Full Moon (11 page)

Turning the light back on, I dipped a cloth into the water and began wiping the gritty dirt from my face. I imagined Rafe trailing kisses all over it. Even though the air surrounding me carried a definite chill, I suddenly grew hot. I stripped off my clothes and dove in. It wasn’t the first time I’d gone swimming here. The water was cold as usual, but it felt good.

I washed my hair and my body. Getting rid of two days of grit was exhilarating—until I climbed out of the pool and chill bumps erupted over my skin. Grabbing a towel, I briskly dried off and got dressed. I towel-dried my hair as much as possible before combing it out. I considered braiding it as usual, but Rafe had asked me not to, and I had this insane urge to make him smile and to feel his fingers running through my loose hair.

I glanced toward the passageway, wondering exactly what was waiting for me on the other side. Surely we would sleep in each other’s arms again. Tingles of anticipation cascaded through me. I wanted to be with him—almost desperately. I had never experienced that level of feeling with Connor: pure desire. Until I’d met Kayla, Connor had been my best friend, the one I did everything with. He was comfortable, but Rafe was…exciting.

I gathered everything together and strolled as calmly as I could through the passage. As I neared the entrance I heard voices.

Apparently we were no longer alone.

I immediately recognized one of the voices, and I realized with regret that I wouldn’t be sleeping with Rafe tonight. As a matter of fact, he might never hold me in his arms again.

Halting at the entrance to the main cavern, I saw Lucas and Connor practically cornering Rafe. Kayla was standing a short distance away, appearing very uncomfortable. I knew she’d witnessed a confrontation between Lucas and his brother—the one who’d betrayed us. Like me, she was well aware that the guys could be very intimidating when their testosterone levels peaked.

“What were you thinking bringing Lindsey with you?” Connor demanded of Rafe, and my heart slammed against my ribs with the fury I heard in his voice.

“I wanted to come,” I answered before Rafe could.

Connor jerked around, his eyes resting on me. I knew him well enough to see that he wasn’t surprised by my presence, so Kayla had told him as I’d asked. In some ways, it made things easier, and in others so much harder. I could see in his eyes that he wanted to ask me questions, that he was remembering the fight we never finished. I saw regret…and sorrow. At that particular moment I was feeling the same thing. But I was also angry; Rafe was being blamed for my actions.

“What were you thinking?” Connor asked fiercely.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Rafe said. His voice was deeper than usual and carried the hint of a threat.

“It’s okay, Rafe,” I said, trying to calm the situation. “Everyone’s emotions are high right now.”

Since they’d caught up with us so quickly, I assumed they’d traveled in wolf form. We had plenty of extra clothes here for emergencies like this, and they were all dressed now, Kayla wearing loose pants similar to the ones I was wearing.

“I thought I could help,” I told Connor.

“How? If you get hurt—”

“I didn’t get hurt.”

“You didn’t get permission either,” Lucas said, and it irritated me that he was siding with Connor.

“Uh, you’re not the boss of me.” I knew that sounded juvenile, but I didn’t appreciate the accusation.

“Actually I am. ‘Pack leader’ is another name for ‘boss.’”

“If you’re going to get mad at someone, get mad at me,” Rafe insisted. “I knew better and I brought her anyway.”

“And why exactly did you bring her?” Connor asked.

“You know why,” Rafe said, and I realized he was as angry as Connor.

Connor lunged for him. I heard the sickening thud of a fist hitting flesh and bone as they both went down. I screamed, “Stop it! Both of you stop it!”

Only they didn’t. They just kept pounding into each other. It wasn’t the way we fought. I looked at Lucas, who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest as though he was waiting for a bus to arrive. “Do something!” I shouted at him.

He shifted his hard gaze over to me. “What do you suggest?”

I released a harsh curse and jumped into the fray, trying to get their attention. “Guys! Conn—”

Pain ricocheted along my cheek and into my eye. I shrieked and stumbled backward.

“
Shit!
You hit her!” Rafe said, suddenly kneeling beside me. His face was a bruised and bloody mess, and I thought about all the beatings he’d taken from his father. I reached up to touch his darkening cheek.

“I didn’t hit her. You did,” Connor said, crouching on the other side of me, touching my cheek with a tenderness that was in direct contrast to what he’d been doing just a few seconds ago.

I looked at him. He’d taken the brunt of the punches. One of his eyes was almost swollen shut. I touched the mottled flesh. He winced, and I couldn’t help myself. I started to cry.

He took me into the circle of his arms and held me close, which just made me cry harder. “I don’t know, Connor. I just don’t know.”

He rocked me side to side. “It’s okay. I know.”

