Infinity & Always (16 page)

“Hey,”
he whispers. “Why do you look so sad darlin’?” his
face scrunches with confusion.

“I’m
not,” I answer, shaking my head with embarrassment.

“Yes,
you had a funny look on your beautiful face and your eyes looked
sad.”

He
tilts his forehead against mine and pulls the sheet up to cover my
back and shoulders.

“I
was just thinking about us and sex.” I can feel my cheeks burn.
I don’t know why I am getting embarrassed, but it’s
almost too personal to explain. Knox furrows his brows and pulls me
against his chest.

“Tell
me darlin’, did I hurt you? Or did you not like it?”

His
voice sounds a little scared and desperate.

“No,
nothing like that. I was just thinking that I love having sex with
you and I’ve never even thought about wanting another guy.”

He
lifts me back by the shoulders. “And that’s why you got
embarrassed?” he says, still confused. Shaking my head no, I
bury my face into his neck, “Then why?”

“It’s
stupid, never mind,” shaking my head I snuggle into him, but he
won’t let it go. He pesters me and tries to tickle it out of me
until finally I give in.

“Okay,
okay you big meanie. I sometimes feel weird after we have sex,”
I start, but his look of horror has me laughing, “Not that kind
of weird.”

“Well,
what do you mean exactly because a guy can seriously get worried over
here.”

“I’m
just saying sometimes after sex I wish we could stay connected. It
feels horrible when you leave my body,” I shrug, feeling
completely out of myself, and stupid for even saying it out loud.

“Ah,”
he says, scooting lower in the bed so he is lying down and I’m
still on top of him. “I get it darlin’, I get that too,
it’s almost like a part of you has been taken away.”

Lifting
my head I look at him and he smiles at me. “What, you thought
guys don’t feel like that? That we are all horny bastards who
just want to fuck?”

“Yeah,
pretty much.”

He
laughs at me squeezing me to him and kissing my head, “Don’t
get me wrong darlin’. I love a good fuck, but I much prefer to
make love to my beautiful fiancée.”

I
stay wrapped in his arms for a while refusing to move, even though I
can hear Max banging around the kitchen. Knox rolls over landing on
top of me and giving me his amazing megawatt smile.

“Love
you darlin’, Merry Christmas.”

Climbing
out of bed he pulls me up telling me to be in the kitchen in five
minutes. When I walk in I, find Max and Knox making breakfast while
Paige drinks coffee.

“Merry
Christmas,” Paige smiles at me.

Taking
a seat I give her a hug, “You too.” Knox brings over
French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage. Then pours us
coffee, we eat in silence before I decided to break the awkwardness.

“What
time are you going to your parents?” I ask Paige.

“Oh,
I’m not, they don’t know I’m home.”

I’m
a little shocked and I look at the guys. “Oh, how come?”

“I
can’t deal with them or my brother and his freaking girlfriend,
she bugs the piss out of me. I’m just going to crash on the
sofa and watch old movies if you don’t mind,” she says.

“Why
don’t you come to the beach with us?” Max says.

“Oh
no, I’m not imposing myself on your family time,” Paige
shakes her head.

“You
won’t be. I’m sure Knox has more than enough food on the
menu and Dad won’t care,” he shrugs.

Knox
and I look at each other. He clears his throat and tells Paige she is
more than welcome to come with us. After each of us shower and gets
dressed we load up the truck with gifts and set out. I text my dad
making sure he is still joining us, he replies by telling me not to
worry that he and Richard are already hitting the eggnog. Laughing
out loud I read his text to Knox.

“Fucking
alcoholics,” he laughs.

We
arrive just before one o’clock. Max and I pile the gifts under
the tree while Knox takes control of the kitchen. Paige says hello to
my dad and Richard; they give her a hug and hand her a drink.

“Wow
Dad, it’s not even five o’clock and you’re on the
sauce already,” I tease, giving him a hug.

“It’s
Christmas,” he scoffs and wanders off to get another.

I
send my mom a text and ask her how her Hawaiian vacation is going.
Thomas took her away as part of her present. I’m happy for her.
It’s nice to see her smiling again and after our talk, I can
understand her a little more than I used to.

Knox
snakes his arm around my waist pulling me back into his chest while I
text my mom. His warm breath brushes along my neck, giving me goose
bumps.

