Katie's Forever Promise (7 page)

“How bad was it at the farm last night?” Ben asked, not looking at either of them.

His
mamm
glanced at his
daett
before she answered. “We were worried about you, Ben. That's all that matters.”

Mamm
would say that, but both of his parents knew what he really meant. His
daett
spoke brave words about bearing the shame of his sin along with him. That was because there was real shame to bear. The community would not look lightly on the
disgrace Ben had brought on all of them. They had obligations that his parents alone didn't have.

Mamm
squeezed Ben's hand again. “No one can fault you for how you conducted yourself last night. You could have let
Daett
go out to the barn, but you didn't.”

Daett
cleared his throat. “Maybe it would have been better if Ben had. Whoever that was probably wouldn't have shot me. You'd better stop taking things into your own hands, Ben. You have to let others help carry the load. That's also what our people are about.”

Ben glanced away from his
daett
's gaze. “What should I do then?”

“You have to live at
Dawdy
's for awhile…at the
dawdy haus
.”
Daett
's voice was firm.

Ben's arm twitched. “And put them in danger?”

“It will take awhile for anyone to figure out where you're living. That will give everything time to settle down.”

“But I don't want to,” Ben managed to get out.

“You don't have any choice,”
Daett
said. “It's already been decided. I've spoken with
Dawdy
this morning. They have the extra room in the back. It's small, but
gut
enough.”

Mamm
squeezed Ben's arm. “It'll be for the best, Ben. Trust us.”

Ben leaned back before closing his eyes. There were rustlings in the room as he dozed off. When he opened his eyes again, his family was gone, including Brenda. It was just as well. He needed sleep. Closing his eyes again, he thought about one of the main decisions he'd made during his time in jail. Could it really happen now? He'd determined to join the church after his release from jail and work to make things right with his parents and the other people in the church. Katie too, but that might prove an impossible dream. Jail had changed him, breaking him in
ways that nothing had before. He'd knelt by his cot many a night, repenting of his sins and reaching out to
Da Hah
in prayer. And for the first time he seemed to break through. Peace filled his heart. The flood of doubts he used to have about the faith no longer came rushing into his mind.

None of his family ever knew the depths of the questions he used to carry inside. Only Katie had been told of the thoughts he'd had about the
ordnung
, the rules the church put such stock in. Questions about the community's separation from the
Englisha
world. About the founding fathers and their lives way back in Switzerland. Katie was supposed to have brought back answers for him from her trip to Europe, but he'd ruined that expectation by his arrest.

Even worse, he now had no contact with Katie at all. His life had turned into a shameful existence. He was even bringing a physical threat upon his family. How could someone so completely mess things up? He grimaced and turned away from the light coming through the window, accepting the sleep that drew him back in.

Chapter Six

Katie paced the floor of her room. How could this be happening? She'd thought she was rid of Ben Stoll once and for all—and now she obviously wasn't. Well, it would only be for one day. Then things could go on like they had before.

Enos Kuntz had come driving in to the family farm early, well before breakfast with the news. He'd spoken with Katie out on the front porch after
Mamm
had met him at the door. She'd called Katie from her work in the kitchen, and then left Katie and Enos alone. Deep concern for the situation was written on Enos's face as he gave Katie the news about the Stoll farm events, expressing nothing but sympathy for her over the situation.

School had been called off for the day, he announced, because there'd been a shooting over at the Stoll farm late last evening. The school board didn't wish to expose the children to danger in case the gunman was still in the area. All the children were to stay at home.

He also explained that Ben was in the hospital, a gunshot wound to his chest. He was expected to survive.

Even in her shock, Katie realized that because of agreeing to let Norman take her home after the hymn singing this Sunday, she was already being considered a part of the Kuntz family. She should be thankful…very thankful. What a change this was from a few short years ago when she'd been known as Emma Raber's daughter—a backward and awkward girl. But no one was calling her that now.

Why was she so irritated over this situation about Ben? She should feel sorry that he'd been shot. And she did, Katie reassured herself. But Ben was like a burr from the summer hayfields that clung to your shoestrings and wouldn't go away. He'd even had the nerve to send word through Emery Graber that he wished to speak with her. She had a right to move on with her life without Ben's interference, didn't she? And she wanted to! Katie continued to pace. Was she being too hard on Ben, perhaps? But what did that mean? She had nothing to do with him anymore. She didn't want to! She knew he was sorry for what he'd done. That went without saying. She didn't need to hear it from Ben's lips—if that was why he wanted to see her. Beyond that, Ben had no claim on her. They never had a formal engagement or anything close to it. Her cheeks burned red with the memory of the kisses she and Ben had shared—and how she'd enjoyed them. She felt a twinge of guilt over liking kisses from a man who had betrayed her.

Norman's hesitant face floated before Katie's eyes. What would it be like to kiss Norman? She couldn't imagine that happening until after the wedding vows were said. Norman was that kind of man…upstanding and steady—exactly what she wanted in a man now more than ever. Katie let the thought hang in her mind. Norman would be no Ben. She was sure of that. She couldn't even imagine snuggling up to Norman in his buggy. He'd probably freeze up with fright and pull away. Ben, on the other hand, had moved closer, slipping his hand over her shoulder as if he had a right to have her close to him.

Katie shoved the thoughts away. She had no call to think these thoughts about Norman or Ben. They weren't decent—comparing one man with another. Still, the memories came back insistent and demanding. He had kissed her one last time, pulling her aside that evening at the airport before she flew out of Philadelphia bound for Zurich. Her Mennonite friends Margaret, Sharon, and Nancy had teased her plenty about her rosy cheeks and lips.

