start pushing him off the bed. “I don’t need any more visuals running through my head Cooper!”

Cooper sits back up still laughing. “Alright, alright, I promise not to ask how he’s managing to hit that these days.”

I shove Cooper again, “Damn it Cooper!”

He rights himself in bed again, laughing his ass off. “Okay I’m done now, promise.”

I glare, wanting to smack him. “Just remember you have to go to sleep at some point.”

Cooper holds his hands up in surrender, “Alright settle down, Twinkle Toes.”

I reach for my iced coffee, “So how do you think the season is going to go this year?”

Cooper pulls me to his side, “Everything looks pretty good. Coach knows Mason is going to be missing some time with the twins coming and all.”

I rest my head on his shoulder, “I guess that gives someone a chance to bump Mason down on the list?”

Cooper nods, “Pretty much.”

“That sucks.”

Cooper sighs loudly, “Yeah.”

Nothing more is said for a little while as we both get into the action of the movie. Cooper’s phone dings alerting him of a text.

He reaches over and reads the message. He doesn’t reply when he is done, just puts the phone back down.

I sit up, stretching my arms over my head, “Everything ok?” I know I’m being nosey but I’m curious.

Cooper yawns, “Yeah. You remember Eli right, the one who played ball with me and Mase at BU?”

I remember exactly who Eli is; he’s someone I won’t be forgetting soon. Cooper doesn’t know how attracted I really am to him so I try playing it off. I put a finger to my mouth and tap my lips, trying to act like I can’t remember the hunk.

Cooper smirks, “Come on Jay, big guy, muscles, dark hair, tall. All the girls seem to flock to him.”

A smile tugs at my lips. Every time Eli would talk to me, or even look in my direction, I would blush. I couldn’t help it. He’s just one of those guys that are perfect, flawless really. He’s in a class all by himself.

“You remember don’t you?” Cooper tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “Look at you. You’re blushing and he isn’t even here.”

I narrow my eyes, annoyed with him. “I’m not blushing, Cooper.”

“Uh huh, whatever though, you’re in my bed. That’s all that matters.” Cooper kisses me on the lips to drive the point home.
Cue the butterflies.
“Anyway, he’s opening up a club here in Jersey down by the shore and he wants me to partner up with him.”

My eyebrows rise inquiringly. “Are you going to do it?” I’m a little taken aback because I thought for sure Cooper would bide his time until he made it to the big leagues.

Cooper stares off into space, not answering me right away. “Yeah, I’m thinking pretty hard about it.”

I nod my head wondering if I should keep trying to press for more information. I choose to just let it go for now. I get lost in watching Channing Tatum fight his way through a gun battle at the White House, trying to save his daughter from the bad guys.

“I’ve been thinking about quitting the team too.” Cooper finally says after some time.

I act like what he just said isn’t a big deal although I’m floored he just uttered those words. “Is that what you really want to do?” I question. “Can you do both?”

Cooper shrugs, “I could do both but I don’t think I want to. I really only went with the
BlueClaws
because I didn’t know what else I wanted to do with my life. They offered me a good deal and I went with it because I didn’t have anything else, plus the bonus was that I would still be playing with Mason. But now with Eli opening this club I’d be able to put those four years of business management to work. If things go well we’d probably open another one in the next town over.”

From the way he’s talking, he’d obviously given this a lot of thought. “But you love baseball, Cooper.” I say, wanting him to see all sides of this. He has played for as long as I can remember, it’s his life. Or at least I thought it would be. I can’t imagine him doing anything else beside that.

“I know and I always will, but it’s time for a change.” Cooper licks his lips.

I nod in agreement with him. It seems that he’s already made up his mind and it’s not my place to change it.

We snuggle back in and watch the rest of the movie. I feel my eyes getting heavy and Cooper’s breathing is steady and slow, I know he’s fallen asleep. I reach across him and turn the TV down and then wrap myself around his waist and fall asleep.

“No, no, stop.”

Groaning, I turn my head away from the noise.

“Please, stop.”

I turn my head back the other way, restless.

“Cooper!”

My eyes snap open and it takes me a second to get my bearings but it didn’t take me long.

“Don’t, no!”

I sit up quickly and look over at Jaylinn’s trembling body. Pushing the blankets off me, I reach over to put a hand on her arm. “Jay, baby, you’re dreaming.”

