Juilliard or Else (11 page)

"Will you meet me tomorrow at
Times 3
?" Tucker quietly asked me.

My conscience was screaming at me to say yes, but I couldn't get the words to come out. My head started nodding in agreement. My breathing went uneven as he leaned in. His lips were so close to mine; I shut my eyes, waiting for him, but he just said, "Night, Gabs."

And just like that, Tucker was gone.

As the three of us walked the short distance home, Jade rambled on about Jett and everything about him. Rachel kept looking at me with her wide green eyes almost falling out of her head. I found out more about Jett in the last five minutes walking home than I knew about Tucker. My thoughts drifted to him again as his name came to mind. I still couldn't quite tell what the look on his face meant when the strange man at the coffee shop interrupted our game of pool.

Learning to play pool with a guy was the way to do it. Sometimes, Tucker would lean on my back and move my hands on the cue to hold it better. I went along with it. When I touched his dimple and sadness spread across his face, my heart started to break for him.

"And he owns his own tattoo shop." Jade's words hit me, bringing me out of my thoughts as we approached our building.

"Who does?"

"Gabs, who do you think? Jade hasn't shut up about Jett since we left the coffee shop."

I looked at Jade who was standing in the middle and she blushed. Her pale skin turned bright pink as I caught her looking down at her shoes.

I leaned in to add, "I did see him kiss you."

"Shut your mouth, Gabs."

I giggled as we walked into our apartment building with a polite "Thanks" to Michael; he just nodded as he murmured, "Ladies," and tipped his hat to us.

After we made our way into the elevator, Jade started talking again – mostly nonsense about Jett – and I remembered that Tucker had told me where to meet him tomorrow.

"What's Times 3?" I asked, looking at the two of them.

"A club, Gabs. Duh," Jade answered me and Rachel nudged her shoulder.

"Why?" Rachel asked as she looked at me.

"Tucker told me to meet him there tomorrow. Oh crap, he didn't tell me what time, though." I chewed on my lower lip. He didn't tell me a time – now what?

"It's okay, Brad filled me in. They're going there around eleven. I already told him we'd be there." Rachel smiled at me. So I would get to see him. My conscience was jumping up and down in my head at the thought of being around him again. I was happy at that.

Once we reached the apartment, Rachel and Jade both got ready for bed and headed to their rooms for our first night here. I hadn't unpacked a single piece of clothing. I had no idea what to wear to a club – just the thought of seeing Tucker again made my blood race and my heart feel like it was going to pound right out of my bony chest. I unzipped my two large suitcases of clothes and dumped them right on the bed. I started flinging clothes around left and right, trying to find something that would be club ready. I had nothing, no surprise there. I had Carol as a mother for nineteen years.

Oh, Carol. I had so many mixed emotions for her right now. She raised me for nineteen years, paid for all my education, and my ballet lessons. I didn't agree with her most of the time we were together but yet she helped me achieve my dream. I'm here which means one more step closer to starting my classes at Juilliard.

Sometimes she was a cold hearted person but other times, she
was
there in her own way, even if it didn't come out nice. I didn't want to be that hateful stepdaughter that most stepmothers dreaded getting in a marriage.

My stomach flipped on the automatic switch, I had my body set to whenever I started to stress out about Carol. Feeling the bile coming up the pit of my stomach and hit the back of my throat in a rush had me racing to the toilet in a matter of seconds to throw up my coffee mixed with Chinese food. The smell of coffee mixed with my stomach acid made me sicker. The throw up wouldn't come out, it was stuck. I had two options. One: let it sit in the back of my throat until it settled down. Two: use my fingers and force it out. In the end, I used my fingers. I gagged into the toilet bowl, tainting it with my mess of problems. I rested my arm on the rim of the toilet and laid my head down, before I knew it, I was sobbing.

My soft cries echoed in the white porcelain bowl, when I felt a hand rubbing my back. I jerked up quickly and tried to recover myself, swiftly wiping underneath my eyes and turned to meet Jade's ice blue ones. No longer having black makeup on around them, she looked like a blue eyed angel.

"Damn, I knew you were just as messed up as I am." Hot tears ran down my face as I cried into my hand. Jade already knew about my problem within a day of living with me. I have been doing this for a couple of years now and not even Isabelle knew. Jade dragged me up and put me in front of the sink, she shoved me hard by the back of my neck, almost putting my head in the running water she turned on in the sink.

A cold cloth was placed on my neck and I continued to cry softly to myself. Jade pulled my hair up into a high ponytail to get the falling strands out of my face. No one has ever done this for me.

Taking care of me and being there for me at a time of need when I needed someone who could understand me. Jade handed me a new toothbrush, I watched as she headed into my room and shoved all my clothes off the bed to pull my covers back. I spit out the suds and rinsed, in just a couple of quick steps Jade pulled me back into my room and to the side of the bed and pushed me down to sit.

"Get some sleep, we've got a shitload to talk about tomorrow chick." Jade left my room. I tucked myself in and sleep quickly found me.

The alarm on my evil phone was going off on my nightstand. I roll over to put a pillow over my face to help drown out the annoying sound. My bathroom door bursts open and my pillow is tugged off my face. Rachel was standing there, her hair in disarray.

"Shut the devil thing off before I break it," she said through clenched teeth and then threw the pillow back at me and slamming my bathroom door.

