Her Love Ran Crimson (Crimson Series) (14 page)

She was in shock when I did. She confronted him about it and I guess the blow to her head he gave her was truth enough to know we were stuck. The abuse would happen when he would catch on to her many plans of leaving him. He threatened to kill her if she ever left. Things got way worse when he went into business with Dixon, the guy you saw at the coffee shop the day I freaked out. He was dealing more and making crazy amounts of money. That still wasn’t good enough for him so he did the worst thing ever and took a lot of money away from Dixon when he went behind his back directly to his connections and cut Dixon out of the loop. That was three years ago. Now Dixon has always been creepy to say the least. He talked weird and just looks at me like a deranged psycho. He used to say weird things to me and was always telling me how I acted like I was better than him. I could tell it really bugged him, but I never thought he would do what he did next. My mom finally came up with an iron clad plan to get us out. She had new names for us and safe houses for us to go to. It was really going to work this time. Coincidentally, Dixon was formulating his own plan to take down Frank. I shift in my seat and try and get semi-comfortable before I finish the rest.

Two days before we were going to leave I went to bed the happiest I had ever been, knowing we were getting out of there. That’s when Dixon snuck through my window and kidnapped me. He used chloroform on me. I blacked out. I woke up in a strange room and was panicked when I realized I was not in my bed. Dixon was there telling me not to scream. He had his hand over my mouth and told me I was a stuck up bitch and that I always acted better than everyone else. He told me he was doing this as payback for Frank screwing him over. He said I was his just like he knew I always would be and that I belonged to him. That was the first time he raped me. He raped me several more times while I was held captive. Sad thing is, Frank never cared about me so he never came looking for me, but my mom did. She found me and tried everything she could to get me out of there. We were just about to escape when Dixon caught us. There was a struggle and a gun was fired. My mom told me to run when she had Dixon pinned, but I stupidly didn’t. I saw his gun and something snapped in my head, so I went after it. He chased me down and we struggled. The gun went off and my mom ended up getting shot.”

I take a break, so I can get the rest of this out. I can see this vividly playing out again in my head and it feels too real. I chance a look at Jase and he looks mortified. I knew it. Just like the others he is going to run.

“Maddie, its okay. You can finish. I’m here with you,” He says as he reaches over and grabs my hand and squeezes it encouraging me to go one.

I smile weakly and continue. “When it became silent after the fight I came out and found my mom lying on the ground in a pool of blood. She wasn’t breathing or moving. I heard sirens in the distance and was hoping they would get here and help her before it was too late. She was pronounced dead on the scene and Dixon, Frank, along with two other men were arrested. I was taken to the hospital and examined. The Doctor treating me for dehydration and some minor scrapes and bruises asked me if I there was anything else I wanted to tell him. I told him what Dixon did to me and was examined with a rape kit. I finally felt safe lying there in the hospital, but the shock of what happened hadn’t hit me yet. I was drugged up and couldn’t get a grasp on reality until Frank walked in the door with a doctor on his payroll. He said some words to my doctor and then his doctor was immediately by his side reviewing my chart. Things just disappeared from my chart and there was nothing I could do to get those records back. Shock finally hit me when I went home and was told that Dixon left town, which was the agreement with the fucking D.A. who dropped all the charges against them. The D.A. was on Frank’s payroll. He made everything disappear. He made sure they got off, he twisted everything to make it look like an accident. Everyone knew I pulled the trigger that killed my mom due to the fight Dixon and I were having to gain control. And you know what, I did kill her. If I would have just kept my mouth shut and ran like she told me to she would still be here. It’s true. Every horrible thing everybody says about me is true. This is why I can’t have you over, why I can’t go out. Frank has me running things around for him to ensure I am just as involved with things, so if he goes down so do I. That’s why I have decided to leave the day I turn eighteen. I am gone. So there you have it. This is why I tried to stay away from you. You are in danger every time you are around me. I can’t do this to you. It’s not even safe to be here right now.”

I panic and start looking around to make sure nobody is nearby. I look over at Jase who still hasn’t said anything to me, so I do what comes naturally and open the door and try to get away from the rejection I am feeling. Once I make it to my car I’m stopped by his strong hands, holding me in place. The blood is pumping wildly through my veins. I am so raw and torn open it hurts to even breathe. I can’t even turn around to look at him. The knife in my heart will twist deeper if I look at him and see the revulsion in his eyes.

