How He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (27 page)

Chapter 16

Nick had gone home the night before to finish some work he had to do and get a change of clothes for the next day, and it was gloomy not to sleep in his arms. The day started off strangely as a huge thunderstorm hit and I was running late for work as it was. As I pulled into the parking lot at work at twelve minutes after 9:00, I remembered that my umbrella was sitting in my front closet at home. Lightning streaked the sky and thunder boomed as I ran in my dress and heels from my space at the back of the lot to the door. When I walked into the office, a cute (petite) blond woman sitting in the chair in the waiting room up front smiled at me, and Tom Davidson was rounding the corner with a stack of papers in his hands just as I was coming around the corner to go to my desk. He nearly knocked me over, and then he passed by me without so much as a glance as I heard him introduce himself to the lady in the front. Then I heard her say, “Jen Stewart.
Nice to meet you, Tom.”

I wondered what she was doing there, and then it hit me. Tom was interviewing people for Nick’s position. My heart deflated at the thought of Nick having a replacement.

When I arrived at my desk, I set down my purse and ran a hand through my wet hair, pulling it up in a messy bun because it was beyond saving.

Work was hectic, and it was impossible for Nick and me to have a rendezvous that day. He had a lot of loose ends to tie, and I figured that he was going to have to train whoever Tom was going to hire. And I still had a lot of my own work that I had to get to. I settled into some market research for a new project that had been handed down to me a few weeks earlier and hit my groove as the thunder boomed outside the window.

I decided to stay in the office and work through lunch, not wanting to brave the storm. Nick visited my cubicle around lunchtime, standing behind me as I turned to look up at him. He was looking sexy as hell in a navy blue business suit and a crisp white shirt underneath. I got hot all over at the thought of his hard body beneath his suit. “Quick question. The Anderson account – what market research have you done?”

“I’ve actually been working on it all morning. I’ve got about three-quarters of the analysis done and should have it finished by Monday afternoon. Sooner if you need it.”

“Monday afternoon is fine. Davidson wants preliminary stuff by next Friday, so we’ll have all week to work on the rest of it.” He lowered his voice and asked, “Are we on for tonight?”

I nodded and lowered my voice as well so that no one around us could hear. “I can’t wait to get you out of that suit.”

He leaned down close to me so that his mouth was against my ear. “Well I can’t wait to throw this dress on the floor and taste every centimeter of your body,” he whispered naughtily, straightening up and walking away smoothly. The feel of his breath against my ear sent tingles down my spine and through my body. His words resonated in my mind. I wanted him now, but I had to wait. The agony of knowing I couldn’t have him now made me desperate for him.

I took a deep breath and continued working. The day dragged on, and finally it was time to go. Nick and I left at the same time, and he followed me home.

As soon as we were both inside my apartment with the door securely shut behind us, he lifted my dress over my head and speedily removed his suit jacket. As he worked on removing his socks and shoes, I took off my bra, panties, and heels, and then fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. Once all of our clothes were out of the way, he leaned me up against the wall and passionately kissed me. His steamy tongue danced around my mouth as I returned his kiss. His hands explored my body, and then he pushed inside of me and made love to me in the hallway. We both reached our peaks in sync, and then Nick led me over to the couch to hold me in his arms.

We spent the weekend together (mostly naked) at my apartment for a change. The more time I spent with him, the more I knew that we were soul mates drawn together like magnets. And every time he made love to me felt like it was better than the last time. Our bodies and our hearts were completely in sync with each other, and I had never experienced anything like it before. I reveled in weekends like this, weekends when we had nothing else to worry about except for pleasing each other.

All too soon the weekend was over and we were back in the thick of things at work.

Days at work moved slowly, and the nights went all too fast as I spent them mostly in Nick’s strong arms. Soon the countdown was only a week left before Nick was going to be leaving.

I arrived at work Wednesday morning on time as usual, and that same cute petite woman was sitting in the waiting room. When I walked in, she smiled at me again. This time, she spoke to me. “Hi. I’m Jen Stewart,” she said, standing and shaking my hand.

Looking at her up close, I saw how pretty she was. She had short blond hair and green eyes, with a perfect, creamy complexion. “I’m Julianne Becker.”

“This is my first day here, and it’s nice to see a friendly face,” she awkwardly said.

“Everyone’s really nice here, and I can tell you who to watch out for,” I smiled. And then it hit me. She was taking over for Nick. Sadness shot through me as I realized how close the time was when we wouldn’t see each other every day at work. It also made me sad to think that he would be training this attractive woman one-on-one for the next week.

Just then, Tom came around the corner. He gave me a cursory glance, and then pretty much ignored me as he walked over to Jen. “Jen, hello. Welcome. Nick will be here in just a few minutes and we can get the training process started. I haven’t told him that I hired someone, but I did tell him that he would have to train his replacement. So I am sure he is expecting you,” Tom said, just as Nick walked through the doorway.

I figured I should have left by that point, but the look of joy that crossed Jen’s face as she laid eyes on Nick intrigued me. He looked past her and Tom and his eyes found mine. He grinned at me. “Nick, I was just talking about you,” Tom stopped him. “This is Jen. She will be taking over your position when you leave next week, and her training starts today.”

Nick winked at me and then peeled his eyes from me to introduce himself to Jen. I left, feeling pretty secure in our relationship, and headed to my desk to get my things for our Wednesday morning team meeting.

I was the last to arrive in the conference room, and Nick began the meeting by introducing Jen. “Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to Jen Stewart. She comes to us from Minneapolis, and she’s been in marketing for seven years. She will be taking over the team when I leave next week, and I know you will all be in good hands.”

