Full Moon (10 page)

“You’re worrying about Connor again.”

“Of course I’m worrying about him. Rafe, he’s been part of my life my entire life. Until this summer, neither of us questioned, neither of us doubted…and now, I just don’t know. Falling in love should be the easiest thing in the world, but it’s not.”

And that’s what made this so complicated: I thought I was falling in love with Rafe. Not just because of the wonderful kisses—it was the fact that he could bare his heart and soul so openly with me. He was strong and good. He cared for me. He knew what he wanted and he went after it. He didn’t settle.

Tenderly, he touched my cheek. “I didn’t mean to make things harder for you.”

“Didn’t you?”

“Not intentionally. I wish it were easier, for both of us. But I didn’t want to give up if there was a chance we could be together. And if there wasn’t a chance, I needed to know that. You did, too.”

“I know. I’m not angry. I’m just…suddenly very tired.”

“I know you didn’t bring a sleeping bag,” he said. “I promise we’ll just sleep.”

He didn’t wait for my answer, but simply moved to grab his sleeping bag from the back of his bike where it was secured. Although I felt immensely guilty, I couldn’t deny the comforting anticipation of curling up beside him, sleeping in his arms. I’d never even thought about lying in Connor’s arms. But I knew that it would seem natural with Connor, too. I’d never questioned that he would always be there for me. Now I was worried that I might not be there for him.

I watched as Rafe rolled out the sleeping bag. Crouching, he reached up and threaded his fingers through mine, giving a slight tug. I knelt and stretched out on the sleeping bag. In the next heartbeat he was lying on his back beside me, tucking me into the curve of his side. I could feel the strength in his hold, the firmness in his muscles. I rested my cheek in the nook of his shoulder and listened to the steady pounding of his heart. I thought I should say something, but it seemed that any words I uttered would be insignificant when compared with this moment. He’d promised we would only sleep, but lying this close to him, I found myself wishing for more. I longed for another kiss. I yearned to feel the touch of his fingers on my skin. I wanted that intimacy with a fierceness I’d never experienced before.

Rafe shifted, curling himself around me until I was absorbed in the cocoon of his warmth. I wanted to resist. Instead I relaxed until I fit against him, my body molded to his.

I’d thought we were going in search of the most dangerous thing in the forest. I’d been wrong. Right that moment, the most dangerous thing I could face had his arms wrapped around me—and I’d never felt so remarkably safe.

The next morning, I awoke to find myself still snuggled against Rafe. He’d held me all night, and I didn’t want to leave the comfort of his arms. I didn’t remember ever sleeping as deeply, even when I was in a bed rather than on the forest floor. As a result, my dreams had been incredibly vivid and disturbingly real. They’d all revolved around Rafe kissing me until my toes curled—which didn’t take much time at all. I’d had one awful dream in which he and Connor had fought over me. As far as I knew, that had never happened in the modern era, but apparently it had been quite common among Shifters in ancient times. Sometimes I was amazed that our species hadn’t become extinct.

I burrowed my face into the curve of his shoulder, wondering if he was an early riser and what kind of mood he might wake up in. As for me, I couldn’t believe how rested I felt.

It was his kiss near my temple that alerted me: He was awake. His lips were soft and warm, and I wanted to bring them down to mine and kiss him deeply, but I was afraid to indulge my wishes until I was sure of my feelings. I couldn’t deny that they were growing, but would they exceed the affection I felt for Connor? Had they already surpassed those feelings? Was it even possible to measure what the heart felt?

I tilted my head back and met Rafe’s warm, brown gaze. Before I could say
good morning
, he was kissing me, sweeping away my doubts and my guilt. For a few moments, lost in the wonder of his mouth moving over mine, I was on vacation, with no worries, no stress, no pressing dangers. I relaxed into him and felt his muscles bunching and relaxing as I skimmed my fingers over his shoulders and back. He was so strong, so powerful. I wanted this, I wanted the surety he exhibited, I wanted to know—to know
deep down
—that he was the one. But several hours in his company couldn’t erase the lifetime I’d spent with Connor as the male meant for me.

Regretfully, I pulled back. His gaze touched on each aspect of my face—my chin, my lips, my nose, my eyes, my forehead—as if he wished to continue kissing them all.

“Too early for spontaneous kisses?” he asked quietly.

I nodded. He gave me a wry grin. I stroked the corner of his mouth. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Lindsey. I’m patient. The moon isn’t.”

With that reminder, he rolled out of the sleeping bag. I immediately mourned his absence. Shaking off this yearning, I sat up, reached for my backpack, and removed my hairbrush. After unbraiding my hair, I worked the brush through it.

Rafe crouched in front of me and set down a package of six chocolate-covered doughnuts.

“Oh, my favorites,” I said excitedly.

“I know.”

I looked up at him. “How did you know?”

“You’re a chocolate fiend.” Reaching out, he tugged playfully on my hair. “Wear it loose today.”