I heard scraping along the ground as Rafe got up.

“I’m going outside to heal,” he said, his voice flat, devoid of emotion. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

I didn’t want him to leave—but at the same time, was it fair to ask him to stay? I worked my way out of Connor’s embrace and swiped at my tears. “You should go heal, too.” I felt so stupid for losing it in front of everyone. I was so confused. How could I love two guys at once?

He placed a light kiss on my bruise. “Be here when I get back.”

I didn’t know where exactly he thought I was going to go, and then I realized he was asking me to be there
for him
. Out of habit, I nodded.

He stood, but instead of going outside like Rafe had, he went into the passageway where the pool was.

Kayla knelt beside me. “I think you’re going to have a beauty of a black eye.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I’d stopped them from killing each other. That was the only thing I considered important.

“I take it you’re not any closer to figuring things out.”

I shook my head. “If at all possible, I’m just more confused. So what happened with the birdwatchers?”

“Zander took them out. I wanted to be here in case, you know, you needed some support.”

I gave her a grateful smile. “I’m glad you’re here, but I really need to talk with Connor.” I shoved myself to my feet and met Lucas’s gaze. “How long do you think the healing will take?”

“A few minutes.”

“Did Connor ask you to reassign Rafe?”

His face was an unreadable mask—and ironically, this gave me the answer.

“So moving Daniel to our team wasn’t about finding someone for Brittany.”

“It was. It just wasn’t the only reason.”

I had a brief moment of wondering how things were going with Brittany, before I grabbed my flashlight and strode into the passageway. I found Connor sitting at the edge of the pool, fully clothed. A quick sweep of the light revealed that he no longer had any injuries. With a sigh I settled down beside him and stared at the pool of water, trying to figure out where I should go from here.

“I’m sorr—” we both started at the same time. Then we each released a self-conscious laugh.

I longed for the days when we were completely comfortable with each other, when we both knew what we wanted. Or thought we did.

“You told me to go out with him,” I said quietly.

“I didn’t mean it. I mean, I was upset. But if I had meant it, I would have been talking about going to a movie for a couple of hours, not trekking through the woods for days—and certainly not putting your life at risk.”

“I’m a Dark Guardian. That’s my job.”

“You’re a novice. You can’t heal like we do. You can’t transform, and you can’t escape as easily if there’s danger.”

“You’re not mad about the danger,” I said softly.

“Do you want to be with him? I mean, are you going to choose him?”

“I don’t know, Connor. But he’s not the only reason I’m here. I asked to come because I wanted to help. Maybe because we found Dallas, and I feel partly responsible for his death.”

Connor looked shocked by my words. “It’s not your fault.”

“In a way it is, because of the whole blackberries incident—but whatever. I wanted to feel useful; I wanted to take an active part in making Bio-Chrome pay. I didn’t want to guide birdwatchers. It’s not the first time I’ve opted for adventure over the ordinary.”

Some of Connor’s anger dissipated, and his mouth twitched toward a smile. I knew he was remembering a dozen occasions when I’d convinced him to do something that eventually got us into trouble. I didn’t always think through to the ramifications of my choices, but we’d always had fun.

Gently, he tucked my hair behind my ear. “Do you…do you love him?”

He wouldn’t say Rafe’s name, as though if we talked about him in the abstract, he wouldn’t be significant. I told him the truth.

“I don’t know. I didn’t expect it to be this hard. Kayla said she felt an instant connection with Lucas, and Brittany doesn’t feel a soul-deep connection with anyone. I care about both you and Rafe. I don’t want to hurt either one of you, and I worry that I’ll make the wrong decision.”

“Maybe you need to stop worrying about it. Just”—he sighed—“let us figure it out.”

By us, I knew he meant him and Rafe. I scoffed. “Yeah, that’s gonna work.”

“I was winning,” he said petulantly.

It was such a guy thing to say.

“I thought you were the one who wanted us to be more civilized,” I reminded him.

“Hey, I was civilized. I didn’t shift.”

Any other time, I would have laughed. Instead, leaning over, I put my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I don’t know the answer.”

“Yeah. Me, too.”

He put his arm around me and we sat there for a while, just absorbing the feel of each other. We were always like this. We were each other’s rock. But did it make us each other’s destiny?

After a while, we got up and walked back into the main part of the cavern. It didn’t even register with me that we were holding hands—until I saw Rafe leaning against a wall and his gaze dipped to where our hands were joined. A storm of emotions passed through his eyes.

“I’ll keep watch tonight,” he said tersely, and he strode out of the cavern before anyone could respond.

