His Love Endures Forever (34 page)

“We were friends,” she said, staring at him. “But things change.”

“I’ll say.” Matthew grunted, a slight grin on his face. “Kinda fast, don’tcha think?”

Tears burned the corners of Danielle’s eyes and she straightened. “Matthew, what do you want?”

“I came back to visit
Mamm
and
Daed
.” He shrugged, then focused his eyes on her belly again. “And to see . . . you know . . .”

Danielle laid a hand across her stomach as Joshua kicked more than ever before. “No, I don’t know. Why don’t you explain it to me?”

“Well, I’m going to be a father, so I thought I ought to be around for it.” He grinned as if life hadn’t gone on in his absence, as if he hadn’t totally deserted her and shirked all responsibility. Anger wrapped around her at his nonchalant attitude, even though the hurt she’d once felt had been replaced by Levi’s love, tenfold. Her heart hurt for Levi. With Matthew back in the picture, how was Levi going to feel?

“I don’t have anything to say to you, Matthew.”

The smirky grin faded. “I’m sorry for the way I left, Danielle. I really am. It was all just more than I could handle, but I’ve had time to sort out my thoughts. I should be here to raise my son.”

“Levi and I will be raising Joshua.” Danielle pressed her lips firmly together, resisting the urge to just slam the door.
How could he possibly think—

“I guess we’ll have to share him. I have rights, Danielle. Levi can’t just step in and replace me.”

Danielle leaned forward. “Replace you? You’ve never been here, Matthew. He stepped in after you ran away.” She shook her head, tears building. “I don’t want to talk to you about this.”

“I’m sorry, Danielle. I really am. For everything. I’m so, so sorry that you got pregnant.”

Danielle felt the life inside of her moving around, and his words cut deep. She wasn’t sorry about anything. She’d learned that everything was God’s plan, and Joshua was part of that plan, so she didn’t feel shame over her pregnancy. She’d grown to love Joshua before he was even born, and she knew Levi had also.

“I have to go.” She closed the door in his face and leaned her forehead against it as tears poured down her face. She tried to stifle her crying, waiting for the creak of the porch floorboards as Matthew turned and walked away. She didn’t weep for him, the biological father of her child. She wept for Levi, Joshua’s true father—and what he would have to endure now that Matthew had returned.

She hadn’t been back in the bed for thirty minutes when she heard the front door open, and a few moments later, Vera walked in. “What’s wrong?”

Danielle swiped at her tears, dreading this conversation almost as much as the one to come with Levi. “Matthew . . . the baby’s . . . real father was here.” She held up her index finger. “No. He’s not Joshua’s
real
father. Levi is.” She gave in to the tears again, and Vera came and sat down on the bed, waiting silently. “But he was here. And apparently, he wants to be in the baby’s life.”

“I heard he was in town.” Vera sighed, then reached for Danielle’s hand and squeezed. “We will work it out. I’m sure his mother will want to be a grandmother to the baby, and—”

“You don’t want to be his grandma anymore? Just because Matthew came back, now you don’t want to be Joshua’s grandmother?” Danielle knew she was whining and crying like a
child, but right now, she couldn’t help it. Was Vera ready to bail? So soon?

V
ERA’S HEART WAS
heavy, knowing that in some ways she would have to step aside to make room for Matthew’s family. “Of course I’m going to be a
mammi
to the
boppli
. It’s just that—”

“His name is
Joshua
. Remember?”

Vera bit her tongue, knowing Danielle was hurting. “
Ya
, Joshua. I know that.”

“I don’t want Matthew in our lives. This baby is Levi’s, and biology doesn’t matter.”

Vera had come to agree, but she knew that things were going to change. “The Lord has other plans.” She cringed, waiting for Danielle’s reaction.

“I know,” Danielle said calmly. “I just don’t want to tell Levi.”

“Levi has a strong faith. He will realize that this is the Lord’s plan, and somehow, everyone will make it work.”

“I hope so.”

Vera stood up, deciding that she would give the stove a good scrubbing, something to keep her mind occupied.

D
ANIELLE WAS SITTING
on the edge of the couch, her hands folded in her lap, when Levi walked in the door after work.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” He walked to her, kissed her on the forehead, then sat down beside her. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head and avoided his eyes.

Levi gently lifted her chin until she looked at him. “What is it, Ladybug? What’s wrong?”

Danielle swallowed hard, and again she pulled her eyes from Levi’s, not wanting to see the pain in his expression when she told him about her visitor. But she had to tell him, so she took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly. “Matthew was here today.”

“What did he want?” Levi’s nostrils flared as his face turned red. “Tell me, Danielle. Is he here to stay?”

“Yes.”

Levi stood up, put his hands on his hips, then paced, his eyes on the floor.

“Say something.” She swiped at her eyes as she wondered if maybe she’d put too much faith in God. They’d been so happy. Standing up, she walked to him and touched his arm. For the first time ever, he pulled away.

“Just give me a minute,” he said, not looking at her as he held up a hand. When he finally did meet her eyes, he blinked, as if trying to decide on his words. “Does he want to be in Joshua’s life?”

Danielle nodded. “I’m sorry. He’s your baby, Levi. You know that, right? We will raise him together.” She started to cry, but Levi didn’t move to offer any comfort. Was this going to change everything? Danielle wished more than anything in the world that Levi was Joshua’s biological father. But she wouldn’t ever believe that Joshua was a mistake. Somewhere in all of this, there had to be joy, happiness, and peace for all of them.
Please, God. Help us
.