“It’ll be a tangled mess by tonight.”

“I’ll comb it out.”

“Have you ever fought the tangles in windblown hair? It’s a battle you’ll want to avoid. Sorry. I’ll wear it down when we go to bed tonight.”

He gave me a sexy grin. “That’ll work.”

After a hastily eaten breakfast, we packed up and I positioned myself behind Rafe on the bike. “Can you tap into my dreams like you do my thoughts?” I asked.

He gave me a sideways look and winked. “Only if I’m awake.”

Before I could ask if he had slept last night—I had to know if he’d seen my dreams—he’d turned on the engine and we were flying through the forest again.

It wasn’t as bright as it had been the day before. If it rained, we probably would have to travel by foot because the bike might get stuck in the mud—or we’d have to wait until everything dried up again. I wasn’t sure which option would cost us less precious time.

As we traveled farther north, the blackening clouds seemed an ominous sign. Even if all we were going to do was discover the location of the lab and report back, we were at risk of being captured. If they believed we were Shifters, they’d do experiments on us. No law would protect us, because no law acknowledged our existence, except for our own. Maybe PETA would step in and rant about cruelty to animals—but we weren’t really “animals” in that sense. Nor were we completely human. I couldn’t help but wonder once again if the time had come for us to step out of the woods, so to speak.

About an hour before dusk, we ran out of gas. Rafe had made adjustments to his bike so it would go farther than most on a tank of gas, and I thought maybe the tank was larger as well. But even the best mechanic can’t foresee all possible mishaps, especially in a swath of wilderness this large. He didn’t seem at all bothered by our predicament, probably because he knew we were near one of our lairs, where we had provisions stored.

I didn’t mind walking. I was accustomed to hiking far and wide. Part of me wanted to walk fast and part of me wanted to take my time. Our lairs were usually built inside a mountain or a hill. They provided some comfort. Tonight Rafe and I would be alone in one. Would I be strong enough to resist the offer of another kiss? Would we sleep in each other’s arms again? And knowing that we were hidden away and completely safe, would we find the strength to resist temptation?

I glanced around at the familiar wilderness that suddenly felt foreign, violated. “What if they’ve set traps for us? They must know that if someone told us about a lab, we’d come searching for it.”

“Then let’s hope I fall into it and not you,” Rafe said. “I can shift and heal. You, I’d have to somehow take back to civilization.”

“You’re anticipating that we would escape from the trap. What if we get hauled to their lab?”

Reaching out, he softly touched my cheek. “I won’t let anything happen to you, Lindsey.”

I thought about his fight with the cougar. But Bio-Chrome was another kind of animal altogether.

“How could they build a lab so near the national forest without anyone noticing?” I asked.

“It’s a sparsely populated area, and we can’t patrol all of it all the time. I’ve heard about drug cartels growing their poppies and marijuana plants on government land—
inside
a national forest—right beneath the noses of rangers. It can’t all be watched.”

“I guess it would lose its appeal if we set up surveillance cameras everywhere.”

He glanced over at me and grinned. “Absolutely. No private moments for making out.”

His gaze dropped to my lips, which began to tingle, and I knew he was thinking about kissing me again. It was so tempting. I needed to think about something else. “So who do you think killed Dallas? Could it have been one of us? Someone who didn’t trust him? Or could it have been random?”

“Those are always possibilities, but I think it’s more likely that it was someone hired by Bio-Chrome. Dallas was going to betray them. And they’re not making a big fuss about coming after us because they want to keep our existence quiet. They’re trying to lay low, to avoid involving the authorities, until they have a formula or whatever they think they can create to duplicate our abilities.”

“What if we can’t stop them?”

“We’ll stop them.” Nonchalantly, he continued pushing the bike up an incline and through a crevice in the low-rising mountain.

He sounded so sure. He made me believe him, made me believe that everything was going to be all right. In such a short time, I was coming to know him so much better that more than just his kisses impressed me. He was a natural leader. We followed a winding path until we came to a spot where water babbled over small rock outcroppings and disappeared into an underground spring. I’d been here before; this was one of our lairs.

“Hold the bike,” Rafe ordered.

I watched as his muscles flexed when he rolled the large boulder aside. It was nearly nightfall as I slipped into the cool, dark cavern. As Rafe pushed his motorbike inside, I glanced around, trying to give my eyes a chance to adjust. I wanted to pretend we were in a magical place where the real world couldn’t interfere. When Rafe came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and kissed the nape of my neck, I twisted around and welcomed him. I knew I should object, but there was something about being in the dark that called to the wildness in me, just as he did. He trailed his mouth over the curve of my neck. Pleasure tiptoed along my spine, and I felt like a cat stretching in the sun. But even in the happy darkness with Rafe, I couldn’t help but think of Connor. Guilt hammered at me, and I stepped out of his embrace before his lips could settle again on mine.