“What did I tell you? I’m not going anywhere. You can’t push me away and not expect me to fight for you, for us. Do you really give me such little credit? I made you a promise and I intend on keeping it.”

I release a deep breath. I still can’t find the courage to turn around and face him. I am ashamed. I never in my life thought that I would be where I am today.

“Maddie?”

I nod slightly giving him a slight indication that I am here and listening. That I haven’t lost it completely

“Tell me what I have to do Maddie.”

I see him in the reflection of the window running his hands over his head frustrated trying to get me to believe.

“How do I get you to trust me and believe me? I will do anything. Do you want me to scream to the world how much you mean to me? Because I will! I just need something from you. Anything to show me that you care the slightest bit. I don’t expect you to lay your feelings out for me. I don’t. Just give me a chance to love you, Maddie! You might not love yourself right now, but let me show you how worthy you are to be loved. Let me show you what I see. You might just end up loving yourself.”

Slowly I turn around and look at him with tears threatening to spill every time I blink. One escapes, falling down my cheek. I lose all control to hold them in and rush to his arms and bury my face in his chest and let them go. He wraps his arms around me and holds tight, never loosening his grip on me. He is my rock. For the first time I let him hold me while I cry. It’s in this moment, while he stands there calmly holding me and letting me soak his shirt in tears of pain, that I love him and never want to be without him. He doesn’t make me talk about what I just told him. He is not expecting me to say anymore and for right now all is right with us. I don’t know where we go from here, but I’m sure with Jase by my side where ever we go will only be up.

Chapter
Seventeen

I am still feeling ashamed for revealing everything to Jase. I don’t think I will ever get over what has happened. I try every day to forget about it. Opening up to him has reopened the raw wound. I am more paranoid than ever. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder when he is not around. It’s been a week since I told him. Jase has been nothing short of amazing. He hasn’t done or said anything to make me feel like he is wanting to run away or forget about me. He always seems to be texting me or sending me messages to see how I’m doing. Jase has expressed how concerned he is with my safety and is always asking me if he could come introduce himself to Frank. I have shut that down. He can’t come here. I have thought of a way to get away at night since he has invited me to his house for dinner next week while his mom is out of town. I have concocted the perfect plan. I just hope I’m not followed.

I spend most of my day around the house trying to clean everything up. I also make myself available to Frank if he needs me. I am being extra vigilant about Dixon coming around here. After dinner with him last week he has shown me he is here to stay and there is nothing I can do about it. That’s the truth. There is nothing I can say or do to get him to go away. I haven’t had to make any more runs to his house. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I fish it out to see a text from Jase.

Jase: Hey what are you doing? Is everything set up for next week? Do you need me to do anything?

Me: Plan is going great. Next week, dinner, your house :)

Jase: Okay. See you at school tomorrow. Have a good night. Miss You!

Me: Ok see ya 2morrow. Miss you too and thanks for everything.

Jase: <3

I smile and put my phone back into my pocket and get back to straightening up the place. It’s getting late. I need to make sure everything is done for school and get to bed. Sunday’s are always the hardest days for me. I am excitedly anticipating Monday from not seeing Jase all weekend. It’s hard with him being in my life, but never getting personal time with him because of the chaos that surrounds my life. Honestly, I don’t know why he puts up with me, with all of this. I brush the thoughts out of my head and go to my room to get ready for bed.

****

The second I get to school I pull into the parking lot more excited than ever. Mondays used to be my worst day, signaling the starting of a long week full of chores, heckling from the kids in the halls, and nothing enjoyable. Now, I can’t wait for Mondays. The way my stomach does flips when I know I’m going to have five days of being with Jase. He has a hold on my heart and always handles it with care. He knows just how to comfort me without suffocating me. He gives me the space I need and the closeness I never knew I craved.

I jump out of my car, giddier than a middle school girl at their favorite boy band concert. I round the car and bump right into Jase. I didn’t even notice him standing there. I look up deep into his eyes and smile. “This seems familiar. I’m always bumping into you.” I reach up and give him a kiss dead on the lips, not caring about anyone anymore. I will not hide it from a single person. When he deepens the kiss I instantaneously shiver from the contact. Those pesky butterflies are certainly making their presence known.