I wanted to go after him, but Connor squeezed my hand. Was it a silent plea to stay with him, or a reminder that we’d been together forever? How loyal was I supposed to be while I figured things out?

“I’ll fix us a place to sleep,” he said quietly.

I glanced over to where Connor was laying out a sleeping bag on the opposite side of the cavern from where Kayla was preparing one for her and Lucas. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms. I’d never slept beside Connor. If he was truly my destined mate, shouldn’t I be excited about it instead of worrying that it might be awkward? And could I sleep beside him tonight, knowing that I’d slept beside Rafe last night?

When everything was ready, he took my hand and led me over to the pallet. It took us a while to get settled. I bumped his chin with my head. He chuckled, told me to relax. I shifted around until my back was to him and he was spooned around me. His arm came around me and I threaded my fingers through his. He smelled different than Rafe. He felt different than Rafe.

Lucas turned out the lantern and plunged us into darkness. I could hear him and Kayla talking low, like lovers do.

“This doesn’t feel right, Connor,” I whispered.

“Okay, roll over and put your head on my shoulder.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Lying here with you…If you were the one guarding us tonight, would you want me here, sleeping beside Rafe?”

“It’s not the same, Lindsey. Until you decide otherwise, you’re mine. I have a symbol representing your name inked on my shoulder.”

“So does he,” I said quietly.

I felt him tense, right before he cursed. The ink was never done lightly, and Connor knew it.

“He didn’t declare for you in front of everyone. I did.”

“It’s not about who observes more traditions. It’s about our hearts.”

“You’ve always had mine.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. One minute he was understanding, and the next he was making it so difficult by declaring his feelings. I didn’t doubt his. I no longer doubted Rafe’s. I doubted mine. But how did I explain that?

Connor fell asleep. I was pretty sure that Lucas and Kayla had drifted off as well. I, on the other hand, didn’t sleep. Not a wink. I kept thinking about Rafe and the storm of emotions in his eyes before he’d walked out. After the fight, I’d consoled Connor. I should have done the same for Rafe. Guilt over what I was beginning to feel for him had kept me from his side. It was totally unfair.

Gingerly, I eased away from Connor. He was fast asleep, dead to the world. I crept toward the cavern’s covered opening. Although it was dark, I knew my way around the cavern, and there was nothing for me to trip over. I slipped outside, surprised to discover the sun just starting to lighten the sky.

I glanced around but couldn’t see Rafe. He’d said he was going to guard us, but I didn’t think we really needed a guard. We were pretty well hidden. I suspected he just wanted to avoid another fight.

A shiver went through me. It was cold out, but there was more to it than just the chill in the air. Something didn’t feel right—just like the night we found Dallas. I had a sense that something ominous was lurking around.

I started to go back into the cavern when I heard movement off to the side, from the direction that Rafe and I had originally arrived at the lair. Pressing back against the wall of the mountain, trying to make myself as invisible as possible, I inched stealthily along the path, holding my breath, trying not to make any sort of noise. I wasn’t certain what I’d do if I ran into anyone, but I felt like I needed to check it out.

I went around a curve in the pathway and rammed into someone. My heart jumped into my throat, turning my scream into a pitiful squeak. Then, with a rush of relief, I realized it was Rafe. I pressed my hand to my thundering heart. “Oh my God! You scared me. I thought you were Bio-Chrome.”

I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm my erratic heart. Rafe was all but ignoring me as he pulled his T-shirt down over his head.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Getting dressed.” He dropped down and began pulling on his hiking boots.

I crouched beside him. “I thought you were going to keep watch.”

“Felt a need to run instead.”

I knew without asking that he’d shifted in order to do it.

“I thought about not coming back,” he said as he jerked on his shoelace and tightly tied it. “But I’ve never been one for avoiding a situation. If you loved him, why didn’t you just say so?”

Him
. He was doing the same thing as Connor: not using his name, as though that somehow lessened whatever he was feeling.

“I don’t blame you for being mad because I went to him in the cavern. I shouldn’t have. Or maybe I should have gone to you as well, given you equal time. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner. I’m sorry about a lot of things, but I’m not sorry that you and I have had this time together. You want to hear something crazy? It was Connor’s idea.”

“Like hell.”

“No, really. Right before we found Dallas, we were arguing about you. He said I needed to spend time with you. Now he says he didn’t mean it—but we never finished the argument, so I didn’t know that. And now I’m just more confused. It’s not supposed to be like this—or at least I didn’t think it was. I thought it was supposed to be destiny. I thought we were supposed to have this
zing!
and just immediately know who our mates were.”

He finally stopped getting dressed. He stared off in the distance, dangling his wrists over his bent knees. “You’re going to have choose, Lindsey. And soon.”

