Howl (20 page)

I opened the drawer below our two coffee pots
and grabbed new filters. Kylin was back in the kitchen then and
handed me the coffee can from the freezer. “So...Thomas had some
nice things to say about Jaime. After that whole mini-showdown,
that is.” He said to me, trying to make light conversation.

“Thomas seems to have a lot of respect for
Jaime.” Will added.

“He has a way with people.” I counted out my
scoops for each pot before speaking again. “He’s genuine and people
gravitate toward that.” A tickling sensation crept up the back of
my neck as I realized that I was speaking of my lover in normal
conversation, as if Gavin hadn't needed to compromise for me to be
with him.

Kylin got this really devious look on his
face. “Are you going to be mated?”

I started to pour water into the first coffee
pot but stopped at this question. I noticed that Will stopped
rinsing a plate just then. “Kylin, you are fourteen! You don’t get
to ask me questions about mating.” I was blushing so bad I knew
Kylin couldn’t have missed it. He just laughed and pretended to
punch my shoulder.

“Hey Sophie, I just want you to be happy so,
you know, it’s cool.” He tried really hard to put his serious face
on for a moment. “But if he ever hurts you, he’ll be sorry!” Kylin
lightly punched his right fist into his hand.

I leaned over to him, wrapped my arm around
his shoulder and kissed his forehead. “I know, thank you.”

My mom walked in then, followed by Lorelei
teetering with a baby on each hip. John brought up the rear
dragging the play pen into the space between the kitchen and
dinning room.

“I heard happy voices. What are you three
talking about?” Mom strained to appear upbeat. Her voice was thin
and her breathing was somewhat ragged. Even though she had showered
and dressed herself in clean jeans with a sweater, she looked
terribly disheveled. The grey streaks of her tawny hair appeared
near silver as it hung in messy, wet tangles about her face. Her
clear grey irises had dulled beyond recognition and the whites of
her eyes were almost scarlet. The lines in her brow deepened to age
her about ten years overnight. She looked every bit like a mother
grieving for her lost son. I turned from her and brushed off the
thought for it brought a knot to my stomach.

“We were talking about Sophie being in love!”
Kylin said laughing at his own wittiness. He was the only one.

I hit the green ‘on’ button for the coffee
pots and had the sudden desire to drown in the brewing dark liquid
rather than look at any of my family in the face.

Mom worked harder than ever to sound happy.
“It's obvious he cares for you, to come here and face the
inquisition the way he did.”

Mercifully, more family filed into the
kitchen and dinning room and the conversation shifted to breakfast.
Thomas appeared at my side and inquired if we had time to have our
family meeting before eating.

“Your mom wanted to eat first if that's okay
with you.” Will tossed the dish towel over his shoulder and handed
Thomas a stack of plates.

I rummaged through our cabinets until I found
an extra-large mixing bowl, Bisquick, and sugar. I set them on the
counter as Kylin handed me the eggs from the fridge. After
measuring and mixing the biscuits, I popped the first batch in the
oven and set about filling coffee cups for everyone at the table.
Our kitchen is ridiculously small for the amount of bellies we
feed. And because it is laid out galley-style, Kylin bumped into me
several times as we passed out coffee and cream. A low murmur of
voices carried throughout the dinning area though no one seemed
particularly interested in heavy conversation. Despite the
appearance of chatter there was a heaviness in the air that I was
certain could crush boulders. Or a few good hearts.

Will set about cooking an extra-large batch
of scrambled eggs while the scent of biscuits filled the kitchen.
Kylin busied himself with a gravy mix as I started a third and
fourth pot of coffee. It occurred to me how much coffee my family
goes through in the course of a morning. I wondered how much money
was spent every month so that we could inject ourselves with our
daily dose of caffeine. Not to mention the enormous quantities of
food we consume. With a house full of fully-grown and nearly grown
wolves, we could consume enough rations to support a small army. It
is no wonder we have to grow the bulk of our provisions.

After eating and clearing away the
mountainous pile of dishes, everyone settled in around the table
again.

