If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (25 page)

Perri’s
proud shoulders slumped and tears burned the back of her eyes as she stood
staring at the door that, basically, Barrington just closed in her face. That
was the second time he’d shut her out tonight and just like the first time
Perri was hurt beyond words. Not wanting to risk him coming out and catching
her shedding tears, she made short work of leaving his room and made her way to
hers. Once inside she flung herself on the bed and cried until the last pity
tear drained.

***

Lying
in bed thinking of nothing but Perri and their somewhat strange relationship,
Barrington could only wonder what position, if any, they still held in each
other's life. Knowing she wasn’t being totally honest concerning her feelings
for him, he really wished she’d speak to him from her heart instead of her
hurt, not to mention wounded pride. He chuckled thinking how mentally stubborn
Perri was, swearing she got mad quicker than any woman he knew. And that was
saying a lot, considering he'd met thousands of women being a musician.

It’s
not like she led you to believe something more than a family in name only for
Imani would ever be,
his conscious void of mercy reminded
him.

Besides
,
he thought, dejectedly,
seems like she’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t
want me
. That hurt Barrington more than he wanted to admit.

Still,
when he looked in her eyes he was sure he read in them a note of desire toward
him. Once again coming up short as far as solutions, Barrington didn’t know
what else to do, or how else to get Perri to admit her feelings for him, and
frankly, he was tired of hitting his head against the hollow walls of her
heart.

“Perri,”
he whispered into the night, feeling desire for her in his lower anatomy. “Why
are you doing this to me? To us?” he asked the darkness around him, weakly
fighting off a strong desire to go to her right then. After all, she was his
wife, regardless of the reason.

When
her body didn’t rest well and sleep didn't come easy for Perri that night as
she again flipped on her stomach getting tangled in the sheets, she absolutely
refused to believe it had anything to do with her so-called husband sleeping in
an entirely different room while they tried to coexist as polite strangers
dwelling miserably under the same roof. And though her tossing and turning
restlessly had been going on for the past two hours she’d been lying wide awake
in bed, she still asked her mind,
What’s my problem
?

Perri
tried occupying her mind with other things but it was all to no avail. She
couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. She tried sketching and even that eluded her.
Agitated with herself more than her husband, she turned her pillow over,
punching it from pure frustration. She had to literally lie on top of her hands
to keep from calling Journey, telling her she was coming to get her baby because
she needed something productive to do with her time and obviously it wouldn’t
be sleep.

Ruling
against that madness, Perri decided to get some hot chocolate but on the way to
the kitchen she had to pass by the room Barrington was occupying. She tried to
fight the urge but stopped when she got to his door, lightly running her palms
against the oak frame. In that instant, she wanted to fling the door open and
run into what she knew would be his open arms.

Perri
stood outside Barrington's bedroom for five minutes trying to decide if she
should knock.

Was
he already asleep
?
Will he even want to talk to me or
is it already too late to apologize
?

The
questions didn’t seem to have an end and worse yet she still didn’t know what
to do. Just that she wanted to see Barrington, talk to him. But she didn’t know
if it were wise after she made a point of reminding him that outside of
spending time with Imani they were to keep their hands, bodies and physical
distance from one another.

“You
looking for me?” he asked huskily at seeing her gorgeous body clad in an old button
down shirt that vaguely looked like one he used to own. That thought pleased
him and his already restless cock had no problem stirring to life as it jumped
inside his boxers in response.

Perri
jumped about two feet in the air. Grabbing her heart, she said, “You scared me,
fool!”

Barrington
laughed.

“What
are you doing out here anyway?” she asked.

“I
was thirsty and, though you’re my wife, I didn’t think you’d appreciate me
waking you up and asking you to get it for me.” He grinned. “Personally though,
I wouldn’t mind seeing your room.”

“And
just why’s that?”

Curious
to know if you’ve changed in other areas or just the familiar ones,” he
answered.

“What
does it matter, Barrington, since according to you last night, you don’t know
me like you thought you did?”

“Well,
you didn’t bother to correct me. Did you? Besides, Perri, last night was last
night. It’s well after twelve in the morning which makes today is a new day so
why don’t we give each other some new mercies?”

“Whatever,
Barrington,” she said testily only because in the back of her mind she knew
stopping in front of his door would be a mistake on her part.

Knowing
she was about to flee and not ready for her to leave, he asked, “Did you wanna
tell me something?” Seeing confusion on her face, he clarified, “The reason
you’re standing here, baby. Do you need to talk to me?”

Perri
didn’t know what to say; truth is she didn’t even know why she was standing
there.

You
want him
.

There
was that bothersome voice again. Ignoring it along with the butterflies
swarming in her belly she tried to come up with a suitable answer. “I just
wanted to see you.” Surprising both of them with her sudden candid honesty, she
blinked hardly able to believe her own ears.

Not
realizing he’d been holding his breath, Barrington broke into a full-fledged
smile. “And now that you have?”

She
blinked rapidly.

Wasting
no time reaching for her hand, Barrington said, “Stop fidgeting, Perri.”

She
was about to protest until she realized she’d been playing with the buttons on
her shirt which she all of a sudden remembered she’d snagged from his pile of
clothes he’d shedding when he stripped them both naked on their way to making
love for the very first time.

“It’s
all right, baby. We’ll take it one true confession at a time.”

His
smile did more to reassure her than he realized.

“Come
on.” He ushered her down the hallway. “I’ll fix you some hot chocolate.”

“How’d
you know I was gonna get some?”