A dim light suddenly illuminated the cave. I spun around, curious, and watched Rafe walk away from the battery-powered lantern he’d turned on. Reaching up, he dropped a black curtain over the entranceway, shutting out the world.

Rafe faced me, his gaze holding mine, and I could see in his eyes that he wanted me to give him more than I was ready to give. He wanted me to pretend that in this world there were only the two of us. I couldn’t deny that it was tempting. He’d come to me a few minutes ago. Now it was my turn to go to him. Before the night was over, I thought I probably would. How could I resist?

I wasn’t sure whether he read my mind or my face revealed how much I wanted him, but he gave me a slow, lazy smile, and his gaze grew warmer. He’d said he was patient, but even more important, he was understanding.

He walked over to a large plastic container and reached inside, then tossed me a can of Vienna sausages. Not my favorite, but I was hungry enough that I didn’t complain as I sat on the cool, hard ground. We stocked these places for emergencies. What was going on now certainly qualified.

“How do we know we’re headed in the right direction?” I asked.

Sitting on one of the crates that housed supplies, Rafe was enjoying his own can of sausages. “Dallas said the lab is in the northeast corner, so I know the direction is right. I’m hoping as we get nearer to the Bio-Chrome people, I’ll pick up their scents.”

“That would be easier if you could travel in wolf form.”

Shrugging, he grinned. “Easier, but not as much fun.”

“Yeah, I’m a real barrel of laughs.”

“You stop me from getting lonely.”

I studied him for a minute, thinking back to when I knew him in school. “You always struck me as a loner.”

“It was easier that way.”

“What do you mean, exactly?” I asked.

He plucked a sausage out of the can and chewed on it for a while. “You asked the other night if it’s about me wanting things I can’t have.”

“I was just…I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you were right. When I was growing up, I wanted parents who went to the school on open-house night and gave a damn about my school projects. I wanted a father who would toss me a football instead of beating the crap out of me. When I became friends with someone, I’d see a lot of things that I wanted, things I knew I’d never have. Not material things, not gadgets, but things like eating supper at a table with all the family there.”

My chest tightened until I felt a painful knot in its center. I’d known that he hadn’t grown up in my world, but I’d never realized the full extent of our differences.

“You were the only one who never stared at me when I came to school with bruises or a black eye,” he said quietly.

“My parents always told me not to stare.” Although I seemed to have forgotten my manners, because lately I was staring at Rafe a lot. Now, as he was talking about his past, I wanted to do more than just watch him. I wanted to hold him, comfort him. “Your dad did that to you, didn’t he? He beat you.”

“Yeah. He spent a lot of his time drunk. I could never please him when he was like that. He used to take his fists to me. Sometimes I’d tell people I got into a fight. It was easier to pretend to be a bully than to let people know the truth: My dad hated my guts.”

“No!” I protested vehemently. “He was sick. No one could hate you, Rafe.”

Giving me a wry grin, he shook his head. “You know, when I was younger, I couldn’t wait until my first transformation, because then I’d have the ability to heal faster. People wouldn’t know how often he beat me. Then he died in that car accident and it was all moot. I was glad he was dead.” He paused. “Does that part of me frighten you?”

I held his gaze. “No, I never liked him either. He scared me.”

Rafe snapped to attention. “Did he do something to scare you? Did he ever hurt you?”

“No way. My dad would have taken him down if he did. He just looked so mean. He was always scowling, like he was mad at the world.”

“I’d never hurt you, Lindsey. I’m not like my dad.”

“I know.” And I did. Yes, Rafe scared me. But it was because of what I felt for him—something I’d never felt for anyone else. And tonight we’d be in this small cavern, snuggling against each other. Maybe we’d even kiss again. I’d spent a lot of time today thinking about what might happen tonight.

I got up and put the empty can into a plastic bag that we’d take with us. We were always careful not to trash our environment. “I’m going to the pool.”

Rafe looked at me intently, as though he was wondering if I was inviting him along. I wasn’t. I needed some time alone to let my nerves settle. I knew nothing would happen here that I didn’t want to happen. The problem was that I wasn’t exactly sure what I
did
want to happen.

I went over to a plastic crate where we stored extra clothes. I found a small pair of drawstring cotton pants and a long-sleeved cotton shirt that would hug my sleek body; my curves weren’t nearly as pronounced as Brittany’s. I bundled up everything I needed, including a big, square flashlight that shone a wide beam, and headed toward the back of the cavern. The passageway narrowed, and the light bounced off the walls. We’d created this haven inside the mountain, and because we kept the entrance blocked, I wasn’t afraid to be here by myself.

Around the corner, the passageway opened up into another cavern where the underground stream emptied into a pool. I knelt at the water’s edge and flicked off the flashlight. Giving my eyes a moment to adjust, it wasn’t long before I was able to see tiny fluorescent creatures moving through the stream. But the pool was completely clear. The constant supply of fresh water kept algae—and anything else that might have made me shudder—from growing.