Her Love Ran Crimson (Crimson Series) (10 page)

Frank is nowhere to be found when I leave for school this morning, so I just take it upon myself to take my car since I still have my keys. He never actually took it away, after all. I made a point to be extremely quiet just in case, though. I am so close to graduating and getting the hell out of this place that I will take as many risks as necessary. I know now to be on point and to watch my moves.

The second I pull into the parking lot and park my car, Jase is pulling into the spot next to me. I lower my head in an attempt to hide my face. I know it won’t work, but that doesn’t stop me from my trying. I shuffle through the pile of papers in my bag, hoping to give off the vibe that I’m busy. It feels like forever that I’m sitting here doing nothing. Pretending I have purpose in digging through nothing. I look at my phone and notice that I have passed enough time, so I grab my bag and dash to class.

Walking through the doors of the school I make sure to check around before I enter the hallway where my class is. I really don’t want to run into him until we are in class where there’s little opportunity for us to talk and for him to question my face. I am not prepared for the shit storm that will happen. I don’t want it playing out in front of everyone who already thinks so highly of me. I laugh at my little inside joke. I’m sure if the people around me thought I was crazy before this would definitely make them think I’m a little crazier.

I am home free and making my way to my desk with no interruptions. I know he understood my attempt to ignore him earlier at my car. I head to my desk and bury my head in my note book, never looking up. Something hits my back, so I instinctively look back to see what it was. Our eyes meet and I can see the horrified look in his eyes. It brings back the memories of all the looks I got when I came back to school after my mom died. There was never concern from anyone. I was thrown into this and as much as I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get people to understand what really happened this is how it is. They aren’t even worth it anymore. I turn my head back to the front of the class quickly and stare straight ahead and never look back the rest of the class.

When the bell rings I grab my stuff and head to the back door quickly, trying to avoid Jase because I know the second I see him shit is going to go down. I open the door and dart out. I don’t see him, so I make my way down the hallway. Suddenly, I am pulled into an empty classroom. Jase has his back to the door and just stands there staring at me. I don’t know if I should say something, but it’s making me really uncomfortable while he is silently analyzing my face. He moves toward me with his hand out and reaches to caress my face. I flinch as he touches my bruised cheek. “Maddie, what happened? And don’t tell me nothing.” He says as he inspects my face. I can tell he is searching for the truth as our eyes lock. I try to brush it off as if nothing happened. “Oh this?” I ask as I point to my face. “I tripped over a shoe and fell into my dresser. No biggie.” I brush it off with a look on my face like it was all an accident and I am so clumsy.

I go to make my way to the door, but he grabs my hand stopping me. His eyes are silently begging for me to let him in.

“Come on. Why can’t you just tell me what happened? I’m not buying that crap Maddie. Maybe it works on others, but that shit doesn’t work with me. Please, tell me,” he says.

As he is talking to me I am walking backwards and I hit the wall. He puts his hands on either side of my head against the wall trapping me in. He tilts his head and looks at me, staring deeply like he is looking into my heart and sending secret messages to it. “I can’t tell you, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I can’t tell you because it will only put you in danger, so please stop asking me. Stop tearing down my walls, stop saving me, and stop trying to make it all better, okay!” I scream a little louder than I want, but I can’t help it. I am so angry at Frank and the world.

As fast as lightening, his lips are on mine. He is aggressively working my mouth, taking all his frustrations out on me. I can feel it and I don’t blame him. I am torn between enjoying this moment and letting my panic show. Then something takes over me and I let go. I feel his desperation in this kiss. I give everything I have back, trying to match his speed and hunger. I grab his face in my hands and hold on for the ride. I devour him. As he lowers his arms and wraps them around my back he starts to lift me off the ground and I automatically wrap my legs around him. This kiss is so primal I can’t help the little whimper that escapes my throat. I could go on forever like this, but we are jolted back into reality when the bell rings. I place my feet back down on the ground and smooth my clothes out.

“We’re late.” I reach down and pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder and smile shyly at him as I open the door and make my way to the next class, completely satisfied for the first time in a long time.