“I know.” I watched the sky turn the brilliant, deep blue of dawn. “Maybe Brittany’s right, and we should just go through it by ourselves, then fall in love on our own timetable and not on the moon’s.”

He wrapped several strands of my hair around his fingers and gave a light tug. I shifted my gaze over to his. The intensity of emotion in his eyes stole my breath.

“No matter what you decide,” he said quietly, “it won’t change what I feel for you. I wish it hadn’t hit me like a thunderbolt this summer. I wish it had happened sooner. I wish I’d had more time to…I don’t know…date you. Let you get to know me better. I know Connor has the advantage because he’s got years of knowing you on his side.” He leaned in and very tenderly pressed his lips to my bruised eye. “I’m sorry for that. I never meant for you to get hurt.”

I wanted to kiss him in return. Instead I simply squeezed his hand. “The others are probably up now, wondering where we are.”

“Yeah, we should probably go.” He came to his feet and pulled me to mine.

I started walking back the way I’d come. “How close—”

Rafe drew me back and put his finger to my lips to silence me. “Do you hear that? Smell that?” he whispered after a second.

“No, what?”

“A lot of feet. People. And the smell of dogs. Wait here.”

I hadn’t followed a single order yet on this trip, and I wasn’t about to start now. Trailing behind him, I followed him to the edge of the curve in the rock wall. He peered around it.

I tried to look, too.

He shoved me back against the wall, and I could see in his eyes that something bad was waiting around the bend. “It’s Mason. He has a couple of guys with him. They have to be the mercenaries Dallas mentioned. And they’ve got dogs—Rottweilers. Those things could easily tear out a person’s throat.”

“What? No! We have to warn the others.”

He started tearing off his clothes. “It’s too late, Lindsey. They’re at the cave. I’m going to shift so I can go higher, look down, and assess the situation. You need to get far away, before the dogs pick up on your scent.”

“Absolutely not! I have to do something.”

He grabbed my arms and shook me. “If the others are captured, we’re going to have to rescue them. Please, just start running. I’ll catch up to you. I promise.”

I wrenched myself free of his hold and peered around the corner.

“Lindsey—”

“Shh!”

I could see the two massive dogs growling and barking, straining their leashes. I recognized one of the handlers as the bald guy I’d seen at the Sly Fox that night when we first met Dallas. He looked even meaner than I remembered.

My heart beat erratically as I saw Kayla, Lucas, and Connor—with their hands tied behind their backs—being dragged out of the cavern by guys who looked like they ate nails for breakfast and carried around fifty-pound weights for fun. With his arms crossed over his chest, Mason greeted them. “Well, we meet again.”

His brown hair fell over his brow. I remembered that he had pretty green eyes—eyes that we couldn’t trust. How could he want to hurt us?

Kayla squared her shoulders. “Mason, what are you doing here?”

“Looking for you, of course,” Mason said. “We have some unfinished business.”

Oh, God.
I slipped back around the rocky outcrop-ping so I could no longer see them. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pressed my back against the wall of the mountain and tried to block out the images of what I’d seen. I was terrified for them. What was Mason going to do to them? I tried to grab onto some positive thought. I didn’t think Mason realized that Kayla was one of us. That could save her. But Lucas—Mason had suspicions about him. What did he think about Connor?

I pounded my fist against the hard surface. How had this happened? Had Dallas been leading us into a trap all along? I felt nauseous and thought I was going to be sick.

“Lindsey, we have to go. The dogs are distracted now, but pretty soon they’ll catch our scent.”

Rafe was right. Although it felt cowardly to leave, I knew we had to run now so we would be free to help them escape. I didn’t wait for Rafe to finish undressing and shift. I just turned on my heel and began racing away as fast as I could. The whole time, though, doubts spurred me on.

How had they found us? Where had Rafe truly gone? Did he want to be rid of Connor so badly that he’d told Mason where to find him?

Kayla had trusted Mason. She’d liked him. And he’d used her.

Had I misjudged Rafe? Was he like his father? Would he hurt those he loved? Did he love me?

I didn’t know how far to run. Like all Shifters, I was blessed with endurance beyond what humans can fathom. And like all sherpas, I had a great sense of direction, so I knew I wasn’t going to get lost. I just wanted to get beyond the scent of the dogs. I scrambled over rough terrain, fell, scraped my knee, and cursed myself for leaving a blood trail. I hit a stream and waded through it for a while, the cold water numbing my cuts. Then I crossed over to the other side and backtracked. With any luck, if the dogs did come after me, they would become confused and lose track of my scent.

