Full Moon (3 page)

“I know,” he said with a hint of wistfulness. “You’re destined for each other. He’s got your name inked on his shoulder and everything.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You have a tattoo. Whose name is it?”

Usually a guy declared his mate before he had a symbol representing her name etched on his skin, but Rafe wasn’t about following rules. Only recently had we learned that he had a tattoo.

“Come with me,” he dared. “Maybe I’ll tell you.”

“I’m not going to do anything Connor wouldn’t like.”

“I won’t ask you to.”

His voice held a resignation that I didn’t quite understand. It made me wonder again if he felt the same pull toward me that I did toward him. Besides, I couldn’t deny that I was curious about his ink.

“I can’t stay away long,” I said quietly. When the game ended, Connor would be looking for me. I didn’t want to give him any reason to question my loyalty. And the more time I spent with Rafe, the greater the chance of me doing something I shouldn’t. Like finding out if his kisses in reality were as amazing as the one in my dream.

“Just a quick ride. No one will even miss us,” he promised.

I glanced back at him and nodded. It was easier to do things I wasn’t supposed to if I didn’t actually give voice to them.

As the wind whipped my white-blond hair, which flowed like silk behind me, I felt carefree, unburdened by the future. I tightened my arms around Rafe and pressed my cheek against his strong, broad back. His headlights remained off. I knew it was probably crazy, but I trusted him not to get us killed as he sped through the dark forest on his motorbike. Even for a Shifter, he has excellent night vision.

I laughed just for the hell of it, simply because I could do so with no one but Rafe to hear me, and the sound reverberated between the trees, echoing off the thick canopy of leaves overhead. Rafe’s booming laugh drowned out mine. It was so wonderful to hear joyous laughter again. I hated that Bio-Chrome had taken it away from us, had turned our celebration into a wake.

Rafe and I had grown up in Tarrant, a small town near the entrance to the national forest. Although he’s two years older than me, we’d gone to the same schools. We’d even been in a couple of the same classes. I was an academic whiz; he wasn’t particularly. What was advanced for me was normal for him. I’m into using my brain, while he’s all about using his hands.

A shiver coursed through me as I remembered the dream—the way his large hands had caressed my back and held me close.

Among the guys, Rafe is known for what he can do with mechanics, with a motor. Evidence of his skill was purring beneath me now as we raced over ground where there was no actual trail. It was a prototype he was working on: a two-wheeler all-terrain vehicle that could cut a neat swath through the forest without struggling over rugged ground. He’s a mechanical genius.

He cut a curve around a tree, and we leaned into it. I squeezed him tighter, refusing to scream, but my heart was galloping. It was a real rush. He laughed again, and I knew it was because he lives for danger. He isn’t afraid of anything.

He swung the bike around and skidded to a stop at the edge of a cliff that would have scared the hell out of me if I’d seen it coming—but with my face pressed to his back, all I’d seen were the tall trees rushing by.

He turned off the engine and everything went quiet. I needed to pop my ears, so I slid off the back of the bike, not expecting my legs to feel like jelly after the ride. I stumbled back and almost fell but came to an abrupt halt when Rafe grabbed my arm. I hadn’t seen him move. That, too, was a result of the initial change: a swiftness that was beyond human. Bringing his arms around me, he tucked me in against his chest, supporting me. I knew I should have pushed him back, should have welcomed falling to the ground. I knew standing so near to him was wrong, but he felt so good, so strong. Why did this feel so different from when Connor held me? Connor was a Dark Guardian. He wasn’t someone to be messed with. But I felt so safe with Rafe holding me, as though nothing could ever hurt me.

“Just give your legs a minute to adjust,” Rafe said quietly, and I heard him inhaling my scent. Smell is one of a Shifter’s most powerful senses. We aren’t into perfumes or artificial fragrances. Pheromones, the very essence of a person, appeal to us.

“Why aren’t your legs unsteady?” I asked, wondering why I sounded breathless when I hadn’t been running. Being near him made it difficult to breathe, no doubt adding to my sudden embarrassing inability to stay upright.

