Juilliard or Else (8 page)

"My mom wanted to call me Gabby," I muttered. Still in shock a little bit about saying mom and not meaning Carol.

"What do you mean
wanted
to call you?" Jade asked plainly at me.

"She died." It wasn't as hard to say as I thought. I bit my bottom lip, waiting for them to respond.

Rachel's brows shot up and she looked at Jade. Quietness roamed the living room. "Awkward," Jade mumbled under her breath, "but Gabby it is!" She then yelled through the open space of the apartment, raising her hands in the air like she just discovered something remarkable. It was obvious she was trying to ease the tension I had just created with the little tale of the death of my mother.

"Chill, chick," Rachel said while grabbing Jade's arms to put them back down to her sides. "Have you already seen the place?"

I shook my head.

"So, the lady who bought this place is what…your stepmom?" Rachel questioned me, raising yet another curious brow.

"Yeah, stepmom." For some reason, that didn't feel weird to say at all; it felt right more than wrong. She had always felt out of place in my life – never comforted me when I was sick and didn't praise me for anything. Only punishment came from her mouth.

"So your stepmom didn't show you the place before?"

Why did I feel so embarrassed about that question? Shifting from foot to foot, I mumbled, "No, she just bought it without me or my dad seeing it." I gripped my purse tighter. My knuckles were turning white from death grip I was giving it.

"No shit," muttered Jade and tilted her head to the side.

I looked over and met Jade's gaze; she was staring at me with this dumbfounded look in her blue eyes. That made me relax just a little more and I eased my grip on my purse.

"No shit," I said quietly, ending with a smile and swearing for the first time. Friends could change you in a blink of an eye.

Carol would be furious if she heard my mouth just now. I was actually swearing in front of people without feeling the restriction of having to watch my language, I was going to take advantage of it and enjoy it.

"Well, I'm going to go finish my cig." Jade turned and left the room, leaving Rachel and I alone.

"Let's have a look around," I stated.

Rachel backtracked through the apartment and showed me the kitchen first. It was to the right of the front door. The cabinets were gorgeous mahogany with black countertops and stainless steel appliances. I walked over to the fridge and pulled open the door, wondering if it was empty, but I was wrong. It was very well stocked to the brim with water, juice, fruit and all the necessities to cook something. When I opened the pantry door next to the fridge, we saw that it was also well stocked with everything you could imagine from the regular things: flour, sugar, crackers, noodles and lots of water.

"What you going to Juilliard for?" Rachel asked.

"Ballet. You?" I asked, shutting the pantry door and facing her.

"I'm going for acting – going to be a Broadway star like my mom, but I'm going to LA to make the big bucks. And Jade is studying artistic drawing and plays the cello."

The gothic girl played the cello…didn't see that coming. Wonder how she sounds.

"So how old are you?" Rachel asked me unexpectedly. I could tell she was trying to get me to open up as much as possible.

"Nineteen," I answered, not meeting her eyes as my fingertips brushed against the cool countertop.

"Nice. Jade and I are nineteen, too."

Looking up, I said, "You two seem close."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, known each other as long as we can remember, she's…special."

"What do you mean by
special
?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

Rachel held up her hands "Oh, she's not slow or anything like that, just…special."

I was still confused as to how she meant Jade was "special". Clearly seeing the confused look written all over my face, Rachel let out a long breath through her mouth and approached me slowly; we didn't say a word to each other as she reached for my hand to slide my sleeve up to my elbow.

Watching her move in slow motion while all you could hear was our shallow breaths, Rachel turned my arm so my wrist was face up. She dragged her French tipped fingernail across the veins on my wrist. I let out a gasp in shock, my head snapping up to meet her saddened green eyes.

"You're serious?" I questioned her gesture. Rachel didn't answer me; she just nodded and then turned around and left the kitchen.

Jade hurt herself – like physically cut herself. Didn't that hurt or bother her at all? I was surprised someone could do that, but in a way, I wasn't one to talk. I made myself throw up to feel the burning pain of the acid coming up my throat. I'd always heard people complain about throwing up, like it was the worst feeling they could ever feel, but yet, I embraced it every time I did it. I was the one who was the biggest baby when it came to getting a paper cut. Cutting yourself was entirely different, but not much from my situation. I felt sick for Jade; maybe she and I could get to know each other better and help each other out.

I found Rachel in the living room, looking out the window at Jade. In just a couple short steps, I was at her side. I felt strange watching Jade sit out there, smoking alone.

"She's my sister," Rachel whispered, her voice going into the high pitch squeak as if she was going to break down any second.

Looking up at Rachel, I witnessed tears in her eyes. Feeling a little uncomfortable, I decided to take a chance, placing my arm around her waist to give her a little squeeze of comfort. She looked over at me and placed her arm around the tops of my shoulders, and just like that, we became good friends. Something inside of me bonded to this girl I only met five minutes ago.

"You're a good friend, Rachel," I told her. She dropped her head and dabbed under her eyes, trying not to let the tears fall.

"Let's find your room," she said as she patted my hand on her waist.

The dining room was in the same room as the living room; the wall that I passed into the hallway contained our fine dishes and glass cups. Around that were shelves holding many, many books. Walking past it and down the little hallway, I could see a room straight in front of us, but Rachel turned to the first door on the left and moved inside.

"We didn't choose any rooms, yet. We wanted to wait for you, but this room shares a bathroom right through that door."

The room was very big with hardwood floors, tan walls, red bed sheets and a fluffy white comforter. A door to the right led to the bathroom that had another door on the other end leading into the next room. The bathroom was very nice as well; it featured red tile work and mahogany cabinets just like the ones we had in the kitchen, a glass shower, and a big Jacuzzi bathtub in the middle. There was also a toilet in the corner closest to the first room. Carol really outdid herself picking this place out.

