If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (24 page)

It
took all the strength Barrington could muster, but he ended their kiss abruptly.
He shook his head, “You can’t have it both ways, Perri. I want you. But I want
you to want me, too.”

“I
do.”

“Prove
it.”

“I’m
trying to but—”

“No,
Perri. The action will come. Right now I need to hear the words.”

“And
if I don’t want to say them?” She looked at him defiantly.

All
hope drained from Barrington’s eyes as his shoulders drooped. Taking a
tentative step back, he told her, “I won’t force you, Perri.”
God, he needed
air
. He loosened his tie, removed it tossing it over his shoulder
carelessly. “Our contract is still in force; I’ll stick to my end. I want you
but you don’t want me. That’s not good enough to totally spend myself making
love to you when—on your part—you don’t feel it for me.” Not satisfied with the
seemingly too little air between them in her spacious kitchen, Barrington
informed her, “I need a shower. Put the sheets on my bed; I’ll change them when
I’m done in the bathroom.” He left her standing there alone.

Why
did he still have the power to do this to me
? Perri
wondered, taking fresh sheets out of the linen closet. Hearing running water
and knowing Barrington was still in the shower, she entered his room, her eyes
automatically drawn in the direction of the bathroom.

Damn
him
.

Just
put the sheets on my bed, I’ll change them when I get out. She mimicked him in
her mind.
I just bet you will, bud
. She was bothered, hot and testy with
him, and getting more pissed by the minute. Thing was she didn’t know exactly
why she was so irritated with him to begin with. All the man had done was let
his feelings for her be known and she was acting like he hadn’t always been
that upfront with her, she knew.

Feeling
a smile tug at the corners of her mouth, she shook it off, walking over to the
bed. “That’s just too much power for that man to have over me,” she complained
to the air. Perri tried to think of other things, anything to keep her mind off
of intimate thoughts of Barrington that seemed to fill her head with all kinds
of possibilities none of which she had any business thinking of. She was not going
there with him. Not again. Perri didn’t realize she’d started placing sheets on
his bed until it was fully made up with the sheet turned down ready for
Barrington’s warm, beautiful, golden tanned body.

Stop
it
,
she scolded herself. Her baby’s daddy he may be, but as far as she was
concerned, he’s totally off limits.

You
not even fooling nobody, girl,
there was that
annoying voice intruding in on her thoughts again.
You know you want him, so
why deny either of you a brief moment in time,
the voice continued to
needle her, setting her mind on edge.

“You
know why,” she spoke the words aloud.

“Do
I?”

Perri
jumped, startled by Barrington’s voice.

Where
did he come from
? She didn’t even hear the water stop
running.

“Sorry,
didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You
didn’t,” she lied. “I was just,” she paused searching her brain for an excuse, logical
or not, “making up your bed for you,” was all she could think up to say.
It
was true
.

“Thank
you,” he was gracious enough to say. “But you really didn’t have to do that; I told
you I would do it after my shower.”

Those
words sent shock waves shimming through her body. “Not a problem.” The man
smelled good enough to climb his body like a tree lizard. He only had a hunter
green towel wrapped around his waist, offsetting his natural golden tan in the
most delicious way. Suddenly it was getting really hot in that room. Barrington
had naturally curly hair, which apparently he still liked to let air-dry; some
things never change. Why for all that’s left good in the world did he still
have to look so fine? Her eyes roamed his body on their own accord as wave
after wave of pure unadulterated red hot desire strummed through every nerve in
her body, and with much strained effort too great to deny, she swallowed hard,
knowing all she wanted to do was to just lose herself permanently inside his
willing and available arms.

“I
was already in here so I just . . .”

“Needed
a distraction,” he filled in for her not even trying to hide his smile.

“Wrong.
I was just being hospitable; you are a guest in my home, you know.”

“So
you keep telling me.”

“Because
it hasn’t changed,” she unnecessarily said just because she could.

