I am HER... (37 page)

 
After a long pause in conversation, while my brain still spins, Z sits back down beside me.  Taking my hand he asks, "How are you? 
Honestly.
"
  "I'm a little shell-shocked, I think.  I hate my mother’s voice.  I always have.  So, even now when she speaks to me, I cringe.  Good or bad, I can't stand speaking to her,
ever
.  I always thought I was lucky that Marcus and my mother got along so well, because they usually spoke and arranged things and events... and I just sat back and let him because it was easier than me having to deal with her."
  "Your mother sounds like a classic, wealthy, well-bred, superficial Bitch.  I can see why you hate the sound of her voice.  To tell you the truth, it gave me the willies as well."  The
willies?

 
As I burst out laughing, Z pulls me into his lap for a very tight, very warm hug.  I love this.  I
need
this.
  "Are you tired, Sweetheart?  You've had another horrendous day.  Would you like to have a rest, or maybe a long bath?  I have an
amazing
Jacuzzi tub."  Did he just wiggle his eyebrows again?  Oh, yup, he did.
  "Um, that sounds good.  Will you join me?"

 
I can't believe I just asked that, but I don’t really seem to care anymore.  My life is spiraling out of control, and I want to spend time with this man, just a little longer.
  "Absolutely."  And lifting me from his lap, Z takes my hand and leads me to his master suite.

                                
==========

  Once in Z's tub, I'm in heaven.  Covered in millions of bubbles, I’m naked, but fully covered so I can relax completely.  The tub is deep and large and I have lots of space, while wishing I didn't have sooo much space.  Z is leaning naked, against the tub wall opposite me.  Our feet are tangled with each other.  I know my legs are slightly prickly, and I dread him touching them by mistake, yet I also want him to touch me,
not
by mistake. 
Christ.
  I really am nuts.
  "What are you thinking about?"  No
way.
  "Nothing."
  "Sweetheart, tell me please.  I can see you thinking over there."
  "I'm not.  I'm just enjoying your tub, which IS amazing, as you said it would be."
  "No.  There's more.  Are you thinking about your asshole husband, or your atrocious mother?"
  "Of course- both.  Also, about my life, this tub, Macy’s, your home… pretty much everything.  My brain doesn't ever really stop.  It never stops.  It's exhausting actually."
  "Come over here."   Okay!

 
Moving across, I lean against Z's side on the Jacuzzi seat.
  "Sit on your butt on the bottom of the tub between my legs.  It’s okay, you won't drown.  I promise I can swim."

 
Moving, I sit on the bottom and the water rises to just below my chin when Z asks, "May I massage your shoulders, love?"
  "Yes.  Please." 

  W
hy does he always ask before touching me?  That’s so nice of him.  I wish everyone asked permission before touching me.
  As Z starts massaging my shoulders and neck, I feel boneless.  I want him to touch me all over suddenly.  I find myself moving closer to his body, I want to be surrounded by him.  I need to be surrounded by him.  Oh my
GOD!
  DON’T ask it.  DON’T DO IT! 
DO
N’
T!!
  "Um...Z?" and before he can answer, I whisper, "...will you have sex with me? Ah...
now?
"
  "Give me your hand," he growls.

 
And that's it.  I asked, and we are stepping out of the Jacuzzi.  I can’t believe it worked.  I can’t believe he’s going to have sex with me again!  This is so exciting, I’m shaking with anticipation.

 
"Where, Sweetheart?" 
Where?
  What does
THAT
mean?  "Which bedroom would you like to go to?"  Oh,
thank god...
  "Here... if that's okay?"
  "Absolutely."  And holding my hand firmly, we cross the room to Z's huge, sexy, red and burgundy bed. 
  Bending his head, Z kisses me deeply.  It feels like forever since we've kissed, and I've missed it.  Moaning, I reach around his neck and pull him even harder to my mouth.

