His Love Endures Forever (37 page)

On her way to the lobby, she thanked God for the blessing of Joshua. He was tiny, but healthy, and she couldn’t ever remember seeing Levi glow the way he did when he gazed upon or spoke of the child. Her son had already told her about the visit with Matthew, and Vera knew that she should feel relief in her heart, but there was a sadness she couldn’t quite identify.

She crossed the lobby and was almost out the door when she noticed Anna Marie sitting in a chair in the corner. The woman was just staring across the room.

“Anna Marie?” Vera approached slowly.

Anna Marie looked up at Vera with tired, swollen eyes. “I know I need to go home, but I just . . .” She smiled a bit. “I can’t seem to bring myself to call the driver.”

“Where is Matthew?” Vera sat down beside her.

“He is gone.” She looked up at Vera. “And I have no more tears.” But a tear trailed down her cheek anyway.

Vera wasn’t sure what to say. She knew how devastated she would be if Levi had fled the community. She’d learned to
live with the fact that Levi wasn’t Amish, but her heart would have broken in two if he’d given up his birthright and gone to live far away. “I know you are going to miss him terribly.”

“Ya.”
She stood up and gazed into Vera’s eyes. “I know this isn’t the way you wanted things, but I will trust and pray that you will be a
gut mammi
to the
boppli
.”

Guilt wrapped around Vera as she thought back to her visit with Anna Marie, and how desperate she was to have Levi removed from this situation. Then there would have been no Joshua in her life. “I will,” she said softly.

Anna Marie rushed toward the door.

“Wait!” Vera called out to her, the way the Lord had just called to Vera.

Anna Marie turned around, and Vera walked to her. “Come on.” She looped her arm in Anna Marie’s.

“What?”

Vera smiled and said firmly, “Let’s go see our grandchild.” She pulled Anna Marie along, and a few moments later, as they stood outside the window of the nursery, Anna Marie cried as she gazed upon her grandchild for the first time.

“He is beautiful, no?” Anna Marie dabbed at her eyes.

“
Ya
, he is.” Vera reached for Anna Marie’s hand and squeezed. “And he will be very much loved with
all
of us in his life.”

Anna Marie cried harder, and Vera couldn’t believe that she’d been so wrapped up in her own worries that she’d never considered Anna Marie. She’d been so afraid of being pushed from her son’s life, and then this baby’s, and all the while, Anna Marie was feeling the same way.

D
ANIELLE WAS SURE
that the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life was leaving Joshua in the hospital to go home. She and Levi drove to the hospital every day, and each time they left, Danielle cried, and Levi struggled to be strong for all of them. Thanksgiving had been particularly rough, especially since Emily and David left for Lancaster County a few days before the holiday, and Joshua was still in the hospital.

But three days ago, Joshua was able to come home, and now that they were getting settled, it was time to tackle an issue heavy on her heart. She’d thought about her mother a lot since Joshua arrived, and sometimes the void seemed too huge to ever span. When painful memories pushed to the front of her mind, she reminded herself that she’d turned her worries over to God. But she knew that if she was going to truly find peace, she was going to have to forgive her mother.

Levi was working. Joshua was sleeping. This was a good time to take the first step toward that goal.

Dear Mom,

It sounds like you have turned your life around and are happy. I’m glad for that. Things have changed for me too. I am married—to Levi Detweiler, and we have a son, Joshua, who is almost a month old. He is a blessing, and I adore him in a way that I didn’t know was possible. I know all this probably comes as a shock, but I needed time, Mom, to be able to turn my life around. I did that by finding a relationship with God, and it sounds like you found your way to Him as well.

I’m not ready to see you. I don’t know when I’ll be
ready. But I wanted you to know that I am married, that I have a son, and . . . that I forgive you. Maybe you don’t care one way or the other. I don’t know. But if there is remorse in your heart, then I hope that you will forgive yourself also. There is nothing we can do about what’s happened in the past. As I look at Joshua, and know that I would gladly give my life for him, it’s hard for me to understand how you could hit your child. Over and over again. Every time I try to weigh it out in my mind, I think that the pain you felt must have just overwhelmed you, and you took it out on me. Maybe it was because you missed Dad so much, or something else.

Anyway, I’m very happy. And I want you to be happy also. I have enclosed a picture of Joshua. Please don’t come visit me. But if you’d like to call me, I’ll answer. Or if you’d rather write me a letter, that would be good too.

Love,

Danielle

She read the letter two more times, then put it in an envelope to mail. As she put a stamp on it, she thought about everything she’d been through with her mother and where she was in her life today. Despite the abuse, if things had gone any other way, she wouldn’t be exactly where she was today.
God
had a plan all along
.

L
ATER THAT EVENING
, she watched as Levi rocked Joshua. Vera had already mentioned how heartwarming it was to see Levi with Joshua. Amish men rarely had much to do with young
babies, and Vera had been doubly surprised when she’d walked in and found Levi changing a diaper.

Danielle waited until her husband carried Joshua to bed before she motioned for him to follow her into the living room. She turned up both propane lamps and patted the couch next to her. “Come sit by me. I have something to tell you.”

“What’s on your mind, Ladybug?” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her tenderly, then whispered, “Because I’m hungry.”