Barrington
wanted to shake the truth out of her but inwardly decided he wasn’t going there
with Perri. Not again tonight; he simply didn’t have the energy to make her
face what he still knew to be an inevitable encounter between them. However, he
was as sure as the air he lived and breathed that they would make love before
all was said and done.

“If
you say so, Perri,” was his only verbal response as Barrington slung the towel
in his hands around his shoulders. “Don’t let me keep you,” he said at the same
time she started to say something.

“Don’t
you think you should put on some clothes?” she asked at the same time he was
saying something.

“Huh?”
They said in unison.

“I’m
where I’m supposed to be,” Barrington informed her.

Surprised
at his words she blinked and said, “Indicating that I’m out of place, right?”

“Perri,
if my being naked underneath this towel—even though you’ve seen everything I’ve
got—makes you uncomfortable, then yes, you are out of place.”

“
You’re
serious?”

“Perri,
tell me this. At the moment, what exactly stops you from confining yourself to
the safety of your own room?”

“If
you want me to leave, Barrington, just say so.”

“What
if I said I want you to stay?” He eyed her curiously. “Wouldn’t hearing my
sudden revelation make you wanna leave my presence that much faster?”

She
would have given anything to wipe that smug look off his beautiful face. “You
think you know me so well.”

“Those
are your words, Perri. Truth is I thought I knew you. Until you—”

“What?
Until I what, Barrington?” she said and glared at him, anticipating his next
words.

He
refused to argue anymore tonight. “You know what, Perri? It’s late, I’m tired
and you said you had to get up early. Why don’t we just call it a night?”

Irritated
that he seemed to be putting her off, Perri said, “Is that what you really
want, Barrington?” She tilted her head. “Or is that all you think you can
have?”

The
fire showed in Barrington’s eyes. “Are you offering me more?”

“I
didn’t say all that. I just asked if you thought that’s all you can have.”

He
sighed heavily. “Don’t play with me, Perri.”

“But
isn’t that what you want, Barrington,” she challenged. “To play with me?”

“I’m
warning you, Perri, don’t start a fire you’re not willing to put out.” His eyes
told her he was as serious as the desire she knew he felt for her.

Perri
didn’t have anything to say to that, her thoughts instantly transporting her
back to a time when she would have given anything to stay in Barrington’s arms.
A time when he'd, of his own offering, promised to help her do just that. Her
stomach fluttered, thinking back on the third time in one night they made love
a year and a half ago.

“You
owe me a shirt,” Perri said lazily.

“Excuse
me?”

“You
ripped my blouse, baby. You owe me a shirt.”

Barrington
laughed. “Take one of mine.”

Perri
shook her head as she said, “Can't do that, yours aren't feminine.”

“I
insist. Besides, you wearing my shirt will keep me close to you,” he teased.

At
that moment, for Perri, reality set in. Barrington felt the shift, too.

“How
much longer will your tour be?”

“I
owe Toby three more months.”

“Then
what are your plans?”

“Then
we hit the studio in preparation to launch the next CD.”

“Oh.”
She swallowed deep disappointment.

He
shut his eyes, feeling her hurt. He whispered, “I'm here now, Perri.”

She
forced a smile but Barrington saw it didn't reach her eyes. “Yes you are.” She
kissed him, determined to get lost in the sweetness of his aphrodisiac kisses.
It didn't take long for that to quickly move to a frenzied acrobat of bodies
and limbs, as Barrington pulled her down on top of him. “What's this?” she
asked already turned on and thinking it too soon for that. But then again, it didn't
take much effort with her Barrington. Her Barrington?

Barrington
kissed the tip of her nose. “It's called the straddle position.”

Perri
stared blankly. “Why?”

He
laughed, amused at her wonder. “This way, Perri, you control the tempo.”

“The
tempo?” she repeated blankly.

