Layers Off (9 page)

What I really wanted to do was to punch her in her face, right in that pointy nose to square it off, and tell her to fuck off. I’d never used my father’s fame or our family’s money to gain friends or make a name for myself. Was it time to do so? And once again, instead of standing up to the bitch, I whispered, “Yes.”

That day I sat at the back of my science class. I lowered my head, acutely aware of the Barbie squad gazing back at me, laughing, whispering, and joking at my expense. Did I really have to become a bitch like them so they would leave me alone? Was that what it would come down to? All I wanted was to concentrate on my studies. My mother had always said it was important to be well-educated – especially for a woman. That way I wouldn’t have to use the gifts God gave me to my advantage (my mother’s words, not mine). I’d been waiting for the boob fairy to show up anytime now, but it appeared she had other boobs to bless first, like Caroline’s – or perhaps she just stuffed her bra. My parents insisted on a private school, but I wanted to try to manage on my own, in the real world. The good thing about Mom and Dad was that while they were very protective, they knew how to give me freedom in other ways – like make decisions about my future on my own.

If it were my father, sitting in my seat, what would he do? He would fight. And so would my mother. They wouldn’t just sit here, nearly invisible, and take abuse for being different from anyone. They would stand their ground. They were always proud to bear the Walker family name, and so was I.

Someone blew a spit ball through a straw straight at my face. Half an inch higher and it would have been in my eye. Yet I still sat there, bearing the quiet laughs and giggles, waiting patiently for our near-deaf science teacher to realize his class wasn’t even paying attention to him. How could someone in his thirties lose his hearing that early? A few other kids, victims of earlier assaults, cringed in their seats. Some joined in the laughter just so they wouldn’t be the next victim on Barbies’ list.

With five minutes to spare, Mr. Donato asked everyone to pack up. Was it really almost over? Maybe I could actually get through this class. Perhaps I could somehow pull through lunch as well as the remaining three years here.

I stayed frozen, not moving a limb, acting more invisible than the ghost Barbie wanted me to be, waiting patiently until they were gone. And when the bell rang and the last of the bitch fest left, I finally got up, picked up my binder, and headed for the door.

“Katherine?” Mr. Donato said. “Can you please stay for a moment?”

“Yes.”

A chill passed over me, and I wasn’t sure why. He walked to the door and closed it shut. The echo propelled a roll of nerves over my body.

“You have lunch next period, don’t you?” his unibrow lifted.

“Yes.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want you to be late for class. Come here.” He wiggled his finger for me to come closer to where he leaned against his desk.

I strolled toward him, stopping a few feet away. The halls slowly quieted as the first wave of students made their way downstairs to the cafeteria.

“Are you having trouble with the other students?”

“No, sir.”

“You don’t have to be afraid to speak your mind, Katherine.
I
am your friend.”

You’re my teacher,
I thought.

“I can make things easier for you in this class and in other classes if you’d like. All you have to do is acknowledge that I’m someone who wants to help you.”

“Thank you, Mr. Donato.” For a brief moment the naive part of me thought he was genuine. That
he
could actually make
my
problems go away: help me avoid the crowd of assholes in this school. All he had to do was pay attention to what was going on behind his back while he taught. Could I tell him to do that more often? Was there something else he could do to stop the onslaught of constant abuse?

His was the only class I hated – not that I disliked science, but the deaf teacher had no clue what his students were up to.

Mr. Donato stood up and circled around me, coming between me and the door. He then took a step toward me.

“I help you, you help me. It’s how things work in this world.”

His back blocked the little window in the door where anyone could peek in, completely hiding me from the view.

“I’m not sure how I can help you.” My heart picked up. What was it about him that creeped me out so much?

“You’re a beautiful young girl.” His voice changed. It became almost soothing, cooing me to stay quiet and behave. “I’d like to help you become more confident.”

His hand touched the side of my thigh and I held my breath.

