Juilliard or Else (37 page)

The morning of our next show, I was really sick to my stomach. Brad claimed that he had the flu a couple of days ago, hence, the reason why he didn't come. Rachel went to go see him and then she got sick right after. Jade joked to her while she was in the bathroom puking her guts out.

"You know, they should make tongue condoms so you can still make out but won't get the saliva flu." I laughed while Jade rubbed Rachel's back.

"Shut up, Jade," Rachel hissed, and then threw up again. I really hope it wasn't headed in my direction. That was the last thing that I needed.

Our next show was a hit. People swarmed the auditorium to see our performance. Once again, my dad, Carol and Alex showed up for my scene. Tucker wasn't happy when they sat directly in front of him. I could see it written all over his face. This time, Alex just played on his phone as I watched him from the side curtain line. People around him nudged his shoulder and he didn't put it away.

When I took the stage, I felt like I did my routine ten times better than the last. Then as we came out to the stage for our bow, I mouthed "I love you" to Tucker. He smiled and mouthed it back to me, but Alex raised his arm up and waved to me. I groaned, rolling my eyes. Sometimes, he just made this worse for me. At least I thought my dad would say something to him. Tucker was pissed at that and I saw Jett place an arm on Tucker's shoulder to hold him back. The show went better than the first and Madame Ava didn't point out my faults. She just told me to show what I showed them at my audition. I thought I was, but I would just prove to her the next time.

It was finally Christmas Eve and I was so excited. Just like a kid waiting for Christmas to come, when I asked what Tucker wanted, he wouldn't tell me – all he said was that he wouldn't be with me on Christmas. That was upsetting; I at least wanted Tucker to stay the night with me. So, Tucker cuddled with me and whispered sweet nothings into my ear on Christmas Eve as we watched the snow fall from my bed into the New York City street lights.

I woke up Christmas morning with the other side of my bed cold and a note on the pillow.

Baby girl,

Sorry I had to leave. Make sure you check under your tree.

Tucker

Tree? We decided against putting up a tree or any decorations. Rachel was going to be at her mom's and Jade went with her while her parents were in Russia. Jade didn't have a clue why they wanted to go there, and she plainly told them she wasn't going. One, because she doesn't speak Russian and two, she didn't have a good enough reason to go to Russia. Both good points if you asked me. I sat up too fast in bed, ending up really dizzy and incredibly sick to my stomach. I barely made it into the bathroom before I heaved up nothing but burning morning stomach acid. I immediately started to sweat and when I felt my own forehead, I was warm.

Oh crap. This isn't good. I was getting Rachel's grossed out saliva flu.

I barely made it over to the sink to brush my teeth and when I walked into our living room, the place was covered in Christmas decorations. Red and white lights strung up around the room. Dead center in front of the big bay windows stood a gorgeous Christmas tree with all sorts of different ornaments on it. I went back into my room to grab my phone, taking many pictures of the place and sent them to Jade and Rachel. They both texted back, telling me that they already knew, because they helped Tucker surprise me.

Sneaky girls.

One gold present sat under the giant pine tree with dozens of twinkle lights. I stared at them as some lights faded really gradually while others stayed on. The New York street below was covered in snow. I picked up the small box and tore apart the gold paper with the white bow just like an excited little kid. A velvet box remained in my hand; it was too big to be a ring box. I slowly opened it, and inside laid a little silver snowflake necklace with a sapphire stone in the middle. I gasped to no one in the room and my hand went to my chest as one tear fell down my cheek. It was gorgeous. My phone started ringing right after that and Tucker's name appeared.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby girl."

I smiled in the phone. "Hi."

"Do you like your present?" His words hit me, then I looked around to see if he was somewhere in the room, secretly watching me.

Standing up, I said, "Are you…"

"No. I'm not there. Look above you."

I looked up to the beautiful angel at the top of the tree, and saw that a big gold bow held a little camera pointing down at me.

"What...what is that?"

"It's Jett's GoPro Camera. It's connected through wifi. I didn't want to miss the look on your pretty face as you opened your present."

My heart stopped. "Oh, Tucker." Looking back up into the camera, I mouthed "I love you" to him.

"I love you, too, Gabs." His voice made me miss him and I just wanted him here with me.

"I didn't get you a present," I confessed.

"I don't need anything, baby. I'm sorry, I gotta go, okay?"

"Okay, are you going to come ov…" I couldn't finish my sentence, asking if he was going to come over later. I cupped my mouth and ran to my bathroom and threw up again. I could hear Tucker's voice as he called out to me, asking repeatedly if I was there. I threw up again then collapsed on the cold tile floor with my phone in my hand. The cold felt so good on my burning up face. I barely had enough strength to put the phone back up to my ear.

"Gabs? Hello, Gabs?"

I shut my eyes, his words somehow made me dizzier. "I'm here."

"Are you okay?"

Feeling nauseated, I nodded instead of answering.

"Gabs, are you there?"

"Yeah, I think I'm getting sick. I've thrown up twice today already."

"Go lay down and I'll be there as soon as I can." Again I nodded and the line went dead.

I picked myself up to wash out my mouth. I caught a glimpse of Rachel's calendar on the side of the bathroom with a big red X on December fifteenth and on the eighteenth was an "End X" on it. I picked up my phone and pulled up the app that I used to keep track of my periods. I scrolled through it. I was supposed to start on the second, and today was Christmas and I just threw up twice.