Jase is following behind me and catches up. We get to our next class, but the door is locked. I give it a little knock. Mrs. Anderson opens the door and looks at both of us and whispers “You’re late. Hurry up. Don’t let it happen again.” She ushers us in. I take me seat and look over at Jase. I smile shyly and pretend to listen as I get lost in my day dreams.

Chapter Twelve

The last couple days have been good to say the least. I feel like a different person. I have been hanging around Jase at school. Stealing little kisses here and there. I can say I almost feel like a normal teenager. I have made it very clear to Jase that this is nothing serious. There isn’t even a title for this. Casual friends who kiss? Not a big deal, right? It wouldn’t be such a big deal if he didn’t keep saying that he will show me that I can trust him and that he won’t leave me like everyone else. That he won’t give up. I like to pretend to brush it off, but deep down inside I want him to be able to show me. To give me something to live for. Since I am only living to breathe at this point, it gives me a tiny sliver of hope for something better of my life. I would normally never be so optimistic, but the electricity that sparks between us when we are together feels so euphoric it’s hard not to get caught up in these crazy thoughts of being okay in the end.

Walking down the halls together is getting harder, though. I thought the dirty looks and torment from others was bad before but it seems to be getting progressively worse. All the attention that is drawn from someone expressing interest in me is getting hard to deal with. I mean, I guess I am in shock that he’s interested in me too when there are so many other girls here that are way prettier than I am and who don’t have to hide who they are. Every time Jase comes around me the gossip starts buzzing and I hear the whispers. He is good at never paying attention to it. He never even shows if it bothers him. Not even a little bit.

I haven’t seen Dixon since the park incident, which is strange. I usually see people Frank works with pretty often as they come in and out of the house making sure everything is in order. Especially Dixon. He was always here before making sure Frank was on point. I might be paranoid, but the last time he went missing he took me.

I am shaken by the thought. Jase walks up behind me and kisses my temple. I smile tightly as the vision of Dixon doesn’t fade fast enough.

“What’s wrong? You look like something’s up,” he says as he rubs my back to release the tension.

The action is kind, but not one I am use to, so I fidget and move myself away from his hand. The second he loses contact with my back I see the sadness in his eyes. “Nothing. Just thinking. Ready for the day. I can already tell its going to be a great one.” Sarcasm is oozing from my statement. I turn to walk toward class and I’m suddenly face to face with Rebecca. I stop dead in my tracks, waiting for what verbal attack will come from her mouth this time. She says nothing. Instead her eyes are rake over Jase, making my blood boil. I know I have no claim to him, but this is my one person who doesn’t hate me and I know she wants to take it from me like everything else she has taken from me.

She walks over to him trying to get me out of the way with a shoulder bump as she purrs—literally purrs—seductively, “Hey Jase. Haven’t seen you around the quad lately. I’ve been lonely. See you at lunch maybe?” as she runs a hand up his arm.

I don’t even get a chance to hear what he says I turn and walk away while the blood boils in my veins. I don’t want to make a fool of myself, so leaving is the best choice. I feel anger take course and the stinging in my eyes makes me know how foolish I’m being. I take off toward the nearest bathroom to get my emotions in check before I head to class.

I splash water on my face thinking the cold shock of it would bring me down. It doesn’t. I grab a paper towel and dry my face and storm out of the bathroom. Not paying attention to anything around me, I’m stopped by my voice of reason, Jase.

“Maddie, what the hell happened back there? You just storm off and ignore me while you walk past me?” he asks with his hands fisted at his sides.

Why the hell is he so angry? “Look, if you want to go hang with Becca go for it. I’m not stopping you. You don’t have to stand guard over me. I was fine before you came and will be fine when you leave. Oh, and just a tip, she is just trying to piss me off. That’s what she does best,” saying it a little louder than I want to. Now we have a crowd watching us. I am mortified to be having this conversation. This is why I keep my distance and don’t get so close to people. I lose everything close to me. Someone is always taking things important to me away. I can’t go through this again. Flashes fill my head of the moment my mother was taken from me. I am paralyzed by the memories. Jase holds my face in his hands as he breaks me out of my own thoughts.

