I Don't Want to Lose You (18 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

             
The next morning I found my mother making breakfast in the kitchen and my dad at the table reading the newspaper.  My sister was still sleep, which was perfect for me to keep her two cents out of my business.

             
“Mom, Dad.  I need to talk to you about some things.  It's really important.”

             
My dad put his paper down and said “Pull up a chair, teddy bear.”

             
I sat down and took the deepest breath I had ever taken.

             
My dad rubbed my shoulder. “It can't be that bad.  That is unless you're pregnant.”             

             
I shook my head. “Oh no, things have to happen for that to happen and that has not been happening.”

              He breathed a sigh of relief.  “Then it can't be that bad.”

             
I smiled.  “You're absolutely right, Dad.  It's not that bad or even bad at all.  I'm no longer with Nathaniel.”

             
“Hallelujah,” my dad proclaimed.

             
My mom asked, “What happened?  Wasn't he talking marriage?”

             
“Yes, he was but I wasn't really.”

             
“I'm sure whatever it is you two can work it out,” she said.

             
“No, Mom, there won't be any working it out.  There won't be any getting back together.  It's all over with him.  I actually went to Vegas two days ago and got married to someone else.”  I raised my hand for them to see the wedding band.

             
“What?” my dad asked.  “Married to whom?”

             
“His name is Teodoro Cabrera, but I call him Theo.”

             
“Denise did something just like this on the Cosby Show,” my mother said probably after having the name Theo as a trigger.  “Is she your role model right now or something?”

             
“No, Mom. I went to school with Theo.  I don't know if you remember me introducing him to you at one of the awards ceremonies that you all came to in my senior year.”

             
My dad frowned.  “I can only remember one person that you introduced us to.  He was a Mexican guy with glasses.”

             
I smiled.  “That was him, Daddy.”

             
“I'm still confused,” my mother started. “As far as I'm concerned, you were just with Nathaniel and about to get married.”

             
“Mom, he has to propose for us to get engaged for us to be close to getting married.  He didn't propose.”

             
“That was coming soon,” she said.  “His mother and I had been planning your engagement party.  We just needed that detail to be taken care of.  Oh my.  This could be why his mother hasn't returned my calls in the past few days.  When did you break up?”

             
“I don't know, a few days ago I guess,” I answered.  “I don't remember because it's not important to me anymore.”

             
“How can you marry someone you barely know days after breaking up with a boyfriend you've had for almost two years?” she asked.

             
“You know what?  I am about to get so real with you two right now that I hope you can handle it.  Although I am not the only guilty person from that relationship with Nathaniel, I had kind of sort of unofficially been with Theo too I guess you could say maybe for the past year or so, except over summer break and when he was at school in Berkeley.”

             
“Why isn't he in school anymore?” my mom asked.  “Was he kicked out?  Is he really a gang banger or into drugs and the school found out?”

             
“Are you kidding me?  I hope those were not serious questions because I would think you would know that I have better judgment than that.  He didn't get kicked out.  He's not a gang banger.  But yes, he does do quite a few drugs because he has heart cancer.  He's very intelligent and sweet and I love him.  There is no comparison of him to Nathaniel in how he makes me feel.  As long as he's still breathing,” I paused to take a deep breath because I was getting choked up, “I'm going to do whatever I can to make any reasonable wish he has come true to make him happy.  He wished for me as his wife and now he has me. Don't ask me to annul it because I'm not. So sorry there won't be any marriage to Nathaniel.  Sorry that his mother doesn't want to talk to you.  Sorry that you can't plan your party anymore.  I have to pack up some clothes to take over to his parents' house where we're going to live at and I hope, when the time comes, I can come back.”

             
“Why are you living over there with him?  Where is there anyway?” my mother asked.

             
“His family lives six blocks south from here on Hampton Street.  I'll be living over there because that's where my ailing husband feels comfortable and can have the attention of his mother for appointments and care when I'm not there.”

             
“What are you going to do about school?” my dad asked.

             
“I'm heading over there next week to see if I can get my money back since I won't be attending this quarter.  My attention is going to Theo.  I'm still going to work and will actually have a few more hours added each week.  I'm trying to be smart about everything considering the situation.”

             
“When are you going to be working next?” my dad asked me.

             
“On Monday.”

