Holding On (15 page)

We are in a good place, all of us.
 Children growing up into adulthood, with each other.
 Strange how now we give ourselves permission to pair off but
still, the four of us are each other’s world.  

Jumping out of bed and into the
shower, I’m listing things I need to do today.  It’s Monday
morning and since my mom’s announcement I realize that the
protective and happy world I was living in is about to
burst.

I have put off looking for a job long
enough; it really is time to grow up.  My degree is in English
Literature, making me a poetic extension of Hem.  He has a
natural gift with words that I always admired, however I had to
learn and pay for mine and even so, I’m no fool to believe I can
talk with my heart as he can.

Walking into the kitchen I see
everyone.  I mean everyone including, Dad, Mom, Sadey,
Hem, and Shame.  Dad of course looks disgusted and mom looks
upset.  Sadey is sitting on Hem’s lap and Hem is holding her
tight around her waist.  Shame is making coffee.  Great,
a social visit.

“
Well good morning
everyone!”  I’m trying to sound upbeat and positive but at
glancing at the clock and seeing it’s already close to noon, I
wince.  I’ve slept my damn day away!

“
Well, well, there she
is.”  Dad sounds sarcastic and so unlike his usual business
demeanor.  “Glad you could make the day, Sweet Pea.  You
must have had quite the night, seeing that when I got here Neil was
standing in your kitchen in nothing but a pair of jeans that most
certainly have seen better days.”

Shame glances at me quickly before
finishing the cups of coffee he was preparing before dad’s snarky
comment.  Dad, as ever, refuses to acknowledge Shame’s road
name, being that he detests the lifestyle.

“
Dad, I
am sure you did not come here to point out the wardrobe
that
Shame
chose for today, what’s up?”  

“
Hi there, my beautiful
girl.  Don’t you look refreshed and upbeat this afternoon?
 I trust that you slept well.” Thanks for pointing out the
obvious Mom.  

She looks at Shame and her lips tilt
up, not enough to reach her eyes but my mom was never accused of
being shy so I’m surprised and relieved that she’s not just
spelling out my behavior in front of everyone.
 Mortified!

“
Hey there Mama.”  I
walk to her and go to kiss her, she lets me now which is new.
 She’s not one to be all hugs and kisses but I don’t care.
 I don’t have many days left for this.

“
How about we get to the
reason you're here Warren, huh?”  Hem, still holding Sadey and
while his eyes are not leaving dad’s, he is sounding
annoyed.

“
Grey has asked for my
assistance with a situation he has in Texas, so first thing
tomorrow morning I’m leaving with him.  He isn’t of sound mind
enough to handle this on his own and being that he hasn’t even
realized the rest of his hearts demise I think it best that since
he asked for help, I go.  I need you both to look after your
mother.  If she needs something, she will call; otherwise I
will be back no later than Friday morning.”  

“
That’s it?  You
could have just picked up the damn phone and told Mace, no need for
a house call.  Mama, you have my number and you know you can
reach anyone at the Club and they can help you if I’m unavailable
for immediate reach.”

Hem said that about the Club just to
get Dad riled up.  Do men ever really communicate?

“
No, she’s been instructed
to call Mace first, if in dire straits she will then contact you.
 I do not want one of your club flunkies even speaking to my
wife, let alone being in her presence.”  Oh my god,
Dad!

“
Fuck you old man.”
 Hem then lifts Sadey off his lap, grabbing her hand, and
heads down the hall to her room.

“
Well, now we got him out
of the way Sweet Pea, can you make yourself available to mother if
she needs anything at all?”

He’s talking about mom like she’s not
in the room after she just insulted her son and all of his
brothers.  Dick!

Turning to Mom, “Mom, whatever you
need, whenever you need it you just call me.  I’ve got no
plans other than looking for a real life job this week okay?
 If you get lonely you can always stay here, too.  Dad,
there is no reason for you to discuss my life with Greyson at this
point.  I need to talk to him myself and discuss our
relationship face to face just he and I.  Please, as much as
you respect and love Greyson, please respect that.”