“What
would you like to drink darlin’?”

“Oh,
coffee or juice,” I answer, turning my head a little so I can
see him.

“What?
No, Jack?”

“No,
maybe later,” I answer, kissing his cheek. I love feeling the
smoothness of his jaw after he shaves - it’s like a babies
butt.

We
sit around the table out on the patio while watching the ocean.
California Christmas is like no other. It’s about seventy
degrees and the sun is shining. A clear contrast to what the rest of
the world envisions Christmas to be like. Knox is back and forth
checking on dinner while Richard talks to Paige about her time in New
York. Closing my eyes, I tilt my head towards the sky, allowing the
sun to warm my face.

I
love days like today, warm but not hot, a light breeze blowing across
my skin and the warmth of Knox’s body, as he gets close to me
before pressing a kiss to my lips.

“I
want to marry you,” he whispers, in my ear and a smile breaks
out on my face.

I
want to marry him too, but I want to get the house finished and
graduate first so he has another year at least to wait. Keeping my
eyes closed and my face tilted upward, I tune out all the background
noise. Knox slips his hand in mine but doesn’t interrupt me. My
mind wanders to the last fun Christmas I had with Summer; it really
was a blast. Life was fun and silly then; no Ben to mess it up, but I
don’t want to recall him so I switch my memory over to Summer
only. I miss my friend. But time has helped, the wounds are still raw
and sometimes I break down and have a cry, but mostly I’m
dealing.

It’s
hard to believe so many years have passed and yet it feels like
yesterday. Knox has been so good to me over the years and has helped
me through a lot, especially the cry-fests. He never judges me or
makes me feel foolish; he just holds me until I’m done then
fills me up with white chocolate and kisses.

Turning
my head, I open my eyes allowing the day to filter back into my mind.
Knox is chatting with Dad and they are both having a glass of beer
and laughing. Max, Paige, and Richard are still talking about New
York and I feel blessed that I have these people in my life. Summer
left a gaping hole in my heart and soul, but I can’t live in
the past. I like to remember the good times because we had plenty of
those and keep moving forward. I know she would want me to.

Lifting
Knox’s hand I place a kiss on the back of it drawing his
attention to me. I receive a smile and wink from him knowing by the
look on his face that he knew where my thoughts had drifted.

“Love
you, babe,” I whisper.

After
our afternoon in the sun, I help Knox dish up the dinner. He gives
Max and I direction and we move around following his orders, both of
us calling him Chef Ramsey. He takes it all in good fun but threatens
us every few minutes. Max and I have the table set and the side
dishes ready out on the table.

“Come
on sis.”

He
grabs me around the waist and we dance to a Christmas song playing
through the speakers. Both of us move through the dining room into
the kitchen and circle around Knox. He rolls his eyes and laughs at
us, slapping my ass when I pass him. He has gotten used to Max and I
acting like kids and usually ignores us.

“Come
on you two, time to eat,” he says, lifting the turkey and
walking into the dining room. Max and I waltz in behind him and take
our seats.

“You
two at it again?” My dad shakes his head while smiling at me,
he knows how Max and I carry on too.

“One
day they will grow out of it,” Knox says, smirking at me.

“Hell
No!” Max scoffs and we high five.

“At
least Max lets me play video games with him.”

“So
do I,” Knox looks really offended.

“Yeah
but I don’t kill her after five minutes,” Max laughs at
Knox.

“Okay
kids,” Richard smiles at us, reaching for his drink. He
proposes a toast to us all and then we start to eat.

Taking
a bite of my turkey I can’t help but laugh. Knox questions me
with his eyes sending me into a fit of giggles. Everyone looks at us,
and he shrugs not knowing what is up with me.

“So
Richard,” I start, “were you able to follow Knox’s
instruction okay for the turkey,” I ask, innocently.

Knox
chokes on his beer spilling some of it down his chin. Reaching over,
I wipe it off with a concerned look.

“Yes
I did, it was easy enough to understand what was going on,”
Richard says, chuckling at me.

Knox’s
eyes widen and he looks like he wants to die right there. I must
admit Richard got me with that one, but I just laugh with him. Knox
squeezes my knee under the table and he squints his eyes at me,
letting me know I am in trouble later.

