His Love Endures Forever (25 page)

For the first time, he thought about the similarities between Emily and Danielle. In so many ways, they weren’t anything alike, at least not to someone who didn’t know them. But they’d both suffered abuse. Levi tried to picture Danielle being abused over and over again. The thought caused his jaw to tighten as his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Levi hoped he never laid eyes on Danielle’s mother. His new wife hardly ever mentioned her, and he hoped Danielle was healing, but Levi wasn’t sure he could keep in accordance with the
Ordnung
around the woman.

Once again, he remembered.
I’m not Amish
.

And that thought weighed heavily on him. He wondered if he’d ever stop feeling that way. He’d preached to everyone about how he could take his faith with him wherever he went, and he had, but his heart hurt, knowing that he was leaving behind the tradition of his people. A way of life he loved.

Danielle walked in the door, her eyes wet with tears. He’d been so lost in thought, he hadn’t heard the car pull up.

“What is it?” he asked, pulling her into his arms. “What’s wrong?”

She clung to him. “I stopped by Martha and Arnold’s on the way home. I got a letter from my mother.”

  
Sixteen

L
EVI HELD HIS WIFE FOR A WHILE LONGER AS SHE
cried. When she finally eased away, she sniffled and pushed the envelope in his direction.

Levi took it. “Is she sorry about everything, asking for forgiveness?” Levi knew that forgiveness wouldn’t come easy for Danielle.

“Just read it.” She swiped at her eyes, sniffling again.

Levi pulled the letter out and read it.

Danielle,

I’ve met someone. He’s a wonderful man, like your father was. His name is Louis, and we’re getting married on August 12. I know that’s only a month away, but neither of us want to wait. I’ve told him all about you, and I can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s changed me, Danielle. We go to church every Sunday. Louis has been such a positive influence in my life, and the Lord blessed me with this second chance.

I know we had to walk separate paths for a while, but
isn’t it time we come back together again? This is an exciting time in my life, and I’d really like for you to be a part of it. Hope to hear from you soon.

Love,

Mom

Levi had never met Vivian, but this wasn’t what he expected. If she had truly changed, wouldn’t she be seeking forgiveness for the way she’d treated Danielle over the years? It didn’t seem like Vivian was even aware of the damage she had caused, physically or emotionally. But when Levi’s eyes met his wife’s, he knew that if Danielle really desired healing, she was going to have to forgive her mother, even if her mother wasn’t ready to ask for it.

Danielle’s bottom lip trembled. “I
hate
her.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.” She spit the words out, gritting her teeth. Then she started to cry again. “Did you read that?” She pointed toward the note in his hands. “Do you see, now, how she is? How self-serving . . . The whole world revolves around her! And where do the rest of us land? We’re nothing but garbage in the road.”

“Maybe this was a first step for her.” He cupped his wife’s cheek. “Maybe she’s working her way toward asking for your forgiveness.”

Danielle stepped back and away from him. “I would think that’d be her
first
goal if she wants to have a relationship with me.” She waved a hand in the air. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t forgive her. I don’t want her in my life. And I’m definitely not writing her back.”

Levi’s feet were rooted to the wood floor, unsure what to do. He watched her walk around the corner, heading toward their bedroom. Slowly, he followed her, praying the entire time.

V
ERA WAS JUST
finishing a dress for Betsy when she heard a knock at the door. “Betsy, run and get that. I’ll be there in a minute.” She bit the thread with her teeth and put the dress down on her sewing table. By the time she reached the living room, Betsy had the door open.

“I’ve told you over and over that you don’t have to knock.” Vera pulled Emily into a hug, quickly stepping back. “Now tell me. How is your
bruder
?”

“He’s
gut
,
Mamm
. I took him some more food.”

Vera put a hand to her chest. “
Ach, gut
. That girl isn’t feeding him.”

Emily sat down on the couch. “Apparently Danielle doesn’t really know how to cook. Levi said that they eat things out of boxes or out of the freezer.”

Vera gasped, shaking her head. “Our poor boy.” She sat down next to Emily and put her head in her hands.

“He seems happy, though,
Mamm
. I think he really loves Danielle.”

Vera slowly raised her head and folded her hands in her lap. “I don’t know how he can be happy living in that run-down house and eating food from boxes.”

“Mamm . . .”
Emily laid a hand on Vera’s. “We need to gather a group together and go help them get the inside of that
haus
in order. Maybe that’d inspire her to learn how to cook? I know Jacob, Arnold, and some others have helped
Levi with the outside, but . . . they need a lot of help with the inside.”

“I’m not an evil person, Emily. Of course we’ll help them.” Vera raised her chin and pressed her lips together.

“Then why haven’t you been over there?”

“I will. Soon.”

Emily stood up from the couch. “I hope you will. I sense that Levi feels a bit lost, making his way. I’m sure he would enjoy a visit from you.” She walked toward the door. “I can’t stay. I just dropped by because you wanted to know about Levi. I’ve got a stack of sewing and mending I need to get to.”

“I’m sure he
does
feel lost,” Vera mumbled as she rose and followed Emily to the door. “He’s stepped so far off of God’s path that he’s knee-deep in—”

“Mamm.”
Emily spun around. “It’s not for you to decide God’s plan for Levi’s life. Levi said he felt called to marry Danielle and raise this child. You need to accept him at his word.”

