I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (25 page)

The erectile tissue that makes up the G-spot is actually an internal part of the clitoris, part of the same network of interconnected tissue and nerve endings (see the diagram on page 152). The tissue wrapped around the urethra is called the urethral sponge, and as arousal builds, this spongy tissue becomes engorged with blood. Within the urethral sponge are thirty to forty tiny paraurethral glands, also known as the female prostate. These produce the fluid of female ejaculation, especially when they’re stroked and stimulated. During ejaculation, this fluid flows from the glands through ducts into the urethra, and then out of the woman’s body.

meeting ms. g

AS WITH ANY sexual exploration, a woman will have a better time finding her G-spot if she approaches it as a fun, relaxing new adventure rather than a frantic search for a lost item, as though she misplaced her cell phone or keys. This exploration works best if you’re already somewhat sexually aroused. Once you’re settled into a comfortable position, gently slide one or two fingers inside your vagina with your palm facing upward, toward your belly button. Push your finger inside your vagina as far as it will comfortably go, and curling it slightly, slowly pull your finger back toward the opening. Pay close attention to the sensations as you move your finger along the top of your vagina. Experiment with:

○
The pressure
: Does it feel better if you push really hard against the wall of the vagina or just lightly touch it?

○
The location
: Does it feel most sensitive when your finger is all the way inside, near the entrance to your vagina, or somewhere in the middle?

○The speed: Is there more sensation when you move firmly and slowly, or do you prefer quick movement?

the outer route to the g-spot

WOMEN CAN FEEL the back side of their own G-spot without even putting a finger inside their vagina. Here’s how: First, find your pelvic bone, the hard bony area at your lower abdomen, just above the shaft of your clitoris. Inch your fingers up your pelvic bone (toward your belly button) until the bone ends, and you feel the soft flesh of your lower belly. If you push in firmly there–the soft area just above your pubic bone–you may feel a somewhat sensitive area. That’s the other side of the erectile tissue that makes up your G-spot. The instructors of a Body Electric women’s sexuality class taught Dorian that they called this spot “the back door to heaven.” Some women enjoy pressing this area, or having their partner do so, while they’re masturbating or having partnered sex. You can push on it in addition to or instead of internal G-spot stimulation.

Also notice the curve of your finger or fingers against your vagina, which for many women is the key ingredient to making this work. You’re essentially massaging your vaginal wall, and your goal is to refine your technique to zero in on the movement and touch you find most pleasurable.

Having fun? Good! Wrist getting tired? Say it ain’t so! Some women find G-spot self-stimulation tiring for the hand or wrist because of the curve involved. If you have a partner, he or she can be a wonderful assistant to this project. If you recline in bed, your partner can sit or kneel between your legs, giving him or her comfortable access to your G-spot without tiring either of you out. Have your partner use the same finger techniques described in the previous paragraph. Here’s your chance to practice giving him or her really clear, explicit feedback about what feels good and what doesn’t. Some couples make it into a game, saying “hot” if the lover is in the perfect spot, “cold” if he or she is far from the mark, and “warmer” and “cooler” to provide encouragement and redirection along the way.

In lieu of (or in addition to) a partner, sex toys designed for G-spot stimulation can be another ingredient for a good time, and sometimes easier on the hand and wrist. Read more about these on page 180. While fingers and toys often provide the most direct G-spot stimulation, there’s information about intercourse positions most likely to pleasure the G-spot in
chapter 5
.