Thomas spoke first. “Today we have to work
out who’s going to be the new Alpha. I was Gavin’s second so it
automatically passes to me.” He paused and looked down at the table
for a moment. I wondered if we were supposed to say something or
wait for him to finish. He shook his head. “I’m sorry but it can’t
be me.” A ripple of surprise went around the table.

“Please hear me out before you say anything.
I am not a leader. I know that and I’m fine with it. I was never
Gavin’s size or had his speed. I’m more brains than anything. Plus,
I have my own life, one that greatly supports this family already.
I will do whatever I can to still be here for you all and if
whoever is to be our Alpha were to choose to make me his Second,
then I would absolutely agree to it. But how can I justify taking
over when it is so clear to me that I am not supposed to be Alpha?”
He looked at each one of us, taking in our expressions.

“Thomas you don’t have much choice in this.
As Gavin’s natural Second, you have to step up to your given
position.” Mom said.

“I want to be formally challenged.” He said,
imploringly. “I need to be. Please.”

“I am too old to challenge him.” Granddad
sighed, turning to Mom. “I’m sorry, honey. I just can’t.”

The mood in our dining room sharply turned
very serious. “Who is it going to be then, Dad? Thomas says he
won’t and you’re too old so who then?” My mom sounded angry for the
first time. “Will and John aren’t blood kin. Neither is Daniel. So
Tristan then? Even though it’s likely he’ll go roaming in a year or
two and leave this pack anyway? What will we do then? Or maybe
you’d have Ethan or Kylin be our Alpha – at fourteen years old!”
Her voice was razor-sharp. She folded her arms across herself and
glared at Granddad, her grey eyes blazing.

“I’ll do it, mom. Just please don’t get
upset. I haven’t felt the need to find my mate yet. It may not
happen for sometime. It will be okay, I promise.” Tristan said
soothingly to her. To the rest of us he turned and said a little
too loudly, “Let’s go! Let’s get this show on the road.”

We all stood up and followed Tristan outside.
In order for the power to transfer, the Alpha had to be formally
recognized amongst the pack. If there was discontent or dispute
over who leads the pack, the current Alpha had to be officially
challenged and beaten. Tristan and Thomas both knew this wouldn’t
be easy to accomplish. You can’t just ‘throw’ a fight to be
released from your obligation (as if any other Alphas had ever
wanted to besides those who were too old or sick to continue).
There was very old magic at work. The current Alpha would fight to
the death (if it came to that) whether he wanted to or not.

If it weren’t for the Alpha, we would disband
and probably not be together as a family ever again. It wouldn’t be
our choice to leave. Without a strong natural leader, we would fall
apart. This was our family’s lifeline.

Tristan and Thomas each ran to a side of the
house and disappeared. When they reemerged they were in wolf form.
The rest of us formed an extensive circle around the front yard,
giving Tristan and Thomas wide berth. The two humongous wolves
entered the circle and faced each other, ruffs bristling. Thomas,
who was dark grey with a spot of brown by his lower back, growled.
Tristan, who was roughly the same size as Thomas but light tan,
answered Thomas’s command with a challenge. I blinked and missed
Tristan’s lunge for Thomas’s throat. He missed his mark by maybe an
inch or two and grazed past Thomas’s long, shaggy neck. Thomas
leaned down and lunged for Tristan’s neck just as Tristan rolled
onto his side and stood back up, far enough away that Thomas
couldn’t easily reach him.

As I watched my brothers bite and yelp and
paw at each other a hot, bubbling sensation crept into my belly. I
had the incomprehensible urge to run into the ring and challenge
both of them. I shook my head and refocused on Tristan and Thomas.
It was excruciating witnessing two brothers tear at each other when
another brother was now no more than ashes.

After several minutes it became obvious that
Tristan was wearing down. His lunges and bites became less
effective. Tristan was able to get one last good bite into Thomas’s
hind leg before Thomas was finally able to subdue him. Belly up,
Tristan lay on the frozen ground, his throat within Thomas’s teeth.
It was done. Thomas had not been replaced as Alpha. Thomas released
Tristan from his powerful jaws and Tristan ran off through a large
break in the circle to his side of the house. When he reemerged, he
was in human form and fully dressed.

