Interview With a Jewish Vampire (27 page)

“
I’ve been busy.”

“
There are an awful lot of busy vampires in my life it seems. What have you been up to? Are you going to meetings? What are you eating?” I didn’t have to have to play by the Rules about grilling Mom. She wouldn’t mind.

“
Please don’t interrogate me Rhoda, you make me feel like a naughty child. You never cared before what I was doing. What’s the big deal now?”

I thought about that. Actually I hadn’t cared before about what she did with her time, only about her health. Now her activities were related to her health in new and frightening ways.

“
What happened with Ellen and Miriam?” I changed the subject, trying to be tactful. . “Did they go through the change already?”

“
Just Miriam. Ellen is being buried in the crypt tonight and tomorrow night we’ll raise her and take her to the ranch. I’m looking forward to that. Then we girls will be together again. Except for Judy of course.”

“
What’s going on with Judy?”

“
She’s not speaking to me anymore.” Mom sighed. “I feel bad about that but what can I do?”

“
No big loss, ma. She was always a terrible pill. She kvetched about everything.”

“
True, but she knew all the gossip and she wasn’t one of those do-gooder types.” She gave a wicked laugh. “I’ve always liked that quote, ‘If you have anything bad to say about anyone, come sit by me.’ Who said that anyway.”

“
I’ll look it up on the Internet for you. I see you may have lost your life but not your sense of humor.”

By the time we hung up I felt relieved, reassured that mom was still herself—she hadn’t turned into some out-of-control monster. I realized that was my worst fear, especially after the truck driver incident. Of course I still didn’t know what she was eating, but I decided not to press it. I didn’t want her to start avoiding my calls.

I was dressed for the arctic by the time Sheldon arrived, looking stunning in a bomber jacket instead of a black coat for a change.

“
You look scrumptious,” I told him.

“
You look warm, which is good. Let’s go.”

We took a cab downtown to Thirty-Fourth and Fifth and he took my hand and led me to the Empire State Building.

“
When was the last time you were at the top?” he asked.

“
When I was a kid. I haven’t been up there since.”

“
Let’s go. It’s a clear night and we’ll have a great view.”

I wanted to make some sarcastic comment about this being
some
special date. The Empire State Building wasn’t exactly a thrill for a jaded New Yorker like me. I’d been to the top of the Twin Towers when they were there. Now that was a thrill. However, even I felt a sense of wonder when we got out of the elevator. The lights of the City were laid out below us with incredible clarity. I could see lines of light up and down the streets and little matchbox cars. When I was a kid the observation deck was totally open, and I remember my father picking me up so I could see everything, asking him where all the people were, and him laughing. I didn’t understand the concept of being too far away to see them. Now there was a huge spiked fence with bars that curved over towards us. I doubted anyone could climb over that, but I suppose with enough determination it was possible.

It was cold and windy, but at least it wasn’t crowded. Actually, there was hardly anyone up there, which wasn’t surprising considering it was January. I guess it wasn’t a wintertime attraction for tourists but it must be a vampire favorite because it’s open all year round until 2 a.m., and vampires are immune to weather. I was gazing raptly at the view with my hand in Sheldon’s when I felt myself being lifted up by the waist. I shrieked but he held onto me tightly as we rose above the fence and started flying over the City. He held on to me tightly, one hand around my middle and the other under my arms.

“
Hang on tight.”

I gasped. I had nothing to hang on to, nor did I have the strength to answer. I was terrified because I thought Sheldon didn’t know how to fly and now we were soaring a hundred stories over Manhattan. I had my eyes closed so I can’t say I was enjoying the view. Finally I cracked open one eye and was stunned. I’d flown over the City in a plane but this was much better. I had a bird’s eye view of a sparkling wonderland. No dirty streets, no car exhaust, just a glorious enchanted city, like Oz. I was on a magic carpet ride, something I’d fantasized about as a child. Back then I’d wished I’d had a magic carpet so I could escape my lonely life and fly anywhere I wanted. Sheldon was fulfilling that dream.

