God's Little Freak (11 page)

“Hello
, Michael,” he says.

“Ah, Kevin!
Didn’t think I would see you here,” Michael replies.

“How are you?” Kevin asks
.

“Fine, fine.
You?” Michael answers bluntly.

“Fine too,
” Kevin says. He can tell Michael is just polite.

“I would real
ly like to talk to you sometime,” Kevin says in a stutter.

“Yeah, you think? It’s been more than two years. I had to change my entire life because of you
, because you
were
my life. And now you want to talk? I don’t think it would be a good idea. It would be…”

“I’m sorry, Michael. I’ve been a real asshole. I’m deeply…”
Kevin says.

“I’m sorry too, but I have to
go,” Michael interrupts and moves on.

“How’
s your music doing?” Kevin asks quickly. “Did you learn to play the violin?”

Michael ha
s a bit of a smile and says, “Yes, I play the violin too. But I still prefer the piano. I have to go. Bye.”

“Yeah, keep well!” Kevin says.

Kevin looks at Michael as he walks down the aisle and the tears come. He still feels the same about Michael and he will never have that again. He only has himself to blame. He screwed up big time. He so much wants to hold Michael again.

He i
s wiping his eyes with his shirt when his mother comes around the corner. “Why are you crying?” she asks.

“I’m not crying. There’s something in my eye
,” he says.

“Did yo
u see Michael?” his mother asks. “I saw him a minute ago in the next aisle.”

“No, I’ll go and say
‘hi’ quickly,” Kevin says and leaves.

The next day Kevin go
es to Michael. He knocks and waits. It appears as if there is no one there. Kevin waits a really long time before he decides to leave.

For the rest of the holiday
Kevin concentrates on preparing for athletics next year. That’s now the only thing that brings him joy. He does also try to play the piano again for the first time in years, but finds that he has lost his touch a bit. Maybe, with a little more practice, he can get back on top of it again.

Another year and another disappointing a
thletics season for Kevin. He isn’t doing that badly, quite well actually, but once again he hasn’t managed to go to the South African championships, which is what he intended. He wonders if he is ever going to reach that. He is still with Paula and she encourages him not to give up. He is quite happy to have her as a girlfriend.

In relation to God, he
is more confused than ever. He doesn’t know what to believe anymore. He is questioning whether he truly heard God that night, or maybe he was just delusional. He has asked so many people whether or not they think he is a coward and everyone says that it is not the case. Surely, he isn’t a coward. And the voice he hears from God is pale in comparison to the huge number of comments there are in the media, from his friends and many adults in society on sexuality, saying that people like him are bad.

Shortly after Easter,
a group of people come to Vryheid to talk about marriage, sexuality, love and related issues. It is a kind of seminar organised by another church, but as it happens in small towns, when something different happens, the whole town knows about it and is interested in it. At his own church it is announced what the four days will be about and the pastor encourages the congregation to attend the seminar series. It will begin on Tuesday with a session on married couples and end on Friday which is about sexuality and the youth. Kevin’s parents go to listen to the session on married couples on Tuesday while the youth group at his church all decide to go on Friday as a group.

Kevin
waits up for his parents to return. At nearly eleven they finally come home. “How was the seminar? Anything interesting?” Kevin asks them when they come into the living room.

“It
was the biggest load of rubbish I ever heard. I couldn’t wait to get out of there,” his father grumbles.

“No, it wasn’t that bad. It was very informative and t
hought-provoking. I liked it,” his mother says.

“But
what was it about?” Kevin asks his mother when his father leaves the room. His mother explains to him all the things that they talked about, like open communication between couples, how to keep a marriage exciting after 20 years, adult stuff and so on. Kevin isn’t really satisfied with anything she explains. He is hopeful though that it will be better when he goes.

That Friday
he attends the seminar with friends from his congregation. They all sit together and their pastor is there too. He notices that there are several speakers on different topics. The first speaker talks about relationships that should develop from a friendship to more. He thinks that maybe he is on the right track with Paula, because they have a wonderful friendship and he is grateful to have her in his life. It could develop into something more, so he likes that speaker.