 
Bending me backward with one hand, Z uses his other to pull back the bedding.  This is so sexy.  I've never had sex like this before.  I've never really been a part of the step by step motions of
getting
to the sex.  Sex just kind of happened to me, except with Z.
  Tugging my towel off, Z continues kissing me as he lifts me by my waist onto the bed.  On my knees facing him, Z and I are the same height.  I don't feel overwhelmed or frightened at all.  I
want
to do this.  I
want
to
be a part of this. 
  So, tugging Z's towel off, I reach for his penis and start rubbing at it.  I'm not actually sure what to do, but I figure a back and forth stroke is standard, and going by Z's moan, I assume I'm doing it right.
  "You're touch is amazing Sweetheart.  I love you holding me in your hand..."
  "What else can I do?  What would make this really good for you?  Z, what do I do?"
  "You can continue, maybe gently cup my balls, or, ah, lick your palm so you slide better..."
  So, licking my palm, I take his balls in one hand, and continue stroking him with the other.  Oh, my... His testicles are kind of squishy, but firm too.  This whole area is weird feeling.  Z is standing still but making little sounds in the back of his throat, so I think I'm doing okay for him.
  Z slowly moves his hand down my waist, in between my legs.  Opening my folds with his fingers, he moves around my entrance, teasing me without entering me, and it feels good.  I find myself moving closer to his hand, almost cupping myself in his hand.  I wish he would touch me harder or something.  I want more. 
Wow
… that’s a first for me.
    Looking at Z's penis, I see a little liquid coming out of the tip.  It's glassy and I start moving my hand over the top, pushing it further down his length with my movements.  Z moans a little louder, and I'm feeling bold.  What does that taste like?  Should I try?  Tugging on him a little, I try to make it clear that I want him on the bed, and Z understands.
  Removing his hand from me, he gracefully crawls on the bed, as I turn to look at his body.
  "May I taste it?"  I'm blushing again, I can feel it, but I don’t really care.
  "
Please..."
  Taking Z into my mouth slowly; I'm surprised by his taste.  It's not gross, or over-powering.  It's kind of salty, but not really unpleasant.  Moving a little over the tip, my tongue begins flicking at him.  When Z's left leg suddenly lifts and bends outward, I want to explore more of him.  Putting his penis in my mouth, I slide my tongue and mouth up and down the shaft.  He fills me, and I'm not able to take the whole thing, but Z's body tenses a little, so again, I think I'm doing this okay for him.
  "What else do I do?"  I whisper.
  "Ah, what you're doing is good, maybe a little faster and... ah, try sucking a little." Okay.
  Taking him back in my mouth, I suck him in and take more of him deeper into my mouth, but Z suddenly jumps.
  "Um, maybe suck a little less hard, Sweetheart.  You're going to make me cum quicker than I want that way." I am?  I want to... or maybe not.  Do I really want his stuff
in my mouth
?
  "Isn't that a good thing?  Don't you want to do that to me?"
  "I don't want to
do
anything to you.  We can do this together though.  Would you like to feel pleasure, while giving it to me as well?"  Yes.  How?  Oh, and then it hits me, the 69-thing Marcus wanted to try once.  Yuck.
  "Come here, Sweetheart.  Place yourself over my mouth.  I
need
to please you as well.  I want to taste you..."
  So, climbing awkwardly over Z, I kneel over his face.  This is so, so embarrassing.  I hate this.  He can see everything and I can't hide myself down there when I’m like this.  This is too much, and I can't hide at all. 

 
"Sweetheart, stay with me.  If you don't want this, we stop now.  Do you want this?"  No. Not really.  But I want Z.
  "Whatever you want.  Do whatever.  I'm fine.  Honestly." 
   After an uncomfortable silence grows between us, I move away from his mouth embarrassed.  Sitting on the bed beside Z, I’m mortified.  I can’t do anything right.  I swear to god, I’m just useless with this sex stuff.
  "What did I do wrong?  I'm sorry," I whisper through my embarrassment.
  "You didn't do
anything wrong, but I don't think you’re very comfortable with this, and I don't want to make you uneasy.  Come back to me.  Come here and kiss my lips."  No! 
  "I'm fine..." and quickly taking Z back into my mouth, I suck him down deep, as I throw my leg over his face.  Feeling his whole body jump makes me smile.  Ha!  Maybe I am okay at this.  And then...
  "Oh
god!
"  I moan around him in my mouth.  He has licked me down there and inserted a finger at the same time.  It feels amazing, and dirty, and sexy, and...
REALLY
good.  Z does it again. That is...
ah...
my knees start shaking already. 
Christ!
  He's good.