Rule number one, Rachel was not a morning person. I could tell she enjoyed her sleep. I shut my alarm off and padded into the bathroom to brush my teeth again. Rachel was in the shower, steaming up the mirrors. Grabbing a towel to wipe it but it speedily fogged right back up. I really didn't need a mirror to brush my teeth so I didn't clear it again.

Jade came in leaning on the door frame, her smoking black makeup back on around her eyes. She was still dressed head to toe in black again but wearing this very cute white hat on the back of her head.

"You look cute," I tell her around my tooth brush.

She shrugged. "Thanks, I made coffee. Get dressed, and come out to the balcony."

I went back into my room where my clothes were everywhere. If Isabelle were here, she would probably hate me for destroying a room so fast. I put some of the clothes back on my bed, contemplating what to wear.

Rachel came in my room and sat on my bed wearing only a towel with her hair dripping wet.

"We're meeting my mom at Bloomingdale's in an hour."

Hands on my hips, "I don't know what to wear."

"Just jeans and a shirt will be fine. Do you know what you're going to wear tonight at the club or do we need to get you club clothes?"

I nodded, "I definitely need club clothes, just nothing provocative I guess."

"I'll think of something," Rachel said as she runs her fingers through her red wet hair then ringing it out on a pile of my clothes.

"Hey!"

Rachel giggled, doing it again.

"Whatever. What's Jade going to do?" I went back to my mess of clothes.

"She has to go meet with the people in her orchestra, plus she hates shopping and she buys everything in black anyway."

"I have to meet Carol for lunch too." I found a pair of jeans and tossed those on my bed. Now for a top.

"Cool," she said and I looked coldly at her, "or not," Rachel mumbled under her breath.

"Sorry, I just don't know yet."

"What's that supposed to mean, Gabs?"

"It's a long story and if I get it any of it straightened out at lunch, I'll let you know." I pulled on the jeans and a baggy pink shirt that hung off one shoulder. I padded over into the bathroom and brushed my hair out to pull it up in high messy bun.

Rachel walked behind me going into her bedroom dropping the wet towel in the process. I saw her reflection in the mirror and noticed she had a tattoo on her lower back, right above her butt. It was gorgeous, a beautiful, colorful butterfly with things curling around it in black.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo."

Rachel faced me exposing her breast in my direction and I quickly turned my head. I never saw a girl naked before and being in the same room, to be honest, it made me uncomfortable.

"It's okay, you can turn around now. I'm dressed."

I turned back as she walked into our shared bathroom. She wasn't dressed; she was only wearing a black bra and a matching thong when she stood right next to me. I didn't know where to look. If I looked at her, would that be considered creepy?

"I got my tramp stamp when I was eighteen, but totally regret getting it though. If I make it to L.A. with my acting, I couldn't do sex scenes, unless they caked it with makeup to cover it."

I applied very little make up when Rachel masked her face up with her own. "I could never get a tattoo. With my ballet, your body has to be perfect and getting a tattoo is just asking for trouble."

I watched her carefully put on bottom liner along with some along the top, shimmery browns with a hint of purple made her green eyes jump out from her beautiful face. She loaded her lashes with mascara and applied red lipstick to complete her look. She was beautiful.

I went into the kitchen and found Jade resting her hip on the counter sipping coffee.

"Took you forever."

Jade poured me a cup of coffee and I sipped it. I gagged on the taste. It was bland and didn't taste good. Jade snorted then passed me the cream and sugar. I loaded my coffee with sugar and little cream until I liked the taste.

"Come on, it's balcony talk time."

Taking my hand, we made it through the living room and out to the balcony. Jade pulled out her cigarettes and handed one to me, like we've been doing this for a while. This time when I inhaled the smoke, I didn't choke. I still got a little dizzy but it quickly ventured on its way. We sat in silence as we smoked together. I never pictured myself as becoming a smoker. I never really enjoyed the smell as I past someone on the street as they blew the smoke out. They taught us in school that it was all peer pressure and shouldn't give into it. Jade wasn't pressuring me though, she handed me one and I gladly took the stick. When we put our butts out and tossed them over the balcony rail, I picked up my coffee and started taking slow sips, savoring the warm taste, letting it warm my belly.

"Gabs…"

I looked up at Jade, she had her eyes closed with a saddened look. Her brows scrunched up together like she was trying to find a way to talk to me without hurting me.

"I know that you threw up on purpose last night." I took deeps breaths as she spoke those words to me. They were just has hurtful as if I told my dad that heartbreaking news. My stomach quivered and my knees started to bounce with my shaken nerves. I anticipated what she was going to say next and I was scared that she would reject me for what I do.

She let out a breath, "I cut."

I had to remember to take deep breaths as she spoke to me about the reasons why she cuts. The pressure from her stepmother, her father not loving her, the nights when he got drunk and yelled at her for looking like her dead mother. She also explained that's why she wears the black makeup around her eyes, she disguises herself, to hide the pain for her dad, and that's all she told me. She didn't need to go into any other sort of detail about her dad not loving her. I'm sure he loved her, just showed it differently.

Jade's stepmother, Stella, didn't sound like a very nice person. She actually sounded ten times worse than Carol, which was very surprising. I didn't even think that could be possible. Jade told me that Stella called her mother a failure so many times for taking the chicken-shit way out and ending her life. Jade smacked Stella's face when she said that. Stella then called the cops and pressed charges against Jade because she was eighteen. Jade spent the night in jail. Her dad wouldn't even come get her.