Jacob Two-Two on the High Seas (2 page)

“I can do that, I can do that,” Jacob said.

“You must pack only what you really need,” his mother said. “You’ve got to decide what toys and games to take and what to leave behind.”

Jacob hurried up to his room, glad to have a big kid’s job to do. He stood among his stuffed animals, his toy cars and aeroplanes, his games and puzzles. How could he possibly decide what to take and what to leave behind? Did he need his Captain Crinkle secret decoder ring? Should he take his stuffed kangaroo with the missing eye? Jacob pondered these difficult questions. When he couldn’t come up with the answers, he decided to ask his father.

So many boxes filled the house that it took Jacob a long time to even
find
his father, who was lying on the sofa in the library, reading the news paper. When he saw Jacob, he put down the paper. “Son, perhaps I better tell you a few things about Canada,” his father said.

“Tell me, tell me.”

“First of all, the winter is very cold. It’s so cold that everyone has to carry an ice pick. That way, if
your boots become frozen to the ground, you can chip yourself free.”

Jacob was astonished. “What else? What else?” he asked.

“You have to watch out for polar bears and mountain lions on the way to school. The polar bears will steal your lunch, but the mountain lions want your satchel of books. They’re very eager to learn. Now, at home, before you take a bath, you may have to remove a seal from the tub, which is quite hard to do because they’re so slippery. Don’t try to take your bath with the seal because it will be sure to hog the soap.”

Jacob was so amazed by these facts that he forgot what he had meant to ask his father. In the end, it was his mother who ended up packing his toys. A big moving van came, and two hefty men took all the boxes out of the house. When at last they were finished, all that was left were seven small suitcases, one for each of them to take on the ship.

“Good-bye, house,” said Marfa.

“Farewell, England,” said Daniel.

“We hope you’ll be alright without us,” the intrepid Shapiro and the fearless O’Toole said together.

Jacob Two-Two sniffled a little. He didn’t like leaving old things behind, and he didn’t like encountering new things. He felt his father’s hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, Jacob. Everything will be fine.”

“Will it? Will it?” Jacob asked too quietly for anyone to hear. A black London taxicab pulled up to take them all to the port.

CHAPTER 3

s Jacob got out of the taxicab, he stared at the ship docked in the port. It was old and rusty and looked more like a big tugboat than a real ocean liner. The black letters spelling out the name SS
Spring-a-Leak
were chipped and faded.

“That’s our ship?” Daniel said, as the taxi drove away. “It’s a floating dump.”

“Well, it was the only ship available,” Jacob’s father said. “Now come on, kids, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“We forgot to pack it,” Marfa said.

Jacob’s parents went up the gangplank first, followed by Daniel and Marfa and Emma and Noah, and finally Jacob, pushing up his suitcase. At least, he was supposed to be pushing it up the gangplank. Mostly it appeared as though the suitcase was pushing him
down
. But at last he reached the deck, where a man in a bright, white uniform and cap stood at attention. He had blue eyes, blond hair, and an enormous dimple in his chin. His white teeth shone even brighter than his brass buttons.

“Welcome aboard!” said the man, smiling even more. “I’m Captain Sparkletooth. It’s my job to make sure that you have a smooth ride all the way. Without me, this ship can’t go anywhere. Yes, it takes great skill, knowledge, and courage to be the captain, not to mention good looks. It’s true that I got the lowest marks in my class at naval training school, but I was voted most handsome. For those of you who care to know about our route, we will be sailing in a northeast direction.”

“Excuse me, Captain,” said a short man in a blue uniform. “Actually, we’ll be sailing in a southwest direction.”

“Yes, of course. That’s what I meant. This is the
ship’s first mate, Mr. Scrounger. I don’t have the foggiest idea why he’s called the first mate since there’s no second mate, but that’s how we do things on a boat.”

“ A
ship
, sir. We call it a ship.”

“Right, a ship. Now, if you’ll all go and put your suitcases into your rooms–”

“Cabins, sir.”

“I mean cabins. Meanwhile, I’ll go to the place where I, uh, drive the ship.”

“The wheelhouse.”

