Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart (14 page)

Take a lesson from the book of childhood and touch base with your inner preschooler every once in a while. Embrace the simple joys of life as if you were still seeing it through innocent eyes, just as Phoebe demonstrated to Rachel on an episode of
Friends
when she showed her how much more fun running through Central Park was if you wildly flailed your arms. I also highly recommend skipping! If you don’t want to look quite so silly, you can also belt out “The Wheels on the Bus” in the comfort of your own home or reenact Cameron Diaz’s famous booty shake in
Charlie’s Angels.
I dare you to let loose and get giggling.

Helping my kids lay the foundation for self-confidence is one of the biggest honors of my life. To help them believe in their own inner beauty, I try to provide a good example of healthy self-esteem, I offer positive reinforcement whenever humanly possible, and I have them repeat their “magic words” every night (inspired by the movie
The Help).
The phrases are slightly different based on the kids’ individual personalities, but both start with the same
statement: “I am kind.” To do the same, choose a word or string of words that will help encourage your child’s sense of self-worth and remember what Geoffrey Canada, an American activist and educator, once said: “You want kids really thinking ‘I’m somebody special.’ Have them say that every day and they grow up believing it.”

Create an environment of empathy by expecting your kids to complete certain age-appropriate chores, such as feeding your family pet, making their beds, or tidying up their toys. As Charlotte Latvala described on
Parents.com
, by participating in daily work duties, children will gain a much stronger understanding of the effort that goes into the everyday and appreciate your hard work that much more.

Take a hint from
NothingButCountry.com
and have your kids or family create an Appreciation Jar. It could be for a teacher or camp counselor, a grandparent or family friend. Maybe it’s for a special day, or maybe just a little pick-me-up. Regardless, it’s simple: cut out hearts from construction paper and have pertinent people write something they appreciate about the recipient. Decorate the jar together, as you’d like, and make sure to take in all the joy that will undoubtedly resonate from that special person in your little one’s life.

All in the Extended Family

Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.

—A
NTHONY
B
RANDT

CHAPTER FIVE

M
Y LIFE ON EARTH STARTED AT
12:46
P.M. ON
October 28, 1972. It was a day of significance commemorated only by an official hospital photo and the sweet words my mother recorded in a baby book: “Father was allowed to be in the delivery room and the labor room, and he loved every minute.” I’m not sure that my mom felt the same as my dad until the pain of childbirth was over, but as far as I’m concerned, from the moment I cried my first cry, I can’t remember a time that I didn’t feel loved.

Since my childhood, whether I deserved it or not, my parents have been my faithful fans. And the same holds true for the support I’ve received from the rest of my family, both immediate and extended—including the thoughtful woman my father married after my parents’ divorce; the Sewings, who caringly took me in as an honorary family member so that I wouldn’t be alone while my mom went to work; and even those I didn’t see that often, such as my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Reality television then led me to Ryan and a whole new set of family members who, despite the circuslike intrusion of pop culture chaos that we brought to their lives, have always made me feel welcome and cherished.

My blended extended family is full of different personalities, lifestyles, hardships, careers, interests, hopes, and dreams, and thanks to that diversity and history, I have been taught important lessons about how to live a (mostly) happy life. They may not have been written down or verbally explained during a formal course, but through their example and willingness to share their stories, every member of my extended family has shown me a unique way to approach life.

Everyone has access to these lessons. Whether from your grandfather’s ninety years of experience, your four-year-old cousin’s enlightening viewpoint on the beauty of nature, or merely from the conversations you have with those who share your last name, our relatives are a seminar on life available to each of us should we simply choose to show up for class. You may not live in the same house or even the same country as they do, but when you were born, you were biologically linked to them, with their connective threads of yarn inescapably woven into your own personal tapestry.

Life is short. Neither you nor your relatives is going to be around forever. Take advantage of the remarkable gift of family and connect with them while you still can. The distinct knowledge, experiences, and outlooks they possess will expand your horizons and illuminate an understanding of another time or place, helping to shape your own path to a fortunate future.

G
ETTING TO
K
NOW
Y
OU

Thanks to the birds and the bees, or maybe even science, your family tree added a teeny-tiny branch on the day you were
born. Stemming from two separate limbs that came together as one, you became part of the big picture of your heritage, full of history and culture, events and relationships.

For me, I was always thankful for the past that led to my present, but it wasn’t necessarily something I was keenly interested in. After losing my grandmother, Ruth Rehn, on March 4, 2013, though, I started feeling the urge to learn more, not only as a way to keep her memory alive, but also as a way to show my children an important part of where they came from. Interestingly enough, soon after she passed away, I came across a
New York Times
article that discussed something called the “Do You Know Scale” (DYK) and the results of a study showing that it was “the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.”

After Dr. Robyn Fivush realized that the learning-disabled students she worked with who knew more about their families were better able to face challenges, she joined forces with Dr. Marshall Duke and developed the DYK. The test gathers answers about family history that the children could not have personally experienced, including questions such as: “Do you know where your grandparents met?”; “Do you know the names of the schools your mom went to?”; and “Do you know the source of your name?”