Dad looks at Shame who is now standing
behind me and holding my coffee for me to take.

“
Ya know Neil; you were
always one of the better boys in the neighborhood, polite and
respectful, just an overall good kid.  You come from shit ya
know, I’m sorry if I offend you here but you are no more a man of
society anymore as Hem and you are sure as hell not good enough for
my girl.”  

With that, dad grabs mom’s hand and
helps her up, wrapping her coat around her.

My mom blows his rudeness off,
“Goodbye Dear, I would like to see you this week if you have time.
 We need to talk about a few things and girl time will
certainly help pass the time until Dad returns.”
  

She walks to Shame as she pushes
against dad’s hold.  Dad’s eyes widen in horror, not believing
she has just found a backbone.  She walks toward Shame and
stops, resting her hand on Shame’s cheek and the other hand on my
wrist that holds my coffee cup.

“
Neil, take care of my
girl.  I always knew you loved her, you had stars in your eyes
and a fight in your heart when you used looked at her.  If you
really have the girl you want and I believe that you do, hold onto
her and make her happy.  True love really only comes once in a
lifetime, doesn’t it?”  She winks at me and smiles at
him.

Shame just blinks, he’s tense from a
mothers touch but he says nothing.  When she’s finished
looking from he and I, he finally grabs her hand that is dropping
from his face and looks at her for a second then says, “I was
always jealous that Hem had a Mom like you, you’re a good woman
Lynda and if there is anything I can ever do for you please don’t
hesitate to ask.”  He grabs me by my waist and pulls me to
him, my back to his front.  

I hear Dad hiss in disgust and he
snaps at Mom.  

“
Your visit is over, let’s
go.”

They exit the house leaving Shame and
I completely dumbfounded.  The warden now takes the inmate
home.  I feel something amiss, I just can’t place
it.

“
HEM!  Alright you
pussy, come on out now!”  Shame is not happy with Hem for
leaving him alone with daddy viper.  Even the brick house that
Shame is, he doesn’t like being cornered between retaining his
manners to those older than he and being treated like scum from the
likes of my Dad.

Hem and Sadey make their way back to
the kitchen table.

“
Brother, shut the fuck
up.  I’m already pissed at you and we are going to hash some
shit out right now.  My sister is not a Club whore, piece of
meat, your beck and call girl, or any other trashy piece that you
have encountered on that tiny dick of yours.  Do not hurt her,
you get me?  It has been a long time since you and I have gone
toe to toe, but I remember beating your ass then and I will sure as
fuck beat it now if you do.”  

Shame is holding back a grin because
he knows this is the ‘I’m the big brother and you will not fuck and
dump my sister’ speech.  “Righto Pres., got it.  We are
good.”  

“
You have been
warned.”

Now Hem turns to Sadey, “Woman, why
the hell are you out here and not naked in that bed waiting for
your man?  Is this your way of asking for another spanking
cause Sugar, you don’t even have to ask.”

Sadey blushes but says nothing as she
scurries out of the room.  Hem throws an eye roll at Shame and
I as if he’s trying to appear tough but then he too scurries out of
the room following Sadey.  Only together one damn night and
he’s spanking her ass and demanding her naked, good grief
Hem.

Shame is quiet.  I’m nervous
because yesterday, last night, and all morning we spent time
cementing our new relationship and something is eating at
him.

“
What’s up there big guy?”
 I brush a rogue piece of hair that has fallen from behind his
ear.  His hair still wet from his shower before Dad’s house
call.  

He grabs my wrist as I finish.
 “Mace, are we together?  I mean, I heard you tell your
dad that you needed to talk to Grey about your relationship with
him.  This tells me that you may still be in limbo.  I
can’t deal with that.  I have to know you’re mine or I can’t
do this.  Sharing you would rip me apart, even sharing you for
a day.  It just can’t happen, I would be better off spending
my days fucking Club whores again if you’re still deciding because
honestly I don’t think there are any more words I could say to
convince you that I want this.  I really want to be with you,
only you and God knows I’ve never wanted anything more.”