“Yeah,
tempo,” he parroted and chuckled. “See, baby, with you being on top you get to
decide how fast . . . or slow you want us to go,” he explained. “You set the
pace, Perri.”

She
grinned sheepishly. “I set the pace?”

“Any
speed you want.”

“And
you?”

“Flow
however you move.”

“Really
now?” she asked filing that information away to use later.

“If
you ready now,” he grinned wolfishly.

Hmm?
She definitely saw possibilities . . . amazing ones. Slowly, she took what
she'd hoped to be the first of many rides upon the Barrington Pony Express.

Afterward,
they just held each other for a long time in comfortable silence until she
called out to him. “Barrington?”

“Yeah,
baby?”

She
waited then spoke her heart. “Do you think it's possible to meet someone and
make a connection that will last forever, changing significantly the course
they each take in this lifetime, only to end up face to face again—changed, yet
still open to only each other?”

Barrington
listened to Perri, heard her carefully chosen words and knew she sought to have
his solemn word—an everlasting guarantee that they'd belong to each other no
matter what else happened to them or between them.

“Yeah,
baby, I believe that's possible. ‘Least I do with you.”

Raising
her head slightly, she looked into his beautiful eyes, “Really?”

He
smiled affectionately before saying, “Really.” Kissing the tip of her nose, he
asked, “Why you sound so surprised?”

“The
truth?” she asked not sure he wanted her to be blaringly honest.

“True
confessions,” was his only reply as he waited for her response.

Perri
thought about how best to word the feelings of her heart. All that came to mind
was, “You ruin me with your words, make me wish I'll never let you go,
acknowledge I don't wanna let you go. In short, I'm stuck on you, Barrington.”

He
proudly smiled and possessively said, “Then I better not walk too far away from
you that I can't somehow make my way back to you.”

“Please
don't.” She was too lost in him to care enough to be ashamed at the desperate,
almost pitying tone the words came out in. It didn't matter; she already knew
she didn't have to be ashamed in front of Barrington. Not only was he her heart
but he alone held the reigns and power to lead wherever he wished for her to
follow him.

“Things
happen when you stray too close to the edge of the water,” she remarked
quietly.

“Perri,
I can tell you I'll be there to catch you before the water can take you under
and you drown in the sea of forgetfulness. That won't happen on my watch.”

“Promise?”
She nestled back down in the safe haven of his familiar arms.

“I
Promise.” He chuckled, warmed himself by his next words. “I love you, Perri,”
Barrington whispered softly in her ear.

“I
love you, Barrington Rashaad Knight,” she whispered. “I'm yours forever.”

“Forever,
sweet Perri, I'm yours.” Feeling her need as well as his own need for rest, he
said, “Baby, we're part of each other now,” specifying the most intimate
connection held between them. He then held her until she slumbered deep in his
words as well as his arms. It wasn't long after that he joined her.

Exhausted
from overindulging on each other’s body, both fell asleep, wrapped up, tied up,
and tangled up in his sheets as well as each other, solely for the purpose of
pleasing the other.

Lies . . . all lies, her
mimd screamed inwardly. Remembering where she was, Perri closed her eyes to the
pain that memory evoked within and she kept them closed until she heard
Barrington's next bold statement.

Watching
an array of emotions display across her beautiful features, Barrington knew
Perri's mind had traveled somewhere back in time. He also knew by the way she
quickly shut her eyes, squeezing them so tight, he thought there might be a
permanent frown etched in her face, especially where her eyebrows bunched up
revealing her pain. Wishing with all his heart he could ease her pain, if only
a little, yet knowing there really was nothing he could say or do when she
clearly wasn't willing to listen to him, but unable to stand being in the room
with her and not touch her, he opted for safe distance between them. It took
all the strength he had to pull himself away from her sweet nearness but he was
determined to do just that.

Barrington
muttered, “Good night, Perri.” He picked up his razor and went back into the
bathroom, closing the door behind him.