“I’ve told you before and I’m telling you again, I’m not going anywhere. You can keep trying to push me away all you want, but it’s not going to work. Stop fighting me, Maddie, please. It’s breaking my heart to see you like this.”

He uses his thumbs to wipe tears from my cheeks that I didn’t even realize I’d shed. He is slowly breaking down every wall I have built to keep myself safe. I want to believe him. It’s just too hard. I can never be honest with him. How do you build something with somebody you won’t ever completely know? Then he kisses me. Kisses me to give me life, like his life depends on it. Not caring at all what people think. I finally submit to him and just feel for the moment and it works. The truth in his words combined with the kiss do me in. I have never felt this flutter in my heart before. I know he has gotten to me. I won’t run. I silently promise him. I don’t want to feel alone again.

As we walk to my car he asks, “Want to go get a coffee?”

I check my phone and have no missed call or text messages. “Sure, but I have to go home right after. Follow me?” He puts his arm around my shoulder as he guides me to my car.

“Lead the way.”

****

I never thought I would be doing this, sitting on the patio sipping coffee with Jase, such a regular every day thing. It’s such a natural thing to others, but to me it’s anything but. After hanging for a bit I excuse myself to the restroom. After taking a long look in the mirror and taking a cleansing breath I make my way out of the bathroom. When I open the door I am stopped by Dixon. My heart beats so loudly it drowns out my hearing and things start to get cloudy. I can’t breathe. As he inches closer to me, trapping me up against the wall, he stares deeply into my eyes.

“Maddison, nice to see you here. I saw you outside with your friend. Who is he?” he asks a he runs a finger down my cheek.

I shiver at the contact. My breaths start coming in faster. I just keep thinking this is all a game to him. He gets some sick amusement out of the terror he causes me.

“What are we gonna do with you first, sweet Maddison” he says as he trails his finger lower down my arm.

All I can think about is when is someone is going to notice I am gone. Come help me. Get me out of here. A small cry comes out of my lips and the tears are building up, making my already jumbled vision become more obscure.

“Now you are going to cooperate and give me what I want, aren’t you Maddison?” he whispers into the crook of my neck making me unable to breathe. “I heard you can be very giving when needed and since Frank wants to take what’s
mine, I will take what I want.”

As his hand trails higher up my calf I can’t help but scream. ”Get off of me,” begging and pleading with him to leave me alone. I’m kicking and screaming, trying to escape him. He holds me down with my back against the bed. He traps my arms to my sides with his knees. His hands are free and he is overpowering me. I feel helpless and I know I will never see the light of day again. Struggling only seems to make it worse. When I get a hand free I scratch at his face, trying anything to get him off of me. This sets him off and all I remember is him head butting me until everything turns black. I have lost this battle.

I don’t know where I am or what happened. All I know is I am sitting in Jase’s car with him crouched down with his head in his hands outside the door and he is staring at me. The last thing I remember is seeing Dixon. I start to freak out. What did he do to me again? Jase notices my panic and gets up. He puts his head in the door and looks deeply into my eyes as if they will tell him what is going on. I want to tell him. I’m fighting a battle of telling him and losing him or keeping quiet and ultimately losing him for always keeping him in the dark. Thinking about losing him brings a stinging to my eyes. I can’t even force out a word. I blink rapidly to force my tears aside. I finally look up from my hands that are folded in my lap and look at him square in the eyes. “Jase, there are so many things I want to tell you, but I just can’t. Telling you means losing you and I can’t risk that. Please, don’t make me tell you the ugliness that consumes my every breath. You will become one of them and pretend you never even knew me. I don’t want to relive what has happened. Even though I can’t stop thinking about it, telling you will make it worse. It will make it happen all over again. Please, until I get out of here I can’t say anything.” I say everything in one huge breath. In my own way I just told him how much he means to me without even meaning to.