“What a funny name. Anyway, I’m going to go there and pull the whistle. It makes a wonderful tooting noise. Whenever I pull the whistle, the crew jumps into action, running every which way, climbing here and there. It’s wonderful to see. I get a kick out of it every time. Now, I hope you will dine at my table tonight. It’s a great honor to dine at the captain’s table, especially when he is as deliriously handsome as I am. Which reminds me – I haven’t looked at myself in a mirror for at least ten minutes. Until dinner then!”

The captain turned, took a step, and slipped on a coiled rope. It was a good thing that Mr. Scrounger was there to catch him. Jacob suspected that the first
mate was used to catching the captain. Going down a winding metal staircase on the way to their cabins, Jacob heard the shrill
toot! toot!
of the whistle. Captain Sparkletooth must have really been enjoying himself.

Jacob Two-Two felt the ship slowly begin to move. They were heading out to sea!

CHAPTER 4

acob Two-Two soon discovered that the SS
Spring-a-Leak
didn’t attract just any ordinary passengers. On the deck, after unpacking his suitcase, Jacob met the Bubov Brothers, three acrobats who were on their way to join a circus. “Glad to meet you,” said the eldest brother.

“
Very
glad to meet you,” said the middle brother.

“
Very, very
glad to meet you,” said the youngest brother.

The Bubov Brothers didn’t walk along the deck. Instead, they each did a series of front handsprings, going head-over-heels. When one of them wanted to
get a blanket to use on a deck chair, he simply leapt up and onto his brother’s shoulders to reach it.

Also on board was Percy Swishbottom and his ventriloquist dummy, Hector. Percy wasn’t a very good ventriloquist – he moved his own lips when Hector talked. “I’m still training him,” Hector the Dummy said, rolling his eyes to the back of his wooden head.

Jacob was even more interested in a man who wore a white-and-blue striped jacket and a porkpie hat. The man handed Jacob a small box. Jacob was startled when out of the box sprang a rubber snake with a card in its mouth. The card said

Jethro Peabody
Toy Inventor
I might have no hair, but I’m young at heart!

“Are you really a toy inventor?” Jacob asked. “Are you?”

“I certainly am,” Mr. Peabody said, doffing his hat to reveal a shiny, bald head. “Perhaps you know some of my inventions. For example, my underwater train set, my square basketball, and my exploding banjo.”

“No, I don’t know them,” Jacob said, hoping not to hurt the inventor’s feelings.

“Well, they weren’t as popular as I had hoped. How about my bicycle that transforms into a dentist’s chair?”

“Not that either. Not that either.”

“Well, just wait and see. My next invention – as soon as I think of it – will be a big hit. Why, it’ll be bigger than the hula hoop!”

But the person Jacob was most glad to meet was exactly his age and exactly his height. She had straight bangs, green eyes, and she wore a blue coat, a white hat, and shiny shoes with bows, just like a girl out of an old storybook. She came up to Jacob and said, “I’m Cynthia Francis Louise Snootcastle. But you can call me Cindy. What’s your name?”

“Jacob Two-Two.”

“Nice to meet you, Jacob Two-Two,” she said, shaking his hand. “Is this your first time on a ship?”

“Yes it is, yes it is.”

“You’re lucky. The first time is most special. This is my second. We came over three months ago, so that I could have finishing lessons.”

“Finishing lessons?” asked Jacob. “What are they? What are they?”

“That’s where you learn which fork to eat your salad with, how to curtsy when you meet a prince or a queen, and the proper way to laugh.”

“There’s a proper way to laugh?” Jacob asked in surprise.

“Oh, yes. You shouldn’t open your mouth too much or laugh too loudly. If you want to know the truth, finishing lessons are very boring. But you know what? I have a treasure in my pocket.”

“You do? You do?”

“Uh-huh. I haven’t shown it to anybody because it’s a secret. But I’ll show you.”

Jacob was very curious to see the treasure in Cindy’s pocket, but before she had a chance to show him, a woman came over and grasped Cindy by the arm. She was a big woman in a hat with peacock feathers and a fur collar on her coat.

“Cindy! Who are you talking to?”

“I’m speaking to Jacob Two-Two, Mother.”

Cindy’s mother looked down at Jacob. Then she turned and saw Jacob’s father, a tall glass with ice in one hand, settling down into a deck chair. “
Hmmpf!
Don’t tell
me
what they are. I can see very well for myself. They are upstarts. Johnny-come-latelies.
They are people who have to
work
for a living. The Snootcastles associate with a higher class of people, Cindy, a much higher class!”