Vera put her hands on her hips, looked at the floor, and shook her head. She knew in her mind that Emily was right, but the steps to get her heart in line weren’t coming easily. Every time she felt she was getting closer, she found herself wishing it was all a nightmare from which she’d wake soon. But it wasn’t. It was her son’s new life. And she didn’t want to lose him entirely. Emily was right . . . “I will pay them a visit soon.”

“When?”

“This week. Or next, at the latest.”

Vera watched her daughter drive away in her buggy, thanking God that both Emily and Jacob had chosen
gut
Amish spouses and that they were living their lives the way God
intended by following the
Ordnung
. She was praying extra hard that young Betsy would follow in their footsteps.

Because if two of her children left the Order, she just might have a heart attack.

A
WEEK LATER
, Danielle sat down to write her mother a letter. No matter how many letters she wrote, Danielle didn’t think she’d ever heal. She stared out the window, watching as the leaves on the tree rustled in the wind. It wasn’t the physical abuse . . . even the memory of her mother’s harsh slaps across the face and fists against her back now seemed like a grainy documentary. For Danielle, it was the lack of love. Her mother’s ability to walk away from her and never return, never call. Even in the face of Martha’s wrath and threats, didn’t a mother who loved a child do
something
to reach out?

And yet she’d had the audacity to sign the letter
Love
,
Mom
.

Danielle started to write four times, then wadded up the paper and aimed for the trash can across the room, missing all four times. Standing up, she went to another window and raised a tattered shade all the way up so she’d have more light at the kitchen table. Surprisingly, the lack of electricity hadn’t bothered her all that much. Except she did miss a microwave for reheating food. And television.

Taking a deep breath, she started again.

Dear Mom,

I’m married. I’m happy. I’m pregnant. Don’t write me anymore.

As a tear spilled down her cheek, she scrunched up this latest version and tossed it where the others rested, on the floor by the trash can. Then, for a few moments, she closed her eyes and pretended that things were different between her and her mother. She imagined her mom cuddling Joshua, loving him, and telling Danielle how proud of her she was. But the day-dream faded quickly. She didn’t want Vivian Kent anywhere near her baby. No one,
no one
, would ever be allowed to hurt him. Not if Danielle could help it.

Levi had been at work for nearly four hours, and this was Danielle’s only mission for the day, to write her mother a letter. But the words just weren’t coming. As she’d expected, the restaurant had cut her hours—and Sue’s—so no work today. They had planned to have lunch and go shopping, but Sue had canceled to have lunch with a new guy she was seeing. Danielle didn’t fault her for that, but between the new man in Sue’s life and their reduced work hours, they were seeing less and less of each other.

There was a knock at the door, and Danielle rose, happy for the interruption. “Martha!” she said with a smile as she eyed a bag of groceries. “Whatcha got there?” She pushed the door wide.

“Food.” Martha kissed her on the cheek.

“We have enough food, you know. We’re not starving.” She reached out to accept the bag of groceries that Martha handed her, following her through the house.

Martha moved through the living room, her eyebrows narrowing into a frown. Then, without invitation, she shuffled across the wooden floor into the kitchen. Danielle followed,
stopping at the kitchen threshold. She cringed, knowing what was coming.

“Danielle, this place is a pigsty.” Martha slammed her hands to her hips. “I know this is how you kept your room at home, but you are a wife now, and soon to be a mother. I stayed quiet, up front, with you being a newlywed and all. But now . . . Girl, it’s seriously time to get your act together.”

Danielle took a few steps forward. “What? It’s not that bad.”

Martha squinted her eyes, crinkling her nose. “You’re kidding me, right? This place is a wreck.”

“Well, it’s not your place, so don’t worry about it.” Danielle shifted her weight, folding her arms across her chest.

“Look here, missy. There is a baby coming into this world, and babies need a clean place to live.”

“Levi doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Hogwash! Vera’s house is immaculate, and I guarantee that boy doesn’t like living like this. You’re just still on your honeymoon, and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

Danielle pondered that for a few moments. Levi
had
asked her a week ago if she wanted him to help her clean the dishes . . .

Martha walked around the kitchen, taking a closer inspection. “What do you do all day?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Sometimes I work in the afternoons, and I have these crazy nap-attacks, with the baby and all . . . and they’ve cut my hours, so I’m off again today. But I stay busy. Married life . . . Well, you know. You take care of your husband.” Danielle frowned, thinking over her daily routine. She’d read her magazines yesterday morning and painted her toenails. Sometimes she fell asleep on the couch listening to her iPod, if she’d remembered
to charge it. Plus, she’d learned how to download movies onto her iPhone. She hadn’t mentioned that to Levi just yet. “You’ll be happy to hear that I make our bed every day.”

Martha snorted. “Well, that takes a grand total of three minutes.”

“Did you stop by just to criticize me, or is there some other reason for your visit?”

Martha pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and sat down. “I wanted to know what the letter from your mother said.” She nodded to the wadded-up pieces of paper by the garbage can. “And if you were writing her back.”

Danielle didn’t sit down. She nodded to the letter on the table next to her pad and pen. “Go ahead and read it.”

Martha picked up the letter, and Danielle bit her nail while she read it. Martha shook her head as she put it down. “Honey, I’m sorry. I’m sure you were hoping for some sort of apology or something.”