His Love Endures Forever (32 page)

But this was a different kind of letter. And she wanted to get it right. She picked up the pen and tapped it lightly against the table, thinking about everything that had happened since Martha had taken her in.

She’d started dating Matthew and gotten pregnant. Matthew had deserted her and Joshua. Levi had married her. And the biggest surprise of all—Vera seemed to now genuinely care about her and the baby. With Vera and Martha sharing her care, Danielle felt better cared for than at any other point in her life. Loved.

As Danielle thought about her life, the word
blessed
just kept coming to her mind. She thought about where she’d come from. A broken home, an abusive mother. To love. From Martha, Arnold, Levi. And now all of Levi’s family was slowly coming around. As she rubbed her stomach, Joshua gave a hard kick, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

She didn’t miss Matthew at all, but she couldn’t help but think how sad it was that he wouldn’t know his child. Or would he? Would he come back someday? And if so, how would Levi feel about that? They’d talked about it once, and Levi had said that Matthew had a right to see his son. She supposed they’d figure it out if it happened.

Something was missing, though, and Vera’s story had run through Danielle’s mind over and over again. She picked up the pen and listened for a moment as the winds howled against the clapboard house. Taking a deep breath, she began.

Dear God,

Hi. I’m Danielle. I know You probably know me, but I don’t really know You.

She put the pen down.
This is so dumb
. She leaned back and slouched into the chair.

Joshua kicked again, and she smiled. This new life was worth all the risks her heart had to take, even if it meant God didn’t hear her. She wanted to talk to Him anyway.

I’m not sure I’m worthy to ask for Your help and for You to bless me, Joshua, and Levi, but if You would consider doing that, I will promise to talk to You every day and try to get to know You better. I’ll also promise to try to live a good life.

She paused, her eyes filling with tears.

God, I want to be a great mother. Can You please help me with that?

And I want to thank You for Joshua, Levi, Martha, Vera, and all of my family and friends.

She stopped writing again and sniffled. Her hand started shaking.

I forgive Matthew for leaving us, and I hope You help him be happy.

And, God, I don’t know how to forgive my mother, but I’m going to try.

Please be with me, Lord. I need You. I know I do. Please help me . . .

I give it all to You.

Love,

Danielle

She lowered her head and cried softly. Then she stood up, picked up the letter, and eased across the kitchen floor. She slipped on Levi’s large work boots by the front door and pulled on his heavy black coat. She carried the lantern out the door and made her way down the porch steps and across the snow in the front yard.

Shivering from head to toe, she knew she needed to get out of the night air and back to bed, for Joshua’s sake. She read the letter one more time, then lifted her eyes to the sky. The air was bitterly cold as she lifted the letter high above her head, as if offering it to God. Before she could consciously decide to let it go, a swirl of wind scooped it from her hand; she watched it spin above her head, higher and higher, silently praying that her words would make it all the way to heaven, to God. And that He would hear her.

She walked back to the house, careful not to slip or do anything that could harm the life she carried inside of her.

When she opened the door, her eyes rounded and she gasped.

“What are you doing out there?” Levi rubbed his eyes as he walked toward her. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He gently grabbed her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

Danielle stared into his loving, kind eyes. “I—I just—” Tears started again, but something besides sadness made the tears flow down her cheeks, a feeling she didn’t think she’d ever had before. “I think I just gave it all to God.”

“What?” Levi rubbed his eyes with one hand and squinted at her like he hadn’t heard her right. “You did what?”

“I gave it all to God.” She leaned up and kissed him. “My past. My future.”

He helped her out of his coat and his boots. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She smiled. “I’m better than okay. So much better, Levi. I can feel God’s love.”

  
Twenty-One

S
ARAH EASED HER BUGGY PAST THE CHILDREN
walking with their parents toward a nearby subdivision to ask for candy, something the
Englisch
did the last day of every October. Sarah’s family and the other Amish in the district didn’t participate in Halloween, and most of the area
Englisch
knew not to come to their homes asking for treats. Sarah recalled several children knocking on their door a few years ago dressed as a ghost, a devil, and some sort of fancy princess. Her father had tried to ignore the knock, but eventually her mother answered the door and gave them each a few coins, which seemed to please the children. When she’d been young, she’d wished she could participate and gather candy with the
Englisch
children.

Once she’d safely passed the children and their parents, she flicked the reins and picked up the pace, thankful it wasn’t snowing this afternoon. The temperature was hovering around thirty, but the sun shined brightly. She was bundled up in her heavy winter coat and wearing her warmest black tights under a blue dress. She clicked her tongue, and the
horse picked up speed, probably as anxious as she to get home before dark.

A few minutes later, she passed by the Sangre de Cristo Chapel and knew it to be the
Englisch
church where Levi and Danielle had married. Her heart still ached at the thought of losing Levi to Danielle, and while she’d examined her heart for any remorse in her attempt to sway him, she never discovered any measure of guilt. She’d seen Levi at worship service, and he was always polite, but distant. She knew from others that Danielle was on bed rest and unable to attend their worship. On the surface, Vera was polite as well, but pretty cold when they had any time together. It left Sarah feeling betrayed. She’d heard that Levi’s mother spent a lot of time at Levi and Danielle’s—so apparently she’d made her peace with the girl, leaving Sarah to look like the villain.