“
I thought you didn’t know how to fly,” I turned and yelled into his ear.

“
I’ve been practicing. I wanted to surprise you.”

“
You succeeded.”

“
Are you cold?”

“
I think the adrenaline is taking care of the cold.” Actually I couldn’t feel my feet, but since I didn’t need them at the moment it didn’t matter.

“
Look, the George Washington Bridge!” I yelled. We were flying uptown, then over the Hudson to New Jersey. Sheldon gently alighted on a narrow street and led me into a cute little hotel on the waterfront. He had a key to a quaintly decorated cubbyhole of a room. It had a double bed with an old-fashioned chenille cover, flowered wallpaper, and couple of nineteenth-century landscape prints in the wall. The room was lit with candles and there was a basket of fruit and chocolates for me on the dresser. The smell of hot coffee drifted out of a coffeemaker next to the fruit basket.

“
How did you manage this?” I was awed.

“
Friend of mine owns it. Hasidic guy.”

“
What’s the occasion?”

“
Do I need an occasion? Let’s say it’s a celebration of me learning how to fly. I wanted to surprise you and I thought it would be fun to stay here. We’ve never stayed at a hotel.”

I couldn’t stop grinning and gave him a huge hug. “This is the most incredible night of my life. OK, the second most incredible. The first was the night I met you.”

Our flight that night was not only over Manhattan, but in that charming room. I think I entered into an altered state during lovemaking. Sheldon started kissing me, and kissing me and kissing me. Softly but intensely. He seemed to be in a dreamlike state. Time slowed down to a crawl, and I went there with him. When I tried to get him to touch me he said, "What's the rush?" Those words were thrilling. He made love as if sex were new to him, like he didn't want any part of the experience to end, like he wanted it all to last forever, each kiss, each touch. When I did come -- after I can't remember how many hours--it was unbelievable.

As daylight was approaching Sheldon sweetly ushered me out. I thought I was in for another flight, which I wasn’t looking forward to. After all we’d just spent the night in bed and I was all warm and glowy from sex. The last thing I wanted was a windy, cold ride home. But yet again Sheldon had anticipated my desires and there was a white limousine waiting for us outside the door.

“
Your coach and four, m’dear,” he said gallantly, bowing and ushering me into the limo. I was thrilled, but it wore off quickly when we got to my house and I invited him to sleep there for the day.

“
I’d like to, Rhoda, but I have to get back to Brooklyn. Too many things going on.”

What the hell were all those things?

I thought that night might be the turning point for us, that Sheldon would finally propose, or want to move in with me, but instead he got more and more cagey and less romantic. He not only didn’t take me back to his apartment again, but he only came to see me a couple of nights a week, and never on weekends. When I’d asked him what he was doing he deflected my questions. I would have had to go into full interrogation mode to find anything out and I didn’t want to antagonize him. Every once in a while we’d go to dinner but I hated sitting there stuffing myself while he ate nothing. It felt rude somehow even though he said he didn’t mind. I had no idea how he was feeding himself these days. I asked if he’d set up anything with the Dominican live chicken sellers but he didn’t give me a straight answer
. He did fill me in on the diamond sales—which were going well on Ebay and to diamond dealers on Canal Street. He was slowly amassing a fortune again but didn’t tell me what exactly he was doing with the money. I hoped he hadn’t found another Bernie Madoff to invest it with. He stopped telling me how much he loved me and would only have sex occasionally. I was distraught. Sheldon may have been different from other men when it came to eternal life, or what he had for dinner, but relationship-wise he was the same as the unavailable men I’d been pursuing since my teens. Maybe he just wasn’t into me. But how could that be, he was a vampire and he’d sired my mother—he’d flown me over New York City--he couldn’t just be another player.