After
dinner, Paige and I clean up the dishes and leftovers. Max floats
into us, helping here and there. Once we are done, we decided to open
gifts. I feel bad for Paige because no one knew she would be here so
they didn’t have anything for her. I got her a pair of boots
she picked out about two months ago when we were on the phone and
browsing the Cosmo website.

“Holy
hell, Bailey!” she squeals, jumping up she hugs me and thanks
me about fifty times.

Max
hands her an envelope, “This is from Knox and me, sorry it was
last minute.”

Taking
it from him she smiles and opens it, pulling out a piece of paper.
Peeking over her shoulder, I see it’s a gift voucher to one of
her favorite stores in the mall.

“Wow
thanks, guys,” she gives both of them a hug then sits down by
the tree. She passes us a small envelope each and I question her with
my eyes, she already got me some clothes. Waving her hand she says
it’s something small and not to worry about it. Max almost
chokes when he takes out the paper. He looks up at her and frowns,
turning I look over to Knox, who is frowning too, so I rip open my
envelope. Pulling out the small card I read it. She has given us a
first class round trip ticket to New York for next week.

“What’s
this for?” I ask, not rudely, but I don’t get it.

“Well,
I’m moving home and I was wondering if you wanted to spend my
last New Year’s Eve in New York with me in Times Square.”

She
chews her lip nervously as her eyes dart between the three of us.
Knox shrugs at me, Max is in shock, and I jump up.

“Yes!
Of course we will.”

I
grab her in a hug and we both laugh, Dad and Richard are smiling at
us while they take in the scene. We pass out the rest of the gifts. I
got Knox a set of handlebar grips for his Harley, and Max wanted new
motorcycle boots. Dad and Richard told us not to get them anything,
but I still got them some shirts and ties. Max passes me a box and by
the look and feel of it, I’m guessing it’s a DVD, opening
it I laugh at him. He gave me part two of a video game we play and my
own purple controller.

“Thanks,
bro,” I hug him and give him a kiss on the cheek.

Knox
laughs at us then hands me a small box, ripping open the wrapper I
open the velvet box finding a gold chain bracelet. I’m a little
confused to say the least he then passes another one to me. Opening
it I find a small charm of a car.

“You
look confused,” he says

“A
little.”

Smiling,
he leans forward resting his elbows on his knees. “The first
time I saw you, you were hiding behind your car,” he hands me
another box and I open it.

“A
cocktail glass?” I ask.

“The
first time you actually spoke to me in the bar.”

My
smiles grows and I get another box, he keeps bringing them out each
containing a small charm representing a time in our lives so far. A
motorcycle, for our first time on his. A stiletto for when we went
clubbing. A key, to his heart and a bed for when we moved in
together, an infinity symbol, to represent his love for me, and how
unbreakable it is. A tree of life, for me fighting for mine, and
winning. A seashell for when Knox proposed.

By
the time he has each one hanging from the bracelet I’m in
tears, he gently brushes my eyes with his thumbs.

“Thank
you,” I whisper. I want to say more, but my voice is stuck.

Taking
my hand, he excuses us and brings me out to the beach. We walk down
to the water and he turns to me.

“You
okay darlin’? I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“I’m
fine, they’re happy tears,” I reply, fingering the charms
on my wrist.

“Do
you like it?”

“Yes,
oh my god, yes. I love it,” throwing my arms around his neck I
squeeze him.

“We’re
not done darlin’.”

Stepping
back, I look at his outstretched hand and then back up to him, “This
is a special one I found.”

Taking
the box, I wipe my eyes not knowing if my heart can take anymore.
Lifting the lid I stare at the beautiful rose charm, it has pink
stones encrusted on it and a gold stem. I know roses are a symbol of
love so I guess it’s for love. Looking up at him I smile and
say thank you. He snorts at me taking the rose from the box and
lifting my wrist.

“This
one darlin’ has nothing to do with me,” he says,
fastening it to a part of the bracelet. “This one is for the
past, I know how much you still miss Summer and I remember you
telling me pink roses were her favorite. When I saw this I knew I was
meant to get it. It was the only one in the store and so this one is
for you, to know that she remembers you and I’m pretty sure she
is keeping an eye on my beautiful girl for me.”