“Because I’m used to riding.”

I could smell his earthy scent. It was richer, more powerful than anything that could be bought in a store. He was wearing a T-shirt that clung to him like a second skin, and I could feel the comforting warmth of his body seeping through it. Even though today the sun had warmed Earth longer than on any other day of the year, here in the forest near the Canadian border, the night was cool.

I wanted to stay nestled against him all night, but there were too many reasons why I shouldn’t. Or maybe there was just one powerful reason: Connor. I could never cheat on him, and I fought to convince myself that being here with Rafe now wasn’t a betrayal. I hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of. Where was the harm in simply riding a bike, even if it was with a hot guy who had visited my dream last night? I couldn’t control my dreams, could I?

“I’m okay now,” I said, pushing against him just a little.

I felt his reluctance to let me go as his arms slowly eased away from me. Suddenly I feared that I was on far more dangerous ground than I’d realized. Maybe to Rafe I wasn’t just a convenient solution to a boring night.

Skirting around him, I walked carefully and slowly to the edge of the cliff, testing the ground with my toe to make sure it was firm before I gave it my full weight. I’d grown up near these woods. They’d been my playground. I was comfortable in them. Looking down, I saw only the black abyss, but I knew trees and shrubbery followed the steep slope down into a valley. Only the stars served to delineate the ground from the night sky, which was so vast that I felt incredibly small.

On silent feet, Rafe came to stand beside me. “Guess it’s too late to make a wish on the first star,” he said quietly, but his deep voice still carried on the light breeze that was stirring my hair.

“The first one came out hours ago.”

“Which one do you think it was?”

Rafe was a warrior, a protector, a Dark Guardian. He didn’t strike me as someone who believed in the whimsy of wishing on stars. But still, I pointed upward. “That one right there, near the tail of the Big Dipper.”

“That’ll do. I wish—”

Quickly, I pressed my fingertips to his warm lips. “If you say it aloud, it won’t come true.”

“Since it involves you, it won’t come true anyway, unless
you
know what it is.”

Not for the first time, I regretted leaving the festivities, regretted that I’d put myself in this position. I loved to be adventuresome, but I was moving out of my comfort zone now. We were traveling into unexplored territory that was both thrilling and terrifying.

“You shouldn’t say anything that you might regret,” I warned him.

“I spend a lot of time thinking about kissing you.”

Not exactly what I wanted to hear. Oh, who am I kidding? Every girl wants to believe that a great guy thinks about kissing her. The problem was that now I knew I had to deal with it.

“You shouldn’t,” I insisted sternly, trying to stay in control of this situation when I felt it slipping away from me.

“I shouldn’t want you for my mate either, but I do.”

The shock of his somber confession left me light-headed. Yes, we’d stared at each other from time to time, but he’d never truly indicated that he saw me as anything other than part of the pack. I felt as though the ground was shifting beneath me.

“What about the girl whose name is tattooed on your shoulder?” The Celtic symbol is always intricate and unreadable, decipherable only by the male until he shares it with the female.

“God, Lindsey, you have to know by now….”

I felt as though all the air had been sucked right out of me. “It’s my name? Why would you do that? You knew Connor and I…that we were…why would you choose me?”

“Because you’re the one I want.”

His voice held such surety—no doubts whatsoever. How could he be so convinced?

“You don’t…you can’t mean it. Come on, Rafe, you know I’m with Connor.”

“Why? Because you’ve always been with him? What if he’s not the right one? What if he’s not your true mate?”

It made me angry to hear him voice the doubts I’d been having lately. “That’s not fair, Rafe. Why tell me this now? Why not last year before Connor declared me as his mate?”

“Because I didn’t know last year that I would feel this way. The first time I saw you after I came back from college I felt as though a tree had fallen on me. I’ve tried to fight this…attraction. You have to believe that. But it’s just growing stronger.”

I was unsettled. I couldn’t think. I didn’t know what to say.

Into the silence, he asked, “Do you ever think about kissing me?”

The dream roared into my head. Obviously my subconscious had given some thought to kissing him, but I wasn’t about to admit that.