“I need some air.” Levi was still in his coat when he moved toward the door. Danielle was on his heels.

“Levi, I love you. Please don’t leave,” she cried as she reached for his arm, but he didn’t turn around. She watched
him cross the yard as the sun began to set behind the San Juan Mountains, and within a few minutes, he was walking down the road . . . growing smaller and smaller in the distance.

L
EVI HADN’T THOUGHT
about Joshua being anyone’s son but his own for months, and he felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. In the back of his mind, he’d known this was a possibility, but he’d pushed it so far back that he’d all but convinced himself that he was Joshua’s father.

He walked down the road as the wind stung his cheeks. He’d left Danielle crying in the doorway, and he felt like a louse. But right now, he needed to deal with his own hurt before he could comfort her, as wrong as it was. As a man and a husband, he should put his wife’s needs ahead of his own, but anger strangled him. How could Matthew just mosey in after all this time and expect to be a part of Joshua’s life?

Levi walked faster, his heart pounding from exhaustion and pain. He knew he was behaving poorly, but it didn’t stop him from wanting someone, anyone to understand the hurt he was feeling.

He thought about all the times he’d lain next to Danielle’s rounded belly and talked to Joshua so the boy would know Levi’s voice. And Levi knew he shouldn’t be detailing in his mind everything that he’d done to prepare their lives for the baby’s arrival; he’d been happy to do it all. But now he felt cheated, unappreciated.

And selfish.

Lord, help me to understand Your plan. I did what You asked
me to. Why did You guide me to fall in love with Danielle, to
marry her, and to love a baby who isn’t even born yet? If they’re
not to be mine, in total? Why?

Would Matthew and Danielle share a bond that Levi and Danielle could never feel? Would it make her wonder if she married the wrong man? Made a mistake? Would she turn away from him, the man who had given her everything he had?

He allowed himself to experience all his selfish thoughts, and as his eyes filled with tears, he thought about the way he’d left his wife, crying in the living room.
What kind of man am I?

He turned around and walked back to the house. He was still angry, confused about his own emotions, and questioning the Lord’s will.

But three things he knew for sure.

He loved Danielle with all his heart. He loved Joshua. And he loved God.

And there wasn’t anything anyone could do to block that love.

  
Twenty-Three

D
ANIELLE CRIED IN
L
EVI’S ARMS, ALTHOUGH HE
kept asking her repeatedly to stop, telling her it wasn’t good for her and her baby.

“Joshua is
our
baby,” Danielle pleaded, silently begging him to agree.

“
Ya
. He is. Please don’t cry.” He pulled her into his lap on the couch. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted. I just . . . well, I want him to be mine, and sometimes . . . like now, I’m reminded that there is someone else in the picture, someone who has a right to be in Joshua’s life . . . but I . . .” He laid a hand on her stomach. “I already love him.”

Danielle cupped his cheeks in her hands. “And he loves you. He’ll know your voice, and you’ll be his father.”

“Along with Matthew.” Levi grabbed one of her hands and kissed it. “And that’s okay. I’ll just have to get used to it. Matthew’s been gone, and I guess I’ve just put him out of my mind. I know that he needs to be a part of Joshua’s life. As it should be.”

“Oh, Levi, I love you so much.” She kissed him, running
a hand through his hair as she thought about the past several months. “I can’t imagine loving you any more than I do right now.”

“I love you too.”

Danielle could hear the worry in his voice, whether he realized it or not, and she wanted to tell him something that she’d been thinking about, something that might brighten his day. But she knew it wasn’t the right time.

At Levi’s insistence, he helped her back to bed, then brought in two bowls of soup and some butter bread that Vera had brought over earlier. After they ate, Levi took the dishes to the kitchen, took a bath, and climbed into bed next to her. He laid his head against her belly and talked to Joshua. “My son, you are a gift from God. There can never be too much love for you.”

Danielle leaned back and closed her eyes, feeling Joshua moving around, responding to Levi’s voice. She knew that they were going to both have to adjust their thinking to make room for Matthew. But for this moment, she just wanted to lie quietly with her husband and listen to him talk to Joshua.

M
ARTHA WALKED UP
the steps at Danielle and Levi’s house, glad to be free of her cast and toting a batch of chicken lasagna. She let herself in, put the casserole dish in the refrigerator, then made her way to the fireplace. As she heaved another log in the fire, orange sparks shimmied up, and she pulled off her gloves and warmed her hands. They’d had barely an inch of snow during the night, but the temperature wasn’t even going to reach twenty degrees today. Glancing at the firewood next
to the hearth, she was glad to see that Levi had left a plentiful stack.

“I’m here!” She unbuttoned her coat and hung it on the rack by the door, then she glanced around. It looked just like any of the Amish homes in the area, and she couldn’t believe that Danielle hadn’t thrown a fit months ago and pushed Levi for electricity. But over and over, Danielle had behaved exactly the opposite of how Martha expected.

Instead of flat-ironing her long blond hair, she’d taken to pulling it into a loose side braid, and Levi charged her cell phone every other day or so when he was in town with his father on a job. Danielle’s car hadn’t been driven in months, since the doctor put her on bed rest, and when Martha had questioned her about the heat, Danielle had said that her favorite part of the day was cozying up with Levi by the fire at night. And they had propane heaters in the rest of the house.

Television. That was the one thing Martha knew she wouldn’t be able to do without, and she’d suspected it would have been a tough thing for Danielle to give up, but Danielle said she kept up with the news and her favorite shows on her cell phone. Martha shook her head, knowing that most of the Amish folks she knew had cell phones and probably did the same thing.