Katie flopped on her bed. Confound Ben for getting himself shot and bringing all these thoughts back! He was probably lying in the hospital bed in Dover right now, hanging on to the edge of life and looking helpless and sweet. How dare Ben's dealings reach all the way across the community and close her school? And here she was, thinking only about herself when Ben was so seriously injured and in the hospital. Well, she would pray for him. She could at least do that, Katie thought. She knelt beside the bed, but before she could get a word out, a knock came at the door. Katie leaped up, went to the door, turned the knob, and opened it to find Willis standing in the hallway.

“
Yah
?” Katie asked as she stared at him.

“I just heard,” Willis said, a frown creasing his face.

“Enos said Ben's doing okay,” Katie told him, as if that settled the matter. Why was Willis at her door? Was he trying to comfort her? She didn't need comfort or want to talk about Ben.

Willis seemed to understand her hesitation. “I…I thought…” Willis tried again. “It troubles me…that Ben wishes to speak with you and you haven't responded. I can imagine how he feels, especially now. He lost you after all, and now he's been shot—almost killed.”

Katie raised her eyebrows. “What are you saying, Willis?”

“I think you should visit Ben today, Katie. Let him tell you in person that he's sorry for what happened. I'll go with you.”

“But he's not dying,” Katie protested, as if that were the perfect
answer. Her heart pounded. Why was she having this surge of emotion at the thought of seeing Ben?

Willis didn't appear convinced. “You never know about such things.”

Thoughts raced through Katie's mind. Could Willis be right? He did have a kind heart, and she might be blinded by her past bitter experiences with Ben. What if Ben did take a turn for the worse, and she'd denied him the opportunity to apologize? Forgiveness was more for the asker's benefit anyway. Katie looked into Willis's sorrowful eyes and gave in.

“Okay, I'll go. But you can't leave us alone in the hospital room. You have to stay right with me.”

Willis appeared puzzled, but he nodded. “Whatever you say. I'm glad you've decided to go.”

Katie marched downstairs ahead of Willis and found
Mamm
in the kitchen. “Willis and I are going to visit Ben Stoll at the hospital.”

Mamm
gasped. “But, Katie, he's not your boyfriend any longer! You shouldn't go. It's not decent.”

“I'm going with her,” Willis said from the kitchen doorway. “I think she should, Emma. Ben should be allowed to say he's sorry in person to Katie. He needs to.”

Mamm
swallowed hard. “Well, I don't know what to say. You do have a tender heart, Willis. But this is going a little too far.”

“
Daett
said we could go.” Willis's words cut through the air and ended the argument.

Mamm
wouldn't go against what Jesse said, and neither should she, Katie told herself. Bitterness had apparently crept into her heart, and she should be thankful that Willis was trying to help her deal with it.

Katie found her coat in the washroom, and
Mamm
came out to whisper in her ear.

“Katie, do be careful.”

Katie nodded as
Mamm
stayed at the washroom door. When she turned her head to look back,
Mamm
was still watching as she followed Willis across the lawn.

Was she doing the wrong thing? Katie wondered. But how could this be wrong if Jesse approved? Willis pushed open the barn door, and Leroy glanced up from the harness he was oiling. Surprised, he commented, “Going somewhere, are we?”

Willis answered. “
Yah
, I'm taking Katie in to see Ben.”

The surprised look changed to concern. “You wouldn't be doing something foolish, would you, Katie?”

“She needs to speak with Ben,” Willis insisted. “And
Daett
said it's okay.”

Leroy shrugged. A smile grew on his face as he helped them harness Katie's horse, Sparky. “I hope all goes well.”

Katie nodded her thanks and followed Willis out of the barn. She held the shafts of the buggy as he guided Sparky in place. They fastened the tugs and climbed in. Willis slapped the reins gently against Sparky's back and they headed down the lane. They turned south at the end, eventually driving past Byler's Store, where Katie used to work. Sparky wanted to turn in, but Willis kept him on the road and clucked at him to keep up the speed.

Katie glanced into the store as they went past. Arlene was likely busy with the cash register as usual. Mrs. Cole probably had a new woman working by now, taking over where Katie had left off. Working here had consumed much of her life before
Mamm
had married Jesse. While at Byler's, Katie had dreamed of Ben. On some mornings she'd even passed him on her way to work. At first he hadn't even noticed her enough to wave. Her heart had imagined how
wunderbah
it would be for any girl who got to ride with Ben in his buggy. And then the opportunity had come her way, just like the miracle that it was.

But now she knew Ben wasn't who or what she'd thought he was. He had betrayed her and so many other people, including his family and the Amish community. She was going to visit him this morning just so he could find relief from the sorrow that must be heavy on his heart. It was one's Christian duty, wasn't it? Offering forgiveness even if it wasn't asked for? And Ben probably wanted to ask. Katie glanced at Willis sitting beside her in the buggy. Her new brother had been wise beyond his years to see this.

Katie hung on to the side of the buggy as they approached Dover. Willis took Sparky down the many blocks until they reached State Street. Thankfully it was the middle of the day, and traffic was light. The Amish used the Bayhealth hospital, so a buggy being driven there shouldn't be anything unusual.

Arriving at the hospital parking lot, Willis stopped along a fence and climbed out. He tied Sparky with a rope kept under the seat. Now that they were here, the place looked much bigger than she remembered. Katie stayed close beside Willis as they found their way inside.

“
Gut
morning,” Willis said to a woman sitting at a large desk. “Will you give me Ben Stoll's room number?”