We all smiled awkwardly at Jen. Everyone on the team was sad to see Nick go, even more so in the fear that he would team up with a competitor and then our company would lose clients because of it.

“Why don’t you all introduce yourselves?” Nick asked.

We went around the room just like we had when Nick had first arrived, each saying our names and how long we had been with McMillan. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. Nick was really leaving, and it was all because of me. It pained me to know that, but I couldn’t stop him. I was curious to know the answer to the question of why McMillan couldn’t just change their policy, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

Nick ran the meeting as usual so that Jen could get an idea of how we worked, and then we were released back to our cubicles to work. My day went by quickly because I was embroiled in the middle of a project, so I was busy researching. Before I knew it, it was time to go home. I was very much looking forward to the evening ahead of me. Nick and I had already planned to have a quiet evening: dinner together at my place and then the rest of the night together in bed. I stretched, realizing that I was stiff since I had been sitting behind my computer for the majority of the day. As I logged off my computer and gathered my purse, I fantasized about Nick giving me a massage to work out my stiff muscles from my hard day of work. I headed to Nick’s office to see how much longer he would be, but his door was closed again.

I could hear muffled voices, but I couldn’t make out who was in there with him. I was a little nervous that his door was closed on his first day training the gorgeous new girl. I stood at the door, unsure of what I should do for a moment, and finally I decided to knock.

It was quiet for about ten seconds, and then Nick opened the door.

Nothing could have prepared me for what was behind that door. I was absolutely shaken to the core.

Nick was obviously tense, and standing behind him was an extremely fatigued and anxious looking Travis.
Travis, who I hadn’t seen since I had broken his heart a week earlier. He looked worse than I had ever seen him. He hadn’t shaved since I had last seen him, and he looked gaunt and depressed. His eyes were rimmed in red and his hair was atrocious and greasy. He really looked like hell. The color drained from my face as I just stared back and forth between the man who was my best friend and the man who was my soul mate.

Finally, after an interminably awkward silence, Nick spoke. “Travis came here to talk to me.” His voice was uncomfortable.

I finally found my voice. “Hi, Travis,” I said, walking over to him and reaching out for a hug. He pushed me away.

“Don’t, Julianne. I’m not here for your pity. I came to talk to Nick, not you.”

His words stung. “Travis, I am sorry for hurting you. I want you to be my friend again more than anything,” I said, biting back tears.

“I don’t want to hear it. I’m outta here.” Travis turned and walked out of Nick’s office. I watched him walk out, and then I heard the front door of the office open and slam shut.

I looked at Nick, my eyes wide. He shut his door, and I went to him for an embrace only to have him hold up his hand to stop me.

“He wanted to know if we were back together. I didn’t know what to say, Julianne. I thought you told him.”

Nick looked hurt and upset, and suddenly my heart started beating so loudly that I could hear it in my ears. I felt a rush of anxiety as fear gripped my heart.

“Julianne, he also told me what happened between you two when we broke up.” He paused.

Shit. This was bad.

“I knew that you had gotten together, but I never expected to hear that you slept with him.” I stared at him, not sure what to do and truly horrified at the situation unfolding before me. “It hurts that you didn’t tell me. It really hurts.”

My heart stopped for a minute. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping everything would disappear when I reopened them. But it didn’t. “Nick, I am so sorry for not telling you. I wasn’t trying to hide it, but I didn’t want to hurt you. It just never came up and I didn’t think you would even want to know.”

“God dammit, Julianne,” he hissed. My heart thumped loudly in my chest as I waited for his next words. I feared that this was the end of the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to me. The end of what I thought was the beginning. My stomach clenched tightly and I felt nauseous.

“I am giving up my career for you, and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me that you fucked him when we were broken up.” My eyes met his gaze. I saw anger and pain and, most of all, hurt.

“Nick, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” I didn’t know what to do.

“I just need some time to think about this,” he finally said.

I wanted to fight for him, to fight for us. But the look in his eyes told me that he needed space. I just didn’t know if that meant temporarily or permanently. My stomach clenched even tighter. The thought of going home and not having him meet me there brought tears to my eyes; the thought of not sleeping next to him shattered me. “I understand,” I said, turning blindly to exit his office as the tears began brimming over my eyelids and onto my cheeks.

I walked out of the office and to my car. I sat for a moment and let the tears flow. I composed myself, and then I started my car and drove home. Once again, I felt so alone. I was about to call my sister when I realized that she didn’t need my sorrow right now. She was days away from delivering her second child. She had enough going on. I didn’t know where to turn, and I suddenly felt like I had no one.

When I got home, I crawled into bed. I couldn’t face food; I couldn’t focus on television or Facebook or whatever. I just laid in bed, crying, trying to sleep to get away from the pain engulfing me, the grief that I thought I had permanently eliminated from my life. I feared that the short window of horrendous pain I had felt when Nick and I had broken up was back. The thick, black fog was creeping in on me again, and I was scared that I had fucked up the very best thing that had ever happened in my life. I spent the night tossing and turning restlessly.

I finally got out of bed about an hour before my alarm clock was set to go off, and I began the long process of a shower, breakfast, and getting ready. I arrived at work early, my heart beating wildly in my chest as I pulled into my space. I was so nervous about seeing Nick, wondering what he would say. I didn’t see his car in the parking lot yet, to my dismay.

I took the elevator up and walked into the office. I saw Nick’s door slightly ajar, and the light was on. As I passed by, I saw Jen.

“Good morning,” she said sweetly. It made me sick to know that Nick would be spending the day training her. She was so adorable and charming.