Mom was also becoming more and more elusive. When I called I often heard loud rock music in the background and she sounded like she was still on speed. Mom had always been hyperactive and busy, at least before she got heart disease, but this was a new phenomenon. Sometimes she talked so fast I could barely understand her.

“
What exactly are you doing, Mom,” I’d asked her the last time I called.

“
I am having an incredible time, Rhoda. Being young again when you’re old is like having a new lease on life. OK that sounds clichéd but it really is true.”

“
What do you do with your time?”

“
Well I swim at night a lot, I go to concerts and theatre, movies, rollerblading, tennis, hang gliding, bungee jumping, clubbing. I go to the farm twice a week to feed.”

“
Hold on mom. Hang gliding? Bungee jumping? Where the hell did you do that?

“
Oh there’s a guy in Boca who takes me out after dark. It’s a real thrill. I’m even thinking of taking a trip somewhere. I just have to figure out the logistics, you know, what with traveling at night and eating and all. Maybe I’ll come to New York and visit you. We could all go out together.”

Putting a hyper Mom in my studio apartment where I was hoping Sheldon would visit more often was not my idea of fun. And what would she eat? I couldn’t see her hunting for rats. She might get tempted to go after humans. There were so many of them crowded together in New York, some of whom wouldn’t be missed if they disappeared.

“
OK, Mom, I’m glad you’re having fun. Just call me occasionally. I’m feeling neglected.”

“
Sorry dear, I’m just too busy sometimes.”

I started spending more and more time with Charlene, who was patient enough to listen to me obsess about Sheldon.

“
I thought we were on our way to a commitment but he’s become less and less available,” I whined one Saturday when I had nothing to do and no date with Sheldon that night. “I barely see him. Maybe he’s gone off the wagon and is killing people, or maybe, God forbid, even has another woman. It seems impossible for any man, dead or alive, to be faithful.”

“
Why don’t we go to Soho?” Charlene suggested. “You need a change of scenery. There’s an art exhibit at the Satanic Gallery—with pictures of vampires I believe.”

Soho was a refreshing change from my apartment. It was a sunny winter day for a change. The perennial gloom of winter had lifted and the streets were filled with fashionably dressed New Yorkers strolling around, most of them couples, which made me feel lonely. I comforted myself with the thought that I couldn’t do this with Sheldon anyway—it was daytime. When we stopped at a sushi place for lunch I reminded myself again that I hated to eat in front of him. I kept trying to think of things I couldn’t do with him to cheer myself up. It worked a little.

At the Satanic Gallery Charlene pointed out a picture of a vampire with a Dracula look, dark cloak, and fangs. “Doesn’t this one remind you of Sheldon, Rhoda?” He had his teeth sunk into the neck of a blonde damsel.

“
The only thing he has in common with Sheldon is the hooked nose. I don’t understand why pictures of vampires always portray them as these horrible monsters. How about nice vampires, who don’t kill people? Sheldon is ridding the subway system of vermin. He’s helping the New York health department.” .

The walls were filled with monsters—many of them dripping blood from their fangs. I couldn’t wait to get out of there but Charlene was closely examining the pictures.

“
That one has sure got the dark, mysterious thing going.” Charlene was still staring at the picture.

“
Oh, please. That looks like some kind of hideous creature, not my dear Sheldon, who I haven’t seen or heard from in a week by the way.”

“
Why don’t you just come out with it and ask him what’s going on?”

“
He might just say it’s over.”

“
I know you’re trying to follow the Rules, but there’s such a thing as going overboard in the other direction from not pressuring—it’s called letting a vampire fly all over you.”

“
Lame joke.” I giggled a little, grateful that Charlene was at least trying to cheer me up. “Do you have any suggestions? What should I do?”

“
Call him. Insist on the truth. At least you’ll find out what’s going on.”

“
I’m no stalker,” I protested. “I’m trying to give him space.”

“
Give me a break, Rhoda. You love the guy, he loves you, maybe he’s in some kind of trouble. Why not try to find out.