“I’m with Connor,” I repeated sternly. I had been with him since I turned sixteen. He was like the old robe that you wore even after it got all frayed and ratty, because it had molded itself through the years until it was perfect for you.

“That’s not an answer,” Rafe insisted.

“It wouldn’t be fair to Connor.” That was as close as I was going to come to admitting that, at the moment, I wanted nothing as much as I wanted to kiss Rafe.

He sighed deeply. “Why couldn’t Connor be a jerk? It’d make things a lot easier. I could just challenge him—”

“Don’t you dare!” Suddenly I was almost shouting, about to go into panic mode. We were human, but we were also beast, and in our world a challenge wasn’t made lightly. A challenge was a fight to the death.

“So you do care about him,” he said as though he was surprised by the revelation.

“Of course I care about him.”

“But do you love him?”

I knew I was supposed to respond with a resounding
yes
, but my doubts surfaced once again. I did love Connor, but was my love for him deep enough?

I peered over at Rafe, who was staring up at the sky as though he’d find my answer there. The little bit of crescent moon and starlight limned his profile, revealing the strong jut of his chin, the sharp blade of his nose. His silhouette was powerful, as powerful as he was. He’d always seemed older, stronger than the others. Maybe because he’d worked in his dad’s auto shop when he wasn’t a sherpa. Late at night, he still did so. I often saw the light on in that old shed when I drove by. Sometimes I thought about stopping, but just like now, I knew it would be a bad idea. So why had I agreed to go on this ride with him? To quell my adventuresome spirit? For a last chance to do something I wasn’t supposed to do?

Our kind work in the outside world just like humans do. My dad is a lawyer; so is Connor’s. They share a very successful practice. I’ve never gone without; I’ve always had anything I wanted. Rafe, on the other hand, must have always wanted things he couldn’t have, things he’d never been able to afford. Was he suddenly interested in me because I was unattainable?

Instead of answering his question, I posed a scenario of my own. “Maybe you just want me because you can’t have me. Forbidden things are always sweeter, right?”

He turned around to face me squarely. “You really think that’s what this is?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Easy enough to find out…. Kiss me,” he challenged. “If that’s all it is, one kiss should satisfy this hunger I have for you.”

“Hunger? You make it sound like you’re going to devour me.”

“That doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling, Lindsey. It’s primal. It’s like my wolf prowling inside me, waiting for yours to emerge.”

“So it’s just the wolves?”

“You can’t separate them. It’s not two different beings. I’m the wolf. And I’m the human. I think about you all the time, think about kissing you—I want to be with you during your first full moon.”

The intensity of his words terrified me. Connor was fun. He laughed and teased. Rafe was all serious, dark, and foreboding.

I moved around to face him.

The ground beneath my feet suddenly crumbled. I shrieked, my arms flailing as I felt myself dropping. Rafe grabbed me, but I had fallen too far away already. He couldn’t pull me to safety.

All he could do was wrap himself around me as we both tumbled into the black abyss.

Much to my astonishment, the landing wasn’t nearly as painful as I’d expected. I only had the wind knocked out of me. Rafe had somehow managed to twist around so he cushioned my landing. I was straddling him. One of his arms held me close. My face was buried in the curve of his neck, and his wonderful scent filled my nostrils.

Lying incredibly still, he gave a low groan.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

It sounded as though he’d forced out the word, and I realized that with me on top of him, he was probably having difficulty breathing. I knew I should have rolled off him. Instead I stayed where I was, relishing the firmness of his body beneath me when I knew I shouldn’t. If he turned his head just a little and I lifted mine a fraction, our mouths would meet and…

“You shouldn’t have said everything that you said up there, Rafe,” I whispered. I should have been scolding him, but my words came out more wistful than forceful.

“I thought you should know.”

“It’s too late.”

“No, it’s not,” he said vehemently. “Not until the full moon.”

I couldn’t do that to Connor, and whatever it was that I was feeling toward Rafe—well, maybe it was just temporary insanity.

“I’ve seen you watching me,” he said quietly. “I thought maybe you were feeling the way I feel.”