This isn’t happening!
At first I lied to myself that the gesture was just to comfort me, but once his hand slid under my kilt to my inner thigh, I knew Mr. Donato wanted more than to help me. Yet I couldn’t deny the new feeling of his hand on my skin felt good to me. No boy or man had ever touched me that way, especially
there.
I wouldn’t let them until I was ready. As soon as I tensed my thighs, he said, “Easy there,” and then continued sliding it higher.

The excitement of feelings I’d never experienced before overwhelmed me, but I knew it was wrong, and gross. He shouldn’t be fondling me that way. No one should. But he was my teacher – an authority figure who held power over whether I flunked my class or not. And I couldn’t disappoint my parents. They had such high hopes for me. Though it seemed like forever, all these thoughts ran through my mind within seconds.

He pushed at my inner thigh, opening my legs. I shut my eyes. The faint breeze there cooled that awkward feeling of heat I’d only had when I thought about a hot guy. Something strange happened in my belly, but when I opened my eyes to see Mr. Donato’s perverted hunger on his face, I thought I’d throw up.

This was so wrong.
What do I do? Should I run? No, he’ll catch me, then flunk me.

“Good girl. I can protect willing ladies like you from being harassed by their peers. You’re so unique and smart and beautiful. Your legs are so smooth.” His hand neared my panties and I stood completely still. Part of me wanted to run, but another part, the fearful one, froze. As any girl had, I’d often wondered what it would be like to feel a boy’s hand fully on me, but
he
was my teacher, a figure of authority, and
he
was a man. My gaze was drawn to Mr. Donato’s crotch, where his pants strained as he became hard underneath.

“I’d love to see if you shave your tight little pussy too.” His finger touched the elastic band of my panties and my Walker instinct returned. His vulgar words woke something inside me that I’d pushed aside. This was definitely inappropriate, and I’d had enough of everyone taking advantage of me at this fucking school! I shoved his hand away and grasped his balls as tightly as I could, squeezing until he could not move.

He squirmed underneath my grip. I tightened my fingers so hard that if he even tried to shove my hand aside, I’d rip them off.

“Stooop!” He barely got the words out of his mouth.

A bit more pressure and I’d permanently damage his swimmers. His eyes bulged and his mouth opened in shock.

“Listen to me, you fuck!” I said through my teeth. “If anyone here needs protection, it’s you. If you touch me again, in fact, if I hear you touch any other girl again, you will not know when I come to your house in the middle of the night and chop your dick off.”

“Please, let go...” he begged. His face was beet red and eyes watered. Donato clenched his jaw, as tightly as I held onto his package.

But I wasn’t finished just yet. “And if you think I’m this quiet little girl who sits in the back of the class and who cannot stand up for herself, then let me tell you this: I can use a switchblade like a pro. I’ve been expelled from elementary school for stealing, verbally and physically assaulting my teachers, and fucking up the principal’s car. And those are the tame things I was caught doing. You wouldn’t want me to spill your blood like I did to the others would you? No one would find out. After all, I’m the victim here. I’m this poor young girl who gets picked on and never does anything wrong. Why do you think I’m at this fucked up school? No one wants to admit me anywhere else.” I squeezed harder, so pleased with how well my imagination was working. Everything was a lie, of course, but he didn’t have to know that. “If you think you’ll check my records and not find anything, you’re right. Because my father works for the government, and he can make anything disappear. Just like that janitor who slipped and fell in the washroom after peeping at me and my friends piss. One word to Daddy and you’ll be gone in a puff.”

I finally let go of his balls. He grasped his crotch and fell to his knees, heaving in large breaths of air. Before I left the class, I turned around laughing, “You have a small dick for a man who thinks he can fuck, Mr. Donato. It explains why you’re not satisfied. No one wants a little pecker.” I shrugged.

Leaving that class felt like I’d just won a trophy in self-respect and finally earned an A plus in
Don’t fuck with me
.

This was it! I wouldn’t allow anyone to abuse me verbally or physically ever again. That moment in class, Mr Donato pushed me to the limit, and I decided not to be a victim any longer. I would be the biggest bitch in school if I had to. No one would think to cross me ever again!