Danielle giggled. “You’re always hungry.” She eased away, deciding to tell him on a full stomach. “Wait here. I’ll feed you first. I made some potato soup today.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Your mom’s recipe.”

Levi rubbed his belly, and Danielle went to the kitchen.

As she dished them both a bowl of soup, she thought about her mother—again—and wondered if she would hear from her. It made her think about others “missing” from their lives. Matthew had left town shortly after Joshua was born, and to her knowledge, never laid eyes on his son. But Anna Marie had come to visit them in Canaan twice. Vera had told her that a baby could never have too much love, and if Vera was accepting of Anna Marie, then Danielle was going to try to be equally as compassionate. Both times Anna Marie had said that her husband was working. Danielle wondered if there was more to it than that. No one had seen Sarah in weeks, and Sarah’s parents were evasive to those who asked. “She’s gone to visit relatives,” was all they’d say. Danielle wasn’t going to miss her.

After they ate, Danielle curled up on the couch and waited for Levi to join her.

“You’ve been so
gut
about not pushing me to get solar panels or electricity,” Levi said as he snuggled up beside her. “And now that things have settled down, I’m going to fix things up for you.” He chuckled. “You’ve almost been living like an Amish person.”

Danielle couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face. “Actually . . .” She bit her bottom lip, still grinning. “That’s what I want to talk to you about.”

Levi twisted to face her. “What?”

She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “I’ve talked to Bishop Esh, and he can baptize us both two weeks from now. He said that I’ve been attending worship service and that he knows I will continue to learn about the
Ordnung
as your wife.”

“What?” Levi blinked his eyes a few times. “Danielle, what are you saying?”

She cupped his face in her hands. “I’m telling you that I know everything you gave up for me—and for Joshua. It was the most unselfish thing in the world, and I wish that I could say I was telling you that I want to be Amish as a way to show you how selfless I can be . . . but the truth is, I want to be Amish all the way, and to raise Joshua that way. For me as well as you. Your mom has been teaching me the
Ordnung
, even though I don’t think she realized it. I still have a lot to learn, but I know that you’ll teach me too.”

“Danielle . . .” Levi kissed her on the mouth, several times. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“I’m positive. God has blessed me far more than I could
have imagined. I know Him now, Levi. And I think Joshua could get to know Him whether or not he was raised Christian or Amish, but I want this for all of us.” She waved a hand down at her knee-length green dress. “You haven’t even noticed, have you?”

“I—I thought you were just wearing those dresses because they were more comfortable, you know, after the baby was born.”

Danielle laughed. “They
are
more comfortable.”

Levi grinned. “This makes me very happy. How long have you been planning this?”

“I’ve been thinking about it since before Joshua was born.”

“Does
mei mamm
know?”

“No. I thought we’d tell her together.”

Levi pulled her close and kissed her on the top of the head. “
Ach
. She is going to be very happy. What does Martha think about it?”

“She said that if I’m going to be Amish that I have to learn how to make creamed celery the way she likes it.”

They both laughed, snuggling on the couch.

After a while, Danielle said, “You know, your mother told me something, and I never forgot it.” She paused, recalling Vera’s words. “She said, ‘His love endures forever.’ She told me to talk to the Lord like I would a friend and to open my heart to Him. She said life will never go the way you plan. But putting your total trust in God is the answer.”

Levi’s eyes settled on her. “His love does endure forever. And so will my love for you. Forever.”

“Mine too.”

She settled into Levi’s arms as the light from the lanterns flickered and danced on the ceiling, and she thought about all they’d been through in such a short period of time.

Now they had a lifetime to look forward to. Together. With their son. And God.

  
Reading Group Guide

1. Do you believe that God communicates with us through our dreams? Has this ever happened to you or someone you know?

2. Levi meets three people in his dream. One of them is his father, and he doesn’t recognize the other two. Is the dream image of Levi’s earthly father representative of his heavenly Father? If so, who were other two people that Levi met on the path?

3. Danielle and Levi are best friends when they get married. What if Danielle and Levi’s relationship had never progressed past that of friendship? How important is romance in our lives, regarding our lifetime mate?

4. Danielle still loves her mother despite her abusive ways, even though she says several times that she hates her. Have you ever been in a situation when you thought “why me, Lord?” only to find out way down the road that these bad experiences ultimately brought you to a much better place?

5. Vera feels that her world is falling apart when Levi marries Danielle. What are some examples of God working through Vera for the good of all? And what does Vera learn about herself through the process?

6. Do you think that Danielle ever really loved Matthew? Or did she just think she did, longing to fill a void in her life? What if she hadn’t gotten pregnant? Would she have ended up leaving with Matthew? Or would Matthew have treated
her exactly the same—pregnant or not—when he finally left his people for a life in the outside world?

7. Like so many married couples, Levi and Danielle must adjust to each other’s ways. What are some instances when they both compromise?

8. Vera snubs Sarah after Sarah kissed Levi and told Danielle about it. Was Vera justified in doing this?

9. Even though the Amish usually don’t minister to the
Englisch
, Levi finds himself doing just that with Danielle. Have you ever felt called to minister to someone who seems an unlikely candidate for change, causing you to question why God would ask you to do so? What was the result?