 
Taking him back in my mouth, I find it really difficult to concentrate on him.  Everything he does, I want to imitate on his body.  I feel Z flicking his tongue, and I flick mine in return.  When we both moan at the same time, I can't help but smile as I feel myself writhe on him again.
  Holding my hips, Z slightly lifts me up and down, back and forth across his mouth. One thumb is merciless on my clitoris.  My moans are frequent and sometimes very loud.  I can't stop.  Trying to focus on him, I keep up my movements, but it just doesn't feel the same, as what he's doing to me.  He isn't as loud, or moving as much.
  "Am I doing this right?  I'm sorry... I don't know what I'm doing...."
  "You are doing
more
than alright.  But if I don't stay in some kind of control I'll cum, and I don't want to yet.  Relax, love.  I'm very much enjoying giving
and
receiving."  Was that his smile-voice?
  Z moans again, and I relax further.  He is working me so good; I start to feel the internal pulling thing. That movement and tightening inside that means I'm close.  I wonder if he is close too.  I wonder if I can actually make him release with just my mouth.
  "Sweetheart, I don't want to cum in your mouth. I don't think you're ready for that.  Please stop now. 
Please..."
he begs with another moan.  This is great!  I guess I
can
make him release.  I love making him moan like that.
  Z impales me harder with 2 fingers, and I feel all my muscles tighten up around him.  Everything is getting tense again.  Everything feels tight, as he works me with his mouth and fingers. 
Ahhhh...
  And suddenly I find myself on my back, as he twists out of the way, moving lower to take me again with his mouth. 
Oh my god!
  My legs are raised over his shoulders and his one arm holds my stomach flat.  Uncontrollably, my hips jump and my back arches. Everything is so tight, I feel like I'm going to lose it soon.
  "Z?  I'm getting that
feeling
... It's happening again... Um, I want you..."  Shit! 
Hurry up.
  I don't know what he does next, but the pressure is incredible. And before my mind can process what he's doing to me, my body convulses and I hear my own screams echoing in the room. 
  When I am slightly coherent, I see Z pulling a condom onto himself.  Watching him, I realize I
want
him inside me so badly, even as I try to pull his thighs closer to me.
  "Hold on, Sweetheart..." as Z begins lifting me toward him.  Pulling me into his lap, Z kisses me so tenderly, I moan into his mouth.  Wrapping my legs around his waist, Z maintains a kind of crossed leg, sitting position, with me straddling him.  This feels so intimate.  I hate eye contact, and this position demands it.  I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed by the position.

 
"It's just you and I, Sweetheart... And I want to kiss you, and watch you as pleasure consumes you.  You are so beautiful, and sensuous, and
brave
with me.  I want you to feel this between us.  Can you try, love?  Can you be here with me?"  God, I want to. 
Sensuous?
  "Yes..."
  And taking my lips again, Z lifts me once more, gently over his penis, as he starts a slow, up-down motion.  Feeling him enter me slowly is exquisite.  With my breasts rubbing against his chest, and my arms around his neck, I feel him...
all
of him entering me.
  Pulling away from our kiss, Z smiles at me while staring hard into my eyes.  I have to remember to breathe.  Please, I don't want to freak out over this closeness.  This is Z.  This is Z here with me.
  "You feel like a dream, and you look like an angel.  Do you know how stunning you look right now, all flushed, and ready for me?  Your eyes are beautiful blue pools of hunger and your lips are swollen and darkened from my kisses,"  Z says while continuing his slow up and down motion.
  "No... I don't feel stunning... or, ah,
beautiful.
..."  Blush. 
Shit
.  Don't do this!
  "But you are.  If you trust nothing else I say to you, trust that.  You are beautiful to me right now...
always
."  Oh no!  My eyes are filling with tears again.