For most women, G-spot stimulation is the sexual activity most likely to lead to ejaculation. Some women ejaculate without G-spot stimulation, though, and others find G-spot stimulation really pleasurable in its own right, but haven’t found that it leads to ejaculation for them. There are plenty of women who just don’t find their G-spot particularly pleasurable to massage at all, and that’s perfectly fine, too.

sex tip for partners:
some pointers on “fingering”

BASED ON SNIPPETS of conversation they overheard in the schoolyard and on the backs of schoolbuses, many guys, especially, have heard that when a girl invites you to touch her below the waist, what you’re supposed to do is “finger her.” This unfortunate term has led generations of men astray, revealing them to be inexperienced lovers and disappointing their partners. Good fingering technique does
not
involve inserting one, two, or as-many-as-you-can-fit fingers into a woman’s vagina and quickly thrusting them in and out. While some women may enjoy this practice, most will scrunch their faces in displeasure.

Should your fingers be so lucky as to have direct access to a woman’s private parts, here’s how most women are hoping they’ll spend their time: First, locate the clitoris and spend lots of quality time there, teasing and caressing it and all around the woman’s external genitalia, as described on page 34.

If your finger would like to do some further exploring, gently slide a finger into her vagina, whispering in her ear, “Is this okay?” as you do (of course, stop right away if she says no). Because women produce varying degrees of their own lubrication, if you feel slight dryness or friction at the opening, wet your finger first with saliva or lube. Once inside, casually commence G-spot stimulation, using the techniques described above. Note that some women may prefer your finger to do something else—or not move at all—rather than stimulate her G-spot. Ask her what she likes. Don’t forget to cut your nails before you start!

Start at the clitoris and then work with both the clitoris and G-spot. A lot of the guys I’ve been with have just started right away fingering me and not even paying attention to the clitoris, which is a major letdown for me.

Unless she explicitly encourages or invites these digital behaviors, the three things to avoid are thrusting in and out with speed and force; pulling your finger all the way outside her vagina and then jamming it back in again; and trying to push in as many fingers as you can at once, as though you were trying on a glove. (If you’re wondering how “the shocker” move fits in with all this, see page 246.)

Despite the confusion about the best fingering technique, don’t overlook fingers’ massive potential for pleasure.

I love hands! They’re so versatile and sensitive. My advice would be, don’t be too rough, find out whether I just want to be filled with fingers or whether I want you to move them around, touch me the way you see me touch myself, and use lube!

Gentle is key. Clean hands are a must. But mostly go really slow at first and make sure you are reading your partner like she was the instruction manual to some really cool, really expensive, really fragile gizmo. Basically, pay attention.

a groaner

PERHAPS YOU’VE BEEN a target of this classic joke: Someone summons a woman across the room by insistently extending and bending his or her index finger to indicate “come here” until the woman finally walks over. Then the summoner says, “I knew if I fingered you long enough you would come!”

girls can ejaculate, too!

WITH LOTS OF G-spot stimulation, some women are able to ejaculate. (Some can ejaculate simply from clitoral stimulation, too, though this is less common.) Because female ejaculation isn’t discussed much, it’s a subject a lot of people are confused about. Growing numbers of female ejaculation-themed porn videos with titles like
Oh My Gush
and
See Her Squirt
are popularizing the concept of female ejaculation—but porn being porn, they don’t do much to clarify or educate. In the making of a typical porn video, the female star is hired for her ability to dramatically shoot ejaculate across the room. (Some women who have appeared in these videos say they were just peeing.) In real life, ejaculation isn’t the same as urinating. It
can
involve large quantities of fluid for some women, but it doesn’t always involve a geyser shooting from down below. Even if it’s not as dramatic, it can certainly be just as much fun.

Ejaculating is probably the best part of sex for me. I wish it happened every time, but then I’d have a lot more laundry to do.

My partner ejaculated while I was performing oral sex on her (along with vibrator penetration), so I was really close to her vagina at the time. It was the most beautiful and sexiest thing I had ever seen.

I did it to myself [made myself ejaculate] a few months ago. It felt great and I was completely amazed that my body could do that! It was like learning I could fly
—
I felt incredibly alive and powerful, as cheesy as that sounds.

Q & A about female ejaculation

When a woman ejaculates, does she have an orgasm at the same time?