Not
turning to look at her, he only said, “Sweet Perri, I remember everything about
you, the little things that make you happy. After a night of unfit rest you
want hot chocolate to calm you, so you fall into a relatively comfortable
sleep.”

His
impeccable memory impressed her and she smiled, unable to help being touched he
took notice of something so insignificantly minute. “Thank you, Barrington,”
was all she could manage because she felt tears on the horizon and the last
thing Perri wanted or needed was to come undone emotionally in front of him.

“You’re
welcome, baby.” Preparing the water, he walked to the stove turning on the
front eye and placed the kettle upon it.

Perri
watched his every move feeling herself unravel with each motion he made and
before she caught herself he turned and smiled when he saw her staring at him.

“Is
it too soon to ask for another true confession?”

“What
do you mean?”

His
eyes connected with and held her eyes. “Can you allow yourself to admit you
still care for me?”

Feeling
the heat infuse her cheeks, Perri admitted, “I’ll always care about you,
Barrington. That much about me hasn’t changed.”

He
smiled visibly satisfied. “I’m glad.”

“So
am I.” The kettle whistled. She watched him move about preparing a cup.

“Hot
chocolate for the leading lady in my life,” he offered the mug, “my wife.”

Her
fingers brushed against his warm skin as she reached for the mug in his hands.
An intense wave of desire flooded her being. “Thank you.”

“You’re
welcome, baby.” Watching her bring the mug to her lips and gently blow in it,
Barrington wanted her so much he felt it in his soul and his heart hurt because
he couldn’t reach out and take her in his arms to familiarize himself with her
body all over again—inside and out—loving her for the remaining time they had
before daylight.

Barrington
and Perri stood hand in hand in the hallway. Chuckling, she teased. “Thanks for
seeing me to my door, kind sir.”

“Not
a problem, madam, it was on the way.”

Judging
the distance in between the kitchen and her bedroom, she smirked at him.

He
said, “It would be if I were coming from the hall bathroom.”

They
shared an easy laugh.

Feeling
his cock rear its head, Barrington knew he’d better leave now. “Sleep tight,
Perri. I’ll see you when you wake up.” He turned to leave.

Her
hand shot out to stop him because her voice wasn’t quick enough.

Barrington
stopped but didn’t turn to look at her, instead closing his eyes willing
himself the strength to not take advantage of his wife in a moment of what was
probably brief weakness.

“Will
you stay, Barrington? Please?” Perri held her breath waiting for his first
response.

Barrington
swallowed hard wondering if she had any idea what she was doing to him.
Chancing all his emotions, he turned staring into her eyes, the window of her
soul. “Do you know what you’re asking?”

“Yes.”

“Perri,
you better be sure,” he warned. “I’m telling you if I stay I
am
going to
make love to you. If you can’t handle it, or you’re not willing to go that far,
you better let me go right now, baby, while I’ve still got the strength to
restrain myself.”

She
smiled warmed by his words. “Barrington, I’m not a child. I know what I’m
saying. I know what it means. I know I want you to stay. I know I want to make
love with you.” Perri took a deep breath. “Barrington, I’m tired of denying my
heart the love I feel for you. I’m tired of running. I can’t fight the feeling
anymore, it’s too draining. I don’t
want
to fight what I feel for you,
Barrington. Please say you wanna stay with me.” Reaching up she caressed his
smooth cheek, her hand burning with the desire he kindled in her. “Lay with me,
my beautiful husband.”

Sweeping
her up in his arms, Barrington told her, “I want that more than you know, sweet
Perri. More than even you can imagine.” He kissed her lightly at first, slowly
teasing her as his tongue played with hers. When he heard her purring, he
whispered, “My baby, this is your last chance to change your mind.”

Smiling,
Perri whispered, “I’m not looking for a way of escape.”

Kicking
the door open, he carried her inside stopping long enough for her to push it
shut behind them. Placing her on the bed, Barrington stood back marveling as he
looked at her in awe.

“What?”
she asked due to the sudden delay of where his eager hands should be displayed.

Barrington
was shaking his head, “I just wanna look at you for a minute. You are still
without a doubt the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

It
wasn’t easy, but for him, Perri made herself not fidget while he seemed to be
taking an extensive inventory of her entire body and she wondered what could
have him mesmerized when she was still fully clothed, though she had to admit
how good it felt having his eyes watching only her body again.

“You’re
so damn beautiful. You always were.”

“Thank
you.” She smiled, reaching out her hand to him. “You always make me feel
beautiful, Barrington.”

He
knelt before her framing her face. “I want you to be absolutely sure about your
sudden change of mind, because once we start they’ll be no stopping until I’ve
brought you to pleasure in every possible way imaginable. Just like old times
only better because I’ve missed you something awful and I’ve got a lot of pent
up passion reserved with your name on it, girl.” He searched her eyes. “Once I
begin making love to you, Perri, just like when you were in labor ready to give
birth to my seed, the only way out of it is through it, and I’m gonna make damn
sure you feel every labor of love I have stored up for you,” he promised.

Perri
caressed his face. “Barrington, you’ve always been able to caress a song and
make lyrical love to it with your voice.” She swallowed hard. “Just like your
love comes pouring through every lyric you sing, I want you to love me more and
make love to me deeper.”

Barrington
was fighting to keep his back out of his front. Sometimes, when it came to his
songs, he felt like the crowd liked his music, but weren't necessarily
listening to his lyrics. It warmed his soul to know the woman he loved with all
his heart also listened to the lyrics in his songs. She was causing him to melt
for her fast with her words alone. He could just about and had imagined what it
would be like to make love to her after nearly two years of absence.