The old woman, Martha—she didn’t even try to be polite, huffing at Sarah when she saw her for the first time last week at worship service, hobbling in on crutches. Sarah didn’t think the grumpy woman belonged among their people anyway. It all seemed so unfair to Sarah. She’d lived her entire life according to the
Ordnung
. Despite her prayers, bitterness crept over her every time she thought about it all or saw one of them. It was unnerving to see Levi attending Amish worship, yet living as an
Englischer
with his pregnant wife. He was trying to have it both ways, and God would surely punish him for that. A part of Sarah hoped so.

She slowed the buggy when she passed a man walking on the shoulder of the road. She wasn’t one to pick up a stranger, but this man looked Amish. He wore a black felt hat common to their people, and a long black coat, his hands stuffed deep
into the pockets, his head tucked.
Awfully cold to be walking
this time of day
. Unless you were one of the children and their parents weathering the cold for treats.

She eased the buggy to a stop and twisted to see him walking faster toward her. Her stomach lurched when she saw his face, flushed a rosy red from the wind. He wasn’t clean-shaven like an unmarried man, nor did he have the traditional beard of a husband. He looked like he just hadn’t shaved recently, with scraggly whiskers, and as she passed him, Sarah glanced over her shoulder to see if he had bobbed bangs on his forehead. It didn’t look like it. She turned around, prepared to move along, when he yelled at her.

“Wait! Please wait!”

Her heart was beating faster as she glanced back again. He was smiling and running toward her. “Please! Wait!”

Sarah paused, unsure what to do. His voice sounded desperate, and she knew it would be dark soon, the temperatures dipping into the teens. What if he was a visiting relative of one of their own and Sarah left him on the side of the road? Her heart still beating fast in her chest, she swallowed hard and waited.

“
Wie bischt! Danki
for stopping.” The young man was about her age, and when he smiled, his green eyes glowed.

Relief flooded over her as she heard his use of their dialect, even through chattering teeth. And she couldn’t help but return a smile when she looked at his handsome face. “Where can I carry you?”

He climbed into the buggy and quickly began warming his hands on the portable heater blowing in the seat in between them. “
Ach
, I’m not sure.”

Sarah’s heart thumped inside her chest as she once again questioned if she should have stopped for this stranger. “Uh . . .” She thought for a moment. “Do you live near here?”

“Not too far, in Alamosa. But I know that’s too far for you to travel by buggy this late at night. Do you know anyone near here, a driver I could hire to get me there?”

“There’s a man named Wayne who lives up the road a bit. He might be able to take you to Alamosa. I can give you a ride to his
haus
.”

“
Danki, danki
. That would be
gut
.”

Sarah was again relieved to hear the familiar dialect. “Where are you coming from?”

“I’ve been a long way from home, hitching rides to get back. But my latest ride was only going as far as Canaan, so if you hadn’t come along, I might have frozen to death.”

Sarah stopped breathing for a moment, again wondering about this fellow. None of their people—that she knew of— would hitch a ride anywhere. But then he smiled again, putting her heart at ease a little. “I’m glad to be of help.” She moved the reins into her left hand and extended her right. “I’m Sarah Troyer.” Sarah trembled as they shook hands.

“Nice to meet you, Sarah. I’m Matthew. Matthew Lapp.”

He was frightfully handsome—the handsomest Amish man she’d ever met. A shiver of excitement ran down her back and she wondered if he had a girl waiting in Alamosa for him. But even as she thought about it, his name kept echoing in her mind.
Matthew, Matthew Lapp, from Alamosa. Matthew Lapp!

Sarah felt a slow smile grow across her face. After all this time, God had seen fit to punish Levi and Danielle for their poor choices.

L
EVI LAY IN
bed with Danielle, his ear against her stomach as Joshua squirmed beneath him. The doctor had said that Danielle was most likely going to deliver early. She was slightly dilated, and even though Levi didn’t quite know what that meant, he did understand that the baby would be coming sooner than they’d hoped. More than ever, the doctor had stressed that Danielle needed to stay in bed and take it easy.

This morning they were enjoying a lazy Sunday morning since it wasn’t a worship day. For once, neither Vera nor Martha was at the house, and it felt nice to be alone.

“I’m so tired of being in this bed.” Danielle shifted slightly beneath him.

“I know. But you heard the doctor. You need to keep Joshua inside at least another four weeks if you can.”

“I’m so fat.” Danielle turned her head against the pillow.

“You’re beautiful.” He lifted up, kissed her, then rolled over onto his side, but he kept his hand on her belly. He couldn’t wait until Joshua was born. Levi didn’t think the baby could be any more his own if he’d actually fathered him. Levi knew that he’d been right to heed the voice of the Lord, to follow the calling to marry Danielle. They were so in love, so happy. And Joshua would complete their family . . . at least until they were settled enough to enjoy having even more
kinner
.

Levi’s father, his cousin Eli, Jacob, David, and lots of other members of the Amish community had visited and helped Levi do more repairs to the house. They’d ended up using some low-odor paint after all, and Danielle and Levi had spent two nights with Emily and David while the house aired out. Jacob had also helped Levi put in new counters in the kitchen and a new sink in the bathroom since the old one leaked around the
base. And Danielle had found the Lord that snowy night . . . Life seemed so perfect, and Levi thanked God repeatedly for His grace and love.

I’m a blessed man. Thank You, Lord
.