“Stop!”

Fuck!
My throat is so dry and my voice catches so I swallow and I try again, “Jay,” I give her shoulder a little shake, wanting to pull her out of the nightmare. “Wake up. You’re dreaming. It’s just a dream.”

Jaylinn’s eyes fly open, tears running from her eyes. She’s looking all around, eyes wide and panicked trying to figure out where she is. “Cooper?” she gasps.

“Yeah, it’s me. You were dreaming.” I hate this. I hate so much that there’s absolutely nothing I can do for her with these dreams. As I watch her, my heart is pounding hard as I’m sure hers is too.

She’s been having them less and less lately but when they hit they screw with her head pretty badly for the next few days. That’s what kills me. Most of the time something triggers them but this time I’m not sure what would have brought it on.

“I’m sorry,” she cries, her voice so lost it gives my heart another stab.

Jaylinn tries to turn over but I reach out and place my hand on her hip to stop her. I wipe some of her tears away, “Don’t be sorry, Jay. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

She cries harder and buries her head into the crook of my neck. I’m afraid to touch her because most of the time she can’t handle it but I want to comfort her, I need to. Or maybe it’s that I need to comfort myself? I didn’t know for sure, all I know is that I need to touch her. I start out slow by running my fingertips up her arm a few times. When I know she isn’t going to pull away, I run them up and down her side.

“Just hold me,” she whispers, giving in and letting me take the pain away.

That’s all I needed to hear. I pull her whole body so it’s flush against mine and wrap my arms around her. She’s still shaking but at least the tears have stopped, that’s all I can ask for right now. I kiss her head a couple of times and tell her that I’m here, she’s safe and I’m not going anywhere.

Eventually her body relaxes in my arms, and I think she’s fallen asleep but she surprises me when she calls my name.

“Coop?” she sighs loudly, “I need you to wash that night away. I want you to make my nightmares go away.” She sniffles and reaches up to wipe her face. “I need you to do this with me. I need it to be you. I’m not sure I could handle it being anyone else but,” She huffs, “it needs to happen. I want something to replace that nightmare and it’s the only way I can think to do it.”

I don’t respond right away because I’ll admit I’m scared. Nothing usually scares me but this, with her; it scares the shit out of me.

“I don’t expect you to answer me right now but you’re going to have to eventually, Cooper. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” Jaylinn turns over to face the other direction and moves to the end of the bed.

She doesn’t understand and I don’t think she will be able to. I wish I could talk to someone about what I should do but I’ve sworn on my life that this stays between us and I could never break my promise to her.

I’m lost in my own head. What if we did have sex and in the middle of it she connects what we’re doing with what happened to her?
I don’t ever want to know.
Can I be the one that will wash away the memories and make new ones with her?
That’s what I want to happen, she doesn’t deserve this.
What will happen to her, to me, if the sex ruins whatever we have going on between us?
I’m not sure but I would hope we could overcome it.
Would she survive?
In Jaylinn fashion she will.
Will she sink further into herself without seeking professional help?
Yeah she will, but her pride will get in her way.
Would I be able to sit back and do nothing?
Hell no, I won’t be able to ever do that.

If Jaylinn did get tired of waiting around for me and finds another man to take that special gift away from her will I be able to handle that?
Nope, but if that guy she finds makes her smile the way she used to and brings back those sparkling blue eyes then I’d gladly step aside. I’ll be there every step of the way for her. It’s not what I want to happen because I want Jaylinn.
If I’m being honest with myself I have for a while but I didn’t see it right away. I was too worried about the next piece of ass and living the college dream. I see it now though and I want her more than my last breath, but again I’m afraid that when, if, we take the next step that it will push her away in the end.

“Maybe I’m scared because you mean more to me than any other person in my life, Jay.” I say to myself mostly but loud enough that if she’s awake she’ll hear me.

I wake up the next morning with the sun shining down on me from the open window. I know Cooper isn’t lying in here with me because I can’t feel him. He’s already left to go to the gym for his strength training with the team. I roll onto my back and stretch my body out. I need to get my ass out of this bed and go for a run. I will not let last night’s dream affect me. I can’t.

“You need to get over this shit, Jay.” I tell myself. I even go as far as raising my fist in the air as if this will give me the motivation I need. It kinda does.