For most women who ejaculate, yes, orgasm and ejaculation happen at the same time. This isn’t the case for all women, though—some women ejaculate some time before their orgasm, or some time after, or they ejaculate without having an orgasm at all. And, of course, lots of women have orgasms without ejaculating. As always, sexual diversity rules!

It usually happens when I have an orgasm. The stronger the orgasm, the more likely ejaculation is to happen. It is sometimes a strong quick spurt, and sometimes it’s a slower trickle, depending on the level of exertion I’ve used to get to the orgasm.

For me when I ejaculate it’s a different feeling than an orgasm. It’s hard to explain. My body feels great all over, intense and kind of gushy, for lack of a better word. It’s not the same shuddering, vibrating feeling I feel when I have an orgasm. Ejaculating is different every time. It’s sometimes well before I have an orgasm, while I’m having one, or just before.

How much comes out?

The amount a woman ejaculates can vary from a few drops to a cup or two of liquid. Some women who regularly ejaculate in large “gushes” get in the habit of preparing by putting a few layers of folded towels under themselves, or putting a plastic mattress liner under their sheets.

It seemed like my whole body got sweaty and hot. My legs started shaking, too. I thought it was weird at first, but it felt sooo good. There was so much of it, it made a huge pool around me. I didn’t know that my body was holding so much fluid. I was very tired afterwards. I fall asleep almost instantly every time.

I didn’t realize I was ejaculating at first, because it was always a small amount of liquid, and not as forceful as some of the female ejaculation I’d heard of before. But after learning more, I realized that I was ejaculating! For me, it’s a small amount of liquid, and comes only after a large amount of sensation.

When my G-spot is stimulated, it feels like I’m about to pee.

This is a normal feeling, most common from G-spot stimulation but sometimes the result of arousal without any G-spot contact at all. As the spongy tissue surrounding the urethra swells up with blood in a woman who’s sexually excited, this tissue squeezes the urethra and can press against the bladder, too, creating a sensation very similar to the urge to pee. Of course, sometimes women just have to pee while they’re having sex (they never show
that
in the movies!), so if you’re not sure, you can always stop what you’re doing, go pee, and then return to your sexual activities. If you feel a strong urge to urinate within the first minute or two, you know you just emptied your bladder, so this time you can be reassured that the fullness you’re feeling is your aroused urethral sponge and its ejaculate.

The first time I did it, I was with my boyfriend. I was terrified, I thought I peed the bed, but he laughed at me and explained what it was. Now it happens all the time when he fingers me, and we just put a towel down ahead of time for me to lie on.

The fear that they might pee holds many women back from ejaculating. If ejaculation is something you’d like to experience, but you’re finding yourself fighting the urge to pee, first, be reminded that most women and men find it impossible to urinate when they’re highly aroused. Once you’ve emptied your bladder (either before sex or by taking a quick bathroom break in the middle of it), decide not to worry about peeing. Give yourself permission to let whatever comes out of your body come out. Put a towel or two on the bed for your own peace of mind. That way, in the highly unlikely event that it’s urine and not ejaculate, you can do the same thing you’d do if you had just ejaculated: Put the towels in the washing machine and call it a night!

What’s the difference between pee and ejaculate?

Because female ejaculate and urine come out of the body’s same orifice (the urethra), it’s not surprising that many people think a woman has peed when actually, she’s ejaculated. Indeed, some skeptics claim there’s no such thing as female ejaculation, and that the fluid that comes out is urine from the bladder. In reality, female ejaculate is a watery liquid, either clear or somewhat milky, produced from glands inside the urethral sponge. These glands are also considered the female prostate. It doesn’t smell like urine, and it’s not yellow. Laboratory analysis has found that female ejaculate is an alkaline fluid that contains more prostatic acid phosphatase, prostate-specific antigen (both present in male ejaculate), and glucose than urine does. It does sometimes contain a trace amount of urine, possibly because it runs through the same “tube.”