Or they’d chase Rafe instead. The scent of a wolf would probably attract them much more readily than my scent. Dropping to the ground, trembling from exhaustion, fear, and fury, I leaned against a tree and fought not to cry as the truth hit me hard.

Rafe hadn’t shifted so he could get into a better position to observe. He’d shifted because he was planning to draw the dogs away from me. I knew it as surely as I knew my name.

How could I have doubted his loyalty?
Oh, God—I hope he was too busy to tap into my thoughts.
Of course, they were so confused lately that I wasn’t sure anyone could make sense of them anyway. One minute I was worried about Connor; the next, my concern was for Rafe.

But my anxiety for Connor was about his safety alone. Whenever I thought about Rafe, the thoughts were more intense, filled with more dread—as though if something bad happened to him, it would happen to a part of me as well.

During the late afternoon, it occurred to me that when I’d wiped out my scent for the dogs, I might have prevented Rafe from finding me, too.

Great!
I muttered inwardly. Now what? Should I try to return to the park entrance and alert the park rangers? Should I go back home and tell my dad, who had influence with the governor? These options meant opening up this struggle to the entire community of Shifters. And if we went into full-scale attack mode, there was a good chance that all our secrets would be revealed to the community at large—to the world. But if I did nothing or tried to do something by myself…If I failed…

I heard a twig snap and froze.

How long had I been sitting here, not paying attention to my surroundings, not listening for the sound of frenzied barking or the tread of heavy boots? Luckily, I could tell it was just a single being—dog or man, I didn’t know. But at least the odds weren’t totally against me.

I searched around until I found a good, solid branch that I could use as a weapon. I circled the large trunk of the tree and took up a position for attack in the opposite direction from where I’d heard the noise. If the person or whatever was coming this way, he—or it—would have to walk past me, and then
bam
! I’d knock him out and take my own prisoner. Not that I thought Mason would do any negotiating, but I’d take whatever small victory I could.

My mouth grew dry and my palms sweaty. My chest ached with a tightness as I tried not to breathe, not to make any movements that could be detected. I heard a soft footfall and tightened my grip around the branch.

Someone came into my line of vision. I swung blindly and suddenly found myself tackled to the ground by a heavy body. I’d lost my hold on the club, but I still had fists and started pounding—

“What the hell? Lindsey!”

Rafe grabbed my wrists and held them over my head. I could feel my rapid pulse beating against his thumb. His face was directly above mine, his chocolate-brown gaze homing in on mine.

“Oh my God, Rafe! I thought—” I couldn’t say aloud what I thought. That he was dead, or that he would never find me. That the enemy was near. And that the Shifters’ world as we knew it was totally destroyed.

“It’s okay,” he murmured over and over, leaning down to kiss my temple, my forehead, my nose, my chin. “It’s okay.”

With the comforting weight of his body on top of mine, I could almost believe him. I could almost believe that everything we’d seen happen earlier had been nothing more than a nightmare. He was real and warm and solid. He was with me, and I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. He released his hold on my wrists, and I reached up to touch the face that had been haunting my dreams. I combed my fingers through his thick hair. Caressing him, being caressed by him—it calmed me, brought order to my world.

All the terror that I’d been feeling was suddenly manageable. And I knew—
knew
—he would figure out a way for us to save our friends.

“So what did you find out?” I asked.

“That their dogs are fast and ferocious.”

I laid my palm against his cheek, my heart swelling. “You shifted so you could better draw them away from me.”

He dipped his head down and brushed his lips over mine as lightly as a butterfly would land on a petal. We both knew that now wasn’t the time for anything more—that whatever feelings we’d been trying to sort out would have to wait. At that moment, I didn’t think I could have adored him any more than I already did. No matter what I decided about my future, this moment between us would always be precious, simply because he was putting the welfare of others before our own pleasure.

“What those dogs would have done to me if they caught me—it was nothing compared with what Connor would have done to me if something had happened to you,” he said.

He was trying to make light of it, but I knew what he’d risked.

“Has Mason hurt them?”

With a sigh he rolled off me. “Not yet. They’re marching them somewhere, hands bound behind their backs.”

“So we can rescue them tonight?”

He squinted at the late afternoon sun and rubbed his nose. “We probably could, but I don’t think we should. I think we should follow, see where they’re going.”

“Are you crazy?” I shoved myself to a sitting position. “We can’t rescue them soon enough, as far as I’m concerned.”

“Just calm down for a minute and think about it, Lindsey. They’re going to take them to the lab. This way, we’ll know its location because they’ll lead us right to it.”

I didn’t like this plan. I didn’t like delaying things. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t see the wisdom in letting the Bio-Chrome scientists lead us right to the lab.