I moved into the next room and the decor was just the same as the first. I went across the hall into the third room to find Jade laying in the middle of the bed with her feet up on the wall. This room was decorated just the same.

"Hey Gabs," she greeted me. "I call dibs on this room. You freaks were too slow to choose." I looked around and Jade had already put a couple of posters on the walls. They were of dark bands I never heard of; I definitely had some catching up to do to get to know each one. All I knew of was Pyotr Llyich Tchaikovsky and some country, but that wasn't saying much.

"Okay, babe," Rachel said to her. "This is the only room that has its own bathroom."

"Ha! That's right and I took it from you bitches."

I burst out laughing at Jade and her upfrontness.

She really was a funny girl with all her cursing; I knew I was going to like just being around her. She made me feel at ease with everything and didn't take things so seriously.

Rachel nudged me to stop laughing, but I couldn't help myself; I kept laughing. She then pushed me and I toppled on the bed right next to Jade. Rachel crashed on the other side of Jade, and just like that, the three of us were sharing a bed within the first day of meeting each other. It was a nice feeling, being able to click with certain people right away.

"Oh holy balls! One of you really stinks," Jade stated very loudly and I started laughing again.

"Way to ruin a good moment, Jade," Rachel replied. Sitting up on the bed, I examined the poster in front of me of the dark group; one of the band members was wearing black eyeliner with glasses hanging off the end of his nose. I got up and walked over to check out the amazingly good looking male who was giving a smoldering look as he stood at the front of the group.

"Who's this?" I pointed to the hot guy who had my attention.

Jade arched her neck up to look where I was pointing. "That nice piece of ass is M. Shadows. He's the lead singer of Avenged Sevenfold. They're comin' to town soon – October, I think. They are coming along with Black Falcon, Korn and some small new band."

"Oh, I love Black Falcon," Rachel said with a growl in her voice. "We should get tickets."

Jade nodded in agreement. "I'll look up tickets."

I never found tattoos sexy, but after seeing them on this guy who was wearing a tight black shirt to show off his bulging tattooed arms, I could easily change my mind. He even had a lip ring that I found attractive; it looked good on him. Some guys either looked good with them or it didn't do anything to enhance their body.

I left the sexy poster and went back to room number one, which I liked. It had the most windows of the three, and I wanted as much light as possible. I was now in my new home and in my new room. Life felt good so far.

I sat on the red couch in the living room and watched Andrew and his men bring in the rest of my things. I offered to help them, but Andrew told me they had specific instructions from Mrs. McCall to handle everything. Hearing the back door open and Jade sitting down in one of the chairs outside, I hopped up from the couch and followed her out to the sunshine filled balcony. I smiled when she looked up at me.

"Hey." I gave her a small wave while shutting the door.

"What up, dawg," she said; I shook my head and giggled. I could really get along with Jade and I really wanted to get to know her some more. I hadn't quite figured out what I liked about her so much…just how relaxed she was, I guessed…not caring about what people thought. She proved you could just be your own person, and that's exactly what I was aiming for.

Jade unwrapped a new pack of cigarettes and banged them on the palm of her hand.

"Why are you hitting them?" I questioned.

"It packs the tobacco down. You want one?" She held the pack out to me with one sticking out the top. Being curious, I took it. I held the small white stick in between my fingers and glanced back at Jade. She put one in her mouth and flicked the lighter to light up her cigarette. She tipped her head back to blow the smoke out above us; it looked easy enough.

I put the cigarette between my lips; Jade stretched her arm forward and flicked on the lighter. I leaned forward until the tip hit the little yellow flame. I sucked in and felt my mouth fill up with smoke and puffed it out in one giant breath.

"You didn't inhale and if you waste that cigarette, I'll beat your ass," Jade scolded at me.

"How do I inhale?" I nodded at the cigarette burning in my fingers.

"Don't you know how to breathe?" Jade took another drag of her cigarette. "You inhale it, suck it in like a big breath so it goes in your lungs and blow it out."

As I watched Jade tell me this, I took notice of the smoke coming out of her mouth as she spoke to me. I put the burning cigarette back up to my lips and to take another pull from it just as Jade explained.

HOLY MOTHER OF…

I felt the lining of my lungs being burned away. It burned worse than the acid from my purging. I coughed and the smoke went everywhere, hitting me in the face, burning the crap out of my eyes. I covered my mouth with a closed fist and kept on coughing. I felt Jade pound on my back. People really do this?

"That a girl," Jade said, hitting my back some more. "That's when you know you did it right." I glanced up at her, still choking and trying to catch my breath.

Still choking, I croaked out, "What?"

"The coughing – you'll get used to it, though. Take another drag."

I didn't want to; it was just plain nasty. But remembering Jade's warning about wasting her cigarettes, I put it back up to my mouth and inhaled again. However, I was expecting it this time and coughed very little. I still felt my lungs being burned away while my stomach turned in nasty circles. I ended up blowing out the smoke too fast which burned the crap out of my nose, making me start to feel lightheaded.

"Keep it up, Gabs; you're doing awesome," Jade praised me.

By the time the cigarette came to an end, I was just getting the hang of it and it didn't burn as bad. When there was just a little left, I raised the cigarette to my mouth, but Jade reached over and plucked it out of my fingers before I could finish it off.

"I wasn't done," I told her.

"You'll just hit the bud and get a lungful of filter; trust me, you're done." Jade put the cigarette out on the ashtray and tossed the bud over the balcony railing. Silence lingered between us for I don't know how long, but Jade huffed and when I looked at her, she was staring. I raised my brows and shifted my body to face hers.