The second speaker talks about masturbation and is clearly against it. He quotes
parts from the Bible about it being wrong and just as Kevin begins to feel really uneasy; one of the other speakers contradicts him and says there is nothing wrong with it. They kind of have a debate on the issue and afterwards he still doesn’t know whether it is right or wrong.

The third spea
ker talks about the dangers of sex, like illnesses and pregnancies and says that one should truly consider the consequences before having sex, because there are consequences. He explains that if two people have sex, it’s like a glue that keeps them together, but if one has sex with someone else, that glue is then torn apart in order to stick with someone else again. Every time one has sex with a different person, the glue gets less and less until it is impossible to find someone to stick with. At that stage a relationship will be really hard to come by for such a person. He advises people not to have sex, but if they do, they have to limit their partners to one. Kevin is extremely impressed with this presentation and everything makes sense to him.

After a short break, the n
ext speaker is a guy who appears a bit girly to Kevin, flapping his hands about and talking in an irritating nasal tone. He begins and says that he used to be gay and then he found Jesus and became straight and since then has the need to share his story. He says that he is guided by the Holy Spirit. Kevin cannot believe that someone is actually going to talk about this in Vryheid.

He says
that he grew up in a family that didn’t really go to church. After school he felt attracted to guys and often went to gay bars and lived in the gay sub-culture. He had several boyfriends but he found that he really wasn’t happy at all. About three years ago, somebody suggested that he should go to a certain church in Johannesburg and then he learned all about Jesus. Shortly after that, he accepted Jesus into his heart and he gradually began to change. He felt that his urges for men decreased and about a year later he had a girlfriend. Everything in his life has changed for the better. He is doing well in business, is happy in his personal life and he has recently proposed to his girlfriend and they are going to marry in a few months. “I don’t have any urges towards men anymore,” he says.

He cont
inues by saying that his homosexuality was caused by his family life, because he had a weak father figure who was absent from his life. This caused him to crave a man in his life, which resulted in his being gay. Finding Jesus was the only solution and he would encourage those who have this kind of attraction towards men - and he is sure there are some in the room - to allow Jesus into their hearts and Jesus will change them from the inside. He was gay because he wasn’t living with Jesus and that was a sign that he should turn to God. He goes on and on about this and eventually another speaker says that he should conclude because they still have another speaker.

The final speaker talk
s about involving God in all your relationships, but Kevin doesn’t hear anything about that. He is perplexed about what he has heard and can’t stop thinking. The previous guy started out by saying that he didn’t really go to church, but Kevin goes to church nearly every Sunday and always has. He feels strange if they don’t go to church. He had a great relationship with Jesus and God and if he remembers correctly it all started going wrong when he realized he was a freak, or different. He surely cannot identify with this speaker. Something else bothers him. This guy blamed his weak father as the cause of his being gay. Kevin is highly upset about this. “Does this guy know my father? Has he met him? How dare he say my dad is a weak or an absent father figure?” Kevin chats to himself in his mind. In his Confirmation classes he learned that you should honour your parents. But where is the honour in blaming your parents for your problems? Surely that cannot be right, because that means breaking the fourth Commandment.

Afterwards everyone talk
s about the evening, but Kevin isn’t participating. “Why are you so quiet?” a girl from his congregation asks. “I’m a bit tired and have a headache,” Kevin replies. He wants to believe this guy. He wants to cling on to some form of hope, but on the other hand this guy really doesn’t seem to know what he is talking about. Kevin feels outraged that someone is allowed to preach the breaking of the fourth Commandment in a church.

It appears as if this guy i
s truly happy and Kevin also just wants to be happy again. That gives him hope, but nothing else he said gave him any guidance as to what he should do to acquire this happiness. All he can think of is how important his relationship with Paula is. That seems to be the only hope. They did kiss twice already in the last few months and that wasn’t too bad. Luckily there weren’t any boobs involved.

“How was it?” his dad asks him when he gets
into the car.

“It was OK
,” Kevin replies very unenthusiastically.

“Y
ou’re allowed to say you didn’t like it,” his father says and grins.

“It was OK
, but I don’t feel I understand anything better after nearly four hours of listening to them,” Kevin says.

