Juilliard or Else (39 page)

Right now, I don't even have the nerve to tell him about the baby. I couldn't bear it if he didn't believe me. Deep down, I knew that he would. I was such a chicken.

"Tucker," I managed to squeak out. I stepped towards him, but he stepped back, not meeting my face.

"Gabs, you want to be with me, but I can't if Alex is prancing away in front of my face. You know Carol doesn't like me and yet you still hang around me." He eyes burned into mine and he took one step towards me. Tears were falling down my icy cold cheeks and his thumb caressed the watery trails away. "I'm sorry, but I can't be with you if Alex is in the picture."

I let out a big breath against his palm, "Are you breaking up with me?" My heart slowly started to break, piece by piece and my guard started to build up around it. Just like I would do around Carol when I would disappoint her, I would just go into a different world, alone. I glanced up at Tucker, his face hard as stone as he thought about what I just asked him. Our bodies were so close together and my body just reacted like normal, fisting my hands in his shirt. I can't help my body as I push up on my toes and softly kiss his mouth, but there's no passion in the little kiss. His lips were set in a hard line, his hands coming up to give me a little push on my shoulders, making me step away from him.

"I'm sorry, Abigail, we can't be together. I can't see it happening. It's just not gonna work."

Shaking my head, I said, "You don't mean it,"

"Yes, I do. I can't give you the fucking life you live! We're not good together anyway. You're spoiled daddy's girl who gets everything handed to her left and fucking right. I can't stand people like that! I never had much money and I still don't, but what I have is a start and it's not going anywhere near you!"

My jaw dropped. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't want you!" he screamed as his hot angry breath hit my face, blowing my hair back.

That did it; my heart just shattered into a million tiny pieces and it could never be fixed again. Tucker didn't want me. The first guy I fell in love with didn't want me. Carol was right; even my dad warned me about Tucker not staying with me.

"He doesn't believe in our world, Abigail."

I started backing away from him, his breaths were harsh to my ears. Some joggers rushed past us as I quickly turned around and started running away from him. I expected Tucker to call out for me that he made a huge mistake, but he didn't; he let me run. I came out of our hiding spot in Central Park and raced to my building. Michael didn't have time to even open the main door for me.

"Miss Abigail?" he called out, hanging up the desk phone, but I ignored him.

The elevator dinged open as I made my way inside in too big of a rush and crashed into the people coming out.

"You alright, my dear?" An elderly lady asked me, but I couldn't answer. I just needed to put as much distance between me and Tucker as possible. I hated him right now. I couldn't believe he actually thought I would go with Alex. Alex was boring, not me. I couldn't even tell Tucker about the baby – our baby. My hands went to my stomach and more tears cascaded down my face. I felt so alone. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. Would Carol force me to get an abortion like her dad made her? I couldn't do it. I was so much stronger than that. I didn't care if it destroyed my ballet career that I so desperately wanted. It was my dream to be doing this, but I couldn't kill something that we created together.

The elevator dinged and I stumbled off. I opened the door to the apartment to Jade and Jett on the couch. He had his acoustic guitar on his lap, playing for Jade while she sang to him. They both looked at my teary eyed face. Just seeing them sitting there like a cute couple made me sick, and I raced to my shared bathroom and threw up. I heard the door click shut and small, very familiar hands started rubbing my back.

"You didn't tell him, huh?"

I just cried into the toilet like I had many times before.

"Are you sure you're even pregs, Gabs? Maybe it's just stress. You know how you get when Carol upsets you."

"I'm six weeks late, Jade. Tucker was so pissed at me that Alex was coming tomorrow with my dad and Carol. He said, "I see the way you look at him. You want him." I couldn't finish telling Jade the awful things he said to me. I flung my body on the cold tile floor, not caring if it was dirty or not.

"I know Rachel has a pregnancy test in her drawer."

Jade went into Rachel's room and came right back with it already unwrapped.

"Here, pee on it and we'll know for sure,"

Jade thrust the white stick in front of my face. I unzipped my pants and sat on the toilet with Jade still in the room. I didn't care that she was with me. I clicked the cap back on, flushed and sat the test on the counter while I washed my hands.

"What's Rach doing with a pregnancy test?" Drying my hands, I turned and faced Jade, too afraid even to glance down at the devil white stick that held my pee.

Jade shrugged. "Meh, had to go buy one the first night you slept with Tucker. Remember when she came home that night and ran past us while we were outside?"

I nodded.

"Well, she was late and totally flipped out. She told Brad and they got in some big fight but my guess that it was stress. She got her period a couple of days later."

Oh poor Rachel. I had no idea she went through something like that and I didn't know. I would have been there for her if she would have needed me. Three long minutes of my life passed by and Jade just held my hand and waited.

Jade pulled out her phone. "It's time."

"I can't look," I said, covering my face with my hands.

"Come on, Gabs, if you're going to have a baby, then you can't be the baby. Now look." Jade shoved me over and I looked down to see the two blue lines.

Positive.

Even though I already knew, I was still shocked. I started breathing too much; it was too much. I couldn't control it. I was hyperventilating so bad, I was starting to get a panic attack. Tears spilled over my hands as they ran down my face as I screamed.

"Hey, hey, hey, Gabs, Look at me." But I couldn't look at her. I was so shocked about this. It was true. I was pregnant – nineteen and pregnant.