“Hey Madds, how are you feeling today? I missed you this weekend,” he whispers in between kisses.

He enlists a heat that travels through my heart and warms up certain spots I thought I lost the day Dixon stole them from me. The feeling is a little too much for me. I am not ready to cross that bridge and don’t know if or when I will, so I take a step back and compose myself, reminding myself we are in the parking lot. “I missed you too. I have Friday night all planned out. Five long days to get through and we will finally be able to have dinner alone together. I’m sorry we can’t go out to eat. I just don’t want to risk being caught.” I say sheepishly, embarrassed that I just said that out loud.

“Maddie, as long as I am around you I don’t care where we are. Just don’t expect me to be cooking. We are ordering in. I want you to enjoy your food not get sick. I can’t even toast bread correctly.”

I chuckle louder than I wanted. Really, who can’t even toast bread?

“Oh, you think that’s funny don you? Well laugh all you want, but I get to have dinner with my girl. Nothing could make me happier.”

I smile proudly because he just called me his girl. I’m Jase’s girl. Wow! He’s my guy, my boyfriend. Okay, I have to stop analyzing our new label, but it does feel amazing. It’s not like I am going to start drawing our names in hearts or some shit like that. I think. No! I have to stop. “So…um…I am, or you think… Oh never mind this is stupid. Let’s get to class.” Fuck, I’m already blowing it.

“Wait, what? What were you going to say?” he asks as he eyes me carefully. I don’t want to tell him what I was thinking because it sounds so stupid in my head. I hope this is all going to come more naturally as the days go by. I feel humiliated by my foot-in-the- mouth syndrome around Jase, so I start to walk to class quickly. I feel him approaching.

“What just happened back there? Did I say something wrong?”

He looks confused and lost. I smile maybe a little too big and turn to him, “Nope, you said nothing wrong. I’m sorry, I had a little freak out moment. I’m good. See, everything is fine,” flashing my smile to hide my embarrassment. He looks like he isn’t buying it at all. He knows me so well that hiding my feelings isn’t even an option. He sees right through my façade.

“Hey, you know it’s okay to tell me things, right? So just say what’s on your mind. If you don’t tell me I can’t fix it or make it better.”

Double crap now. I don’t want him thinking every time I flinch or stop what I am saying something is wrong. I don’t want to be handled with kid gloves. I was surviving before he came into my life. I just want to enjoy our time together. “It’s nothing, really. I was just over thinking things. Not a big deal. You just called me your girl, that’s all. I have never heard anyone call me that before. It just caught me off guard for a minute. I’m good.” This time it’s Jase that is chuckling. “See, stupid.” I shove his shoulder with both hands making him move not more than an inch. He is like a brick wall. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head.

“Aw, Maddie, did me calling you my girl get you all shy? You know you are so cute when you get all flustered and your cheeks turn pink. It’s a nice shade on you.”

That deserved a swat of the hand that was reaching out to touch my cheek.

“Come here. I promised to always protect what I care about. I care about you. I’m falling hard for you, Madds. Don’t give up on me now. We are only just beginning.”

Cue the melting of my frozen heart. If he can thaw this ice queen he is definitely a keeper. My past hasn’t sent him running and he still looks at me with admiration. I would say I’m winning right now. I have had no run-ins with Frank or Dixon. I just might be in the clear of getting out of here and moving on with my life soon. It won’t be much longer until I will be a legal adult. I can get the hell out of Dodge and never look back. I have been waiting a long time for this. Now I am left counting down the days until I graduate. I just hope I can still be a part of Jase’s life once I am away from here. I think this is something we need to talk about when we have dinner. I just don’t know how to bring something potentially upsetting up when he is trying to make this the perfect night for us. I’ll worry about it when the time comes. “Okay, if we have had enough let’s embarrass Maddie time, can we go to class?” I ask shaking my head while I let the weight of my heart slowly stop stirring. I have got to find a way to stop letting bad thoughts into my head while I’m having a good time with Jase. If it was only so easy.