“I felt the same. It was all airy fairy, nothing concrete. Marriage and relationship is about basics. The family should
eat together at least once a day around a dinner table and talk about everything. Almost all marriages that end up in divorce eat dinner in front of the television or separate from one another. When there is a problem, sort it out immediately. If there’s conflict, confront it, get it out in the open, and then forgive and it’s over. Moving on…” his father says.

Kevin understands his fathe
r’s thinking, so he just replies, “Yes,” and keeps staring out of the window.

Kevin and his team mates are watching the first rugby team play against a high school in
Empangeni. It is late on a Saturday afternoon and they still have to travel back to Vryheid. It is a nail-biting finish, with just two points between them. With about two minutes remaining, Martin, playing flank, goes over the try line to score.

On the bus back, the mood is joyous and celebratory. Everyone is standing in the bus, singing and commenting about the day. It’s the first time in four years that all of the rugby teams
have won against Empangeni, and a first team win makes it even more special. Kevin is in the second team, which also won.

After a while on the journey, the guys begin to take their seats. No one sits next to Kevin and he stares out of the window, although it’s getting darker and darker.
Then Martin sits down next to Kevin, which surprises Kevin. It’s not like they are special mates or anything. Martin is drop-dead handsome, but he also knows it, and that undercover arrogance can be annoying. Kevin likes his attitude, though, and likes Martin, too, who takes care of himself. He goes to the gym and is always well groomed.

After talking about the rugby
for a while, Martin asks Kevin, “So, how are you doing with Paula. You’ve been together for some time now.”

“We’re doing great and yeah,
she’s wonderful,” Kevin replies. “You’re not with someone now, are you?”

“No, but it’s just a matter of time. I must wait for things to calm down a bit, because I’ve upset a few girls and
warra warra warra,” Martin replies.

“Oh yes, you
change girls quite frequently. It’s impressive!” Kevin says.

“And I nailed nearly all of them, hence I have to wait because all those bitches gossip,” Martin says.

“You can say that again. I don’t want anyone to know what I’m up to. At least, since I’m with Paula, I’m not involved in that kind of gossip anymore,” Kevin says.

“It’s been some time since I had any…” Martin says and keeps quiet.

“Any?” Kevin asks and then says, “Oh, yeah, I can imagine. Poor you!” Kevin begins to feel this feeling in his stomach. There is definitely some tension between him and Martin. He cannot believe his luck!

“Yeah,
” Martin says. “It gets boring after a while to keep helping yourself.”

Kevin feels some excitement in his
willy. The stress of talking about this while everyone is around them adds to the excitement and he begins to shake. He doesn’t know what to say next and says, “So…” His voice trembles, so he keeps quiet.

“So…
“ Martin says and keeps quiet. “So… what can one do about this?” he says as he takes Kevin’s hand and puts it on his willy. Kevin gasps for air at what he feels. He now has a full hard-on and the feeling in his stomach is unbearable to control.

“
Eh…” Kevin says and then exhales deeply and then breathes in again deeply. He swallows loudly and then says, “I guess the same as this,” as he takes Martin’s hand and puts it on his willy. But Martin doesn’t leave it at that and his hand makes its way inside his pants. Kevin coughs as if he chokes on something. “Wow, impressive!” Martin says while he gets a grip on Kevin’s willy.

“Oh, gosh
, what I would do if we were somewhere else!” Kevin says. Martin sits on the aisle, which is more risky. He takes his hand off Martin and pulls Martin’s hand out and says, “I’ll text my mother that you’ll drop me off and you can do the same, then…”

“OK cool
,” Martin says.

“Then we can do it properly,” Kevin says.

The next 45 minutes are the longest of both of these boys’ lives. Each fondles the other every now and then and the tension between them just gets bigger. When they finally get back, they can’t get out of the bus quick enough and walk down the road. Now they have to find a spot where it is private. “I didn’t quite think this through. Where are we going to…” Kevin says.

“Just about a block further there is an empty lot. I don’t think there will be anyone around. Gosh, I’m horny!” Martin says.