             
“Come by and see me during your lunch.”  He got up from the table since he was done with his food.  “If being married to him is what you want and makes you happy, then I'm happy for you both.  I got to get ready to go to work, but let me say this: I never did like Nathaniel.”  He kissed me on my forehead and left. 

             
My mom took a sip of her coffee and sat down.  She let out a big sigh and then said, “So tell me about the wedding.”

             
I went to the doctor to get myself started on the pill to be safe than sorry.  I went back to my parents’ house and packed a few things to take over to my new home.  I wasn't moving out completely but I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't need to be coming over every other day to pick up things.  Phaedra went with me to move my belongings.  I introduced her to Theo and his family.  I told them I would be back after I took my sister home.

             
“I used to think that you were smart but now I think you're an idiot,” she said when we got into the car.

             
“What? Why are you saying that?”

             
“Because I don't get it.  You were going to school, making your money, live in a nice, big house in comparison to that little shack and had a man who wanted to marry you that you could actually have a ten year anniversary with.  You walked away from all of that for him?  If he looked like Denzel Washington I would understand and might be a little jealous.  And when did you start being cool with the swirl anyway?”

             
“First of all, I've never had a problem with the swirl and you know that.  I've never hidden that.  He's not the first vanilla mixed with my chocolate.  I mean, really, we live in a city that's 80% Hispanic so jungle fever is a possibility. But to be technical, it’s not really a swirl since he’s not too far from my own skin color.  Second and most of all, even in the state he's in, he's more of a man than Nathaniel has ever been.”  The neck rolling was in full effect. “I'm sorry if this has changed your view of me, but I'd rather let it all go to be with him than to continue living a facade as though I had it all.  And I can admit that I was totally with the mentality that I would only marry a man that could provide and pay for stuff, but the person I'm in love with isn't capable of doing that right now.  Even though I know I can be high maintenance at times, if I want to be with him, I just can't be that way.”

             
She shook her head as we continued the ride to my parents' home in silence.  When I pulled into the driveway, she jumped out before I could put the car in park and ran into the house.

              The rest of the day went by with a few old classmates sporadically stopping by to check on the newlyweds and to see how Theo was feeling.  A couple of them had said that they didn't know what took me so long to be with him.  The truth was that I had made it a practice to never assume that any boy liked me unless he or a close friend of his told me so.  With Theo, even though I did like him, since he never came straight out and said anything I kept him in the friend category.  Should I have assumed that he had genuine feelings for me in high school because of the things he did and said about the future?  I didn't know and wasn't willing to make any assumptions. 

             
After dinner I could tell that he was getting drained of energy.  The past couple of days had been quite busy and I was fatigued myself.  I went and took a shower and went back to our room in my pajamas.  He had changed into his old sweats and a t-shirt.  When he saw me, he chuckled.

             
“I never figured you to be someone to wear pajamas that had Garfield all over them.  I thought you were more of a flowery type of person,” he said.

             
“I have everything from Winnie the Pooh to the little, dainty flowers you're talking about.  All that matters is that the price is right, it fits and I’m comfortable.”

  
              When I got over to the bed where he was he took my hand and kissed it. “Mi esposa.”

             
I replied, “Mi esposo.  Usted nunca me habla en Español.”  I told him he never talked to me in Spanish.

             
“I'm too tired to even think in French,” he said.   He took it for two years in high school but didn't use it.

             
“Well then let's just speak in English so that we don't have to think too hard.  You like sleeping on this side of the bed, right?” I asked pointing to the left side.  “You were always on this side when I would come over.”

             
“It's the side I like, but I don't have to sleep there if you want it.”

             
“Nope.  That is just fine with me. I'm telling you now, I don't remember the last time I slept in the same bed with another person so feel free to wake me up if I'm kicking you or something.”

             
He nodded and then I noticed the bobbing action happening in his throat.  I sat down next to him. 

             
“What's wrong?” I asked.

             
He sighed.  “I know that we've been married for three days and probably should have done what newlyweds normally do by now... but I'm tired.”

             
I smiled at him and put my hand on his cheek.  “Sweetie, have you not realized yet that there's nothing about our relationship that's normal?  There's no rush for it to happen, but when it does, I'd like for us both to be able to enjoy it and have more stamina than we have right now.  I wouldn't want either one of us to force ourselves to do something we're not in the mood for anyway.”