“Honestly, Rafe? I don’t know what I’m feeling.” Other than scared, and I wasn’t going to admit that.

I scrambled up and crouched beside him. It was so very dark down there, but I heard movement, so I knew Rafe had sat up. He moaned again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked.

“Okay enough.”

What did that mean? But he sounded petulant, so I didn’t pursue it. His ego had to be bruised. I wanted to tell him about my dream, tell him that I had been noticing and thinking about him lately, but that confession would only make things worse, and it would be harder on us both. It was best that we just forget this night ever happened. And the best way to achieve that end was to get back to Wolford before anyone noticed.

“So how are we going to get out of here?” I asked.

“I can see. I’ll lead the way.”

I stood up. He took my hand and guided it to his back.

“Hang onto my belt, so it’s easier to follow me.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier if you shifted into a wolf?”

“Not until I can get you to where there’s some light—you can use the headlight on my bike.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Lindsey, I landed at a bad angle. I think I broke my arm.”

“Oh my God, Rafe! Why didn’t you say that before?”

“Because it wouldn’t change anything, and I didn’t want you to worry.”

“God. Sometimes you are such a…guy.”

He actually chuckled, while I wanted to shriek. Now I understood the strain in his voice. He was fighting the pain. I didn’t know whether to have an
aw-isn’t-that-sweet-for-not-wanting-to-worry-me
moment or a
how-stupid-can-you-get-you-obviously-need-help
moment, because he was trying to protect me in a strange kind of way. I settled for keeping my voice even when I asked, “How bad?”

“Bad enough that you’re going to have to hold it together for a little while after I shift so it can mend straight.”

One of the perks of being able to shift was rapid cell rejuvenation. Unless we received a fatal head or heart wound or the weapon that struck us was silver, we had the ability to heal quickly.

“We should take care of it before we try to scale back up to the top,” I told him.

“You’re not going to be able to see.”

Probably a good thing since he’d have to remove his clothes to shift.

“I’ve got touch. Which arm?”

“Left.”

Great. I knew he was left-handed. So he was going to try to get us back to the top with one good arm, and it wasn’t his strongest. Because he’d already moved my hand to his belt, I was at a good starting point. I tugged his T-shirt out of his jeans, then very carefully skimmed my hands across his back, over his shoulder, down his arm—

“Oh my God, Rafe!” I cried when my hand encountered a hard edge that had to be bone. He inhaled a sharp breath. I could smell the metallic scent of blood now and felt the warmth of it coating my fingers. His bone had lacerated the skin. “You
think
it might be broken?”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” he repeated.

Tears stung my eyes. He had to be hurting. As gently as I could, I maneuvered his T-shirt over his head while he bit back a groan. For the first time in several weeks, I found myself wishing for a full moon so I could see more clearly. The sliver of moon and a few stars scattered across the night sky were pretty useless. And it didn’t help that we were at the base of the cliff, with brush and trees all around us.

Once the T-shirt was free, he said, “I can take care of the rest. Just sit there and when I come over, you’ll have to search for the break and push the two pieces of bone back together.”

“Okay.” Still clutching his T-shirt, I dropped down to the ground and tucked my legs beneath me. So much for our plan to sneak away for just a little while. We’d probably already be heading back if I’d just let him kiss me.

I heard the brush rustle as Rafe shucked off his boots and jeans. I refused to envision him naked and shifting into wolf form. The shift would happen in the blink of an eye, faster than I could imagine it.

I barely made out his silhouette as he limped toward me, in wolf form now. I was glad there wasn’t enough moonlight to allow me to see the pain in his eyes. He rested his head in my lap. Very gently, I buried my fingers in his fur and followed the line of his shoulder until I reached his left foreleg.

“I know this is going to hurt, and I’m so sorry,” I said as I struggled and snapped the broken bone back into place. He stiffened, but made no sound. Even in wolf form, he had to be macho. “It’ll be okay now.” I released a self-conscious laugh. “I don’t know why I’m talking to you. You can read my mind, right? I wish I could read yours. Or maybe not. Yours is probably filled with pain right now.”