I thought I saw a hint of relief mixed in
with disappointment though Tristan's face fell in shame as his eyes
met Mom's. She sniffed once and turned back to the circle. I wasn't
sure who I pitied more. Gavin was gone and now our family was
struggling to replace him. But to be my mom in that moment must
have been terrifyingly painful. We are her children. Her love for
us knows no bounds. And to see her family unraveling before her,
with no physical way to stop it, must have taken what little she
had left in her.

I wanted to cry out to her, to hold her and
tell her that I would find a way to make it okay. But I couldn’t
bring Gavin back and as much as I wanted to challenge my brother, I
couldn’t be our Alpha. There are no female Alphas among our people.
I was stupid for even considering it, even if it was just one
second. I didn’t even know if it were possible; I had just never
heard of it before. Besides, I could never be what Gavin had been –
decisive, commanding, and fearless.

A cry out from Ethan broke the miserable
silence among our circle. We all turned to him surprised. He ran
quickly around the house and returned in wolf form just as Tristan
had done. Without pausing to glance at our mom he ran into the
circle and let out a menacing growl at Thomas. The challenge was
met with an equally terrible howl and lunge from Thomas. In wolf
form, Ethan was smaller than Thomas but not by much. He was faster
for sure. He lunged at Thomas’s front right leg and as his jaws
clamped down hard a piercing yelp from Thomas hit us like a bolt of
lightning.

This was wrong. Ethan was just a child. Being
Alpha meant balancing the family’s finances and leading us as the
head of household. But more than that, if there should ever be an
attack from another pack, the Alpha would be the first to fight. He
would be the one to meet any physical danger and a fourteen year
old just didn’t have the emotional or mental maturity to handle
life or death situations. The wave of bubbling heat turned volcanic
and sickness overtook me. I stumbled into the house.

Tristan caught me by the arm and helped me
inside. I sat down at the dining room table and put my head in my
hands.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just can’t watch anymore. I don’t
know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I’m going to vomit.” I took
a few deep breaths and slumped a little in my chair.

“I’ll make you some tea.” Tristan’s voice
carried a note of worry.

One last whine shot through the yard outside,
followed by chilling quiet. Ethan's conquest over Thomas pleased no
one but himself.

*

“Local TV news stations are reporting the
attack on the ranger and linking it with the missing hikers.”
Daniel inched closer to me as I poured a glass of water.

“Where did you hear that?” I asked.

“I took Kylin out for breakfast at a café
this morning. It was all over the television and the people around
us were talking about it. It's everywhere. Folks are getting very
anxious. I've even saw three men with rifles in their trucks.”

“Rifles?” I nearly choked. “They have to have
permits to carry guns.”

“Well I doubt the police are going to arrest
anyone for trying to protect themselves or their families. Not when
there is a vicious beast roaming the area waiting to kill.”

I wasn't sure which made me more
uncomfortable, the way Daniel spoke or how close he stood to me. He
had put some noticeable distance between us since Gavin’s death
though I suspected it was only a show put on out of respect for my
family. The shadow of Daniel always lurked in the edges of my
sight.

“Does Ethan know?” I asked.

“I told him. Not sure if he's quite ready for
this responsibility, though.”

“I don't think any of us are.” I finished my
water and turned to leave when Daniel touched my forearm
gently.

“Watch yourself.” In his expression was dark
but gilded with something like kindness.

I studied him. Inside, Daniel was a dichotomy
– love and anger, pride and compassion constantly played out in his
words and actions. I never knew exactly how to take him. The way he
looked at me twisted my stomach into knots. A mixture of protective
adoration and jealous possession battled in his eyes.

For the briefest of moments, he leaned in as
if to kiss me. Against my will, my heart sped up, thudding as the
thought of his kiss played out in my mind.

Daniel stepped so close his chest pressed
against my shoulder, his lips brushing the top of my ear as he
whispered. “I know you have made your choice. You are not mine to
protect. But these are dangerous days and I want to keep you safe.
Please be careful. For me.”

There was a sting inside my chest as if his
words had morphed into a bee and attacked the softest part of my
heart. Why did he have this impact on me? I didn't fully trust him
or his words yet those words could damage me.