Ummm…

I quickly put in the days I could remember of Tucker and I having sex, filling up the calendar with tons of pink dots. But we'd been using condoms. My inner voice told me that condoms are only ninety eight percent effective. I ran into Rachel's room and pulled out a box to read the precautions on the side. Yep, right there in bold letters. Condoms are only ninety-eight percent effective. I rolled my eyes at myself, but there were two times Tucker and I didn't use anything: the night I lost my virginity and Thanksgiving at my parents' house. Tucker told me he wasn't expecting to do that there. You could just call us horny dogs without a care in the world for that one.

I couldn't be pregnant. I couldn't be. There was no way. Could there?

According to the little app on my phone, it was saying that I could possibly be pregnant. What would a stupid app know? It didn't know my body. Tucker kept his word and came straight over to find me in bed. I didn't tell him anything about it, kept that information to myself in case I was wrong, very, very, very wrong. Tucker took care of me until late afternoon and then he said he had to go. He put on my new silver snowflake necklace around my neck.

"I'm sorry about the one that broke. Hope this makes up for it." He kissed my forehead and then left me. I didn't hear from him for the next three days. I was sick every morning after that, and as those three days went on, the more I started to convince myself that I was indeed pregnant. I couldn't stand the smell of coffee that Jade made in the mornings. I found myself staying far away from the balcony as Jade smoked outside. I was throwing up at least four times in the morning and brushing my teeth made it a tad bit worse.

We had one more show for
The Nutcracker
. We were at practice and I got really dizzy performing my triple pirouette, and ran over to the garbage can to throw up right in the middle of my scene. I really just wanted to lie down, and as if Madame Ava read my mind, she sent me home. Even though it was a short walk, I took a cab. I dragged my feet all the way up to the apartment. And when I walked in, Brad wasn't looking too happy, pacing back and forth as he rubbed his shaved head.

"I'm fucking dead, Rach I'm dead," he said over and over.

Rachel's green eyes were red and swollen from crying; I went straight to her side and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Rach, what's going on?"

"Nothing. Brad's in a bind, I guess." She shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but Rachel was crying – well, maybe not now anymore, but she had been. Something was definitely wrong.

"Rach, talk to me."

"This doesn't concern you, Gabs!" Brad yelled at me.

"Don't bring her in this, Brad," Rachel yelled back and stood up to get in his face. "This is your fucking fault, you deal with it!"

Brad turned and went to the front door, muttering under his breath, "I gotta find Tucker," and slammed the door.

I turned to Rachel. "Okay, what the hell just happened?"

Rachel pulled her red hair up into a high ponytail. "Brad owes money to that Ethan guy."

"Wait, how do you know about Ethan?"

"I heard you talking to Tuck about it one day. Plus Brad acts afraid of him. He's just freaking out; Tucker will help him, though; he always does. So don't you worry your cute little button nose," she told me as she tapped my nose with a finger. My phone rang, interrupting us; it was Carol.

I rolled my eyes. "This is not what I need right now," I told Rachel before I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Abigail, can you meet me for a quick lunch?" I looked at the clock on the wall; school would be just getting out, so I wouldn't have to explain why I was home. I was going to have to face her one day. My nauseous stomach would help keep my mind off her words.

"Yeah, I can." I picked at the imaginary lint on my pants.

"Great, see you," she chirped in the phone and hung up. She was in a good mood, which worried me.

"Lunch with the beast?"

I looked up at Rachel who was grinning at me.

"Ugh, yes."

"Well, have fun with that. Isn't your last show tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, my mom wants to come – is that okay?"

"Yeah, sounds great. I gotta go before Carol freaks out that I'm late." I stood up from the couch and left, but outside of the door, I heard Rachel sniffle and softly start crying. Something was definitely wrong.

The cab dropped me off in front of the hotel. Right in front of the restaurant windows, I immediately spotted Alex sitting alone at a table, dressed in his signature pressed suit. He was flipping his silverware back and forth through his finger, while chewing on his bottom lip.

She did it again! She set me up with him! Ugh…frustrating woman!

I'd had enough of this, and I really didn't need to deal with this crap right now.

I walked into the grand hotel and to the right held its little restaurant; I hated these little play dates where Carol would set me up with Alex. Yes, Alex was very good looking and very wealthy, something Carol always approved of. I couldn't help but think of Tucker; I couldn't get him off my mind – his smile, the way his eyes would sparkle as he held me in his arms and tell me how much he loved me – to think that I might be having a baby with him. This thing with Alex had to stop.

Of course Alex was a gentleman and stood up at my approach. He pulled out my chair and I mumbled out a plain "Thanks" to him. I quickly looked over the menu while Alex did the same. For some reason he would never talk to me until we ordered the meal, but he never talked to me at all. Never get in the way of a man and his food. He put down his menu as the waiter in a pressed white shirt and black bow tie came to our table.

"Are you ready to order, sir?" he asked with a fake French accent. Even though I could speak French, my accent was always off. Ramón always told me that.

"Yes, I'll have the Sirloin, cooked medium with vegetables and she will have the… chicken pasta." Alex handed over his menu. I didn't remember making up my mind to have the chicken pasta.