When we shift, we become telepathic. It’s how we communicate with others while in wolf form. As a bonus, we can also read the minds of those who aren’t in wolf form.

Rafe licked my forearm, maybe to stop my babbling or just to let me know that he was okay. I wanted to bury my face in his fur and weep. I hated that he was going through this. I felt helpless. There was little I could do. He licked me again.

“Not fair,” I said. “Don’t think I don’t know that’s a wolf’s version of a kiss.” I tried to blank my mind so he wouldn’t know how much I enjoyed having him this close to me, even if it was in animal form. I became aware that there was no more flowing blood. I dared to skim my thumb over what had been torn flesh. It was smooth now, healed. The muscle and bone would probably take longer.

Our healing abilities were one of the reasons that Bio-Chrome was interested in us. But I didn’t want to think about that. Even as I tried to empty all my thoughts, I couldn’t help but think about how beautiful Rafe was as a wolf. I’d seen him in wolf form before, so even with the low moonlight, I knew what he looked like. His fur was as black as his hair, so black that at certain angles it appeared a deep blue. It was gorgeous, the most gorgeous fur I’d ever seen.

Lucas’s coat was a combination of black, white, silver, and brown. Connor, with his sandy-blond hair, was more of a golden color. My hair was a pale blond that was almost white. I wondered how I’d look as a wolf. Would I resemble the white Arctic wolf? Would I be pretty? Or would there be nothing special about me?

It was bad enough to worry about my hair, makeup, and clothes, to always want to look attractive, but now to start worrying about my appearance as a wolf….

Rafe nuzzled my arm, and I realized that he was letting me know that I didn’t have to hold onto his front leg any longer. I stroked his neck and shoulder, relishing the sensation of his fur touching my fingers. “I know healing, not to mention shifting, can be tiring. Just rest for a bit.”

I guessed I was talking aloud out of habit.

You’re beautiful,
I thought. It was something I’d never say out loud. Just like I’d never tell him that I thought he was good looking—sexy, to be precise—in human form.

My thoughts were traveling where they shouldn’t. I started silently humming a Nine Inch Nails song, trying to fill my mind with a chaotic beat that drowned out anything else.

Rafe moved away from me. I immediately missed his warmth and the feel of my fingers brushing over his fur. I wanted to call him back. Instead, I started humming aloud.

Something landed in my lap.

“My clothes. Bundle them up.” He’d shifted back to human form to speak to me, to let me know that his arm had healed. “Then grab onto my fur. I’m stronger, more surefooted as a wolf.”

By the time I’d finished bundling up his clothes and tucking them beneath one arm, he’d shifted again and was nuzzling my leg. I grabbed a mass of his fur and let him lead me. It was slow going as he searched for outcroppings that I could use as steps. I lost my footing once or twice and slipped back a little, but he was always there, nudging me with his snout, insisting wordlessly that I try again.

Eventually we made it back up to the cliff. I dropped his clothes as soon as I was over the edge of the cliff. I wandered over to the motorbike; I knew he was shifting and getting dressed behind me. I tried not to think about what he looked like with his clothes off.

“So, hey, thanks for your help with the broken bone.”

I startled, laughed, and turned around. “I’m always surprised by how quiet you can be.”

“It’s our nature to be stealthy. Never sure where a predator might strike.” I could feel his gaze on me. “I guess you don’t want to put my kiss theory to the test before we head back.”

More than I dared to admit.
“No. It’s a really bad idea.”

“Depends on your point of view, I guess.” Moving past me, he straddled the bike and turned on the motor. He also flicked on the lights this time. “Climb on. We’d better get back before we’re missed.”

I was afraid it might be a little late for that. I scrambled onto the bike, pressed up against him, and wrapped my arms securely around his waist.

He turned his head to the side. “Lindsey?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re beautiful, too.”

He kicked the side stand, revved the engine, and took off before I could respond. It was a good thing, because I had no idea what to say. But all the way back to the home of our elders, I hummed a happy tune in my head.