I marched into the cafeteria full of the power and confidence that I knew hid deep inside me all this time. I’d always had it. I’d inherited it from my parents, yet never used it, fearing I would cause trouble for their careers. But I was a survivor, and this was my new beginning. It was time for the Walker blood in my veins to run like Red Bull.

With my head held high I strolled through the cafeteria, focused on the pop machine near the food station. The Barbie squad always sat in the spot where everyone had to pass by to get to the food line up. Flaunting their skanky skirts and stuffed bras, they preyed on their next victim.

I squared my shoulders, hoping for their sake they would just shut up and eat their lunch. Was it too much for them to leave me alone?

Yes, it was.

“Hi
Katherine!
” Caroline waved her arms at me as if I was her lost best friend. She blocked my way to the line.

“How was science? Did Mr. Donato ask you to stay for extra credit?”

The giggles from behind her spread through me like a bunch of crawling centipedes.

“Let me pass,” I said with a vengeance, wanting to give her one last chance.

“Did you have good time with Mr. Donato? Does he have smooth hands?” she asked.

What the hell?
My mouth opened. Did she know about the teacher’s sick fetish? Had he touched anyone else?

“Fuck off!” I barked.

Her face sobered for a moment. She came close enough so that I was the only one within earshot and said, “Uhh, it looks like someone had a hand up her ass instead of her pussy.”

“What did you just say?”

“Ahh, come on. You didn’t like the way he felt you up? Or maybe it wasn’t enough?” Her face was only inches away from me. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. Had she known all along the kind of a teacher he was?

I grabbed her by the throat, pushed past her friends, and pinned her against the wall. Knowing it wouldn’t be long before someone tore me off her, I had to choose my words wisely. “You know about what he does?” My nose nearly touched hers. “Has he hurt anyone else?”

“Hurt? No, he assured me he’d be gentle.”

“You’ve been ostracizing other girls just so the fucker can step in like a hero? What did he promise you?” I squeezed her throat tighter.

“Let go, you bitch!”

By this time my other hand was on her boob, squeezing until I knew she was hurting. I was pressed so tight against her no one saw where my hand actually was. “You think this makes girls feel good? Fondling them when they don’t want to be touched? What do you get out of this? No homework? A passing grade?”

“Let me go, you wacko.” Her throat was so squeezed, no one else heard her speak except for me.

“I swear, if you don’t stop this, I will make sure you will be the slut of this school with a reputation of a whore. No one will want to hang out with you. No one will believe you or respect you. And I can make it happen. If you don’t believe me, then watch what happens around here in the next few days, you bitch.”

I let her go and walked away. Among the rushing footsteps of supervising teachers, you could probably still hear a pin drop.

“She just assaulted me!” I heard from behind, but I paid no attention to anyone and headed straight to the principal’s office. There I called my father, staying silent until he got to school. I explained about the group of girls who had been picking on me and never told anyone about my incident with Mr. Donato. That kind of publicity could have ruined my father’s career. But I did have plans to fix things and ensure the sick teacher would never touch another girl again.

My parents took me out of there and had a long chat with the school superintendant about harassment. And I’m sure that anonymous letter I sent to the principal and highly respected teachers raised a few more eyebrows about their staff than they were expecting. I didn’t go into details, but I’m sure I caused some trouble for my ex-science teacher. I’d heard Mr. Donato was under the principal’s watchful eye. Without much proof, they couldn’t just fire him; and even if I did tell the truth, who would believe me? Rumors reached me that the blonde brigade had some kind of a disciplinary hearing. I printed incriminating flyers about the Barbie squad and passed them on to willing students who’d had enough of the bullying as well. The papers were conspicuously found in each locker. It wasn’t anything bad, but enough for the bullies to stop their terrorizing.

Still, that wasn’t a school I wanted to return to, and I finally agreed with my parents’ request to be moved to a private school where kids of my social status went. It eliminated the bullies because everyone was equal. That’s not to say there weren’t any snobs around. But I’d found my shield of bitchiness and stuck to it, earning respect, and often helping the quieter freshmen find their voice as well.