“
I am yours, all yours.
 I just need to finish and clean up with Greyson.  Two
years is a long time to be with someone, I know you may not have
experience in that but please trust me that I am the one who is in
the eye of this storm.  I need to end things with him and it
will hurt him and me both.  I don’t want to hurt him anymore
than needed. There are a lot of memories, Shame and I will not lie
to you about that.  I spent this entire year believing that
Greyson was my forever.  He will be angry and upset but I
promise you I’m going to see him just to end things, okay?”
 

He leans in and kisses my nose.
 What?  My nose?  I lean my body into his and
grabbing my upper arm tightly on both sides he pushes me and then
he steps back.  

“
No, we
will talk after you end things with Grey.  Until then, I’m not
risking my sanity here.  I love your face baby, but no.
 When you and Grey are done, really done, I’m here.”
 
With that he grabs his wallet and keys and walks out the door.
 Damn, I look at his ass a lot during his hasty exits.  I
sigh knowing that today is going to be a long damn day.

I decide it best to text Greyson to
see if he has time before he leaves town to meet me for coffee.
 I need this to be done in a public place.  May sound
crazy since I’m about to hurt him, but I need him to just not hurt
him out loud.  I’m such a cowardice bitch.  

*ME:  Hi.  Do you have a few
minutes today to meet me at our coffee place in about an hour?
 I am ready to talk to you but it needs to be face to face.
 

I wait for a response, not long after
finishing dishes my phone chimes.  

*GREYSON:  Yes.  Will make
time for you, you don’t ever have to ask.  See you then, I
miss you, Mace.

My heart sinks.  I knew this
would be hard, but it is going to be harder than I thought.
 I’ve got no time to prepare so I just head to my room to
finish dressing and head out the door.

The longer I sit in the coffee shop
waiting, the louder my heart beats in my ears.  It has been
over an hour and still no Greyson, very unusual for him to be
running so late.  I see him walk in and my heart stops mid
beat.  He looks disheveled, hurried, and anxious.  It is
out of character.

He walks directly to me, looking
around at every patron to avoid eye contact with me.  When he
makes it to our table he sits across from me without any physical
contact.  I know I want this to end but it does disappointment
me that I didn’t get any sort of greeting in way of touch.
 Maybe this will make it easier.

“
Greyson, we’re over. We
don’t work anymore. I’m sorry.”  Rip the band aid off
quick.

“
Okay.” was all he said.
 

“
Really?  You’re okay
with it ending? I thought maybe…”  I’m immediate cut
off.

“
You
thought what?  You thought I would say what
exactly,
Princess
?  Maybe cry for you
some more?  No, Mace.  I begged you, pleaded with you the
last time I saw you and told you how much I cared about you and
adored you.  You left me anyway.  You left and went
running to that piece of shit motorcycle outfit and thought nothing
more of us.  Frankly my dear, you make me sick.  Looking
at you sitting here, knowing you went to run and fuck that tattooed
piece of shit, I’m sick.  So yes, I’m more than okay with this
ending.  Now, if you excuse me I have places to be.  Good
luck, Mace.  You’re going to need it.”

Well that went well.  I do not
recognize the man that just sat across from me.  He appeared
cold and distant.  I’m guessing it is because he is stressed
about whatever dad is helping him with in Texas.  

Chapter Eight

"The world is a fine place, and worth
fighting for.”

--Ernest Hemingway

“
What do you mean you
can’t find Switch?  I told you where he was at.  The
coward has been in hiding in the Angels Clubhouse for over a damn
year now.  Did ya think he was going to just jump out for you
all to nab? C’mon, give me something here dammit. I want him put
down, like fuckin’ yesterday.  It is time.  We have
waited long enough to get him for Doc and I’m done waiting.
 Find the fucker and do not call me until you do!”  Hem
roars curses as he slides his phone off.