My cries were now loud as I screamed in the bathroom. Jade pulled me into her arms to let me cry on her shoulder. We huddled together on the bathroom floor until the sun went down and I passed out on Jade's lap on the dirty bathroom floor.

I woke up still on the bathroom floor, my head still resting on Jade's lap. I glanced up at Jade, moving slowly so I wouldn't wake her. She looked so at peace with her eyes closed and resting her head against the cabinets. I was so emotionally tired from all the crying, and I was sure the pregnancy as well was making this huge mess. I walked back into my room, digging through my purse, finding my phone to plug it in. With some hope, I wished Tucker would try to get a hold of me. But my phone showed no sign of him trying to reach me at all. My heart broke a little more. A part of me wanted to call him, scream at him, yelling that I was pregnant at the top of my lungs, but I couldn't. I heard groaning coming from the bathroom and the front door closing at the same time.

Rachel walked in my room with a very satisfied look on her face. Once again, her hair was a complete rat's nest.

"Dude. Do not, I repeat, do not let me sleep on the bathroom floor again!" Jade rubbed her butt and stretched out her back.

Rachel scoffed, "What the hell are you doing sleeping on the bathroom floor?"

Before Jade could even say anything, I cut in. "I got a little food poisoning last night. It's nothing. My phone buzzed and I picked it up to see Carol's number, my dad's, and Alex's. For one, I was not calling Alex back. I could ignore Carol, but my dear, sweet dad did not deserve to be ignored. I dialed his number and talked with him for a few minutes. Hearing Carol's high heels in the background, I kept my dad talking so she couldn't take the phone away. That didn't always stop her, though. I told my dad that the show started at eight and I would see him and Carol there, then quickly hung up the phone.

I felt bland; that was the only word I could think of to describe how I felt right now. Bland, tasteless, dead. I just had to get through tonight and try and make it not such a disaster moment in my life. The rest of the day went by in a blur. I sat and listened to Rachel talk about the most amazing night with Brad and how he actually took her out on a date. They stayed at Jett's on the couch, but she didn't care. Rachel didn't say anything about Tucker. She didn't mention his name once; I wonder if she even saw him. Noticing the time, it was time to get ready to go. Rachel left to go meet her mom and said they would meet us at the Lincoln Center. I was excited to see Trish; I missed her spunk.

I stood up and starting brushing out my blonde hair to pull it up in the usual bun. The cast would do my makeup when I got there. I wondered if Tucker was going to be there. He said he wouldn't step foot into a room with Carol, is she was going to have Alex was with her and dangle him in my face. I dressed all in black and Jade met me at the front door with my silver coat.

"You're coming?"

"Wouldn't miss it. I texted Ray; she's already there with her mom,"

I nodded. More people were coming and I just kept worrying about if Tucker was going to be there. Deep down, I knew I had to accept the fact that Tucker probably wouldn't be there.

"When did Jett leave yesterday?" I asked, shutting and locking up the front door.

"Right after you started throwing up. He said he was going to find Tucker, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"You didn't tell him about the baby, right?'

"Gabs, no!" she snapped at me. "That's not my place, okay? That's between you and Tuck."

Michael had a cab pulled over as we walked into the cold winter air. The night was cold as we bundled closer together and climbed in.

"This is the last show right?"

"Yeah, last show," I said as my teeth chattered together.

"You sad?"

"No, I don't have to deal with Jasmine breathing down my back and trying to push me out of the way the entire time, and Madame Ava..." I stopped; I had mixed feelings about Madame Ava. I praised her so much for all the help she had given me. She had been tough, but sometimes you need tough love to grow a little.

Rachel was standing at the curb with her mom in tow, who looked gorgeous as always, but with the weather taking a turn and with the frosted cold air, surprisingly Trish was dressed from head to toe.

Rachel grabbed my hand, pulling me to the side and cupping my face.

"Where's Tucker?" Her green eyes were wide.

I didn't want to talk about him. "I don't know Rach." I tried to turn my face from her grasp, but she just wouldn't let me go. I could feel the tears starting to come, stinging my heart all over again at the lost of him.

"Brad is flippin' out, he can't find him."

"Then that's his problem, not mine." I was able to get loose of her hold, but as I tried stepping around her, she blocked my path. Looking at me dead in the eyes, I could see that they were very serious eyes.

"Listen, Gabs, Tucker is in trouble; he's in trouble for trying to help out Brad."

My heart sped up. "What kind of trouble?" I asked, now that she had my full attention.

"I don't know, something to do with Ethan. I only know Tucker was helping Brad out then Tucker took off. Brad said to keep you, Jade and I off the streets."

What the hell? None of this was making any sense. Rachel was talking in riddles to me. "I don't know what to tell you, Rach, but I don't know where Tucker is. I have to go perform, see you inside." Taking off and leaving my little group of friends at the curb, I raced into the Lincoln Center. The inside wasn't crowded, yet. The show started at eight and it was only seven. I had one hour to try and find Tucker. Pulling my phone out as I made my way to the dressing room, I stopped dead in my tracks when he answered, barking in the phone.

"What do you want?" I gasped in the phone at his response.

Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath to form words. "Tucker, where are you?" I pleaded to him, hoping he would respond. "Just tell me where you are."

"Why do you care? I told you that I didn't want you."