At the lot, right at the back, there is a small empty building. It was a garage before the yard was divided into two. They go to check that there is no one there. At the back of the dilapidated building, Martin stands with his back against the wall, takes out his willy and says, “Right, finally.” He begins to wank himself. Kevin does the same, but stands in front of him.

Shortly after that, Martin takes Kevin’s
willy and starts wanking him. “Wow, you’ve got a big one!” he says while moving his hand up and down.

“I like yours,” Kevin say
s while he wanks Martin’s. Then Kevin squats down and starts giving Martin a blowjob. He pulls down Martin’s pants to make it easier.

“
Shiiit man, it feels damn good!” Martin says and takes off his shirt. He stands with his head against the wall. “You’re so good at this… I want to try too,” Martin says as he lifts Kevin while he now squats down so that he can return the favour.

Kevin stands in silence, looking at this masculine guy giving him a blowjob. He holds him at his shoulders and can feel Martin sweating. Martin
wanks himself while sucking Kevin. “You’re good too, man,” Kevin says. “Oh yeah?” Martin says, smiling. “I kind of like it too,” he says and continues.

After a while he stands up and the two of them hold each other shoulder to shoulder while wanking. “Wait, I want…” Kevin says and pushes Martin against the wall. He goes down again to suck his
willy, but this time, tries to go as deep as he can. He can feel Martin’s willy at the back of his throat. “What the fuck are you doing, dude?” Martin asks, “It’s fucken awesome!” A few more of those deep ones and Martin pushes Kevin away. “I think I’m going to…” he shouts and then groans and moans loudly while his body goes into a spasm. Martin groans even louder and Kevin likes it. Eventually Martin shoots with a loud cry and soon afterwards Kevin cums too.

“Wow
that was awesome!” Martin says. “We should definitely do it again.” “Yes, definitely!” Kevin says. They gather themselves and then set of to walk home. It’s still a long way home.

They walk quite far without saying a word, each having
his own thoughts. Kevin breaks the silence. “Don’t you find it weird with a guy?” he asks.

“A bit, but
man, that was the best blowjob ever,” Martin says.

“But, you still like girls, right?” Kevin asks.

“Yeah, sure. I’m not a fag. But I kind of wondered, you know, how it is with a guy,” he says.

“Yeah, I know,” Kevin says. He
had never noticed before that Martin likes guys, since Kevin can tell immediately. “So, what the hell is going on that I’m picked up by a straight guy? How does that work?” he wonders.

Soon Kevin has to take a diffe
rent direction and tells Martin, “Well, see you on Monday.” Kevin doesn’t feel the need to push for an agreement of silence.

“See
ya!” Martin says.

Kevin can’t believe what just happened. He scored with one of the hottest guys in school. Yet, he is straight. That baffles him.

On Monday, when he sees Martin again, there is nothing strange between them as he suspected would be the case. No drama, no attitude, nothing. Kevin finds the whole experience very appealing. This is an avenue he will definitely want to explore more.

Later in the week, when his father gets home, he calls the whole family together. “I have some good and some bad news.
What do you want to hear first?” his father asks.

“The good news first…”
Klara says.

“OK, well, I’ve been promoted at work, so I will earn more money and be able to do more things,” his father says.

“So, what’s the bad news then?” his mother wants to know.

“I have to work at the head office in Johannesburg. I’v
e been promoted to Director of Operations,” his father says.

“What? We’re
going to Johannesburg? We’re getting out of Vryheid? That’s fantastic!” Kevin says.

“No, wait. We have to leave Vryheid?” his mother says.

“Yes, I have to start in January in Johannesburg. There will be a lot of changes coming up, but I’m sure we’ll all be fine. I didn’t think you would be so happy about it, Kevin. That helps,” his father says.

He says that he wants to celebrate
his promotion and that they should all go out for dinner and they can discuss how their lives will change.

That evening Kevin wan
ts to speak to God about the up-and-coming change, but as usual lately, he can’t hear God speaking. He doesn’t understand why. He knows that God doesn’t judge him for being the way he is, so it’s not that. At the same time, he doesn’t feel as open about all his experiences of late. Something is still not right.